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Apr 262008
 

(Tashan Fares Miserably at U.S. Box Office)

Even the inmates in the asylum or a tramp on the Mumbai streets would have made a better movie than this Friday’s Bollywood release Tashan.

What in the heck were the bozos at Yash Raj thinking when they unleashed a trashy movie like Tashan!

Utterly bereft of anything worthwhile and an ugly amalgam of bad logic, rotten story, pitiful acting, ordinary photography and ear-damaging music, Tashan is a complete horror show, the likes of which have not been seen in Bollywood in a long, long time.

And the architect of this monumental disaster is Vijay Krishna Acharya, who takes credit (it should really be discredit) for Tashan’s story, screenplay, dialogs and direction.

Even after making movies for over eight decades, the cavalcade of Bollywood idiots has yet to realize that story, screenplay, dialogs and direction are separate departments requiring the full-time attention of separate people.

This clown Vijay Krishna Acharya has penned a story so bizarrely bad that it’ll surely be showcased in film schools as a lesson in how not to make a movie.

The dramatis personae are the ridiculously dressed baddie Bhayyaji (Anil Kapoor), his assistant Pooja Singh (Kareena Kapoor), a call center employee Jimmy Clifff (Saif Ali Khan) and Bhayyaji’s henchman Bachchan Pande (Akshay Kumar).

While none of the four cover themselves with any glory for their performance, Anil Kapoor and Kareena Kapoor are egregiously bad.

With her skimpy attire and scanty acting skills, the tiny-titted Kareena Kapoor, granddaughter of the late Bollywood director Raj Kapoor, is sheer agony to behold.

One interesting trend in Bollywood movies is that the role of the ubiquitous vamp of yesteryear films has now been taken over by the heroine.

Following close behind in tormenting the audience in Tashan is that overacting buffoon Anil Kapoor, a veteran of a gazillion Bollywood movies. Just goes to prove that wisdom or talent does not always improve with age.

No, Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan are not palliatives either. Hey, there are just no palliatives or redeeming elements in this piece of trash.

The story, if you can call it that, is laughably bad. A murderous thug Bhayyaji (Anil Kapoor) wants to learn English quickly so that he can impress a visiting foreign delegation. His assistant Pooja (Kareena Kapoor) hires a call center employee and part-time English teacher Jeetender Kumar Makhwana a.k.a. Jimmy Cliff to teach her evil boss English.

Soon, Jimmy is head over heels in love with Pooja, who seems to reciprocate but actually has other plans up her sleeve. Pooja and Rs 25 crore belonging to Bhayyaji vanish one day. After giving Jimmy a few whacks, he sends a small-town thug called Bachchan Pande and Jimmy to locate the girl and the money.

The main culprit with Tashan is with its asinine script and hackneyed story that crumbles into dust just minutes after the start. Add bad music and mediocre acting to this stinking concoction and you have the recipe for a stinging migraine at the end.

Although the movie was filmed in “God’s Own Country” Kerala, Hardwar, Ladakh, Rajasthan and Greece(?), the photography in Tashan is worse than banal. Talk of throwing pearls before a swine.

The fight scene where a big team of heavily armed commandos attack the ill-equipped group of Bhayyaji, Bachchan Pande, Jimmy and Pooja but yet suffer a crushing defeat sets a new low mark in the annals of crude Bollywood fights. It seems Peter Hein bears responsibility for this most crudely executed action scene.

Tiresome dances involving foreign women (mostly White but occasionally Black as well) in skimpy attire is becoming de rigeur – and most irritating – in Hindi movies.

Once a powerful force in Bollywood, Yash Raj Films is now a spent force, lurching from one disaster to another. Take a deko at at some of the miserable offerings they’ve churned out lately – Aaja Nachle, Laaga Chunari Mein Daag, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom and Ta Ra Rum Pum. Makes you want to puke.

Perhaps, it’s time for the grand old man of Indian cinema Yash Chopra (the force behind Yash Raj Films) to quit Bollywood and settle into a profession where he can inflict his misery on a retail level rather than on a wholesale scale – say as a roadside Jalebi seller or village Barber. After all, Saif Ali Khan is served Jalebis in Bhayyaji’s lair early in this movie.

Watch this garbage of a movie called Tashan at the peril of losing your sanity.

P.S: If you are looking for relief from the never-ending run of trashy Bollywood movies, watch the lovely new Hollywood film Smart People.

  9 Responses to “Tashan Review – Total Garbage”

  1. i have watched the movie i agree that the movie sucks. but i think ur ctiricism on anil was totally wrong. i thing the role was really difficult and he did and excellent job. u tell me one actor in the whole bollywood,hollywood and any other wood that could have done this role better

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    After the stupendous success of Mr.India, Anil Kapoor has been careening downhill.

  2. i don’t think so, i think his tehzaab was good,his eashwar was also good, parinda was superb,lamhe was excellent,ram lakhan was also very gud,beat was good,1942 a love story was a masterpiece,virasat,trimurti and pukar were also very very good,then his musafir,my wife’s murder and no entry were also excellent and his latest black and white is also superb and performance wise he has acted excellently.
    and in all his movies the genre have been completely different,even though Ajay is my fav but still i think he is the most versatile actor,he has performed comedy[no entry, ram lakhan, welcome],serious[there are many], action[musafir], villain[tashan etc] and also lover boy and has performed all of them superbly regardless of the movie

  3. Here is my review

    First of all i would like to say This is my first review as previous few movies i watched were of AJAY and since i am huge fan of him so i don’t write his movie’s reviews as i will always be biased and will always give them 5/5.

    So now lets come to TASHAN,i knew from its trailors and promos and then from reviews that it would be crap But still i went first day becoz i was getting bored and was expecting to see some action and ANIL.

    REPORT
    I went at 5.10 pm in evening,first day and since in all other multiplexes in my area that are PVR,MOVIETIME,FUN CINEMAS were not showing it so i expected the hall M2K to be completely full and it was 90% full.

    STORY
    Story was preety wierd and is hard to explain.But still i would try to.

    The story revolves around Bhaiyaji[ANIL],Bachan[AKSHAY],Puja[KAREENA] and Jimmy[SAIF].Bhaiyaji wants to learn english and he appoints Pja to get a english teacher and she gets Jimmy for that task. Puja then fools Jmmy to steal money from Bhaiyaji for herself and suceeds in that.Then Jimmy gets beaten up by Baiyaji as he thinks that Jimmy having the money.Then he appoints Bachan to find Puja and get the money.And so the main movie starts and Bachan and Jimmy sets for a roller coaster
    journey to get the money form Puja.

    PERFORMANCES

    1.ANIL-I was wonderstruck by his performance.It was really excellent.Simply mindblowing.With how much ease he spoke hindi english dialect and that to in kanpuriya style and then turned into a evil villain. No one and i mean no one could have played this role. He is simply the best actor of the industry after BIG B-5/5

    2.AKSHAY-He was very good. He was entertaining and did good comedy but still i miss the previous Akshay.He was very good in action scenes but the action was itself stupid-4/5

    3.SAIF-He was OK.But he was relegated to backseat in the whole movie and i just want to laugh at those people who said he would have the main role in the movie-2.5/5

    4.KAREENA-She looked beautifill in the movie and his bokini scene was WOW.But her acting was not that good and she sometimes irritated me-3/5

    FLAWS

    1. Basically the biggest flaw is the wierd story.When you watch the movie you feel that the director was just direting the movie without any story and then it was edited.

    2.Its another flaw is its length.The movie is not big by any sorts but the 2.45 hours movie could have been easily been trimmed to 2.15 hours by cutting the four uselesssly long songs,the unneeded love story and also the childhood scenes of Akshay and Kareena.

    3.Another thing which was bad was action scenes.I mean it was really stupid to see Akshay flying like Krissh here and there.Also,first from police and then from the Anil’s gang how could Akshay and Saif survive without getting hit by a bullet and also once all the goons were having machine guns and then when they were coming to fight Akshay,Saif and Kareena they were carrying swords and knifs.I mean audience are not jokers and it was really stupid to see the action.Also when the house was blown by Anil how could the three came form the house in and open care totally fine.

    4.Another bad thing were the songs.There were five song and one was in the background and in the credits i.e. TASHAN MEIN and it was excellent.But all other four song were really very bad and simply useless and some people went out of the hall when thew songs came.

    PLUS POINTS

    The plus points were not that much.

    1.The performances of ANIL and AKSHAY saved the movie. Whenever they were in the scene then you could enjoy the movie.But when they both were in one scene then AKASHAY looked lame in front of ANIL.

    2.The movie was not boring and you could add that to its plus point.

    FATE AT BO

    Since,there is IPL,the opening is just 75% which is way below expectations,the reactions are extremely poor and also it is not reasing in the multiplexes,so i thing it will start to crash form monday onwards and will be at best Just average and would most probably be a flop.

    OVERALL

    The movie was not at all good and was also not very bad.But I got what i was expecting and i would advice all people not to waste your money on this TASHAN as it is all style and no substace

    RATING
    2/5

    Please comment how is my review.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Buy a dictionary.

    We disagree with your two key points: The performances of ANIL and AKSHAY saved the movie and The movie was not boring and you could add that to its plus point.

    Tashan is a piece of trash that should never have seen the light of day.

    There was not that big a crowd for the 6:20PM show (much less than for U Me Aur Hum).

  4. look,i know the meaning and spellings of different words so i don’t need to buy a dictionary,if there are any spelling mistakes in the review,then they were just typing mistakes
    for me akshay and anil acted brilliantly and i know tashan is a senseless and bad movie as you can see from my review but i was not very bored while watching the movie

  5. I would like to point out another pathetic thing about the movie….the special effects….
    I can understand where all the money went..in making kareena wear a bikini….
    the scene were the car falls from the cliff looks stupid…even television serials have better effects..and also the scene where the 3 protagonists come out of the water is shot in a pool with the beautiful scenery in the background….thumbs up to yash raj…
    Now the multiplex owners have another reason to boycott the studio….

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    We agree with you 100% on the car going off the cliff. Very amateurish.

  6. Alright I saw the movie during the second week and I have to agree that it wasn’t good. But I think that you are being a little too critical on it. Yes it sucked but it’s still A WHOLE LOT BETTER than other movies that have released recently (Partner, and the RETARDED Om Shanti Om that became the all time blockbuster!) I disagree when you say that Kareena Kapoor’s performance was horrible. Her performance is what her character asked for and I think she did a great job. Compared to Aishwarya in Dhoom 2 Kareena ROCKED!!!!!! Yes all the songs except for Falak Tak SUCKED!!!! And it IS super annoying when non-indian people are in them. I agree the story WAS STUPID. I don’t know how YRF allowed a movie with such a story be made under their banner. Yes the action scenes were dumb but then again that’s how action scenes usually are UNBELEIVABL. Therefore I believe that it was a bad movie but not as bad as you are making it seem.

  7. Tashan is utter trash

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Ah, you are being too kind now.

  8. watched Tashan tonight with ultra-low expectations.. i would say that dhoom 2 wasn’t much better than this (logic-wise).

    anil kapoor’s mangling of english probably confused the hell out of people.. leading to the movie’s speedy demise.

    kareena was hot.. me likey

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Tashan was crude from the get-go and a box office disaster. Dhoom 2 was slick.

    Kareena has lost the charm in her face she had two or three years ago. Maybe, it’s age. Still, we liked her in the Ye Ishq Hai song from Jab We Met.

  9. I watch very few hindi movies.. i think Ashoka is the only other Kareena movie I have watched.. movie(Ashoka) was bad, but she was smokin hot.
    you are probably bored of her.. after watching her in too many movies.. like I am disenchanted with the present day Aishwarya, who really is old.. 7 years older than Kareena.

    I watched Tashan just to check her out.. thanks to the other commenters. i was satisfied with what I saw.. not just the bikini.. but also the earlier scenes with the dupatta-less attires. :)

    will try to watch Jab We Met soon.. Some more Kareena movie recommendations, please.. not necessarily for her acting prowess..

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Although we’ve seen Kareena in several movies including Omkara, Mujse Dosti Karoge, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, Dosti, Aitraaz, Don (cameo) et al, we can’t get ourselves to recommend any of them.