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I Hate Luv Storys Review – You Call this Junk a Movie?

 Bollywood, General  19 Responses »
Jun 302010
 
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I Hate Luv Storys Box Office – Mediocre Showing

Mon dieu, when will these Bollywood mongrels put a lid on the garbage they keep shoving our way ceaselessly

Total garbage.

Yeah, what else can you call a movie with a limp, silly story that borrows from/spoofs old Hindi movies like DDLJ, Dil Chahta Hai, Kal Ho Na Ho, Hum Tum et al including the names of two principal DDLJ characters Raj and Simran and loses steam in just 20-minutes.

To employ a sexual metaphor, we’d describe I Hate Luv Storys as an instance of premature ejaculation. ;)

Depressing, disgusting and, oh hell, frustrating, we tell ya.

Is there no relief at all for us from Karan Johar’s troupe of gibbering monkeys?

Poor Response
For the opening show of this trash at a theater on the East Coast, there were just three people.

Just three people for Dharma Productions’ I Hate Luv Storys.

Pitiful.

I Hate Luv Storys Review Sponsored by Air-Savings.com

Stupid Story
Yes, we’ve said this a million times.

But we’ll say it one more time – Indian movie-makers just can’t get hold of a gripping story. Just beyond their pea-sized brains.

I Hate Luv Storys hews to the time-honored tradition of hackneyed, jackass Bollywood tales.

Girl (Sonam Kapoor) with a perfect, steady boy-friend believes in Bollywood-style love and romance while the boy (Imran Khan) is adamant that this love thing is all balderdash.

Of course, in true Bollywood ishtyle the girl Simran soon falls in love with our all-love-is-nonsense boy J, who rebuffs her. Before you can say Yeh kya bakwas (what rubbish is this),  the all-love-is-nonsense boy falls in love with the girl whose turn it is to spurn him.

All the while, Simran’s besotted boyfriend Raj (the talented Sameer Dattani) is waiting patiently in the background for his girl.

Of course, all’s well in the end for Simran and J (alas, not for the paying audience or for Raj).

Is this the kind of shit that gives you a hard-on or if you are a gal an urgent twitch between your thighs. Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 6:56 pm  Tagged with: , , ,

Movie Critics Bugger Manoj ‘Night’ Shyamalan’s Last Airbender

 Hollywood, Reviews  4 Responses »
Jun 302010
 
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Poor Manoj ‘Night’ Shyamalan.

Our heart goes out to the Philadelphia resident (Manoj N. Shymalan hails from South India).

We ‘feel’ your pain, Night Shyamalan. ;)

Well, sort of.

Folks, movie critics here have gone rampage on the poor fella’s latest movie  The Last Airbender.

Night Shyamalan is the producer, director and writer of The Last Airbender, which debuts in 3D and regular version tonight.

By the way, the movie features Dev Patel of Slumdog Millionaire fame.

Here’s a sample of trenchant comments on Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender:

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

Matt Pais, Metromix.com

Let’s just be honest: M. Night Shyamalan is an idiot.

Kirk Honeycutt,  Hollywood Reporter

Even during the climax, the film still is struggling to introduce the world of the film and its strange rules.

Peter Debruge, Variety

This is all enormously disappointing, of course, since the best we could hope for from a live-action Avatar adaptation is the mind-blowing equivalent of our first encounters with wire-fu, rather than this cartoony nonsense. Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 5:44 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Twilight Saga: Eclipse Review – Boring Ménage à Trois

 Hollywood  5 Responses »
Jun 302010
 
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I can give you more than him. He probably can’t even kiss you without hurting you.

- Werewolf to Bella Swan 

I know she’s in love with you but she’s in love with me too. She just doesn’t admit it.

- Werewolf to the Vampire

Say, do women in the 15-35 age group secretly fantasize about a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with two men at the same time?

Is that what really gets them off. Pray, help us with this one, will ya. We’d really love to know. ;)

Except for stray, decrepit fogies like us, 85-90% of the audience in our hall for the midnight show of the new movie Twilight Saga: Eclipse was comprised of women in the 15-35 age group.

And, boy, they all seemed to be having a jolly good time. Wonder how many of them actually came in the movie hall itself given their frequent, loud approvals over the happenings on the screen.

Less Trashy than New Moon
Not withstanding the squealing ejaculations of the teens and women in our hall, the best we can say about Eclipse is that it’s not as horrible as New Moon, the previous installment in the Twilight series.

But boring and stupid as hell, nevertheless.

Twilight Saga: Eclipse Review Sponsored by Air-Savings.com

The 120-minute Eclipse is a familiar reprise of the characters, settings and the broad story outline encountered in previous versions.

You have the girl Bella Swan (the unendurable Kristen Stewart), the vampire Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and the frequently shirtless, tattooed werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner).

And of course, the love of the two ‘men’ for the girl.

Not-So-Subliminal Trick
Wait, what about the girl in this movie here.

What does she feel about it all.

That’s where Eclipse’s makers play a not-so-subliminal trick here in their bid to woo the aah-ooh, squealing 15-35 teens, young women and the not-so-young women.

* The movie-makers show Bella going around with the other guy even as she professes love for one

* They show her wearing gifts from the other guy in front of the one she loves

* They show her embracing the shirtless other guy in front of the one she loves.

* They show her being provided body-heat to ward off the bitter cold and shivers by the bare-chested other guy in front of the one she loves.

* They show her kissing the other guy in front of the guy she supposedly loves.

* They finally tell us that she actually loves both guys, just that she loves one more than the other.

Holy cow, what in the world are Eclipse’s makers trying to convey here?

That it’s Cool to have a threesome? Cool to be a c*ck-tease? Cool to be indecisive? Cool to love two guys simultaneously? Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 5:04 am  Tagged with: , , ,

The World

 Hollywood  4 Responses »
Jun 302010
 
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The world is about two things – Power and Control
- From the trailer of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (Nicholas Cage).

Releasing on July 16.

Boy, we love Nicholas Cage.

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 12:17 am  Tagged with: ,

Women Throng Twilight Saga: Eclipse

 Hollywood  1 Response »
Jun 292010
 
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It’s about 11.30PM ET and we’re standing in line to get into the theater for the midnight show of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

At least, 85% of those in the long, winding line are women.

Hell, who can explain the weird workings of a woman’s mind! ;)

Mostly teenagers, but other women too. Young, old, middle-aged, White, Black, Hispanic. Kinda like the Pied Piper’s army of rats. ;)

Hell, we’ve never seen the parking lot so full at this late hour.

By the way, multiple halls in the multiplex are showing Eclipse,

In other theaters in our area, there are multiple shows starting from 12.01AM and going all the way to 2.31AM.

That is AM. Comprende, no typo here. If this is not crazy, will someone please explain what ‘crazy’ means.

For the ignoramuses amongst you, Eclipse is the third installment in the Twilight Saga.

We have seen the previous version: Twilight Saga: New Moon.

Plain garbage, as we said in our review yesterday.

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 11:29 pm  Tagged with: , , ,

The Twilight Saga: New Moon Review – Stupid Shit

 Hollywood  10 Responses »
Jun 282010
 
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Twilight Saga: Eclipse Review – Boring Ménage à Trois

And all ye schmucks thought bad movies have their origins only in the Kollywood sewers or the talentless, thieving Bollywood yokels.

Ha ha, shows how little you twits know.

Here Comes the Eclipse
With the frenzy of the new the Twilight movie Eclipse nigh upon us, we were curious as hell to see what the hullabaloo and the shrieks and the excitement was all about.

So we braved the scorching mid-Atlantic heat yesterday and headed to our neighboring RedBox movie rental kiosk for the $1 DVD of The Twilight Saga – New Moon, the previous installment in the Twilight saga.

Absolute Nonsense
We never thought we’d say this but even an Abhishek Bachchan movie is a gazillion times better than this New Moon rubbish.

Really.

Our utter disappointment with the film may partially be attributed to the absence of a strong notion of werewolves and vampires in the Indian popular culture. Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 11:57 pm  Tagged with: , ,
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