Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor Review – Grr, Nice Toilet, Lots of Flies, Crappy Food

Indians, as we all well know, wash their sorry Hindu ass with water.

Not for our people, the toilet paper, those newfangled bidets or the currently news-making $6,400 Kohler Numi toilet with a built-in MP3 player/Radio/Heater or other fancy ass-cleaning devices.

Since time immemorial, Indians have adopted a fail-safe, simple technique to keep their arses clean:

Water + Left Hand = Clean Bottom.

If you visit a toilet in an Indian home, strategically placed within arm’s reach you’ll see a small mug, vessel or cup that can be filled with H2O for the cleansing exercise.

That’s why when we saw the carefully placed styrofoam cup (see above left in picture) in Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor’s clean toilet, we felt a wave of nostalgia wash over our all over us.

Man, these Tamil criminals (yes, Saravanaa Bhavan’s founder/owner P.Rajagopal is a real-life ass-wipe murderer and the son is an ass-wipe U.S. immigration law offender) have a big heart that understands Indian asses well, literally speaking that is.

How touching! These ass-wipe criminals care even about our sorry asses.

Unlike the dirty toilets in most Indian restaurants, Saravanaa Bhavana West Windsor’s loo is clean, boasts not one but two trash-cans, multiple rolls of paper-towels, extra toilet-paper rolls, no bad-odor, a nice mirror etc.

All in all, the Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor restroom was a pleasant revelation unlike the filth you have to put up in loos at most Indian restaurants.

Alas, if only the bozos at Saravanaa Bhavan had paid the same careful attention to the kitchen that they lavished on their toilet,  the food here would taste a lot better and diners wouldn’t leave in a grouchy mood.

Saravanaa Bhavan, West Windsor, NJ – Disappointing

Mysore Masala Dosa – A Disgrace

In our reckoning, if a Masala Dosa is not crisp it’s not a Masala Dosa.

Call it Uttappam, Jeevajyothi (the married woman Saravanaa Bhavan founder P.Rajagopal lusted after and got her husband murdered), Katrina Kaif or wateva.

But by God don’t call it a Masala Dosa.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor’s Mysore Masala Dosa ($9.95) was not crisp and no self-respecting kitchen would allow it to be placed before diners.

Alas, Saravanaa Bhavan is not the kind of restaurant that takes pride in its kitchen as we learned by way of our disappointing meal.

We did not find the Dosa’s soft texture palatable in the least although we must acknowledge that the spicy red Masala paste was well spread to the insides of the Dosa.

The bland Coconut Chutney compounded our irritation.

Come on, how can you not add some Green Chillies to the Coconut Chutneys?

Either Green Chillies are as expensive as gold or the Mexicans are lording over your kitchen.

Mercifully, the Paruppu Chutney (Dal Chutney) was all right.

Tomato-Onion Pachadi had an un-South Indian garam masala flavor.

Although the medium-thick Sambar was low on Tamarind, mercifully it was still palatable.

All in all, the Mysore Masala Dosa was a disgrace unworthy of Saravanaa Bhavan.

Idli, Vada – Not Fully Cooked

The two South Indian staples of Idli and Medhu Vada were both unsatisfactory.

Vada had a rubbery texture when we bit into it and was not crisp.

That was because it was unevenly cooked inside.

Mon dieu, Idli suffered from the same problem.

It was incompletely cooked inside causing the raw Idli flour inside to stick to our hands.

Will someone please tell the Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor clowns that Idli should never ever be sticky inside.

By now, we were in high dudgeon.

Hell, who can blame us after being dished out such crap.

Crappy Saravanaa Spl Meals

Saravanaa Special Meals ($13.50) included Poori, Plain Rice, Rasam, Sambar, Green Banana Curry, Drumstick Onion Curry, Dal, Cauliflower Kuzhambu, Rice Payasam, Yogurt, Lime Pickle, Raita and Appalam.

There were multiple issues with the Saravanaa Special Meals.

• Plain rice was not even lukewarm, slightly pasty and made of poor quality rice.
• Poori was large but very oily with thick hard edges and we did not relish it. In retrospect, we regretted not picking  the Chapati option.
• Rasam lacked the pungent black pepper powder flavor and was not even lukewarm.
• Dal with a strong taste of Moong and Green Squash Vegetable (Doodhi) suffered from a surfeit of turmeric powder.
• With bad quality Okra, the Onion-Okra Sambar was low on Tamarind and Sambar spices.
• Green Banana curry had an awful food color taste and we did not enjoy it even one bit.
• Rice Payasam was watery and earned a B- grade.
• Cauliflower Kuzhambu and Drumstick Onion Curry were the only two items in the Saravanaa Spl Meals with some semblance of flavor and taste. Both would get a B+ or maybe even an A- grade if we’re in a generous mood.
• Raita, Yogurt and Lime Pickle were alright. So was the Appalam.

But what surprised us most was the small serving size of Saravanaa Spl Meals, especially after charging $13.50.

The serving size of all the curries, side dishes was so small that you end up ordering additional items to silence the bellowing in your stomach.

Takeout – Disappointing Kootu & Rava Kesari

Besides dining in, we also ordered a couple of takeout items – Kootu and Rava Kesari.

The Italian Green Squash Kootu ($5) with Red Chilli seasoning was thick and creamy.

Unfortunately, the Kootu tasted more like Dal.

What was missing was the rich, flavorful aromatic taste of Kootu.

Rava Kesari ($5) was low on Ghee, low on sugar and had a slightly overwhelming flavor of yellow camphor.

Lots of Flies
Besides the mostly crappy food, another vexing issue that upset us a lot during our meal was the presence of flies at our table.

Presence of so many flies in the dining area indicates the lack of attention to keeping the premises clean.

At one point, we got so irritated with the assault of the flies that we contemplated walking out.

Then we calmly told ourselves, well, these dirty Indians will be Indians and quietly finished our meal.

Nice Service
Our waitress was a pleasant young girl who was friendly and helpful.

With an apologetic smile, she quickly realized our dining table was wobbly, took a napkin, folded it and placed it under one of the legs.

The young girl also made sure she got our order right by repeating it and checked with us whether we wanted Poori or Chapati with the Saravanaa Special Meals.

Hey, it’s rare to see such fine service in Indian restaurants.

Unfortunately, fixing the broken glass-top on our table was beyond her ken.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor – Our Verdict

Listen, a clean toilet and pleasing service are welcome but not enough compensation for crappy food.

Folks, Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor, NJ is an over-priced crappy Indian restaurant that does not deserve your business.

These jokers have taken their customers for granted in the misguided belief their strong brand gives them carte blanche  to dish out poor quality at high prices.

New Jersey has plenty of Indian restaurants that serve far better Dosa, Idli, Vada and other South Indian delicacies at far lower prices.

If like us, you’re inordinately, passionately fond of a good Masala Dosa, head to Sapthagiri in Jersey City, Dakshin Express on Oak Tree Road or make a longer trip to Saravanaa Bhavan outpost on Lexington Ave in NYC.

Unless you love eating crappy South Indian food, avoid Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor.

Hesitate not to raise your middle finger to this newest bunch of Indian clowns a.k.a. Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor, NJ.

Related Posts:
Read SI’s Reviews of Other New Jersey Indian Restaurants