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Incredible India 64 – Yes, Indians are Chutiyas

 Incredible India  2 Responses »
Nov 102011
 
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India is a nation with two deeply hostile neighbors, a nation with people dying of starvation, a nation wracked by internal rebellion, a nation without toilets for over 600-million, a nation where hundreds of million struggle for survival every day, a nation where people are ‘encountered’ to death every day…..

And yet, what is the current national obsession of the chattering classes?

The impending birth of mediocre Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai’s first child.

Good Lord, there’s no hope for the benighted land.

Here are excerpts of the ‘Great Indian Delivery’ from leading Indian newspapers:

* Reports suggest that Rs 150 crore is riding on bets on whether Ash will deliver on November 11 or not.

“This date has come after hundreds of years and astrologers say it’s auspicious — that’s why it’s a hot favourite with most betters,” says a Delhi-based bookie.

“After 11.11.11, it’s Children’s Day that’s a favourite,” says a punter.

Reportedly, bets have also been placed on the gender of the child — 70 paise per rupee on a girl and 80 paise per rupee on a boy. The amount put up in the betting pool has allegedly reached the figures Indo-Pak cricket matches generally do.

Source: Hindustan Times

* According to media reports, the Broadcast Editors Association (BEA) has issued a 10-point advisory to its members on coverage of the birth of the veteran’s grandchild.

Source: Times of India

* And now for the most disgusting news of how other Indians are taking the extra step to ensure their delivery coincides with Aishwarya’s.

Speculation that the most awaited star kid, Abhishek and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s first baby, could arrive on 11/11/11 has suddenly made the date extra special for city couples expecting a baby in November. Parents-to-be are hoping hard that both the Bachchan baby and their own little bundle would arrive on the magic date.

Going beyond just keeping their fingers crossed, some couples have even fixed appointments with their doctors to perform caesarean on the day if the baby is not born through normal delivery.

Source: Times of India

Hey, what was that wail?

Ah, that was Aishwarya’s soon-to-be-born chirping Mera Bharat Mahaan from the womb.

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 9:50 am  Tagged with:

Guzaarish BO – Plunges 62% in Second Weekend

 Bollywood, Box Office  Comments Off
Nov 292010
 
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Guzaarish continues its unimpressive performance at the U.S. box office.

Here’s how the movie fared for the November 26-28, 2010 weekend compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Related Stories:
Guzaarish Box Office – Disaster in U.S.
Guzaarish Review – SLB, Hrithik Deliver a Winner

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 8:12 pm  Tagged with: , , ,

Can Trash King Akshay Kumar’s Action Replayy Match Back to the Future?

 Bollywood, Hollywood  Comments Off
Nov 032010
 
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Akshay Kumar aka Trash King for his insufferably trashy Bollywood movies is back.

This Diwali, Akshay Kumar’s Action Replayy will fight Golmaal 3 (Ajay Devgan) for the chance to dip into the wallets of Bollywood fans.

If you believe the rumors, Action Replayy is inspired by the old Hollywood blockbuster Back to the Future.

We watched Back to the Future recently and while the quarter century old movie is certainly no classic it does posses a beguiling charm that the passage of time has not erased.

Science Fiction Comedy
Directed by Robert Zemeckis (of Forrest Gump fame), Back to the Future (1985) comes wrapped within the fig-leaf veneer of science fiction to deliver a fairly decent comedy that keeps you engrossed for the most part to the flickering images on the screen.

The setting is 1985 California.

We have a young high school student Marty McFly (Michael Fox) with a pretty girlfriend Jennifer Parker (Claudia Wells) and an eccentric-looking scientist friend, the older, weird-looking Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd).

Marty is a carefree young fella, happy with his girl, his aspirations to be a rock star and to just roll along on his skateboard while holding on to the back of a pickup truck.

His dad George McFly (Crispin Glover) is badly bullied character (by his boss even at his age) while Marty’s mother Lorraine is a close friend to Bacchus.

Not exactly a great home for Marty to return to. Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 4:47 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Enthiran Review – Orgy of Stupidity

 Tamil Movies  43 Responses »
Oct 012010
 
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Enthiran Box Office – Unimpressive Average Gross

If Enthiran director S.Shankar had an iota of shame or self-respect, he’d place his head on the rail-road track at the Egmore station and let the Tambaram local train roll over it.

That’s the only way to ensure that incompetent dickheads like Shankar never raise their ‘head’ to unleash monstrosities like Enthiran on the hapless public ever again.

Folks, it boggles the mind that this billionaire producer Kalanidhi Moron of Sun Pictures entrusted Rs 150-crore or wateva-hundred crore to this imbecile Shankar for the movie that had the crew gallivanting to South America, North America, Asia and God knows where else.

Shows that in Tamil Nadu you can be a billionaire and still be soft in the head. ;)

Orgy of Stupidity
There are far too many problems with this piece of shit Enthiran making it a ceaseless affront to viewers.

Enthiran Movie Review Sponsored by Air-Savings.com

First, the story is not remotely engrossing. Remember, the same mis-directing bozo Shankar is also the irresponsible fella behind the story and screenplay.

Second, there’s little chemistry between the lead stars Rajnikanth and Aishwarya Rai, far less in fact than between Rajnikanth and Shriya Saran in Sivaji.

Third, neither Rajnikanth nor Aishwarya Rai, particularly the latter, deliver the acting goods.

Then, there’s the gratuitous, self-defecating comedy angle featuring Santhanam and Karunas. To earn their pay check, the duo agree to get kicked and slippered by the robot and teach it trash-talk.

All drivel all the time, if you ask us.

Finally, the music and picturization are both mediocre despite outings to locales such as Machu Picchu and provide little cheer.

Tis’ no exaggeration to say that a troupe of monkeys would provide better entertainment than the entire Enthiran menagerie.

Asinine, Half-Baked Story
The story, presumably well known by now, is simplistic and amateurish. Scientist Vaseegaran (a bearded, bespectacled Rajnikanth) creates a robot Chitti, which weirdly enough resembles him. Although ostensibly meant for the Indian Army, the robot in real life is busy rescuing naked girls from burning buildings, helping a medical student Sana (Aishwarya Rai) cheat in her exams, cooking omelets and protecting pretty girls in local trains from goons.

Since, Chitti, the robot, is found socially inadequate (it’s not smart enough to put a cloth on a nude, bathing girl before rescuing her from a horrific fire), Vaseegaran endows it with human emotions, which makes a bad situation worse. You see, the robot too falls in love with the pretty belle, a situation exploited by a rival scientist Bora (Danny Denzongpa of Bollywood), who is itching to make money by peddling the robot to terrorists. Tragically for the paying audience, each of the various angles (romance, the scientific, criminal, comic et al) is half-baked and comes across as bizarrely silly.

If Bollywood star Shahrukh Khan really slammed the script as half-baked (when Shankar approached him to play the lead role), he’s one smart dude. Really! Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 3:57 am  Tagged with: , , ,

Endhiran Music Review – If Rahman Farts, is it Still Music?

 Reviews, Tamil Movies  80 Responses »
Jul 312010
 
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Enthiran Box Office – Unimpressive Average Gross

Enthiran Review – Orgy of Stupidity

Emmathitanga
Ayyo, Emmathitanga
(they’ve cheated us,
God, they’ve cheated us).

A BIG disappointment. :(

A.R.Rahman and Shankar have taken Tamil music fans for a ride with the Endhiran album.

Endhiran’s music is nowhere in the class of Rahman’s Slumdog Millionaire or his earlier work in Roja, Bombay, Kadhalan, Dil Se et al.

Not even in the Sivaji class, we tell ya.

None of the songs linger in the mind.

If you’re looking for melody, you’ll have better luck with the echo of your singing under the shower.

Question for Y’all Schmucks
Since we listened to the Endhiran album, a doubt, a big doubt is nagging us, gnawing at our very soul.

Say, if music director A.R.Rahman farts, do folks in Tamil Nadu still consider it music?

Help us out with the above question, please. We beseech you. ;)

It boggles the mind that just a couple of years back this Rahman fella was the toast of the Oscar and Grammy crowd.

Oh, what a fall!

Endhiran on iTunes
The songs of the Rajinikanth-Aishwarya Rai starrer Endhiran have made it to iTunes this morning.

A short while ago, we purchased the Endhiran album for $2.99.

Instead of releasing it as a music album on iTunes, the Think Music folks have launched it as an application on Apple’s iTunes App Store.

Does this mean we can’t play the tracks on our PC?

The swines. :(

Seven Tracks
The Endhiran album on iTunes has seven tracks:

* Pudhiya Manidha (6.10 min) – A slow number, sounds as if the track is being sung by the robot. ;)

S.P.Balasubramaniam, A.R.Rahman and Khatija Rahman have sung this number, perhaps the best of the worst.

Given the Endhira Endhira refrain, is this track the title number?

Sample of the lyrics:

Pudhiya Manidha
Boomikku Vaa

Eggai vaarthu
Silicon serthu
Vayarutti uyirutti
Hard diskil ninaivutti
…..
Endhira
Endhira

* Kadhal Anukkal (5.44 min) -  A lifeless, boring track helmed by Vijay Prakash and Shreya Ghoshal.

No, the music didn’t strike a chord with us. Not one bit.

Just felt like hurling our new iPhone 4 at the wall in frustration.

Sample of the lyrics:

Kaadhal annukal
Udambil ethannai?
Neutron electron
un Neela kannil motham ethanai?
Unnai ninaithal
Thisukkal thorum aasai sinthanai
Haiyyo…

* Irumbile Oru Idhaiyam (5.14 m)  – Plain Rubbish.

Ayyo, ayyo, yet another sub-mediocre track courtesy of A.R.Rahman and Kash n Krissy.

Sample of the lyrics:

You want to seal my kiss
Boy you can’t touch this
Everybody..Hypnotic Hypnotic…
Super Sonic..
Super Star can’t can’t can’t get this

Irumbile oru irudhaiyam mulaikkudho
……
iRobo un Kadhil
I love you sollatta?

* Boom Boom Robot da (4.27 min) – Noise.

And more noise.

This Robot da number made us so angry we refer to it privately here as the Boom Boom Lava da Boom Boom Lava da song. ;)

Hey, when did yelling become synonymous with music. Will someone please enlighten us.

Yogi B, Kirthi Sagathia, Swetha are the singers.

Sample of the lyrics:

Boom Boom Robot da Robo da Roba da
Zoom Zoom Robot da Robo da Roba da

Isaac Asimovin
Velaiyo robo

Isaac Newtonin
Leelaiyo robo

Albert Einstein
Mulaiyo robo

He robo yo robo…..

* Arima Arima (5.18 min) Yet another forgettable track, begins with trumpets.

The singers are Hariharan and Sadhana Sargam.

And what’s with the howling of Endhira, Endhira toward the end. Awful

Sample of the lyrics:

Ivan perai sonnathan
Perumai sonnathum
Kadalum kadalum kai thattum
…..
Arima Arima – nano
Ayiram arima – unpol
…..
Endhira…! Endhira…!

* Kilimanjaro (5.30 min) Seriously, is this from an Oscar/Grammy award winner.

A most unimpressive track that has a tribal dance feel to it.

Javed Ali and Chinmayi are the singers.

Sample of the lyrics:

Kilimanjaro – malai
Kanimanjaro – kanna
Kuzhimanjaro
Yaro yaro
…..
Mohanjadaro – unnil Nozhanjadaro

* Chitti Dance Showcase (2.43 min)- Just cacophony with Pradeep Vijay, Pravin Mani, Yogi B. at the helm.

Disappointing Album
Is the Endhiran album the stuff of legend?

No, No, No

Folks, the Endhiran album is a ripoff.

Don’t waste your time or money on this noxious gas expulsion from A.R.Rahman.

Show the Endhiran album your middle finger but make sure you hold your nose for the stench is unbearable. :(

Related Stories:
Enthiran Box Office – Unimpressive Average Gross
Enthiran Review – Orgy of Stupidity

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 9:58 am  Tagged with: , , ,

Raavan Box Office: Disaster, Act of God, Pathetic, Horrible, Dud, Ha ha ha

 Bollywood, Box Office  5 Responses »
Jun 202010
 
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Raavanan UK Box Office – Ayyo, Worse than Kuruvi

Raavan UK Box Office – Disaster in UK Too

Updated:
Hey, Abhishek, look for a rope and a sturdy rafter, will ya.

Pronto.

Abhishek, you’ve become unendurable.

Folks, we’ve said it a million times.

This Bollywood nincompoop Abhishek Bachchan is not worth the piece of paper on which a movie-ticket is printed.

Hopelessly incompetent as an actor, the Bollywood moron’s only claims to fame are Amitabh Bachchan, Jaya Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai.

Without the three, the jackass is less than a zero.

Less than a cipher.

Seeing him on the screen is worse than passage through the Hades.

Infinitely worse.

Boy, Happy Hours Started Early Here
It’s only around noon here.

But, hell, we’re soaked.

To the brim.

Lots of Gilbey’s Gin, some Seltzer Water and a few spoons of lime juice. And the Flushing Ganesh Temple mixture on the side.

And Ennio Morricone’s For a Few Dollars More is playing on an endless loop on the home theater. Ah, the whistles, the whistles, slowly rising to a crescendo. And then the whistles again. If we die today, we’ll have no complaints.

Shows you how happy we are. :)

Thrilled Euphoric that disgraceful little twit Abhishek Bachchan has gotten his comeuppance, the box-office comeuppance that is.

Never has a more worthless star befouled the screen.

Never ever. Sick Shit.

Bollywood Celebration – Choli Ke Peeche, Kya Hai?
Kya Hai? Kya Hai? ;)

It’s Diwali today. Diwali, for sure.

What if our fireworks day July 4 is still two weeks away.

It’s still Diwali today because the Bollywood Raavan is a f*cking disaster at the box office.

Celebrate. Celebrate.

Because that piece of shit Raavan is a f*cking disaster at the box office.

A disaster, did you hear us?

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Raavan, Abhishek’s latest affliction is a frigging disaster.

The skunk’s latest piece of shit, that nightmare which opened on 119 theaters here in the U.S., has been rejected, yes, roundly rejected by desis here.

Raavan has earned a piffling piddling $480,703 at the box office in the opening weekend, according to Boxofficemojo.

And the average gross per theater works out to a shameful (define shame, Abhishek) $4,040.

Lower than Genelia D’Souza’s Jaane Tu Yaa Jaane Na.

Feeling suicidal, are you, Abhishek?

Of course, that overrated South Indian chimp Mani Ratnam bears substantial responsibility for this disaster.

Guys, here are the opening weekend box office numbers for Raavan vis-a-vis some prominent recent Bollywood movies:

Ah, the whistles from Ennio Morricone’s For a Few Dollars More again.

Again. Endlessly, playing in our mind. Continue reading »

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 Posted by SearchIndia.com at 3:41 pm  Tagged with: , ,
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