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Indian restaurants in New York City come in two forms.

A small minority meant for humans and the vast majority aimed squarely at God’s four-legged feline, canine, hircine, asinine, porcine, leonine, vulpine etc creations.

We’ve graced the portals of the Indian Taj branch on Bleecker St in Greenwich Village (in downtown Manhattan).

Since the downtown location serves sexy Indian food we walked into the 74th St Jackson Heights branch of Indian Taj nourishing hopes of a similar titillating meal here too.

Merciless Assault

Alas, the Jackson Heights branch turned out to be the bastard child of the Indian Taj restaurant group that operates multiple restaurants in NYC.

For much of what we tasted at Indian Taj on 74th St in Jackson Heights is definitely not designed for biped, i.e. human consumption.

Indian Taj 74th St Jackson Heights Indian Taj Jackson Heights – Horrid Indian Food

What we encountered at Indian Taj was one brutal, furious, merciless assault after another on our taste buds.

Be it Vegetarian or Chicken items, Indian Taj’s kitchen lobbed one missile after another, lacerating not merely our palate but making sharp gashes into our tender soul at the thought that one Indian could be so perverse, so cruel, so heartless, so maleficent toward another.

Indian Taj – Horrid Fare

Can some sane individual explain to us how Chicken Chilli can be anything but spicy.

You see, the beastly monsters lurking inside Indian Taj’s kitchen decided that Chicken Chilli must be a spice-neutered, emasculated travesty.

Not in the least spicy, the blandness of Chicken Chilli brought tears to our eyes over the absence of any heat from the chillies and spices.

With their effete palates, a lot of Americans may not have the testicular fortitude for spicy Indian food.

But we certainly have the cojones for spicy food. Bring it on.

Adding insult to injury, the Chicken Chilli was cold, just minutes after the restaurant opened.

Indian Taj Jackson Heights Chicken ChilliCold, Spiceless Chicken Chilli

The medium sized Vegetable Samosa was evenly fried and that’s all we can say in its favor.

The Potato filling inside, which is the main allure of a Samosa, was horridly tasteless.

Worse than the bland mashed Potatoes that an American Grocery store deli peddles.

By God, if you can’t get the Samosa right you really have no place in an Indian kitchen. A Samosa is the equivalent of toasting bread.

How f*cking difficult can it be to get a Samosa right!

Indian Taj Tasteless SamosaTasteless Samosa (left)

Kadi Pakora with a surfeit of Turmeric Powder did not provide us any joy of eating this famed Punjabi delicacy.

Pakoras in Kadi Pakora were so tasteless that we cringed after one bite.

Indian Taj Jackson Heights - Kadi PakoraKadi Pakora – Mucho Turmeric Powder

Yellow Dal was hot temperature wise and that’s it.

Devoid of any flavor, Indian Taj’s Yellow Dal in our opinion is not fit for any living creature’s consumption leave alone paying diners.

Where do crappy restaurants like Indian Taj pick up their clueless kitchen staff from?

Are they Indians, Amigos or Aliens from a distant galaxy?

We wanna know.

Indian Taj Jackson Heights - Yellow DalTasteless Yellow Dal (top), Palak Paneer
and Navratan Korma (bottom left)

Mercifully, Palak Paneer did not have the usual raw taste that you encounter at so many Indian restaurants in the NY/NJ area.

But it was hopelessly flavorless and it felt like we were eating finely boiled chopped Spinach with fried Paneer than the North Indian creamy delicacy Palak Paneer.

Navratan Korma was creamy but dominated by Chickpeas making us wonder why Indian Taj had two Chickpeas items on the lunch buffet. Navratan Korma is usually prepared with a combination of nine vegetables including some nuts.

Compounding our irritation, the Indian Taj version of Navratan Korma was far too sweetish. Continue reading »

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Based on long years of dining out, we’d unequivocally declare that most Indian restaurants in the NY/NJ area are not fit for humans.

Some are not suitable even for animals.

And then there are the rare few like Mehfil in Jackson Heights that are unsuitable even for Aliens visiting from distant galaxies.

All Round Pain

It was bad Karma that drew us to Mehfil the other day.

We were misled by some of the favorable reviews on other sites.

Sadly, a lot of Indian restaurant reviews on other sites are penned by clueless bozos utterly unfamiliar with Indian food. Have keyboard, ergo will type nonsense seems to be the leitmotif of many reviewers these days.

Located on 37th Avenue and 76th St in Jackson Heights, a couple of blocks from the Indian hub on 74th St, Mehfil has been around for a couple of years.

We used to pass by the restaurant on our way to the Jackson Heights library but never found the time to stop.

During our latest visit to Jackson Heights, we were determined to stop by at Mehfil and sample its wares.

And so we did.

Much to our infinite regret.

It seemed as if all of Satan’s minions had congregated inside Mehfil’s kitchen with the mission of inflicting hideous, maximum, unrelenting pain on unsuspecting souls who walked in.

Mehfil Jackson Heights Samosa & Mixed Veg CurryHorrid Samosa, Tasteless Mixed Veg Curry

From the horrid vegetable Samosa with its tasteless potato filling to the dry rice to the awful Tandoori items, Mehfil is a restaurant that screams its inadequacies.

How a restaurant can screw up basic fare like Samosa or Mixed Vegetable Curry or Tandoori Chicken and still claim to serve Indian cuisine is hard for sane minds to fathom. Must be the Himalayan heights of incompetence.

The restaurant is a simple affair, nothing fancy about the place.

Two rows of tables with a small corridor in between.

Mehfil Jackson Heights Fish Tandoori, Chicken Tikka Masala & Tandoori ChickenAwful Fish Tandoori (top left), Tandoori
Chicken  (right), Chicken Tikka Masala

Tandoori Items – Clueless or Callous

Tandoori items are standard stuff in most Indian restaurants in NYC.

Cooked in a Tandoor (Indian clay oven) after proper marination with a mixture of yogurt and spices, they’re a royal treat when done well.

But the two Tandoori items at Mehfil – Tandoori Chicken and Fish Tandoori – were Katrinaesque disasters.

Hopelessly badly marinated, both left a horrible taste in the mouth that lingered.

Chicken Tikka Masala is another fixture at Indian restaurants in Jackson Heights and Manhattan as well. Alas, that too turned out to be  a travesty here.

While the gravy was at least edible, the chicken had a weird medicinal taste (no kidding) and a horrid hard texture.

We shudder to think what might have given it the weird taste.

Mehfil Jackson Heights Veg CurriesHorrid Alu Gobi (bottom left), Zucchini,
Mixed Veg Curry (bottom right) & Samosa

Mehil is an equal opportunity offender.

Satan does not squander any opportunity in his torturous mission. Continue reading »

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Dear God, why are so many crappy Indian restaurants like Delhi Palace born in NYC?

Oh God, why do you keep so many crappy Indian restaurants like Delhi Palace in NYC alive?

Yo God, Why the hell don’t you shut down crappy Indian restaurants like Delhi Palace?

Must be the accumulated sins of a lifetime that led us to Delhi Palace on 74th St in Jackson Heights, NYC.

Sure the place has a reputation for bad hygiene and had even been closed down a few months back by the NYC Health Department.

But we were hungry, foraging for Indian food in Jackson Heights and Delhi Palace didn’t seem like all that bad a bet given the irate bellows from our hungry stomach.

How were we to know that our meal at Delhi Palace would turn out to be a repudiation of all taste!

Delhi Palace – Crappy Dump in Jackson Heights, NYC
(File photo)

Delhi Palace – Acme of Garbage

Of course, we’re no strangers to crappy Indian food. Most Indian restaurants in the NY/NJ area are crappy.

But Delhi Palace in Jackson Heights occupies a hallowed place in the ugly pantheon of crappy Indian restaurants in New York City.

If the food was not crappy at Delhi Palace, rest assured that it was lukewarm or deficient in some other way.

Appetizers, entrees or desserts, vegetarian or non-vegetarian, much of the food at Delhi Palace is hopelessly pathetic.

Folks, there is little reason for this crappy NYC Indian restaurant to exist.

The sooner Delhi Palace gives up the ghost, the better for lovers of Indian cuisine.

Unappetizing Appetizers

Dal Vada was lukewarm, only slightly crisp and the dough inside brought forth a raw flavor into our mouth.

Coconut Chutney seemed fresh but, yeeks, the bozos in the kitchen forgot to add chilies. Continue reading »

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