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(For Racer44 who first alerted us to Romance on the High Seas)

Everything I’ve ever said about women like you on boats like this with men like me certainly turned out to be true. – Jack Carson’s character Peter Virgil to Doris Day’s ‘Elvira Kent’

It’s 11:12PM on the East Coast and after watching two movies today we’ve hit the bottle, first with a Jagermeister-Pinacolada cocktail and now a glass of Tia Maria liqueur is soothing us.

Delicious high, we tell ya. ;)

First, we watched Michael ‘Casablanca‘ Curtiz’ Romance on the High Seas (1948) and after a brief Jagermeister break, we followed it up with There’s Something About Mary (1998).

Folks, Romance on the High Seas (1948) is a charming romantic comedy that Tamil film star Kamal Haasan turned into an abortion recently with his unwatchable crap-show Manmadhan Ambu.

Made in 1948, Romance on the High Seas marked Doris Day’s debut on the screen as a young, poor singer Georgina Garrett unexpectedly landing an opportunity of going on a sea cruise under the guise of a rich businessman’s wife Elvira Kent.

You see, Elvira Kent is a hyper-suspicious woman who’s convinced her husband is having an affair and wants to catch him in flagrante delicto while pretending to her husband that she’s on a cruise.

Meanwhile, Elvira’s husband Michael, equally paranoid and suspicious of his spouse’s loyalties, hires a private detective Peter Virgil (Jack Carson) to follow his wife, who he thinks is going on the cruise.

Whaddayathink?

Before you can say Jack Rabbit, romance is brewing on the cruise-ship between the detective Peter Virgil and the fake Mrs. Elvira Kent.

The movie proceeds at a brisk pace, the photography is impeccable and Michael Curtiz’ direction A-class. There are plenty of clever lines in the film like the one we provided at the top.

A decent actor, Jack Carson certainly threw in a memorable performance in the film. We loved Carson in the great film Mildred Pierce and we love him here again. Tis’ a pity the fella died early (just 52 when he died of stomach cancer in 1963).

Doris Day is alright but Carson is way ahead in the acting department.

Did we tell you that Romance on the High Seas is actually a romantic musical comedy. Probably not. The movie features several fine pieces including the famous It’s Magic, Put em in a Box, The Tourist Trade and Run, Run, Run.

Bloody Theft
Considering we’d recently the Tamil film Manmadhan Ambu, we were taken aback by the extraordinary similarities between the story of the Tamil film and Romance on the High Seas.

By the way, Ulaga Madayan a.k.a Kamal Haasan is the lead actor in Manmadhan Ambu and also takes credit for the story of the film.

Now, we know all ye schmucks with your lips wrapped around Kamal Haasan’s schlong won’t believe us so we’re providing y’all with proof via an exhaustive list of similarities between the two movies.

Get ready now.

Here comes the lengthy list of similarities between Romance on the High Seas and Manmadhan Ambu:

1. Boyfriend/Husband is a very jealous type

2. Boyfriend/husband is a young, rich handsome businessman

3. Boyfriend/husband is the cocky kind

4. The jealous boyfriend/husband hires a private detective to follow his lady love who is leaving on a cruise and report to him about any suspicious activity

5. Most of the events in movie happen on a cruise ship except for brief interludes at ports

6. The detective is an ex-army guy

7. Detective frequently keeps phoning in the boyfriend/husband to provide reports on the activities of the girl/wife Continue reading »

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Gun, knife, rope, the sea or the Annanagar Tower, take your pick, Kamal.

Folks, Kamal Haasan’s Manmadhan Ambu has fared worse than Vijay’s Sura, the colossus of nonsense, at the UK box office.

Bollywood Humgamma has put out the Manmadham Ambu U.K. box office numbers and, oh, they are shameful, pitiful and disgraceful.

This piece of junk should not have been released in theaters but should been reserved for friends and family of the clown.

For the five-day opening Christmas Weekend, Manmadhan Ambu could manage only a piffling £50,095 at the UK box office with an average gross of a mere £2,947.

Can it get any worse?

Un kannil neer vazhinthaal
en nenjil uthiram kottuthadi

Ha ha ha ha. Serves the idiot right for unleashing such trash on viewers.

Here, see for yourself in the below table how miserably Manmadhan Ambu has fared at the UK box office in the opening weekend compared to a few prominent Tamil movies: Continue reading »

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Romance on the High Seas Review – Ulaga Madayan is a Shameless Thief

Say, who is the schmuck that allowed Ulaga Madayan a.k.a. Kamal Haasan to write the story, screenplay and dialogs for his latest embarrassment Manmadhan Ambu.

Must be that half-wit producer Udayanidhi Stalin who’s got a surfeit of money and a paucity of good sense.

Kamal Haasan may know a little bit of what they call the ‘acting thing’ but penning a story, screenplay and dialogs are beyond the lilliputian intelligence of this Ulaga Madayan (universal idiot).

Flaccid Story
Except for a few brief moments during the first half, Manmadhan Ambu is not remotely entertaining.

An apt analogy for Manmadhan Ambu is that Kamal Haasan managed to get a rare hard-on but couldn’t hold on to it beyond a few seconds and suffered premature release of the vital fluids before he could even unzip his pants. ;)

If you ask us, Kamal Haasan’s poorly penned story is the arch-villain of Manmadhan Ambu.

The second half particularly is so horribly unendurable that we wondered if we’d taken leave of our senses for sitting through the ceaseless deluge of nonsense.

The Nonsense
Kamal Haasan plays a private detective Major R.Mannar hired by a tycoon’s hyper-suspicious son Madan Gopal (Madhavan) to follow his fiancee Ambu (Trisha) to Europe to see if she’s having an affair.

The story plods on unhurriedly during the first half and to our surprise there was a twist that raised our expectations. But all hopes were dashed on the jagged rocks of utter incompetence and the tsunami of garbage that came up right after the interval.

It’s as if a troupe of gibbering monkeys were bent on wreaking their worst havoc. Continue reading »

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Manmadhan Ambu (Kamal Haasan, Trisha, Madhavan) suffered the ignominy of a shamefully poor opening at a key theater on the East Coast.

There were about 19 people for the opening 8:30PM show of Manmadhan Ambu at Anil Ambani’s Big Cinemas theater on Oak Tree Road in Edison, New Jersey (the lady at the counter told us the 7PM show had been canceled).

You can’t even blame the weather for the poor response because the weather was not bad in Central New Jersey today.

No snow. No cold wave. No rain.

Yet the crowds failed to turn up.

Bad tidings for Manmadhan Ambu?

Related Stories:
Manmadhan Ambu Review – Ulaga Madayan Stumbles Badly

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Ah, the temerity of Ulaga Madayans who can’t act but fancy they can sing. :(

Only in Tamil Nadu, folks.

Only in Karunai-illadha Nadu (no-justice land) can such blatant injustice go unchallenged.

Devi Sri Prasad is the music director of this romantic comedy that should hit the screens in the not too distant future.

It’s 12:21 AM on the East Coast.

Thank God, we’re already soused. Otherwise, we’d not be able to endure this Manmandhan Sunnambhu oops Manmadhan Ambhu cacophony.

A few minutes ago, we forked out $6.93 and downloaded Manmadhan Ambu from Apple iTunes directly to our iPhone over WiFi.

Ayyo, enna pavam pannitom!
What great sin have we committed.

OK, schmucks, let’s listen to the the songs now:

* Dhagudha Dhattham – Kamal Haasan is the singer and also responsible for the lyrics of this number that left no impact upon us.

* Who’s the Hero?Who’s the Zero, eh? Nuff said! Kamal Haasan is said to be the lyricist of this number too!

* Neela Vannam – A slow-paced number that has no redeeming qualities. Ayyo, Kadavule Kapathu (God, please save us) from such travesties masquerading as music.

* Oyyale – Sounds like a bad devasam (funeral) song. The harsh male vocal grated on our nerves. Need anymore be said about this folksy number.

* Kamal Kavidhai – The movie’s lead stars Kamal Haasan and Trisha Krishnan dish out this garbage masquerading as music.  Vendum. Vendaam, vendaam, vendaam (no, no, no).

* Theme of Manmadhan Ambu – Disgrace.

WTF is this tripe? No, that’s a rhetorical question. As if you twits know what a rhetorical question is.

* Manmadhan AmbuShaniyane, che. Idhu oru pattu (Oh, the devil is this too a song)? The kind of nonsense that you see/hear in a lot of Tamil films just a few minutes into the movie.

Bottom line, Manmadhan Ambu is mediocre shit. Certainly, not the stuff of legend.

Oh, well for these imbecile Kollywood fans this drivel will suffice. Bet these monkeys have already wet their undies!

Excuse us, will y’all while we refill our fourth glass of Gin?

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