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Oct 022014
 



To refresh my memory, I borrowed Knight and Day from our local library and (re)watched it yesterday.

Unimpressive as Knight and Day is, the Hollywood film is a quadrillion times superior to its ugly Indian spawn Bang Bang that released in U.S. and Indian theatres today.

Tom Cruise has a beguiling charm that Hrithik Roshan will never possess and Cameron Diaz is by orders of magnitude a better actress than the British zombie Katrina Kaif.

Above all, there is a wit and sharpness in the Hollywood film’s writing that the pathetic Bollywood mutation is sorely wanting in.

Only in an incredibly stupid Bollywood ‘action’ movie will an undercover army officer/spy Vickie/Rajveer/Jai (Hrithik Roshan) on a special mission to nab dreaded terrorist Omar Zafar and avenge his brother’s murder launch into a silly song Tu Meri…Mein Tera mere minutes after meeting a girl (Katrna Kaif) for the first time (the scene at the Shimla restaurant).

Oh, My Sugar Daddy

Among the many horrors I encountered in Bang Bang – and with mucho difficulty endured –  what got my goat the most was Katrina Kaif’s godawful performance.

The British import has not one acting cell in her body.

Showing not a single spark of life, Katrina rigormortised her way through the entire film. Continue reading »

Sep 132014
 

Finding Fanny easily makes it to the thin list of my favorite Indian movies.

The story is delightfully offbeat, highly original and the acting an endless treat.

Love, lust and regret hang heavy in the decrepit air of Goan village Pocolim that time seems to have passed by.

Finding Fanny - Delightful Movie

Love

Pocolim’s postmaster, the old bachelor Ferdie (Naseeruddin Shah) is one of a kind.

Mooning 46 years over a rejection from inamorata Stephanie Fernandes aka Fanny, his life goes off balance when he learns the letter (proposal) he sent to Fanny never reached the pretty girl.

So the batty old man determines to find Fanny and express his deep, abiding love to her face to face.

That’s the starting point of this dark romantic comedy featuring Naseeruddin Shah, Pankaj Kapur, Dimple Kapadia, Deepika Padukone, Arjun Kapoor and Ranveer Singh (in a ‘short-lived’ role). Continue reading »

Sep 122014
 

1. You are a scrotum-scratching chutiya from Andheri, Artesia, Edison or Sunnyvale who thinks if an Indian movie doesn’t start with Chulbul Pandey monkeying around the Bihari moti it must at least end with the blood-curdling scream Bajirao Singham

2. You think Homi Adajania is a kind of musty cheese Parsis smear on the face and inner thighs of their dear dead ones to attract the vanishing vultures at the Tower of Silence in Mumbai

3. You can’t stand the sight of a ‘no good actor’ like Naseeruddin Shah and wish he’d been dispatched to the gallows along with Nathuram Godse or, better still, decades earlier with Bhagat Singh

4. You know for sure Pankaj Kapur is Kareena Kapoor’s grandfather who was killed steps from the Indian border while fleeing from Pakistan after India won Independence in 1944

5. You’re convinced Indian movie directors are brazenly robbing you unless unarmed Rowdy Rathore pummels 18 heavily armed goondas (brandishing sickles, clubs, soda bottles, knives and guns) to pulp while simultaneously explaining to Daadimaa on the cell-phone why he’s late for lunch

6. You have proved in the past that a movie minus items like “Munni Badnam Hui,” “Sheela Ki Jawaani” or “Chikni Chameli” is asking for the screen to be burnt down Continue reading »

Sep 092014
 

Mary Kom has fared poorly in the U.S.

The ho-hum box office returns suggests Priyanka Chopra’s career could be in its last innings.

For the September 5-7, 2014 opening weekend, Mary Kom could manage only $370,277 at the U.S. box office.

That’s pitiful showing for a veteran Bollywood grandma like Priyanka Chopra. Youngsters like Alia Bhatt and Shraddha Kapoor are eating her lunch.

Here’s how Mary Kom fared compared to a few prominent Bollywood movies:

Mary Kom U.S. Opening Weekend Box Office Report

Aug 252014
 

No one has ever accused Indians (be they in Mera Bharat Mahaan or in Amreeka) of possessing even a semblance of class.

As I’ve said often, the essence of Indians is their Chutiyaness.

Nowhere is the Indian Chutiyaness more evident than in their unbounded love for trashy Bollywood movies.

Trashier the Indian movie the bigger its box office collections.

When that rare good movie like Mardaani hits the screen, Indians collectively raise their middle finger in disapproval.

So I’m not surprised that Mardaani has fared poorly at the U.S. box office.

For the opening August 22-24, 2014 weekend, Mardaani grossed a mere $144,348 from 76 screens.

Here’s how Mardaani fared at the U.S. box office compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Mardaani Opening Weekend Box Office Report

Related Mardaani Posts:
Mardaani Review – Miracle! Indian Film No Stinky
Aug 222014
 

Gentlemen, please key in your bids on the iPads for item #104 [a young girl up for sale].

100% virgin. 100% pure.

Guaranteed.

– Scene from Mardaani

Amid the stinking dungheap of crappy Bollywood movies, Mardaani stands out as an aberration.

A rare Indian film that comes across as a breath of fresh air.

All round fine performances (Rani Mukerji, Tahir Bhasin etc), decent writing (Gopi Puthran) and above all competent direction (Pradeep Sarkar of Parineeta fame) left me in a joyous mood as I left the multiplex.

Yes, Mardaani bears some resemblance to the 2008 English film Taken in the broad storyline – Of a young girl being kidnapped by sex traffickers and the subsequent manhunt for the criminals by the father (played by Liam Neeson).

But Mardani’s debt to the English film is not in the same league as Imtiaz Ali’s pathetic piece of stolen shit Highway that had Indian critics deepthroating the film despite overwhelming evidence of plagiarism.

Oh yes, I’d rate Mardaani better than Taken.

Mardani director Pradeep Sarkar deserves kudos for straying from the beaten path (of drivel like Kick, Dabanng, Humshakals, Singham Returns etc) and putting out a fine, mostly realistic Bollywood movie. Continue reading »