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Jul 162014
 

Salman Khan - Whitewashing his Crimes(Image Courtesy: Times of India)

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It’s no secret that Bollywood superstar Salman Khan is a drunk-driving murderer who mowed down several poor people sleeping on a Mumbai footpath and then, coward-like, the inhuman swine fled the crime scene without caring to help the dying and wounded.

Like a rat, the inebriated Salman Khan scampered away into the darkness despite the plaintive cries of the dying and wounded for help.

Salman Khan is also given to assaulting his girlfriends.

Like any savage monster, Salman Khan does not restrict his barbarities to humans. It extends to lesser species as well.

Salman takes great pleasure in killing defenseless animals like deer. From his jeep and at a safe distance, Salman Khan shot, killed an endangered deer (the Black Buck in Rajasthan), lit a fire, barbecued the dead deer, gorged on it and shared it with his admiring Chutiya friends.

Thanks to his wealth, widespread corruption in Indian law enforcement system and paid media ready to whitewash his crimes, Salman Khan continues to drag the court cases and evade punishment for his crimes.

Salman – Whitewashing Crimes

To whitewash his crimes, Salman Khan has taken the help of a fawning, servile media and a highly-paid PR team to paint himself as a charitable God!

Here are excerpts from an article in a major Indian newspaper today that shows how the mainstream media is colluding with Salman Khan in helping him to whitewash his crimes just before the release of his upcoming Bollywood film:

* TOI – Salman Khan, 48, clearly gets his kick in life from giving to others.
SI - Ha ha ha. Don’t forget the monster’s next movie is Kick.

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* TOI – His goodness shows not just in his actions, but also on his face, which today is looking better than ever before.
SI - Good Lord! Goodness showing on the murderer Salman’s face????? How journalists stoop.

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* TOI – He doesn’t shy from his weaknesses or erring like any other human being, but prides himself on being trustworthy and a family man.
SI - Salman doesn’t shy away from “erring like any other human being?” Sounds like the acme of nonsense! Salman Khan wouldn’t recognize decency and goodness if it punched him on the face or kicked him in the groin.

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* TOI – What gives you a kick in your life?
SalmanIt keeps changing, but at this point in time in my life, I want that people should have so much trust in me that they should know that agar isne keh diya na, toh he will try his best to make it happen. Secondly, that we trust him and that he will never cheat us.
SI - This savage wants so much trust from people. Ha ha ha, people would be better off reposing trust in Shaitan (devil).

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* Salman – (W)hile I am alive, I want people to be able to trust me blindly.
SI - God! I can’t stop laughing. Kinda like the wolf telling the sheep: Come down from the mountain-top, I’ll take care of you.

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* Salman - I still keep on trusting people and believe them for what they are telling me on face value.
SI - Is this murderer ever sober??

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* TOI – What makes you give all the time?
Salman - It’s my own selfish need. My kick, my adrenaline rush. My high is to do. I have been made that way. I don’t want people to know about it, I don’t want it to be spoken about.
SI - Ek Number Chutiya says he does not want people to know about his charitable deeds and then goes on to brag about his charity to India’s largest newspaper. Monster!

***************

* Salman - I want that people should have so much trust in me that they should know that agar isne keh diya na, toh he will try his best to make it happen. Secondly, that we trust him and that he will never cheat us. If he is saying something, blindly trust him.
SI - Blindly trust this Chutiya? OMG, I’d rather trust Dick Cheney and George W.Bush on the non-existing WMD in Iraq. Continue reading »

Jun 202014
 

Generations to come, it may be, will scarcely believe that such a one as this ever in flesh and blood walked upon this earth.
Source: E=mc² on Mahatma Gandhi

As was said about the Mahatma seven decades ago, (jot this down for posterity’s sake, will you) seven decades hence so will it be repeated about Bollywood filmmaker Sajid Khan, the Orson Welles of our era.

Rosebud!

Hey, I heard that.

Masterpiece – No Less

So many of my lifelong movie dreams were fulfilled by Sajid Khan in Humshakals that I am now happily in his debt forever.

Directed and co-written by Sajid Khan, the story is like what Henry Miller would not write after a ‘hectically busy’ day at the Cosmodemonic Telegraph Company, stepping into a speakeasy in the evening after borrowing a tenner, returning home drunk after a fuck with his mistress, slapping his pregnant wife and then clacking away on the typewriter.

Nonpareil!

Littered with gems that left me gaping in utter delirium at the wonder on the screen, Humshakals is the defining moment in Indian movie history.

To appreciate this Kohinoor to the utmost I leave to minds far superior to mine, but find below my grateful obeisance at the altar of Sajid Khan.

Given my Ganga-like mind, for decades I’ve lusted for an incest angle that leaves nothing to the imagination in a mainstream Hindi film. And Humshakals nicely obliged me with a romance between Bipasa ‘Mishti’ Basu and Riteish ‘Kumar’ Deshmukh. Her heaving, swollen bosom struggling to escape their cells, Bipasha looked sweetly, lactatingly matronly while Riteish fit the role of a cute piglet suckling on mama sow’s udders five times a day. Continue reading »

May 062014
 

[Alexander Imich] always ate sparingly, inspired by Eastern mystics who disdain food. “There are some people in India who do not eat,” he said admiringly.

- Interview with World’s Oldest Man Alexander Imich, 111, in New York Times

Witnesses See Salman Khan's Hit and Run
Why do some people live long?

Why do some people die young?

I’m not talking here of death from accidents, murders, wars, suicides, bomb blasts, holocausts, Indian-style encounters, CIA torture or Al Qaeda plane attacks.

Au contraire, my interest here is death from old age.

In other words, natural death.

The New York Times recently interviewed the oldest man on the planet, Alexander Imich.

Born on February 4, 1903 in Poland, Imich has led an eventful life – He survived the Nazi invasion of his country, imprisonment in a Russian Gulag, his childhood sweetheart/wife’s betrayal and great financial distress in his autumn years in America.

111-Year-Old Alexander Imich - World's Oldest ManWorld’s Oldest Man – Alexander Imich, 111
(Picture Courtesy: NYT)

At 111, Imich, who now lives in New York City, is frail but seems to be in control of his faculties.

Well, I’m not so sure of Imich’s mental faculties.

Because while speaking of “Eastern mystics,” the centenarian had this to say on some Indians:

There are some people in India who do not eat.

Good Lord! What baloney!

Probably the geezer even believes in the great Indian rope trick! ;)

Secrets to a Long Life

So what then are aspects of Imich’s life that could offer wannabe Methuselahs some valuable lessons.

Here’s what I gleaned from the NYT piece on factors that may have helped Imich live way longer than most of his peers:

* Not having Children
* Eating Sparingly
* Abstaining from Alcohol
* Stopping Tobacco Use
* Good Genes
* Athletics (or some form of regular Exercise)

There’s no mention of a happy marriage.

Imich’s first wife abandoned him for another man and he then married his wife’s friend Wela (she died in 1986).

So I suppose marriage and companionship are not big pluses when it comes to longevity.

My Two Cents

If I were to add a few of my own tips for longevity, they’d be:

* Absence of Stress
* Moderate Wealth
* Avoiding Meat (particularly, hormone-stuffed meat from American poultry and cattle farms)
* Avoiding Processed Food
* Consuming Less Sugar
* Eating Fresh Fruits, Green Vegetables, Salads, Goat Cheese and Olives

I agree with Imich that small portions aid longevity.

If you ask me, more people die from overeating than from starvation.

On children too, I’m with Imich. The joys that the patter of little feet bring are wildly exaggerated in my not-so-humble opinion.

Salman Khan

So what’s the connection between Alexander Imich and Salman Khan?

By my reckoning, Salman Khan has lived too long a life! That’s my premise, so don’t probe further even if it seem illogical to your Bertie Wooster-sized brain. ;)

On a serious note, Salman Khan does share some aspects of Imich’s life – No children, for one (at least, none that we’re aware of).

On alcohol, my friends say they’ve seen Salman drink. Plus, there’s the well known fact of Salman drunk-driving over sleeping pavement dwellers in Mumbai.

Given his toned body, I suppose Salman must be going to the gym fairly frequently.

As best as I know, Salman Khan is not married. Maybe, that helps. (As an obiter dictum, I do find his past obsession with Aishwarya Rai hard to fathom. Women who willingly marry lobotomized idiots in grand public ceremonies must be a lot weirder than Salman Khan at the wheels of a Toyota Land Cruiser.)

Based on my heightened perceptive skills, I’d hypothesize that Women suck the life force out of you. Ask Socrates! Ask Tolstoy! Ask the men in the court of Queen Elizabeth I or Empress Catherine of Russia. They’ll agree with me in a nano-second!

If Salman continues on his present trajectory – dalliances but not marriages – Salman Khan could end up proving my hypothesis that women are like good Scotch – One peg in the evening goes a long way to longevity!

On Salman’s dietary habits, I plead ignorance. Although I’m aware of his penchant for killing endangered wild bucks (Chinkaras), roasting ‘em on a slow fire and eating them.

I’m not sure if assaulting girl friends and killing Mumbai’s poorest by drunk driving over them contribute to longevity.

Perhaps, they do!

Like Alexander Imich, Salman Khan has lived a long and eventful life (though painful or fatal, and occasionally both painful and fatal, for Salman’s victims).

So based on Salman Khan’s colorful life, one could infer that a life of crime is no impediment to longevity in Incredible India.

Related Content:
An Ever-Curious Spirit, Unbeaten After 111 Years
Still Pursuing a Lifetime’s Worth of Interests at 104
Apr 242014
 

Beyond Bollywood Exhibition in Washington D.C.

SI is at the  Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History in Washington DC today.

Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan from Raj Kapoor’s film Mera Naam Joker is playing in the background.

What a classic song!

There are quite a few Indians around me.

Beyond Bollywood

Beyond Bollywood: Indian Americans Shape the Nation is an exhibition of photographs, artifacts, video and interactives on history, labor participation, achievements, contributions and experiences of Indian Americans.

Venue

Beyond Bollywood exhibition is being held at:
Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History
2nd Fl North West Gallery Hall # 26
10th St & Constitution Ave NW
Washington, DC 20560

Admission to Beyond Bollywood exhibition is Free

Beyond Bollywood exhibition, which debuted on February 27, 2014, is open daily from 10AM-5:30PM until August 16, 2015.

Mughal-E-Azam Poster at Beyond Bollywood in DCMughal-E-Azam at Beyond Bollywood

Mera Naam Joker at Beyond Bollywood in DC

 

Indian Americans in Iselin, New Jersey

 

Indian Americans in U.S.A

Apr 212014
 

Indians have no class.

If I have said it once, I’ve said it a million times.

If you ask me, most Indians are a few steps below bonobos (a species of monkeys).

The evolution process so completely bypassed Indians that these simians will elevate any trashy Bollywood movie, including junk like 2 States, into a big hit.

Bollywood Trash – Big Hit

Now you understand how 2 States crossed $1 million at the U.S. box office.

In its opening April 18-20, 2014 weekend at the U.S. box office, 2 States grossed $1.07 million, surpassing the likes of Krrish 3 and Dabangg 2.

Alia Bhatt was 200% unconvincing as a Tamil girl in this less than mediocre Bollywood romance.

And yet the Indian chutiyas are flocking to the movie!

No surprise then that Indian movies are raking in the awards at major film festivals like Oscars, Cannes etc. :(

2 States U.S. Box Office Report

Related 2 States Posts:
2 States Review – Mildly Amusing Nonsense
Apr 192014
 

If it’s Friday, it’s time for another tiresome Bollywood movie!

Such has been my miserable kismet for several years now.

And 2 States did not turn out to be markedly different from the usual wretched Bollywood tripe except for a few amusing moments here and there before the de rigueur happy ending.

North-South Conflict

Based on the third rate hack Chetan Bhagat’s eponymous book, 2 States is a romance wrapped in the cliched conflict between North Indians and South Indians (collectively derided in yesteryears as Madrasis ).

Punjabi lad Krish Malhotra (Arjun Kapoor) and Tamil gal Ananya Swaminathan (Alia Bhatt) are students of the Indian Institute of Management in Ahmedabad when love inexplicably blossoms between the two.

With hormones in overdrive, the twenty-somethings kiss, fuck, argue and say sorry to each other!

But after their graduation from IIM the core of the movie pivots from romance to opposition between parents of Krish and Ananya to their respective offsprings’ romance on cultural and regional grounds.

Now how exciting do you suppose a cultural/regional conflict between parents of two young lovers can be in 2014?

Z E R O!

India is in the ferment of deep change and millennium-old notions of caste, religion, community and regionalism are swiftly falling by the wayside.

Pre-marital sex is fine and dandy but parental opposition over cultural differences is like the Great Wall of China, an insuperable barrier! Continue reading »