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Dec 202013
 

Aamir Khans’ scowling mien, the deafening vroom, vroom of BMW motorbike ads, repeated slow motion frames and the lobotomized duffer Abhishek Bachchan’s sophomoric acting are the sum and substance of the Bollywood revenge tale Dhoom 3.

After a young kid’s father (Jackie Shroff) commits suicide when a Chicago bank forecloses on papa’s (most inappropriately named) Great Indian Circus, the boy grows up into a robber (Aamir Khan) who, 25-years later, destroys the bank and himself.

Since it’s a Bollywood movie, it’s de rigueur that a lot won’t make any sense:

* A scowling Aamir Khan walks down the sides of tall buildings for no reason.

* Kids speak in a grownup tone to grownup bankers.

* Repeated use of slow-motion shots, as if it’s a newly discovered technique of film-making, lend an amateurish feel to the film.

* The Chicago Police Department gives free rein to, hold your breath now, an Indian cop to hunt down one of their city’s daredevil bank robbers!

* Bank security is no better than the security of your county library.

* The villain is a banker named Warren Andersen (a real-life American villain that impotent Indians have failed to capture for nearly three decades).

* Out of the blue, a second Aamir Khan (twin brother) is introduced in a twist carrying little credibility.

* Despite countless opportunities to nab the robber, the American cops never shoot him (only our Indian cop takes a shot at him). In reality, American cops are notoriously trigger-happy and have itchy fingers on the trigger.

* Romance track between Samar and Aliya (Katrina) was pathetic, hopelessly fleshed out.

The much-hyped action scenes, motorbikes turning into boats and the chases, are mildly interesting but nothing jaw-dropping. Nothing you haven’t seen time and again in Hollywood films.

As for Aamir Khan’s vaunted tap dancing, I say boo!

There’re occasional bursts of visual appeal, particularly in the magic acts on the stage. Alas, they’re few and far between.

I’m reconciled to Abhishek or Katrina ‘acting’ like zombies but to see the ‘two’ Aamir Khans’ constant scowling as if it’s the ne plus ultra of acting sent me into paroxysms of rage.

Futility of Being Abhishek Bachchan

I have not the least doubt that Bollywood pater familias  Amitabh Bachchan is kissing people’s feet in a desperate attempt to get his worthless spawn Abhishek Bachchan some roles.

And each time Abhishek squanders the opportunity that come his way thanks to his father’s boot-licking.

Junior Bachchan can’t even run with any degree of credibility (I’m referring to the scene where Jai and Ali are confronted by a South Indian gang in Mumbai).

There is not the least conviction in the retard’s performance. Continue reading »

Dec 192013
 

I have always believed the presence of Abhishek Bachchan, anywhere within 50-miles of a film set, is enough to doom the movie to perdition.

Abhishek and class in movies are immiscible, kinda like oil and water.

But having watched the trailer of Dhoom 3, I don’t think even Abhishek will be able to do much damage to the movie.

Going by the videos I’ve seen on YouTube, the movie looks like it has the making of an interesting spectacle.

What do you folks think of Dhoom 3….What are your expectations?

Dec 072013
 

Great Song!

Guess who the above yesteryear Bollywood Actress is?

She was once SI’s favorite, the sole solace on many a dark night! ;)

Toward the end of her life, she went bonkers.

Completely bonkers!

She thought the Big B chutiya was trying to Kill her/Attack her!

No kidding!

Her Body was discovered many days after she died!

If I have said it once, I’ve said it a Million Times.

Life has no meaning!

Dec 062013
 

I feel I am going through some bad luck….My time is not right and somehow all my decisions aren’t going right too. (Source: Rediff)
- Bollywood Flop King Shahid Kapur

Indian movie critics are generally a forgiving lot.

They tend to look for redeeming elements and hand out a pass grade to even bad Bollywood films.

But even Indian critics are so mortified by the trashy nature of Shahid Kapur’s new film R…Rajkumar that they’re handing it a F-grade.

Prabhudeva, known for scaling new trashy heights with each film, is the director of R…Rajkumar.

Here are a few review excerpts for R…Rajkumar from some prominent Indian movie critics:

NDTV

From this critic’s point of view, watching this film is like being trapped, for all of two-and-a-half excruciating hours, in a torture chamber with no escape channel in sight.

It is a dreadfully painful and numbingly grotesque drama that could put one off Bollywood action flicks for a while.

The screenplay, whatever little there is of it, is mangled heap of nonsense. Logic and good taste are given a wide berth all the way through. The film also takes limp shots at raising some laughs by way of the rustic villain’s attempts to learn Queen’s English and pick up ‘modern’ ways.

….The hero calls his lady love Lollypop. But expect no sweet delights. For the film, on its part, is pure poppycock. The only place that it should be heading to is the cleaners.

Rediff

R… Rajkumar is characterised by the most absurd camera angles. …

Shahid …. may be a great dancer but it is hard to see him as Rajkumar, especially during the fight sequences that drag on for far too long.

…Shahid entertains in bits but there’s only so much he can do to make this kind of stuff work.

Reuters:

The writing, just like the characters, has to be crass.

There are men hitting women, elderly men being stripped, and lyrics that could qualify as swear words. There is a villain who is bathed by women, and action scenes that make third-degree torture look better.

IndiaFM

The problem lies in the fact that there being an overdose of masala films, one can actually foresee what’s in store next. The story is done to death, the screenplay is far from inventive and everything seems conventional. Sure, a few moments do keep you glued and hooked to the proceedings, but the waferthin plot and lackluster screenplay plays spoilsport.

….Shahid Kapoor …. looks far from real when it comes to fighting an army of villains. Sonakshi Sinha seems to be getting repetitive and needs to reinvent herself. Ditto for Sonu Sood, who plays the mandatory villain without much of an effort.

…On the whole, R… RAJKUMAR doesn’t work. It is Prabhu Dheva’s weakest Hindi film to date!

Times of India

While ‘R…Rajkumar’ entertains at some levels, it suffers from utter plainness and predictability. The raw action is impressive (Ravi Varma), the songs (Pritam) and the choreography are routine attractions. The second half seems like a sari too long and the comedy is often forced.

It has some ‘Must Haves’ of a pot-boiler, but misses the real thing – a SOLID STORY!

Dec 022013
 

If SI has said it once, SI has said it a million times.

Mera Bharat Mahan a.k.a. India has no hope.

So what if a few people can spell PHP, Ruby, Perl, JavaScript and SAP.

But the Indian DNA is rotten to the core.

Salman Khan - Most Searched Person on BingSalman Khan – Devil in Human Form
(Image courtesy – Microsoft MSN)

Why My Angst?

Microsoft announced the Most Searched Person in India in its Bing search engine for 2013 this morning.

And the answer is, hold your breath now, Salman Khan. :(

Of the countless chutiyas populating that bizarre land, Salman Khan is one of the worst.

A Shaitan (devil) in human form, Salman Khan is a depraved creature given to beating his girl-friends and driving drunk over sleeping pavement dwellers in Mumbai and then running away without aiding the dying and injured!

Still Indians’ love for this gaandu is unparalleled!

That millions of Indians should genuflect at the altar of a savage beast like Salman Khan and hunger for information about him on Bing and other search engines is senseless hero-worship that brings shame to all of India.

Now you know why that godforsaken, benighted land is doomed.

Most Searched in U.S.

Since SI’s home land is the U.S., I am providing a chart on the “Most Searched Person” and “Most Searched Movie” in Amreeka as well.

Most Searched Person in the U.S.

Most Searched Person in the U.S.

Nov 282013
 

The only group of people for whom Bullett Raja is appropriate are masochistic Indian moviegoers who derive their jollies from painful lashes on their back.

The rest ought to stay at home than subject themselves to this puerile attempt at movie-making.

Insufferable Garbage – Beginning to End

From the opening “encounter” scene on a rural road in Uttar Pradesh to Saif Ali Khan’s screaming session in the plane in the final moments, Bullett Raja is an affront to all notions of class, style, logic or finesse in a movie.

Made by a dolt named Tigmanshu Dhulia (based on a ‘story’ he co-wrote with Amaresh Misra), Bullett Raja is an intolerably asinine story of friendship, revenge and thuggery set in the North Indian state of Uttar Pradesh.

Everything about Bullett Raja is half-baked. Continue reading »