If ever you feel the need to engage a hit man, your best bet would be this Besharam (shameless) Chutiya Ranbir Kapoor.
There are no limits to what this grasping Bollywood Chutiya will stoop to for paisa:
* He’ll act in stolen shit (Barfi)!
* He’ll dive into cheap potboilers (Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani)!
* Now the Chutiya has sunk so low as to participate in Abhinav Kashyap’s latest dementalizing trash (Besharam), dragging his real-life parents Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh along to the freak show.
* For the right price, I bet this Chutiya will terminate your enemies with extreme prejudice.
Folks, Besharam is a putrid piece of trash that proved to be a hard endurance test for me.
Trash, Ad Nauseum
Besharam director Abhinav Kashyap’s singular achievement is to maintain the onslaught of nonsense from start to end.
That’s no mean feat because even bad Bollywood directors slip occasionally and include a redeeming element or two in their wretched offerings.
But Abhinav Kashyap, who directed the trashy Dabangg 1, leaves no frame unscorched to deliver 24-carat garbage in his second film.
Brain Assaulting Nonsense
A young car thief Babli (Ranbir Kapoor) is the pivot of Besharam.
Despite our hero’s unsavory profession, we’re expected to be sympathetic toward him because he’s an orphan who’s never had anyone show him the right path in life.
Wait, this thief also has a heart of gold. He gives away much of his ill-gotten earnings to the orphanage.
If that’s not the acme of nonsense, I don’t know what is.
Of all the Shaitans on this woebegone planet, there’s none so cruel and heartless as an Indian.
Australian babe Pallavi Sharda plays Babli’s lady love Tara Sharma, a status-conscious executive working in a tall gleaming building and owner of a brand-new red Mercedes.
That red Mercedes quickly gets stolen and made my life miserable because of the relentless drivel that follows its attempted recovery.
The villain is a Chandigarh money launderer Bheem Singh (Javed Jaffrey) who needs a constant supply of stolen cars.
Hoping to capitalize on the success of his previous film Dabanng, director Abhinav Kashyap introduces a police couple, inspector Chulbul Chautala (Rishi Kapoor) and constable Bulbul Chautala (Neetu Singh) to up the pain quotient.
No Bollywood fan will forget that Chulbul Pandey was the name of the hero in Dabanng.
Caution – The last 20-minutes of Besharam involving the stolen money, kidnapping of the children and the fight between the police/Babli and the villain is a soul searing nightmare that’ll leave you deeply scarred.
Tis’ true that Rishi Kapoor and Ranbir Kapoor have the acting gene in them but they are utterly wasted in this fatuous farce.
Ranbir Kapoor is made to behave like a monkey for the most part!
Rishi Kapoor’s fate is worse – Sit on the toilet and get harangued by his wife till the crap comes out (literally) or face repeated taunts over his manhood.
I kid not about the crap part.
Javed Jaffrey and Amitosh Nagpal (who plays Ranbir’s sidekick T2) are talents who peddled their souls to feed their stomachs.
Neetu Singh is no different from what she was four decades back – A waste of film stock and screen space!
Tit-Less, Talentless Twit
Besharam’s heroine Pallavi Sharda is so horrid an actress that she left me nostalgic for my bêtes noires Priyanka Chopra and Ranbir’s cousin Kareena Kapoor.
Completely foreign to the notion of emoting, this talentless, tit-less Australian weirdo Pallavi is a blot even on the lowly Indian cinema.
This living example of rigor mortis ensured no chance of any chemistry between her and Ranbir.
One hopes in the interests of saving what little is left of our culture, the Indian government will cancel the freak’s visa and kick her back down under.
Thankfully, this creature doesn’t get much screen time.
Music – Sheer Noise
If you ask me, what passes for music in Besharam is noise.
As for the soundtrack, it was earsplitting horror reminiscent of the worst Tamil or Telugu films.
Don’t let me ruin your day by describing the awful picturization of the songs!
Ignore the Garbage
SearchIndia.com recommends you raise both middle fingers to this piece of malodorous trash a.k.a. Besharam.