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Sep 112014

Media Fawns Over AppleSource: Macrumors

Man Lands on Mars is a story.

But iPhone 6 Landing on US Soil….is that really worthy of media coverage, especially about a company already saturated with hype.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no iPhone hater.

I love my iPhone as much as the next guy.

I started with the iPhone 3G in 2008, then shifted to iPhone 4 and last year jumped on the iPhone 5S.

Some minor complaints aside, I’m happy with the device.

Ha Ha Ha - iPhones Arrive in USSource – iPhone in Canada

Media Blowjob

But what I don’t get – and don’t like – is the collective blowjob the media is giving Apple.

The media’s love for Apple is not new.

It started three decades ago.

How the media love-fest over all things Apple started is lost in the mists of corporate history.

Suffice to say the love-fest over Apple not only continues among reporters but is now hugely magnified thanks to the blogosphere.

I see very little critical coverage when it comes to Apple despite its late co-founder Steve Jobs being a grade-A asshole and the company’s shabby treatment of workers at its contract facilities in China.

Don’t tell me Apple never makes a mistake or that its products never have issues. Yet only the positive aspects of Apple are highlighted while the negative stuff gets almost a free pass.

But the height of the media obsession with Apple are reports in Macrumors and elsewhere today that planes carrying a cargo of iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus have landed on US soil.

Allied forces landing on Normandy during World War II, I can understand the excitement. After all, the landing determined the fate of civilization.

But we’re talking just upgrades of iPhones here. Most certainly not an epochal event.

By the way, the precious iPhone cargo arrived on U.S. soil via China Southern Airlines, not on an American airline.

The Macrumors story then goes on to blah blah blah about tons, shipping manifests, device weight, iPhone 6 units and more blah blah blah.

To be fair, Macrumors is not the only media site that carried reports on iPhones landing on U.S. soil. BGR, iPhone in Canada and God knows who else had similar stories today about iPhones landing on US soil.

When it comes to Apple, the media is hopelessly lazy or mindlessly gets carried away by the fancy shows the company puts up twice or thrice a year (stuff like product/upgrade launches and the developers’ conference).

Rival companies like Google, Samsung or Microsoft don’t get the same level of obsessive media coverage as Apple and are at a massive disadvantage.

The relentless, nonsensical frenzy of media coverage of All Things Apple means the hugely profitable company saves hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising costs every year.

Aug 282014

Maybe Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella is not so dumb after all.

The Telugu bidda knows in his heart that Indians are a value conscious bunch who will not squander $1,500-$2,500 on buying a piece of tablet junk like Surface Pro 3 that pretends to be a laptop.

So Nadella did the right thing – Ignored the Indian market.

Surface Pro 3 Tablets - Buggy, PriceySurface Pro 3 – Buggy, Pricey

India Missing

Microsoft expanded availability of Surface Pro 3 to 25 new countries (from the existing U.S., Canada and Japan) Wednesday.

But India is missing from the list of the new markets. Continue reading »

Aug 242014

What if Hollywood hottie Chloë Grace Moretz or Bollywood hearthrob Ranbir Kapoor were to vanish today.

Would the sun still dare to raise its head above the eastern horizon tomorrow?

Would the Chutiya boys and girls stop moving their hands furtively beneath the sheets?

Hard as the ordeal will prove to be for some, the world will easily survive the absence of Ranbir and Chloe.

Not a calamitous loss at all, if you ask me.

There’s always a sexier White babe and a more handsome Kapoor boy lurking behind the Hollywood and Bollywood curtains respectively.

Linux – Another Ball Game

What about the open source operating system Linux?

If Linux had never been developed or were it to disappear off the face of the earth in the AM tomorrow, would the world still look the same?

Mon dieu, the horror of the blasphemous thought.

What’s wrong with you?

Believe me, the absence of Linux would be felt far and wide.

It’d be a calamitous loss for humanity.

A World Without Linux?

So what would Planet Earth look like without Linux? Continue reading »

Jul 172014

Telugu Bidda Satya Nadella Axes 18,000 JobsIndians in the U.S. are in the news for all the wrong reasons.

If desis are not groping their fellow airline passengers, butchering family members, kidnapping babies, killing grandmas, masturbating on planes, committing medicare fraud or engaging in financial chicanery, then they’re destroying the livelihoods of thousands of workers.

Today’s desi newsmaker in America is Satya Nadella, CEO of tech giant Microsoft.

Satya Nadella graduated summa cum laude from the Clueless Business School whose claim to fame is the mantraIf you don’t know what the heck to do, then fire a whole bunch of employees. That will show Wall St and analysts you are a decisive leader!

And in line with that hallowed business philosophy, Nadella fired 18,000 employees today in what is the single largest firing in Microsoft’s 39-year history.

I cannot recollect a single Indian tech leader who has fired 18,000 employees in one go (Vikram Pandit fired more but he was in the banking sector).

Does 18,000 scalps make Satya Nadella the greatest Indian tech pioneer? ;)

Firings Simplify?

Microsoft described the firings as a “a restructuring plan to simplify its operations.”


As if firing 18,000 employees can simplify operations and restore a company to glory. The garbage that big corporations spout never ceases to surprise me!

Nadella promised his 18,000 victims that he’d fire them “in the most thoughtful and transparent way possible.”

I fell off the chair in a laughing fit, I swear. ;)

Now what in the hell is a ‘thoughtful’ firing?

Most of the fired employees are in the phone production business Microsoft got from its recent acquisition of Nokia’s device and services group.

Microsoft says going forward it’ll make the bulk of its phones in Hanoi, with smaller production units in Beijing and Dongguan contributing some output.

The Komaron (Hungary) unit will close.

The bulk of the 18,000 unfortunate employees will be thrown under the bus by the end of this year and the rest by June 30, 2015.

Continue reading »

Jun 242014

Siri Can't Understand Hindi
There are more people in the world speaking Hindi than Italian, Korean or Japanese.

Of the one billion plus people in Mera Bharat Mahaan, I’d say at least a third speak speak Hindi.

Despite the recent Dum Biryani invasion, the majority of Indians in the U.S. too are from the Hindi belt.

Siri – Racist

Folks, 400 million Hindi speakers is not a small number.

Plus, India is a huge, untapped growth opportunity for Apple.

Yet Apple includes no support for Hindi in its Siri personal voice assistant.

To rub salt in our desi wounds, Apple now plans to add Siri support to Norwegian, Turkish, Danish, Arabic, Brazilian Portuguese, Swedish, Dutch, Thai and Russian.

Norwegian gets Siri support? But not Hindi or Tamil or Telugu or Bengali. Continue reading »

Jun 222014

Jesus Christ - Resurrection (Painting by Carl Bloch)Resurrection
(Painting by Danish artist Carl Bloch)

Billions of Christian zombies delight in the myth that Jesus rose bodily from the dead and fondly hail it as the Resurrection!

In our own times, Apple is trying the Resurrection trick for watches with the impending launch of a line of smartwatches.

Thus arises the multi-billion dollar question: Can Apple pull it off?

Jesus-like, will watches rise from the dead, returning to wrists in a smartwatch avatar and open the floodgates to a multi-billion dollar business?

Or will smartwatches fail to levitate (reminds me of the Hindu ‘swamis’ who promise levitation through meditation) and sound the first death knell of Tim Cook’s tenure as Apple CEO.

In my not so humble opinion, mobile phones have rightly made watches obsolete. Watches are as essential today as the spinning wheel or horse carriage.

But I will be the last one surprised if a gazillion idiots breathe new life into the corpse of watches at the behest of Apple.

A Smartwatch That Failed - Samsung Gear 2A Smartwatch from Apple Rival Samsung

American Consumers

Now American consumers may be a greedy, grabbing, gormandizing lot but they’re also a ruthless species.

The graveyard of American castoffs is littered with discards of ‘indispensables’ like hats, watches and pens. A few decades back, few Americans would venture outside without these items.

Changing fashion trends killed the hat.

The mobile phone made the watch unnecessary.

Why pens disappeared I can’t say but all banks, gas stations and grocery stores now keep plastic pens handy for customers or replaced them with an electronic stylus for credit card terminals).

Rarely ever do castoffs in America come back roaring. No second innings for them.

But the watch could prove different and get a new life as a smartwatch in America.

And if the smartwatch succeeds in America, it will sell everywhere because, like it or not, Americans are the arbiters of “trends.”

Apple’s Chinese slaves may build 99% of the world’s smartphones, tablets and, soon enough, smartwatches but it’s in America that the waves of the consumer electronics tsunami rise highest.

Reviving Watches

In American cities, big and small, I’ve rarely spotted a wrist with a watch. Au contraire, the common sight is a smartphone in the hand and a Bluetooth earpiece making a semi-Martian out of a Brooklyn native or a hombre from Mexico.

I’d hazard a guess that two-thirds of Americans no longer wear a watch now.

In recent years, several companies tried to revive the watch market with smartwatches that go far beyond showing the time.

Pebble, Sony, Nike, Samsung, Berowatch, Mota, Sourcingbay, OXA, the aply-named Cookoo, MetaWatch, LeexGroup, to name just a few, put out smartwatches over the last few years. Continue reading »