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“Indian guys in the States,” Millie explained. “They’re the sickest perverts. They spend all day in the lab, then they spend all night on the Indian marriage sites. They’re so fucking horny, they invent computer problems just so they can be patched through to Bangalore and talk to an Indian girl. They don’t know we have their name and credit history and previous calls on our screen as soon as they call in.”

- Bharati Mukherjee, Miss New India, p.92

Ha ha ha, what the fuck was all that nonsense (above)?

And y’all believe the drivel that Indian guys in the U.S. are so priapically desperate for the desi choots back home that they call tech support to speak to a Meenakshi Iyengar pretending to be Mandy Smith from Fremont, CA or Chandra Singh from Patiala feigning an American accent and calling herself Cindy McAuliffe from Nashville, TN.

God, who’d have thought the Bong babe Bharati Mukherjee, still a sexy, hot-looking babe at 71, would be so high on weed that she’d fling such bilge at readers!

Blame it all on the lax California pot laws and the unanticipated effects they have!

After all these years in the U.S. and countless hours of idle banter with our fellow desis here, all we can say is that Indian guys here have only one idee fixe – how to move their brown hockey stick into a White girl’s goalpost.

The Indian obsession with White pussy is a strange beast that can easily be explained (yes, most Indians are racist and abhor Blacks).

For desis, the draw of the White gals is likely a combination of color,  well-endowed assets of the girls nourished on a lot of milk and cheese and the allure and mystique of a White pussy (more so, if it sports a blonde beard).

A Sikh friend was drooling as he described the process and culmination of dribbling his way into a White goalpost as the highest of all heavens.

No kidding!

And here comes this Bengali babe Bharati Mukherjee telling us that our Indian guys are so desperate for desi choots that they call home to hear a stranger’s voice.

Bharati – Old Acquaintance

As best as we can remember, we first made our acquaintance with Indian-American writer Bharati Mukherjee sometime in the 1980s.

Those days, we still called that Incredible Shithole home.

We had a Loose Paiya Tamil Iyengar friend who purchased the book and lent it to us.

No idea what the book was titled but we vaguely remember not being disappointed with the book.

Time passed and we relegated Bharati to the category of forgotten acquaintances.

She gathered dust in the far recesses of our brain.

Well, the other day as we were idling browsing through the collection in New Books shelf of our local library, who should we stumble upon?

Yes, Ms. Mukherjee again.

And her new work – Miss New India stared at us with a plaintive look pleading with us to take it home.

That we did.

And gave all 328 pages a good reading.

We were not enamored of the book.

One would expect a 71-year-babe with decades of writing behind her to produce a better work.

The book details the story of Anjali aka Angie, a girl from Gauripur, a small town in Bihar who moves to Bangalore to make a career in the call-center business.

Miss New India started off all right.

Gauripur kinda seemed like an interesting place. The small town, Anjali’s family, Peter and his lover all seemed to have a verisimilitude that had us engaged.

It’s only after Anjali arrives in Bangalore that the book became a caricature.

Sure, Bangalore has changed. Which big city in India hasn’t.

But to make Bangalore seem like it’s a transplant from some weird unrecognizable alien civilization robs the book of any charm.

Given what we know of our people, we also found the gay romance between Peter and Ali as well as the ‘adoption’ bit on the last page unconvincing.

In our not-so-humble opinion,  Miss New India is a waste of time.

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Apple today launched iBooks Author, an easy to use application for writers looking to publish their e-books for the iPad tablet.

Hell, even you schmucks can use the app to write an e-book on any topic and publish them to Apple’s iBookstore.

iBooks Author is available on the Mac App Store for free.

iBook Author

Ah, but there’s a catch here.

You need to have a Mac computer to use iBooks Author and a Mac ain’t free, kid. ;)

The cheapest Mac is the Mac Mini and that will cost you over $800 with a memory upgrade to 8GB, an Apple mouse and a decent monitor.

iBooks Author requires users to be running Mac OS X 10.7.2 or later.

iBook Author

Easy to Use

We just downloaded iBooks Author to our iMac and played with the app for a while.

iBooks Author is nicely done and simple for writers to use.

A no sweat app.

It rightly assumes that writers have little or no experience with publishing and makes the job easy with multiple tools that includes even basic things like templates.

For the heck of it, we picked a template and started playing with it.

Yes, with iBooks Author you can write directly into the app, preview it on the iPad and then publish it to the iBookstore from within the app.

Alternatively, you can write your stuff in your preferred app, say Word and then import it into iBooks Author.

There’s all the basic stuff like a choice of templates, ability to select font styles, size, add images, shapes, charts, tables, and Multi-Touch widgets etc.

Adding a photo to your e-book is so simple, particularly if you already have the image on the Mac. All you need to do is open iPhoto and drag and drop the picture into iBooks Author.

It took only a few moments for us to insert an image on the title page and another inside. The text automatically wrapped around the image. Voila, we were done.

Via a tab on the top right, the app lets you preview you the book on an iPad as you work on it.

What about Small-Time Writers?

Sure, the iBooks Author is an easy to use app for writers. Continue reading »

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You can’t sing to the flower without including the bud and stem and the root, even the mud around it, too.

- The mad woman Clare in The Wedding by Sallie Bingham, p.172,

Source: Mending – New and Selected Stories (Sarabande Books, 2011)

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Thousands of America’s libraries got better today with Amazon rolling out the Kindle Library Lending program to 11,000 libraries.

This means that members of several thousand of America’s county and town libraries like yours truly will be able to borrow Kindle e-books and read them either on the Kindle e-reader or on competing devices like iPad, iPhone and PC that have the Kindle application installed.

The only drawback we see here is that borrowers will also be asked to sign up for an Amazon account, a cheap way for the company to get hold of customers’ information. Continue reading »

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We know, we know.

All ye 64-letter, Twitter-constrained schmucks consider reading to be a cardinal sin.

For desis, books are the new pariahs to stay away from.

Let not even the shadow of the printed word fall on your Fair-and-Lovelied, Hennaed, Attared body. Who knows what dangers might lurk in the pages of books.

God Forbid that your limited mental horizons expand beyond Salman-is-great, Will-it-be-a-boy-for-Ash or Ajith-is-sooper.

For the deviants amongst SI readers who can read beyond a Tweet and consider books as their soulmates, hey, this post is for you.

Borders – Big Discounts

With Borders book stores in the final days of the big liquidation sale, we headed to the nearest store today and picked up a bunch of books at pretty good insanely cheap prices.

Borders Book Store - Final Week Sale

Our purchases today include:

* Modern Times by Paul Johnson
* A Mountain of Crumbs by Elena Gorokhova
* Ka: Stories of the Mind and Gods of India by Roberto Calasso
* John Stuart Mill by Richard Reeve
* 9/11 Commission Report by 9/11 Commission
* Interpretation of Cultures by Clifford Geertz
* Crossed Swords: Pakistan, Its Army, and the Wars Within by Shuja Nawaz
* Life of Samuel Johnson by James Boswell

So, all ye desi bibliophiles if you enjoy the printed word as much as we do head to your nearest Borders for some awesome deals.

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There is scarcely any man who would not rather accuse himself of great crimes and of dark and tempestuous passions than proclaim all his little vanities and wild fancies. It would be easier to find a person who would avow actions like those of Caesar Borgia, or Danton, than one who would publish a daydream like those of Alnaschar and Malvolio. Those weaknesses which most men keep covered up in the most secret places of the mind, not to be disclosed to the eye of friendship or of love, were precisely the weakness which Boswell paraded before all the world. – T.B.Macaulay in essay on Samuel Johnson

We’re great fans of Macaulay for his trenchant style of writing.

Macaulay’s essays on Robert Clive, Warren Hastings, Samuel Johnson, William Pitt, Frederic the Great and other notable figures are a joy to read in an age when vehement criticism has all but disappeared..

On many a dark day, Macaulay has been our single solace.

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