Our latest hypothesis is that when a film-maker like Steven Soderbergh gets a restless itch on his cojones to make a movie but can’t think of a decent story then he dives, cojones first, into an action film like Haywire.
Seriously, how much of those mindless jumping, chasing, running, shooting, kicking, punching, killing and strangling can a sane mind take.
So what if all of the above is done by a girl this time.
And by a less than average-looking one (Gina Carano), by the way.
Haywire – Out of Order
Haywire is an appropriate name for a movie considering it’s out of order right from the beginning when a fight at a diner in upstate New York has the male attacker writhing on the floor and Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) hijacking a car and telling the scared witless young owner about recent events that culminated in the attack on her at the restaurant.
Through this flashback trick, we come to know of Mallory’s assignment of rescuing a Chinese journalist in Barcelona and subsequently the near fatal betrayal in Dublin.
Of course, even you schmucks must have guessed by now that Mallory is a covert operative a la Jason Bourne.
The woman who can run, shoot, kill and strangle (well almost) enemies with her interlocked thighs earns her living by working for a security contractor on dangerous assignments that the government would rather not handle directly.
Hell hath no fury like a girl betrayed and the woman is back in the States luring her pursuers to her father’s New Mexico home.
The ones that escape her gun or her arms she chases into the rocks on the beach and leaves them to drown in high tide.
To get the last bad guy, it takes another jump from the roof for the gal.
Ewan McGregor, Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas, Channing Tatum and Michael Fassbender make up the rest of the cast.
No Actress Gina
Gina Carano, the heroine and central character of Haywire is the Hollywood version of that Bollywood cretin Priyanka Chopra.
That is, a creature who can’t act if her life depended on it.
Soderbergh is presumably hoping that you’ll be lost in the maze of endless jumping, shooting, chasing and killing to notice there ain’t no story here.
At least, not one you’ve not seen before.
SearchIndia.com recommends that unless money is burning a hole in your pocket and time hangs heavily on your hands you give Haywire a pass, a wide pass.