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(By Naveen)

What the f#ck was that Joker Johar thinking?

Did he think remaking his dad’s old flop movie would make his dad feel better?

Is Karan Johar trying to tell the world that he is better at the craft than his dad?

Is he trying to remind how his dad’s f#cked up movie was an unwatchable dud?

If he is trying to do any of the above then he has succeeded.

Yes! the new Agneepath is way better than his dad’s atrocious attempt.

Hey wait! I am not saying the new movie is good.

I am saying it’s better than the old one which isn’t much if you have seen the old one!

So, pull up your pants or panties and continue to read ahead.

I had no interest, time or intention to watch the new “Agneepath”, produced by Karan Johar as a tribute to his father’s two decades old attempt.

However, I was cajoled into making time by my persistent friends in a moment of weakness.

I’ll try to focus on comparison with the old Agneepath as SI has already posted a well written review for new Agneepath by Sonny.

Agneepath – Story

New Agneepath is directed by first timer Karan Malhotra.

Agneepath is about Vijay Dheenanath Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) taking revenge on the Evil Kancha Cheena (Sanjay Dutt) for killing his father.

Priyanka Chopra plays his childhood friend + love interest and Rishi Kapoor plays Rauf Lala, a girl trafficker, drug peddling gangster who considers Kancha Cheena a mortal enemy.

The movie is about how the revenge is taken and who backstabs who in the process.

Comparison

The rationale for revenge is more profound in the new Agneepath.

OLD: Vijay’s dad is killed by the people of Mandhwa. The local Zamindar plots the death and Kancha Cheena merely asks the Zamindar to take care of the master and ensure the village doesn’t get electricity.

NEW: Kancha Cheena personally executes Vijay’s dad in a brutal way after turning the village against him.

New version is less idiotic than the old version

OLD: Amitabh played the Vijay like depressed fool. Vijay goes unarmed to the place where his enemies are waiting to kill him and nearly succeeds in getting bumped off. That dumb ploy was supposed to be heroic.

NEW: Hrithik’s Vijay shows more purpose. He is young, fit, focused, deadly and doesn’t brood like Amitabh.

OLD: Mithun Chakraborthy plays Krishnan Iyer M.A, a Lungi clad Tamil coconut seller speaking in a highly exaggerated accent. He puts up a performance that would shame drunk baboons. His character had a unnecessary romance track with Vijay’s sister, played by Neelam.

NEW: No Krishnan Iyer character and no romance for Vijay’s sister (Hooray!! Thank you!!)

OLD: Vijay and his sister seem just few years apart when they were young but the grown up Vijay is 36 years old and his sister is still a teenager or barely out of college!! Don’t women age too? ;-)

NEW: Vijay’s sister is born soon after their father’s death and the age difference is gracefully maintained.

OLD: Kancha Cheena has four enemies. They bail out the young Vijay after he blows up a gas station owned by KC and that’s how grows up as a Gangster. These four enemies are portrayed in a juvenile fashion as cowardly clowns.

NEW: Vijay takes refuge under Rauf Lala’s tutelage after killing a cop. Rauf Lala is a seasoned gangster who is even more powerful than Kancha Cheena.

Stupidity introduced in the new Agneepath

Now how can we have a Bollywood movie that has all improvements? ;-)

Rauf Lala is more disgusting in many ways than Kancha Cheena. He openly auctions young girls to lecherous men in broad daylight besides dealing in drugs and running gangs. Vijay chooses to side with this guy for his revenge pursuit.

Isn’t it completely contrary to the teachings of his father? To me, any moral sympathy that the Vijay character had vanished with that association.

The only photo the Police department has of Vijay is from his childhood. Although, Vijay roams around freely, participates in Ganpati functions and even meets the Police Commissioner from time to time.

Sanjay Dutt plays Kancha Cheena as a evil, disgusting, low-down psychotic freak. No problems with that but he is hardly shown doing anything smart. Although I have nothing against the portrayal I think the suit wearing suave Kancha Chenna played by Danny was also good.

Agneepath – Acting

Rishi Kapoor – Brilliant! Kudos to him for taking up the lecherous Rauf Lala role and pulling off a fine performance.

Sanjay Dutt – His presence was more dominating than his acting. He looked like a mountain and with that bald head looks every bit evil. He was adequate as Kancha Cheena but I wish his role had more screen time.

Hrithik Roshan – As far as Hrithik is concerned I guess it suffices to say that he was a better Vijay than Amitabh. Good performance.. nothing to complain… he would have had better scope to perform if his role would have been written with more dimensions to his emotions. He is very good in the scene where he walks off the dinner table at his mother’s home.

Priyanka Chopra – I am not going to bash her because her role was too insignificant and she had very little screen time. A blessing in disguise? ;-)

Om Puri – Fine actor… bland role… good but nothing special

Actually I liked the performance of the boy who played young Vijay.

Agneepath – Songs and Music

Ajay-Atul’s music was cacophonic nonsense.

None of the songs stay in mind, the BMG was too loud and it stays that way throughout the movie. Avoidable!

Agneepath – Recommendation

The first half is fast and engaging but it loses steam and degenerates to a looooooooong and boooooooooooooooring second half.

It just goes on and on and on until they seemed to have ran out of ideas.

The fight between Hrithik and Sanjay Dutt was disappointing.

The new Agneepath does not break any new grounds.

It offers nothing new in terms of a revenge movie. It is no Kill Bill or Sholay.

It is one man’s fantasy to rehash his dad’s trash.

It is better than the old version but that is the best I can say about it.

Agneepath Related Stories
Agneepath (2012) – A Blazing Bollywood Bonanza
Agneepath (1990) – Nauseating Piece of Shit
Agneepath Box Office – Way Less than Don 2

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Folks, Agneepath’s box office numbers are out.

We mean the U.S. box office numbers.

And they are not good.

At least, not as good as the assaulter Khan’s Don 2.

Here’s how Agneepath fared at the box office in its opening weekend compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Agneepath U.S. Box Office Report

Related Stories:
Agneepath Review – A Blazing Bollywood Bonanza

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By Sonny Chatrath
Occasional Actor &
President
Air-Savings.com

If you have been noticing, remakes of successful Bollywood movies from the 80s and 90s is on the rise. Some are extremely successful, and some are terrible flops.

If you have watched RGVs Sholay, or the new Umrao Jaan with Aishwarya Rai you know what I am talking about.

Some films are just painful to sit through in part because of the poor script and the rest because the new actors can’t hold a candle to their peers. Don is an exception to the rule.

New Agneepath Debuts

I was looking forward to the new Agneepath with Hrithik Roshan, Sanjay Dutt, Rishi Kapoor, Zareena Wahab, and others.

I was so anxious, that I arrived at the theatre about 10 minutes before showtime to make sure I didn’t miss even a second of the film.

Once inside the 200-seat theater I was relieved to see that I was one of just two souls in the theater. But given that today was a working day, and a rainy, dull, boring one at that, it made sense.

Or it may be that people were expecting someone like me to review this film so that they could save their precious $8.50. ;)

For those who are planning on downloading and watching this, I would recommend just bite the bullet and go watch it in a theater.

Blows You Away

I promise you the experience will blow you away. Not that the producer is paying me to make this statement.

For the benefit of our readers, I won’t draw parallels between the old Agneepath with Amitabh Bacchan.

Let’s treat this film as a whole new film, because most of us were too young back then to remember the original and bias is not always a good thing.

I will be honest, I am a big fan of Hrithik, Priyanka, and Sanjay Dutt because they are fine actors, and bring their own unique qualities to the screen.

Rishi Kapoor did his first negative role as the girl-trafficking, drug-pushing Rauf Lala and he did a phenomenal job.

It is sad that women in Indian cinema always play second fiddle to the male leads.

Without further ado I present my review of Agneepath.

School Master Dina Nath Chauhan lives with his family in Mandwa, a small coastal village where he teaches primary school kids. He is popular with the locals, and about to start his own salt mill.

The Local Zamindar/former ruler of mandwa hates his guts and wants him dead. He calls his son Kancha (Sanjay Dutt) from Mumbai to come and help him get rid of Dina Nath. They frame him for raping and killing a disabled school-girl and hang him immediately.

Vijay, his son, knows his dad is innocent, but can’t save his father. He leaves Mandwa with his mother and lands at Mumbai by boat, where he commits his first crime by killing a cop.

From that point the film picks up speed, and several new characters are introduced into the film.

Rishi Kapoor plays Vijay (Hrithik Roshan’s) mentor.

There are several plots, and sub-plots running simultaneously. Some of them don’t make much sense.

I will let you watch the film instead of giving the whole story away.

I did have several issues with continuity of the film.

In my opinion, they cut Vijay’s childhood part short, and also failed to show the part where his mother disowns him.

Also, the young neighbor Kaali (Priyanka Chopra) is introduced without telling us who she is; it does take a while for people to figure that she is the neighbor’s daughter who has been in love with Vijay right from the start.

Kaali’s outfits look like they came out of one of those premium designer stores, she doesn’t look like she lives in a chawl.

Sanjay Dutt Rocks, Hrithik Intense

Sanjay Dutt shines as a villain.

I think Kancha will go down in history as one of the best villains in a Bollywood film.

He is Scary, Ruthless, and Ugly.

This is the first time I have seen him do a negative role.

Hrithik is one of the best actors in Bollywood, because he is always in character.

It is rumored that he locks himself in a room two days before the shot so that he stays in character.

His intensity is unbeatable.

Priyanka Chopra brings charm to the screen, but for some reason her existence doesn’t make any sense.

I wish they came up with more meaningful roles for women in Indian Cinema.

This film like other Bollywood films is Male Centric.

Zareena Wahab is perfect as Vijay’s mother.

The supporting cast also deserves recognition, especially the kid who plays Vijay as a child is gifted.

Chikni Chameli – Hot

Lately all Bollywood films are promoted with an item song.

This film had “Chikni Chameli” which was a pleasant distraction, and Katrina Kaif looks hot as hell.

I am sure the producers spent a pretty penny on that song.

The whole Agneepath album is very melodious.

Melodious Music

Ajay-Atul have done a good job composing the music.

The director did take some cinematic liberties, like the time when Vijay Picks up Kancha,  (I mean all the way over his head) after being stabbed multiple times and throws him on the ground.

I am sure you will watch that scene and chuckle. Sanjay Dutt is like a mini mountain compared to Hrithik, yet Hrithik whips him like miracle whip.

And then there are the tear jerking moments of the film, which are an integral part of any Bollywood film.

It is moments like these that make Bollywood films family friendly. After all they have to think about all the unclejis, and auntijis who will sob, and sniff.

The cinematography is above-average, and Mandwa village looks beautiful.

Indian Cinema has really come a long way from those over the top films of the 80s and 90s in the sense that level of acting has improved tremendously, and even with the few flaws in continuity, and script the overall product is great.

I highly recommend the new Agneepath. It has the potential of becoming one of the biggest releases of 2012.

Related Posts:
Old Agneepath Review

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Dear God,

Have you lost it completely?

Never mind. That was just a rhetorical question.

We find it so distressing that your callous indifference to the most basic elements of quality has reached epic heights.

That you could allow such a loathsome and disgustingly crude item number like Chikni Chameli to see the light of the day can only mean Satan is now the guiding hand behind your actions.

Art is obviously no longer your domain!

Shocked as we’re at the ugly spectacle of Chikni Chameli, we confess it’s not a complete surprise considering the person at the center of that perversity.

Katrina – Sheer Agony

Of all the horrid Indian starlets we’ve had the misfortune to behold, this British import Katrina Kaif has the least class.

Be it in her dance moves, her acting, her gait or her talk, Katrina Kaif is a monument, God, to your folly.

Garbed in as little attire as possible, the woman thinks, in deluded fashion, surely, that thrusting her tits forward, obscenely shaking her derriere and crudely spreading her legs wide, is the acme of seductive moves.

Mon dieu, seductive it is not.

Slutty, it most certainly is.

In a sane world guided by a wise hand, creatures like Katrina Kaif would not be within 100-feet of a camera.

We have not the slightest doubt that your Indian acolytes, whose reckless ceaseless breeding has raised their numbers to 1.2 billion, will love the Chikni Chameli item number because it’s in the nature of those savages to embrace filth of any kind.

The trashier it gets the tighter their embrace.

Dear not-so-almighty, we pray that the Satanic influence on you abates soon.

Your most skeptical former devotee,
SI

Related Stories:
Agneepath (1990) Review – Nauseating Piece of Shit

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Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara is holding strong at the U.S. box office even in the second weekend.

ZNMD’s second weekend box office numbers were way, way better than Singham’s (Ajay Devgn) first weekend numbers. Now, how does that make you feel Chutia (of course, we mean you, Ajay Devgn)?

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara is the third Bollywood movie after 3 Idiots and MNIK in recent years to fare well in second weekend at U.S. box office.

For the second weekend, i.e. July 22-24, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara grossed $670,258 with an average gross of $6,703 per theater. It came in again at #15 retaining its first weekend rank.

The total gross of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara up to July 25, 2011 in the U.S. is $2.0 million.

Here’s how Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara fared in the second weekend at the U.S. box office compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara 2nd Weekend Box Office ReportRelated Stories:
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara Review – Karan Johar has Sex Change Operation, Turns into Zoya Akhtar
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara Strikes Gold at U.S. BO

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ZNMD 2nd Wknd BO – Better Than Singham 1st Wknd

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara Strikes Gold at U.S. BO

Now, will y’all please join us in wishing Karan Johar a blessed life in his new sex.

After watching the new Bollywood film Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, we were so happy to learn that Karan Johar finally took the sex change plunge, followed up with a name-change and turned into lil’ Zoya Akhtar.

Tho thweet.

Only Indians, No Bharatvasis

Now, if you schmucks are scratching your Parachute-oiled bald pates wondering how on earth we landed this Karan-turns-into-Zoya scoop, didn’t we tell you at the outset that we watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara or, in DDLJ ishtyle shortened to ZNMD.

All those young and pretty Indian and foreign faces, rich NRIs talking of Ferraris, three-bedroom apartments in London, flying business-class, exotic beaches, a long Bachelor party before marriage, architects working on big hotel projects, 12,000-Euro ‘Bagwati’ bags, diamond rings, staying in fancy hotels, running with the bulls in San Fermin, sky-diving in blue skies, snorkeling in blue waters, a long road-trip in Spain with wild horses galloping alongside sometimes, voila all things beeeyootiful.

Thank God, none of those ugly messy Bharatvasis appear anywhere in the frame. No slums, No crowded Mumbai trains, None of that grime and dirt reminding us of Bharat anywhere!

Who but Karan Johar can fit ‘India’ so neatly into the frame while mercilessly excising ‘Bharat’ out of the nice, feel-good images of Shining India.

Thank You Karan oops Zoya.

Slick Road Trip

Make no mistake. Continue reading »

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