Jesus’ Penis Lies Under the Church

For some time now, we’ve been planning to update our post on Jesus’ missing penis.

OK, make it a small part of the Holy Penis – The Prepuce a.k.a foreskin.

But we’ve been dicking around with more weighty matters than the Holy Dick.

No really, we’re not dicking with y’all. Been busy with non-priapic stuff like Aadhavan, Ganesh, Blue and All the Best.

Spoilers Ahead

As we wrote in our first post on this theme, the book’s unusual subject is the disappearance in 1983 of Jesus’ foreskin from the priest Don Dario Magnoni’s abode in Calcata, about 30 miles from Rome.

Now, since you guys are unlikely to read the book An Irreverent Curiosity by David Farley, we might as well spill the beans on the missing foreskin.

Folks, most likely Jesus’ foreskin is still under the church in Calcata. That is the mundane conclusion after 278 pages.

Irreverent Curiosity

Overall, the book Irreverent Curiosity is quite a fun read.

Written in a tongue-in-cheek style, the book on the missing Holy Foreskin is a nice take not just on the prepuce but on the obsession with relics in general.

We read about Farley’s trip to Turin, the visit to the Vatican library, interviews with various church officials, the eccentric people of the village et al.

As the book explains, Christian relics come in various forms including the head of St.John the Baptist as a baby. No kidding. (p.44)

Relic veneration is an act of faith with Christians.

As Farley writes:

Relics embodied the philosophy of faith itself: If you believe it, it is so. It didn’t matter that the wood Helena brought back might not have been the actual True Cross; nor did the possibility that she’d never brought back anything at all. The faithful believed it, and as a result – at least in their minds – miraculous things occured because of it. (p.35)

By the way, the Calcata foreskin is not the sole holy foreskin.

Farley mentions the Holy Foreskin of Antwerp, Holy Foreskin of Conques and one at the Abbey of St.Foy.

Indian Connection

Hey, there’s an Indian connection in the book too.

Of course, where’s there’s a dick there’s bound to be an Indian dickhead not far behind, right na?

It seems the village of Calcata is shaped like the Shiva Linga.

We swear we are not making this up.

Like the Shiva Linga or like the phallus or to put it crudely for you philistines, the penis.

As Farley explains:

Many of the hippes who came to Calcata in the 1960s and ’70s had spent a significant amount of time in India on spiritual quests. and when they first came to Calcata, fresh from the subcontinent, I can imagine what they thought when they got their first glance: a rock, rising straight up (with a rickety village plopped on top) smack in the center of a verdant valley with a river running around it. Certainly they saw it as a natural linga. Then, factor in the existence there of the Holy Foreskin (which has been associated with fertility). Take a few hits from a joint, put on an old Ravi Shankar record, and you can see how the newcomers might have believed they’d just discovered a very special place. (p.187-188)

Now that we’ve solved the mystery of Jesus’ missing dick, we’re off on a bigger mission to tackle a bigger mystery – the hymenorrhexis of Virgin Mary (is that a contradiction in terms or what). 😉

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