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Kadavale Kapathu (God, please save us).

Surely, never in the history of crap movies oops cop movies has there been as disgusting a film as Satyam.

Compared to other recent Tamil cop movies like Kakkha Kakkha (Surya, Jyothika), Vettaiyadu Villaydadu (Kamal Haasan, Jyothika) or Pokiri (Vijay as the undercover cop, Asin), Satyam is a pathetic piece of shit.

An odiously horrible movie, Satyam is an ugly herpes sore on Kollywood’s dirty backside.

Vishal  Reddy, the so called puratchithalapathi, has thrown in a how not to act grotesque performance in Satyam that should make him the butt of ridicule of all serious fans of Tamil cinema.

This podi paya (kid) Vishal was not so awful in some of his previous movies like Thimiru and Sandakozhi but in Satyam he’s just so pathetic.

Mouthing platitudes when he’s not executing ridiculous fight scenes (Stunt Siva), Vishal casts a pitiful portrait for much of this movie.

Unlike Surya, Kamal Haasan or even Vijay, Vishal lacks the screen Continue reading »

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Bachna Ae Haseeno – Box Office Disaster

Hot News, Hot News.

Yash Raj Films won the Bollywood Crap Producer Award on August 15 for faithfully churning out yet another crappy and unimaginative movie.

From the folks who brought you unalloyed garbage like Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic, Tashaan, Aaja Nachle and Laaga Chunari Mein Daag, comes a new piece of stinking trash called Bachna Ae Haseeno.

Two hours and 30 minutes of sheer torture is the heavy price you pay for the sin of daring to watch this mediocre film.

In Bachna Ae Haseeno, Yash Raj set out to create Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge lite but ended up with Bhooth Aur Mein major.

Featuring newcomers (OK, relative newcomers) Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone and those two non-actresses Minissha Lamba and Bipasha Basu, Bachna Ae Haseeno is Yash Raj Films’ desperate attempt to salvage its diminished fortunes and regain its fallen glory.

Bachna Ae Haseeno does not have a story, but au contraire instead offers a boring crass (no typo) course in all you wanted to know about wooing and dumping Indian girls but didn’t know where to ask.

Two of the ugliest (figuratively) Indian actresses Minissha Lamba and Continue reading »

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