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Yash Raj Films won the Bollywood Crap Producer Award on August 15 for faithfully churning out yet another crappy and unimaginative movie.
Two hours and 30 minutes of sheer torture is the heavy price you pay for the sin of daring to watch this mediocre film.
In Bachna Ae Haseeno, Yash Raj set out to create Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge lite but ended up with Bhooth Aur Mein major.
Featuring newcomers (OK, relative newcomers) Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone and those two non-actresses Minissha Lamba and Bipasha Basu, Bachna Ae Haseeno is Yash Raj Films’ desperate attempt to salvage its diminished fortunes and regain its fallen glory.
Bachna Ae Haseeno does not have a story, but au contraire instead offers a boring crass (no typo) course in all you wanted to know about wooing and dumping Indian girls but didn’t know where to ask.
Two of the ugliest (figuratively) Indian actresses Minissha Lamba and Bipasha Basu fight very, very hard to see who can deliver the worst performance in a Bollywood movie. And by golly, both of them win handily in Bachna Ae Haseeno.
Both Minissha and Bipasha are awkward dancers and soÂ utterly graceless in their every gesture. Depressing.
Bipasha’s Lucky Boy song/dance number in Bachna Ae Haseeno was as bad as Priyanka Chopra’s Lover Boy song in that nightmare Love Story 2050.
Ranbir Kapoor, the torchbearer of the Kapoor clan, delivered an endearing performance in Saawariya last year but is settling down into Bollywood’s steady state of mediocrity. Of course, a mediocre Ranbir Kapoor is still miles ahead ofÂ the Abhishek Bachchans, Govindas, SRKs and Hrithik Roshans.
Raj Sharma (Ranbir Kapoor) andÂ his buddies are gallivanting around Europe by train on an Eurail ticket when he espies a pretty lass Mahi (Minisha Lamba) on the train with her friends.
And lo and behold, like in DDLJ, people (Raj and Mahi) miss the train. Result: The duo set off on a boring trip across Switzerland that offers mind-numbing boredom and one nice song in Ahisata, Ahista.
Unlike Shahrukh Khan and Kajol in DDLJ, Ranbir Kapoor and Minissha Lamba share little chemistry. Even the kiss they share seemingly fails to raise their hormones or ours.
This philanderer Raj or killer as this bozo likes to call himself in the movie does the same dumping trick with the model Radhika (Bipasha Basu), literally jilting her at the altar and jets off to Sydney on work.
Down under, Raj meets cab driver Gayatri (Deepika Padukone), a Taekwonda expert with a hockey stick from Jullundur in her trunkÂ (no kidding), and is smitten with her.
But the lady turns a cold shoulder to Raj’s overtures leaving him suddenly extremely remorseful about his past caddish behavior.
Deepika Padukone disappointed us in her first film Om Shanti Om but seems to have put in some work lately. In Bachna Ae Haseeno, we discerned more than a flicker of acting talent in her and a pleasing grace in her movements. Voila. Open the Dom Perignon.
Oh, Deepika’s smile is a killer.
But the crucial candle scene involving Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone was a damp squib.
Sadly, the four key confrontation scenes in Bachna Ae Haseeno – Raj-Mahi, Raj-Radhika/Shreya, Raj-Mahi’s husband and Raj-Gayatri – fell completely flat.
Bachna Ae Haseeno’s dependably incompetent director Siddharth Anand – whose sole claim to fame is being the architect of two unwatchable crappy movies Ta Ra Rum Pum (2007) and Salaam Namaste – once again callously lets us down.
Music, yes music, is the sole saving grace of this murderous piece of shit called Bachna Ae Haseeno. Alas, the picturization of all the songs is hopelessly banal.
Alas, the music is but a very small saving grace.
Overall, all we can say about Bachna Ae Haseeno is that Yash Raj Films suffers from serious compassion deficit disorder for the paying audience.
P.S: After watching a gazillion Hindi and Tamil movies, we have developed SearchIndia.com’s First Law of Movies – the quality and EQ (Entertainment Quotient) of a Bollywood movie is inversely proportional to the time and expense spent shooting in foreign locales. Bachna Ae Haseeno was filmed in Italy, Switzerland, Australia and Thailand. Go figure.