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When Inhouse Chef is on Strike, SI Eats …

Feb 062012

Thank God for Chinese restaurants.

Edible food at cheap prices that can satisfy even the cheapest desi cheapskate comes only from a Chinese restaurant.

When our in-house Annadata (food provider) went on a flash-strike today, we gave praise to the Lord for letting the Chinese Migrants come to our shores.

So what if the Chinese accents are unintelligible – Yooo wah hah sau translates into Would you like hot sauce in normal English.

With rare exceptions, the food at most Chinese restaurants is edible, cheap and, hey, occasionally even palatable.

Chicken with Garlic Sauce & Pork Fried Rice ($5.50)

Although labelled as spicy on the menu through the use of red-color, the Chicken with Garlic Sauce and Prk Fried Rice we had a short while ago at the local Chinese restaurant was anything but.

Mercifully, it still turned out to be flavorful.

Once we added the hah sau (hot sauce), the taste was enhanced by 10X.

Vegetable Lo Mein ($5.50)

Vegetable Lo Mein was spicy but we wouldn’t put it in the flavorful category.

Maybe, we were hankering after the Indian-Chinese version.

Considering we paid a mere $24 for the above plus takeout of Vegetable Fried Rice and Vegetable Lo Mein, we’re not complaining much.

By the way, if there’s a bigger bunch of cheap bastards than Indians it must be the Chinese. Some 15-minutes into our lunch, the Chinese waitress came along to check with us about the food and stealthily removed our drinking straws (for water) that were lying unopened. Of course, being cheap Indian bastards we waited two minutes and asked for a straw.

Chronicle Review – Dark Side of Flying High

Hollywood 1 Response »

Feb 032012

Chronicle is solid proof that even 26-year-old, first-time directors can fly high with a decent super-hero(es) movie on a not-so-big budget.

Los Angeles native Josh Trank, 26, directed this eminently watchable film from a story Max Landis (also 26) and he came up with.

The screenplay is entirely Landis’ effort.

We’ll acknowledge at the outset that Chronicle found favor with us.

What we liked most about Chronicle was that the gee-whiz ‘flying-high’ effects (once close to a plane in the clouds) does not drown the all-too familiar human story of pathos, discovery, happiness, hubris and ultimately downfall.

Nice Teenage Chronicle

Chronicle falls broadly in the same genre as Super 8 and Paranormal Activity.

You know with an off-beat story where bad things start to happen soon after a sunny start, hand-held camera photography, use of security camera pictures within the movie etc.

But we found Chronicle the slickest, the neatest and the best-written of the lot.

Chronicle centers around three teenage boys, the shy and bullied Andrew, his outgoing cousin Matt and the black kid Steve, who stumble upon something strange one night.

The boys are high-school students who have gone to a late-night party. Matt and Steve venture into the woods afterwards where they find an unusual pit. They quickly call Andrew to film the thing since he’s forever going around with a camera filming everything.

Against the warnings of the timid (and badly bullied both at school and home) Andrew, they descend into the pit and lo and behold find a unusual object inside.

Boys will be boys, right?

Yes, they touch the object causing first Andrew’s camera to go black and then giving a big lift-off to the movie in a literal sense.

Dark Side of Power

Soon, the youngsters start developing extraordinary powers including the ability to move things without touching them and ultimately even gain the ability to fly high in the clouds.

The unusual power the boys develop now takes a life of its own with the most timid of them all Andrew changing dramatically.

Andrew’s transition is neatly captured.

First used for harmless pranks, the super-power is gradually deployed for dark purposes.

The descent begins when a car is pushed off the road for honking and tailgating them.

Landis’ screenplay is very taut and the movie marches briskly without a single dull moment.

The three youngsters Dane DeHaan (as Andrew), Michael B. Jordan (as Steve) and Alex Russell (playing Matt) deliver more than an adequate job in the acting department.

Within all these fancy “Hey, I’m Flying” movements there’s an all too human account of Andrew’s dark, disturbed life, both at home and at school.

Special Effects

The special effects are all right.

Although they were not spectacular, there was nothing crude or cheesy about them.

Hey, you got to remember the film’s modest overall budget of just $15 million. Not a big deal for a super-hero movie.

With bigger stars, the movie’s budget would surely have skyrocketed.

Chronicle – Go for It

Your favorite blog SearchIndia.com recommends Chronicle to all ye schmucks in North America.

In any case, the Bollywood mongrels and the Kollywood thieves don’t have any new releases this week.

We had a good time watching Chronicle and came out feeling that our $8.75 was well spent.

Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa – Ugh, Yeeks!

Food, Reviews 4 Responses »

Feb 022012

When our Brown selves want to swim in a sea of White we haul our sorry Brown ass to the specialty grocery store Trader Joe’s.

Other than our face in Trader Joe’s toilet mirrors (there are two), we haven’t seen a colored mug in there during multiple visits.

Apple of Grocery Stores

With 365 stores in the U.S., Trader Joe’s is kinda like the Apple of specialty grocery stores, attracting fierce devotion from fans.

When a new Trader Joe’s store comes up in an area, the fans are delirious for weeks and can’t restrain their aahs and oohs!

No kidding, folks.

When we heard that Trader Joe’s peddles Masala Dosa, Paneer Tikka Masala, Baingan Bharta, Garlic Naan, Malabari Naan and other heat-and-eat Indian Curry packets, we drove 40-miles to the nearest store to check them out and to, of course, ogle at all the White aunties.

The store has so many frozen food items that we missed the Indian stuff during our walk-around. So we enlisted the assistance of an employee who seemed eager to help and led us to the Indian food section.

Indian Food Section at Trader Joe’s

We picked different instant heat-and-eat Indian food packets including the Authentic Indian Masala Dosa from Trader Joe’s. One item that we badly wanted to try but couldn’t find was the Paneer Roll Achari ($2.69).

Although there were some Indian meat items too in Trader Joe’s freezer (Lamb Vindaloo, Butter Chicken and Chicken Tikka Masala), we gave them the pass and focused our attention exclusively on the vegetarian fare.

Call us paranoid if you want but we are wary of eating packaged Indian meat items from freezers. God knows when they are prepared!

Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa – Nice Packaging

Hailing as we do from Lungi-Land aka South India, our eyes darted to the Masala Dosas. Yeah, those rice and black gram dal crepes that induce an euphoric orgasm in the Lungi-Land dwellers.

Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa comes in an attractive blue color box with pictures of the Dosa and chutney.

Trader Joe’s Authentic Masala Dosa – Noooo, Not Authentic Dosa

Masala Dosa Details:

* Total No of Dosas in Packet: 4
* Masala Dosa Price: $1.99
* Coconut Chutney: Yes
* No Gluten ingredients used
* Vegan

Following the instructions on the box, we removed the Masala Dosas and heated it in the microwave for 30 seconds initially.

Frozen Masala Dosa with Coconut Chutney

After the initial thawing procedure, we heated the Dosa on a griddle (after dabbing a little bit of oil) for about six-minutes.

Trader Joe’s suggests heating the Chutney in the microwave. We, however, did not follow their suggestion.

Instead, we dropped the Coconut Chutney packet in hot water as our Dosas were being heated on the griddle.

By the time we finished heating all the Dosas, the Coconut Chutney was also ready.

Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa – After Heating

Disappointing would be too mild a word to describe Trader Joe’s Authentic Indian Masala Dosa.

Here is SI’s take on Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa:

* The Masala Dosas were small and did not have the taste or texture of an authentic Indian Masala Dosa.

* Masala Dosa was too thick to be called a Dosa. It had the texture and thickness of Uttapam and not a Dosa

* Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa was slightly thicker on the edges unlike an authentic Dosa.

* The Potato filling inside the Dosa was not in the least spicy. It was hopelessly bland and we did get not even a single piece of green chilli or any spices.

* The texture of the Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa was coarse as if it were prepared with Idli flour rather than Dosa flour.

* The accompanying Coconut Chutney was a bland creamish color monstrosity. We did not find any evidence of green chilli used in its preparation.

* Serving size of the Coconut Chutney is too small for four Masala Dosas.

Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa – A $1.99 Ripoff

Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa is a ripoff that robs Brownies aka Indians of the pleasure of eating this South Indian delicacy.

And it dupes Americans into believing that its Dosa is Authentic Indian Dosa. As authentic as our claim of Julia Roberts being our girl-friend.

By the way, Trader Joe’s Masala Dosa box says “Product of India.”

We wonder which Indian charlatan is responsible for this Masala Dosa travesty.

cheap tickets to india

Agneepath – Tribute or Travesty?

Bollywood 13 Responses »

Feb 022012

(By Naveen)

What the f#ck was that Joker Johar thinking?

Did he think remaking his dad’s old flop movie would make his dad feel better?

Is Karan Johar trying to tell the world that he is better at the craft than his dad?

Is he trying to remind how his dad’s f#cked up movie was an unwatchable dud?

If he is trying to do any of the above then he has succeeded.

Yes! the new Agneepath is way better than his dad’s atrocious attempt.

Hey wait! I am not saying the new movie is good.

I am saying it’s better than the old one which isn’t much if you have seen the old one!

So, pull up your pants or panties and continue to read ahead.

I had no interest, time or intention to watch the new “Agneepath”, produced by Karan Johar as a tribute to his father’s two decades old attempt.

However, I was cajoled into making time by my persistent friends in a moment of weakness.

I’ll try to focus on comparison with the old Agneepath as SI has already posted a well written review for new Agneepath by Sonny.

Agneepath – Story

New Agneepath is directed by first timer Karan Malhotra.

Agneepath is about Vijay Dheenanath Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) taking revenge on the Evil Kancha Cheena (Sanjay Dutt) for killing his father.

Priyanka Chopra plays his childhood friend + love interest and Rishi Kapoor plays Rauf Lala, a girl trafficker, drug peddling gangster who considers Kancha Cheena a mortal enemy.

The movie is about how the revenge is taken and who backstabs who in the process.

Comparison

The rationale for revenge is more profound in the new Agneepath.

OLD: Vijay’s dad is killed by the people of Mandhwa. The local Zamindar plots the death and Kancha Cheena merely asks the Zamindar to take care of the master and ensure the village doesn’t get electricity.

NEW: Kancha Cheena personally executes Vijay’s dad in a brutal way after turning the village against him.

New version is less idiotic than the old version

OLD: Amitabh played the Vijay like depressed fool. Vijay goes unarmed to the place where his enemies are waiting to kill him and nearly succeeds in getting bumped off. That dumb ploy was supposed to be heroic.

NEW: Hrithik’s Vijay shows more purpose. He is young, fit, focused, deadly and doesn’t brood like Amitabh.

OLD: Mithun Chakraborthy plays Krishnan Iyer M.A, a Lungi clad Tamil coconut seller speaking in a highly exaggerated accent. He puts up a performance that would shame drunk baboons. His character had a unnecessary romance track with Vijay’s sister, played by Neelam.

NEW: No Krishnan Iyer character and no romance for Vijay’s sister (Hooray!! Thank you!!)

OLD: Vijay and his sister seem just few years apart when they were young but the grown up Vijay is 36 years old and his sister is still a teenager or barely out of college!! Don’t women age too?

NEW: Vijay’s sister is born soon after their father’s death and the age difference is gracefully maintained.

OLD: Kancha Cheena has four enemies. They bail out the young Vijay after he blows up a gas station owned by KC and that’s how grows up as a Gangster. These four enemies are portrayed in a juvenile fashion as cowardly clowns.

NEW: Vijay takes refuge under Rauf Lala’s tutelage after killing a cop. Rauf Lala is a seasoned gangster who is even more powerful than Kancha Cheena.

Stupidity introduced in the new Agneepath

Now how can we have a Bollywood movie that has all improvements?

Rauf Lala is more disgusting in many ways than Kancha Cheena. He openly auctions young girls to lecherous men in broad daylight besides dealing in drugs and running gangs. Vijay chooses to side with this guy for his revenge pursuit.

Isn’t it completely contrary to the teachings of his father? To me, any moral sympathy that the Vijay character had vanished with that association.

The only photo the Police department has of Vijay is from his childhood. Although, Vijay roams around freely, participates in Ganpati functions and even meets the Police Commissioner from time to time.

Sanjay Dutt plays Kancha Cheena as a evil, disgusting, low-down psychotic freak. No problems with that but he is hardly shown doing anything smart. Although I have nothing against the portrayal I think the suit wearing suave Kancha Chenna played by Danny was also good.

Agneepath – Acting

Rishi Kapoor – Brilliant! Kudos to him for taking up the lecherous Rauf Lala role and pulling off a fine performance.

Sanjay Dutt – His presence was more dominating than his acting. He looked like a mountain and with that bald head looks every bit evil. He was adequate as Kancha Cheena but I wish his role had more screen time.

Hrithik Roshan – As far as Hrithik is concerned I guess it suffices to say that he was a better Vijay than Amitabh. Good performance.. nothing to complain… he would have had better scope to perform if his role would have been written with more dimensions to his emotions. He is very good in the scene where he walks off the dinner table at his mother’s home.

Priyanka Chopra – I am not going to bash her because her role was too insignificant and she had very little screen time. A blessing in disguise?

Om Puri – Fine actor… bland role… good but nothing special

Actually I liked the performance of the boy who played young Vijay.

Agneepath – Songs and Music

Ajay-Atul’s music was cacophonic nonsense.

None of the songs stay in mind, the BMG was too loud and it stays that way throughout the movie. Avoidable!

Agneepath – Recommendation

The first half is fast and engaging but it loses steam and degenerates to a looooooooong and boooooooooooooooring second half.

It just goes on and on and on until they seemed to have ran out of ideas.

The fight between Hrithik and Sanjay Dutt was disappointing.

The new Agneepath does not break any new grounds.

It offers nothing new in terms of a revenge movie. It is no Kill Bill or Sholay.

It is one man’s fantasy to rehash his dad’s trash.

It is better than the old version but that is the best I can say about it.

Incredible India 66 – Death by Telephone, Slap Tightens Bond, Kill the Girl Child

Incredible India No Responses »

Feb 012012

In Incredible India, things happens that would be considered bizarre in other lands but are perfectly normal by our standards.

Here are a few strange normal events in Mera Bharat Mahaan in recent days:

* Slap Tightens Friendship – Just one day after being at the receiving end of an assault from King Khan i.e Shahrukh Khan, Bollywood thief and joker Shirish Kunder is telling the media:

Being the younger, I should have not reacted like this. Our relationship has become stronger like never before.

Guess that’s why Darpok Salman Khan also murdered pavement dwellers in Mumbai while driving drunk. After all, by the weird Bollywood logic greater the injury to the victim tighter the bond.

* Girl Children Meet Maker Sooner – Behind the nice-sounding beti, girls, whether in the womb, as infants, children or adults have a hard time in India. A recent United Nations study has found that not only is female infant mortality higher than that of males but girl child mortality is terrible in India. For every 56 male child deaths, there were 100 female child deaths. The picture for girl children (1-5) in India is worse than in the hellholes of Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Egypt and Iraq. We guess the situation will become so grim that in the not too distant future Indian men will have to marry men or polyandry a la Draupadi style will come into effect.

* Planning a Strike? Think Again – India is a land of many thugs but the biggest thugs are in the government. Bihar’s Health Minister Ashwini Kumar Choubey threatened to cut off the hands of doctors who were planning to go on strike for an increase in their stipend. And you schmucks thought the Taliban was only in Afghanistan. With leaders like Choubey, no wonder Bihar is still in the stone age.

* Made in India? No, Made in Vietnam – The country that prides itself on writing software for the world and answering tech support calls from America can’t even manufacture decent mosquito nets. We are now importing mosquito nets from Vietnam. How long before we start technology transfer from Bangladesh or Nepal?

* Death by Telephone – Bizarre things happen in Mera Bharat Mahaan. Just the other day a young fella Manjunath S Gopal died in Bangalore after touching the landline telephone to answer a call. It seems a high-tension power line had come in contact with the telephone line electrocuting the 20-year-old Manjunath. Only in Incredible India can a landline telephone kill you.

Hey, what’s that noise?

That must be Manjunath’s bereaved family singing that dirge, Mera Bharat Mahaan!

Mela Welcomes New Customers with Double Billing, Early Billing & iPad Problems

Bollywood, Digital Media, Reviews, Tamil Movies 2 Responses »

Jan 312012

Some Indian startups get off on a wrong footing with customers even before their commercial launch.

Take for example Mela.

An online Indian movie and TV services provider to desis in the U.S., Mela is supposed to roll out its paid Indian movie service on February 1.

But even before the launch the fledgling has started earning the ill-will of customers through double billing and early billing problems, iPad issues and inadequate customer service.

With offices in California and Bangalore, Mela offers customers Hindi, Tamil, Telugu, Punjabi, Marathi and Bengali movies online via the Roku box or on the iPad and live Indian TV channels through its set-top box.

Here are some issues we encountered with the Mela movie service.

Billing Problems

* Billing is supposed to start only on Feb 1 since the service is free through January 31 (that is today). But it seems the company got itchy to see some dollars and billed customers a couple of days before the free trial expired. Such cheap practices leave a nasty taste in the mouth.

* As if early billing was not bad enough, Mela compounded the problem through double billing. To make matters worse, the company did not care to proactively address the issue and waited for customers to complain. Mela blames the double billing on technical glitches and promises to ‘fix it’ within two days.

Given these billing snafus, we were not in the least surprised to receive a call from Citibank’s early fraud detection department a little while ago to warn us about the $4.99 charge on our card.

iPad Issues

Besides the billing issues, Mela customers are also grappling with problems on the iPad. Continue reading »

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