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Aug 282014
 

Maybe Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella is not so dumb after all.

The Telugu bidda knows in his heart that Indians are a value conscious bunch who will not squander $1,500-$2,500 on buying a piece of tablet junk like Surface Pro 3 that pretends to be a laptop.

So Nadella did the right thing – Ignored the Indian market.

Surface Pro 3 Tablets - Buggy, PriceySurface Pro 3 – Buggy, Pricey

India Missing

Microsoft expanded availability of Surface Pro 3 to 25 new countries (from the existing U.S., Canada and Japan) Wednesday.

But India is missing from the list of the new markets. Continue reading »

Aug 272014
 

All your friends try to kill you? – Alice Fournier (Olga Kurylenko)

Eventually.The November Man (Pierce Brosnan)
Source – The November Man

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief during the closing credits of the new Hollywood spy thriller November Man.

Names like Sriram Das, Raj Brinder Singh, Vishal Rungta, Ankur Rungta whizzed by.

WTF was that!

Where did this desi swarm spring from?

Hey, didn’t I just watch a Hollywood film (directed by Roger Donaldson with screenplay by Michael Finch and Karl Gajdusek).

I rushed home, to Google.

Eureka!

Of the countless action films these fading eyes have swooned over the last few decades (James Bond, Jason Bourne, Batman, Superman, Supergirl, Iron Man, Lucy, Kickass etc), I now declare unequivocally that my favorite is the new Hollywood film The November Man (Pierce ‘James Bond‘ Brosnan, Olga ‘Bond girl‘ Kurylenko).

Why? Why November Man?

Because it’s a Hollywood action film produced by Indians (along with Beau St. Clair and Pierce Brosnan). :)

Oh, No. Not by that C-grade businessman Anil Ambani or that brain dead mass of steroid pulp a.k.a. Uday Chopra.

OK, I can sense your impatient angst boiling over.

Let me explain the “Indian” part of November Man before you Chutiyas start wetting your langots and panties in impotent rage.

Sriram Das of Das Films (Santa Monica, California) is co-producer of The November Man.

Sriram Das - November ManSriram Das – Co-Producer

A Harvard and Yale alumnus, 36-year-old Das (born in NYC) has produced seven films and has another seven in the pipeline.

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Above Average

Honey, who gives a rat’s ass about Sriram Das or Gobar Gas.

Tell me ’bout the movie.

And what do you have to say about the ‘other’ critics who have savaged the film (35% on Rotten Tomatoes).

Well, it should come as no surprise to you schmucks that the only critic I’ve ever found competent or taken seriously is I, Me and Myself.

In my movie lexicon, action films are seldom great.

With rare exceptions like The Dark Knight Returns, they usually fall on the spectrum between bad to above average.

November Man falls in the class of Above-Average Hollywood films.

Based on Bill Granger’s novel There Are No Spies, the film is a spy thriller set in Belgrade with guns blazing, cars zipping on narrow European streets, a dashing ‘decent’ hero (Pierce Brosnan), a sexy babe (Olga Kurylenko), double-crossing CIA agents and, of course, the rotten Russian bastards. Continue reading »

Aug 252014
 

No one has ever accused Indians (be they in Mera Bharat Mahaan or in Amreeka) of possessing even a semblance of class.

As I’ve said often, the essence of Indians is their Chutiyaness.

Nowhere is the Indian Chutiyaness more evident than in their unbounded love for trashy Bollywood movies.

Trashier the Indian movie the bigger its box office collections.

When that rare good movie like Mardaani hits the screen, Indians collectively raise their middle finger in disapproval.

So I’m not surprised that Mardaani has fared poorly at the U.S. box office.

For the opening August 22-24, 2014 weekend, Mardaani grossed a mere $144,348 from 76 screens.

Here’s how Mardaani fared at the U.S. box office compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Mardaani Opening Weekend Box Office Report

Related Mardaani Posts:
Mardaani Review – Miracle! Indian Film No Stinky
Aug 252014
 

Is this the beginning of the end for feature phones in India?

Unlike mature Western markets, the Indian mobile phone market is still dominated by feature phones (they account for 78% of all cell phones sold in the country).

But for millions of poor Indians yoked to antiquated feature phones because a smartphone happens to be out of their reach, the tide could be turning.

Thanks to the new Cloud FX mobile phone, the smartphone revolution may have started in Mera Bharat Mahaan.

$33 Intex Cloud FX Fire OS  Smartphone Debuts in India

$33 Smartphone Debuts

I did not think these tired, old eyes would behold a miracle so fantastic.

A smartphone from Intex Technologies running Firefox OS debuted in India today for a mere $33 (Rs 1,999) on the Snapdeal.com e-commerce site.

No, the Intex Cloud FX is not the greatest or latest model smartphone. Continue reading »

Aug 242014
 

What if Hollywood hottie Chloë Grace Moretz or Bollywood hearthrob Ranbir Kapoor were to vanish today.

Would the sun still dare to raise its head above the eastern horizon tomorrow?

Would the Chutiya boys and girls stop moving their hands furtively beneath the sheets?

Hard as the ordeal will prove to be for some, the world will easily survive the absence of Ranbir and Chloe.

Not a calamitous loss at all, if you ask me.

There’s always a sexier White babe and a more handsome Kapoor boy lurking behind the Hollywood and Bollywood curtains respectively.

Linux – Another Ball Game

What about the open source operating system Linux?

If Linux had never been developed or were it to disappear off the face of the earth in the AM tomorrow, would the world still look the same?

Mon dieu, the horror of the blasphemous thought.

What’s wrong with you?

Believe me, the absence of Linux would be felt far and wide.

It’d be a calamitous loss for humanity.

A World Without Linux?

So what would Planet Earth look like without Linux? Continue reading »

Aug 222014
 

Gentlemen, please key in your bids on the iPads for item #104 [a young girl up for sale].

100% virgin. 100% pure.

Guaranteed.

- Scene from Mardaani

Amid the stinking dungheap of crappy Bollywood movies, Mardaani stands out as an aberration.

A rare Indian film that comes across as a breath of fresh air.

All round fine performances (Rani Mukerji, Tahir Bhasin etc), decent writing (Gopi Puthran) and above all competent direction (Pradeep Sarkar of Parineeta fame) left me in a joyous mood as I left the multiplex.

Yes, Mardaani bears some resemblance to the 2008 English film Taken in the broad storyline – Of a young girl being kidnapped by sex traffickers and the subsequent manhunt for the criminals by the father (played by Liam Neeson).

But Mardani’s debt to the English film is not in the same league as Imtiaz Ali’s pathetic piece of stolen shit Highway that had Indian critics deepthroating the film despite overwhelming evidence of plagiarism.

Oh yes, I’d rate Mardaani better than Taken.

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Mardani director Pradeep Sarkar deserves kudos for straying from the beaten path (of drivel like Kick, Dabanng, Humshakals, Singham Returns etc) and putting out a fine, mostly realistic Bollywood movie. Continue reading »