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By Naveen

On the unenviable lines of his past monsterpieces Tirupachi, Madurey, Villu, Sura and Vettaikkaran, Vijay has taken Tamil Cinema eight steps backward this Diwali with Velayudham.

Oh, if you are one of those elitists turning your nose up at Vijay’s films, then let’s see your Brando, Al Pacino or De Niro even try what Vijay does effort-lessly! ;)

Produced by “Aascar” Ravichandran and ejaculated directed by M Raja, Velayudham stars “Ilaya Thalapathi” Vijay, Genelia D’Souza, Hansika Motwani, Santhanam matrum palar (and others) in a casting coup that would put Asscar Oscar winners to shame.

Diving into the Telugu Cesspool

As if there were no more sophomoric drivel left in Tamil Cinema and all combinations of puerile junk had been exhausted, M. Raja dives into the cesspool of Telugu cinema by shamelessly stealing (or borrowing, if he has bought the rights) this fiendish plot from Azad, a 11-year-old movie starring Nagarjuna and Shilpa Shetty.

Of course, where else would he find the most uncreative scripts or unoriginal ideas in India but Tollywood!

Story & Screenplay

With minor changes from Azad, the storyline of Velayudham goes like this…

In a plot that resembles Vijayakanth’s movies, Tamil Nadu’s Home Minister is in cahoots with Jihadi Terrorists who wish to destabilize India by bombing Chennai. Yeah right! Even terrorists are bored of bombing the same old Mumbai or Delhi.

Bharati (Genelia), a journalist and her two male colleagues launch a crusade against the evils plaguing society.

A sting operation goes awry, both her colleagues are killed and Bharati too has a close shave with death.

The stupid thugs who killed them blow themselves up accidentally but not before giving a vaakumoolam (confession) to Bharati that they were involved in the previous bombing and another one is coming next week.

Bharati has a brainwave, conjures up a fictitious character called Velayudham, writes a note signed by Velayudham warning all criminals that he was responsible for killing the thugs and he would stop the next terror plot.

Meanwhile, a village milkman, Velayudham (Vijay in a never before seen role), his sister Kaveri (Saranya Mohan) and a bunch of cronies come to Chennai to collect the money he had invested in a chit fund company.

Velayudham ends up accidentally and unknowingly saving the public from the terror attacks while still staying unknown to the public. As usual, the stupid Tamil people start believing the existence of Velayudham just as they believed in the Indian Thatha, Kandasamy and Anniyan.

Once this news reaches Bharati, she solicits the real Velayudham to continue to play the fictitious one but he declines.

However when the chit fund company turns out to be a fraud and he loses all his money Velayudham, the milkman has a change of heart and Velayudham, the crusader is born.

The rest of the story is about how he foils all the terror plots and saves the people of Tamil Nadu. Continue reading »

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7Aum Arivu is a silly bore that bizarrely seeks to meld fictional Tamil history, fictional Tamil pride and fictional biological warfare for the sole purpose of bamboozling Tamil movie fans into parting with their real money.

Silly, Lifeless Film

The movie builds on the myth of a historical martial arts fighter and medicine man called Bodhidharma (Surya), who’s said to have traveled from his home town Kanchipuram to China some 1,600 years back and helped villagers there.

It takes about 23 minutes of screen time for Bodhidharma to traverse thick forests, sandy deserts and snowy mountains to reach the Chinese village of Nangyang, cure their sick children and adults from a deadly virus, save the villagers from marauding horsemen, teach them martial arts and ultimately die of poisoning so that the locals may live happily ever.

Anon, we’re back in present day Chennai to endure the tiresome trifecta of a romance between circus artiste Arvind (Surya) and genetics engineering researcher Subha (Shruti Hassan), a malevolent Chinese effort to launch biological warfare on India via street dogs and the genetics researcher’s efforts to revive hereditary talent through DNA (i.e. bring back Bodhidharma’s legendary prowess into the circus artist who belongs to the same lineage).

* The romance is insipid thanks to the poor script, Shruti Hassan’s abominable performance and absence of any chemistry between the lead pair Surya and Shruti.

* The ‘Operation Red’ Chinese effort to launch a biological attack and their intelligence agent/villain Dong Lee’s hypnotism nonsense are unconvincing and border on the comical. Vietnamese actor Johnny Tri Nguyen plays the villain Dong Lee with all the elan of a clown who had one drink too many.

With his head tilted to one side, eyes staring stupidly and walking like an emaciated Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dong Lee lacks the panache of a scary villain but packs the promise of a good Mongoloid Vadivelu.

* The genetic research aspect is absolute hogwash with not one ounce of credibility in it. Particularly, toward the end it descends into the farcical as Subha and her menagerie revive Bodhidharma’s extraordinary talents into the circus artiste Arvind in 12-days.

By the way, the action scenes including the final clash between Arvind (Surya) and Dong Lee were a big let-down. Hopelessly ordinary.

Even by the crappy Tamil movie standards, they were disappointing.

Surya – Decent Effort

We were not bowled over by Surya’s performance but found him mostly adequate by Tamil movie standards.

At least, Surya brought some passion to his performance and didn’t pee all over himself a la Vikram in that stolen trash Deiva Thirumagal.

However, Surya proved disappointing in the crucial Yamma Yamma song.

What a shame, his dejection and anger after being jilted/duped by Subha failed to come through effectively.

Shruti Hassan – Not Kamal Haasan’s Daughter

Say what you will, we refuse to believe Shruti Hassan is really Kamal Haasan’s daughter.

There must have been a mix-up at the hospital. Continue reading »

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Just finished watching the first half of 7Aum Arivu at a theater on the East Coast.

We never thought there’d be an actress worse than Trisha on this planet.

But today we found a monster million times worse than Trisha in the acting department.

And its name is Shruti Haasan.

Devoid of any expression, this monstroshitty’s sole claim to fame, and the only reason she finds a role in movies, is that she happens to be Tamil film star Kamal Haasan’ s daughter.

Disgusting.

Intermission is over and the movie has resumed.

Related Stories:
7Aum Arivu – Silly, Lifeless Bore; Shruti Haasan is Not Kamal Haasan’s Daughter, No Way

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Folks, it’s 8.15PMET.

We’re sitting in a hall on the East Coast blogging on our iPad 2.

Waiting for the Surya-Shruti Hassan starter 7Aum Arivu to start.

Good crowd in the hall.

About 150-175 people in the hall.

Not bad, not bad at all considering tomorrow is a working day in the U.S.

Let’s hope 7Aum Arivu is a decent movie and a Diwali treat to Kollywood fans.

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by Chennai Arun

 

(Note: SI believes that Vishal and Sameera Reddy are a stain on Indian cinema)

 
After two successive flops in Villu and Engeyum Kaadhal, director Prabhu Deva returns with a remake of the Telugu film Souryam, which released in 2008 and went to become a hit.

Vedi’s story is simple.

Vishal is a police officer Prabhakar, who comes to Calcutta, in search of his lost sister.

He has only her photo in which she was a kid. Her life is in danger, so Prabhakar tries to protect her from the bad guys.

So will he do the assigned job? That’s what Vedi is all about.

Since her life is in danger, he travels to Calcutta by bus. On the way, he is captured by the baddies but escapes after killing them.

The story moves to Calcutta, where he enrolls in a college as a physical trainer. He joins with a fake name called Balu. Vivek is a physical education master in the same college, whose approval is needed for Vishal to become a trainer.

The heroine Sameera Reddy has a peppy song introduction in the film.

Sameera plays a bubbly college girl Paro. Vishal insults Sameera in a particular scene, as a result of which she becomes angry. But slowly the situation changes and she falls in love with him.

Sameera looks beautiful and her chemistry with Vishal is fabulous. Continue reading »

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Watch Suriya and Jyothika in the Uyirin Uyire song from the Tamil film Kaakha Kaakha (2003).

Sure, the song/picturization is no masterpiece but there’s some life in the song and the scene.

Now, watch the two Bollywood stars John Abraham and Genelia make monkeys of themselves (below) in the ‘same’ song Khwabon Khwabon in Force (the Bollywood remake of Kaakha Kaakha), which is releasing on Friday.

John Abraham and Genelia look like clowns, escapees from a circus.

Hey, is there a Reservation quota for Christians and Parsis in Bollywood?

Suriya and Jyothika are way better actors and dancers than the John Abraham and Genelia combo, at least as far as the above songs are concerned.

Compared to Jyothika, we must say that Genelia in the Hindi remake has ZERO sex appeal!

No question, the choreographer of Force must be hung, drawn and quartered! ;)

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By Chennai Arun

Engeyum Eppodhum is a new Tamil film that hit the screens the other day.

Directed by M.Saravanan, previously an assistant to the thieving swine aka A.R.Murugadoss and jointly produced by the Thiruttu LaKaBa (thieving wine) and Fox Star Studios, Engeyyum Eppodhum stars Jai, Anjali, Ananya and Sarvanand.

Sathya has composed the music.

Not a Romantic Comedy

First, Engeyum Eppodhum is strictly speaking not a romantic comedy.

Though it has a gentle dose of healthy, realistic humor (not seen generally in Tamil cinema), it remains largely a dramatic film.

As a film, Engeyum Eppodhum cannot be slotted in any particular genre. But if you guys insist on pigeonholing the film into a genre we’ll slot it under romance-drama.

Second, you do not have the cliched Kollywood formula of villains, fights and those tiresome chases with Aruval (sickle) in hand.

The path of romance for the love birds runs smooth and clean here.

No clash of egos, no fight between the leads etc.

This being an Indian film, of course, there are duets. And they are shot on the streets of Chennai and Trichy.

No foreign locations for the songs and no itemesque pelvis thrusting, derriere shaking, boobs jiggling vigorous dances. Continue reading »

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What is it that attracts some Tamils to filth?

Bet even the great Greek philosophers Socrates and Plato would have been flummoxed by the above question.

Be it the stinking Cooum in Chennai or Ajith’s latest crapshow Mankatha, like bees drawn to a flower a lot of Tamils find their nirvana in filth.

Must be something in the Tamil genes that has so many of them genuflecting time and again at the altar of trash.

Mankatha Box Office - UK Tamils Love Junk

Related Stories:
Mankatha Review – Ajith’s 50th Atrocity

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By Naveen

You shall be turned out of my house and I will never have your name pronounced in my presence again. It is disgusting-degrading-disgraceful.
- Adolphus Longestaffe to his daughter Georgina in Anthony Trollope’s fine satire The Way we Live Now over her plans to marry a Jew

It never ceases to surprise me how Tamil Cinema “Stars” retain a faithful fan following despite unleashing hideous junk after junk.

A mystery that perhaps more intelligent species in the future may unravel.

Garbage Lovers, Ahoy

Ajith Kumar’s 50th movie Mankatha released today, a day ahead of a normal release.

The garbage loving Tamil audience thronged Big Cinemas near Chicago in surprisingly large numbers.

Ajith’s fan following is impressive.

The 7 pm and 7:30 pm shows were sold out. The number of shows was increased from 2 to 4 today and when my show ended I saw a long line for the next show. Hey, the adjacent Ebony Lounge even threw a dinner buffet after seeing the crowd.

Well, never underestimate the diehard garbage-loving Tamil movie fan’s penchant to embrace trash with gusto.

Cast: “Thala” Ajith Kumar, “Action King” Arjun, Trisha, Premji Amaran, Lakshmi Rai, Vaibhav, Anjali, Andrea, matrum palar (and Others)
Music: Yuvan Shankar Raja
Direction: Venkat Prabhu
Producers: Dayanidhi Alagiri (Cloud Nine Movies)

Story Sinopsis

Vinayak Mahadevan (Ajith) is a dirty cop and under suspension for bumping off a fellow cop and abetting the escape of a smuggler. The smuggler, Faizal works for Arumuga Chettiyar, a bigger smuggler.

Chettiar’s daughter Sanjana (Trisha) is in love with Vinayak which he pretends to reciprocate.

Prithviraj (Arjun) is another cop who leads a special branch to investigate and eradicate betting against the backdrop of the IPL Cricket tournament.

A lot of money under Chettiar’s supervision is about to exchange hands. Vinayak plans to loot that money.

Chettiar’s henchman Sumant (Vaibhav) and his friends (a local Sub Inspector, a bar owner and the bar owner’s friend, Prem – Premji Amaran) also plan to loot that money. Vinayak discovers their plan and drops into the gang as the leader.

They loot Rs 500 Crores stashed in a godown secured by a Navtal pootu (an old fashioned lock popular in India) that is digitally secured by Prem the hacker.

What follows is a sloppy cat and mouse game between Vinayak, the gang, Chettiar’s henchmen led by Faizal, and Prithviraj with several predictable twists and monotonous turns that end in a dramatically stale climax.

Shoddy Screenplay

The movie is touted as an action thriller but director Venkat Prabhu is clueless in handling that genre.

He messes it up one scene at a time until he successfully botches it completely.

Given his penchant for stealing, Prabhu generously borrows ideas from several Hollywood movies but proves utterly incapable of even getting inspired properly.

The Mankatha story flow is jerky and the movie unevenly paced.

First half is filled with amateurish comedy evoking no more than a mild chuckle once in a while and plethora of irritating songs that pop up for no reason.

The movie picks up some pace in the second half although it’s hampered periodically due to Venkat Prabhu’s inability to move the plot to the next scene.

None of the songs are worthy of a second hearing and most were intolerably cruel on the ears even on first hearing.

Yuvan Shankar Raja is surely walking his talented father to an early grave with such mind-numbing and uncreative music.

Miserable Performances

The self-styled Ultimate Star Ajith Kumar has ‘acted’ in 49 movies before this!

It’s a miracle how the audience has endured and survived that many movies from this buffoon.

One would think that with age and experience would come some improvement but, alas, not for our TharuThala.

Bad as ever, Ajith’s acting is devoid of expressions and ability of any kind. Continue reading »

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They say when a man is in his death throes, he can see his entire life flash by.

Well, that happened to us last night.

Really.

No, we were not sick nor did we meet with a ghastly accident on the highway.

But we watched the Tamil film Saravana (2006).

The experience left us so shaken and at the end of the gruesome ordeal we felt our life flashing by.

Apes as Humans

Unlike the recent Hollywood film Rise of the Planet of the Apes where Andy Serkis dresses up as the ape Caesar, in Saravana two apes answering to the calls of Simbhu and Jyothika show up in human garb for the entire duration of the movie.

With their tails curled up in their dresses, the two apes ran amok on the screen, alternately screaming, laughing, eating, crying and making, well, monkeys of themselves.

From the opening scene when the eponymous hero ape Saravana (Simbhu) comes zooming into the college on a foreign motorbike to the final scene when he leaves in the company of the fat buxom female ape Sadhana (Jyothika), the movie is one epic apic torture directed by a bigger ape K.S.Ravikumar (who has a cameo in the train during the male ape’s journey to the female ape’s village).

Of course, Saravana is another obscenely crappy, crudely-made love story made for the semi-literate Tamil movie fans baboons.

What else are those bozos in Kollywood capable of churning out? That’s when the swines are not stealing Hollywood plots.

And what else do Tamil movie buffs baboons want.

The non-story is focused on obsessive distasteful love with detours over an age-old enmity between the female’s ape’s family and a neighboring bunch of whackos. Continue reading »

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