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By God, it’s high time we had a law prohibiting Indians from making movies.

We just returned from the opening show of Desi Boyz at a theater on the East Coast and, ah, ah, ah, we’re still reeling in painful shock.

Folks, Desi Boyz (Akshay Kumar, John Abraham, Deepika Padukone, Chitrangda Singh) is nothing short of a horror show.

Even after filching the basic plot-line from the Hollywood hit The Full Monty, debutant film-maker Rohit Dhawan, the uncreative force behind Desi Boyz, has shown himself utterly incapable of churning out a watchable movie.

Au contraire, The Full Monty is a charming comedy with an amusing story, fine performances by the cast and four Oscar nominations (one win) to its credit.

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Horrid Screenplay

Swathed in a horrible screenplay, swaddled in mediocre music and swabbed of all finesse, Desi Boyz is a very unfunny movie that left us in a vortex of misery with no exit.

In a reckless act of high chutzpah, Rohit Dhawan (son of David Dhawan, the Joseph Mengele of Bollywood) takes (dis)credit for the story, screenplay and direction.

Like The Full Monty, the underlying story of Desi Boyz too is of unemployed desperate young men in hard economic times taking to stripping for women to make money and to help one of the guys retain visitation rights to a young boy (son in Full Monty and nephew in Desi Boyz).

The similarities stop there because the inept director and clueless writer Rohit Dhawan mangles the Full Monty story into a disgusting, crude, unfunny abomination that had us gasping frequently for air.

The six guys from Sheffield in The Full Monty become two young friends Jerry Patel (Akshay Kumar) and Nick Mathur (John Abraham) in recession-hit circa 2009 London in Desi Boyz.

Deepika Padukone plays the main female lead, in an extension of the role essayed by the wife of Tom Wilkinson’s character Gerald in Full Monty. Continue reading »

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Force, the Bollywood remake of Tamil film Kaakha Kaakha, has received poor reviews from a gaggle of critics.

Are we surprised?

Of course, not.

Because, Force’s hero John Abraham can’t act.

And its heroine Genelia D’Souza can’t even spell the word acting.

Here’s what a bunch of reviewers had to say on Force:

Rediff:

For a genre that works purely on moronic logic and one-note screenplay, Force never had much to accomplish in the first place. But its complete lack of individuality or snap makes it a boring, banal, blah and bleak experience.

India Today:

A perfectly good action film, shot interestingly, ruined by John Abraham’s casting. If muscles could speak, he’d be a great actor. But he’s not, whether he’s going after drug goons or flirting with a vivacious Genelia D’Souza. The result: the villain played by vidyut jamwal ends up looking heroic. This one has no force.

Reuters:

If only John Abraham’s muscles could act, “Force” would have been a good film. As it stands though, this is at best an average cop thriller. Watch at your own peril.

Related Stories:
Suriya+Jyothika = Not Bad; John Abraham+Genelia = Bad

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Watch Suriya and Jyothika in the Uyirin Uyire song from the Tamil film Kaakha Kaakha (2003).

Sure, the song/picturization is no masterpiece but there’s some life in the song and the scene.

Now, watch the two Bollywood stars John Abraham and Genelia make monkeys of themselves (below) in the ‘same’ song Khwabon Khwabon in Force (the Bollywood remake of Kaakha Kaakha), which is releasing on Friday.

John Abraham and Genelia look like clowns, escapees from a circus.

Hey, is there a Reservation quota for Christians and Parsis in Bollywood?

Suriya and Jyothika are way better actors and dancers than the John Abraham and Genelia combo, at least as far as the above songs are concerned.

Compared to Jyothika, we must say that Genelia in the Hindi remake has ZERO sex appeal!

No question, the choreographer of Force must be hung, drawn and quartered! ;)

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We’ve often wondered if John Abraham’s purpose in life is to just make an ass of himself on screen or to be seen in the company of that weird acting what’s-her-name Basu.

John’s new film Aashayein (directed by Nagesh Kukunoor) has drawn the ire of critics and is unlikely to do much for his career.

Any one surprised?

Here’s a sample of critics on Aashayein: Continue reading »

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