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By Naveen

You shall be turned out of my house and I will never have your name pronounced in my presence again. It is disgusting-degrading-disgraceful.
- Adolphus Longestaffe to his daughter Georgina in Anthony Trollope’s fine satire The Way we Live Now over her plans to marry a Jew

It never ceases to surprise me how Tamil Cinema “Stars” retain a faithful fan following despite unleashing hideous junk after junk.

A mystery that perhaps more intelligent species in the future may unravel.

Garbage Lovers, Ahoy

Ajith Kumar’s 50th movie Mankatha released today, a day ahead of a normal release.

The garbage loving Tamil audience thronged Big Cinemas near Chicago in surprisingly large numbers.

Ajith’s fan following is impressive.

The 7 pm and 7:30 pm shows were sold out. The number of shows was increased from 2 to 4 today and when my show ended I saw a long line for the next show. Hey, the adjacent Ebony Lounge even threw a dinner buffet after seeing the crowd.

Well, never underestimate the diehard garbage-loving Tamil movie fan’s penchant to embrace trash with gusto.

Cast: “Thala” Ajith Kumar, “Action King” Arjun, Trisha, Premji Amaran, Lakshmi Rai, Vaibhav, Anjali, Andrea, matrum palar (and Others)
Music: Yuvan Shankar Raja
Direction: Venkat Prabhu
Producers: Dayanidhi Alagiri (Cloud Nine Movies)

Story Sinopsis

Vinayak Mahadevan (Ajith) is a dirty cop and under suspension for bumping off a fellow cop and abetting the escape of a smuggler. The smuggler, Faizal works for Arumuga Chettiyar, a bigger smuggler.

Chettiar’s daughter Sanjana (Trisha) is in love with Vinayak which he pretends to reciprocate.

Prithviraj (Arjun) is another cop who leads a special branch to investigate and eradicate betting against the backdrop of the IPL Cricket tournament.

A lot of money under Chettiar’s supervision is about to exchange hands. Vinayak plans to loot that money.

Chettiar’s henchman Sumant (Vaibhav) and his friends (a local Sub Inspector, a bar owner and the bar owner’s friend, Prem – Premji Amaran) also plan to loot that money. Vinayak discovers their plan and drops into the gang as the leader.

They loot Rs 500 Crores stashed in a godown secured by a Navtal pootu (an old fashioned lock popular in India) that is digitally secured by Prem the hacker.

What follows is a sloppy cat and mouse game between Vinayak, the gang, Chettiar’s henchmen led by Faizal, and Prithviraj with several predictable twists and monotonous turns that end in a dramatically stale climax.

Shoddy Screenplay

The movie is touted as an action thriller but director Venkat Prabhu is clueless in handling that genre.

He messes it up one scene at a time until he successfully botches it completely.

Given his penchant for stealing, Prabhu generously borrows ideas from several Hollywood movies but proves utterly incapable of even getting inspired properly.

The Mankatha story flow is jerky and the movie unevenly paced.

First half is filled with amateurish comedy evoking no more than a mild chuckle once in a while and plethora of irritating songs that pop up for no reason.

The movie picks up some pace in the second half although it’s hampered periodically due to Venkat Prabhu’s inability to move the plot to the next scene.

None of the songs are worthy of a second hearing and most were intolerably cruel on the ears even on first hearing.

Yuvan Shankar Raja is surely walking his talented father to an early grave with such mind-numbing and uncreative music.

Miserable Performances

The self-styled Ultimate Star Ajith Kumar has ‘acted’ in 49 movies before this!

It’s a miracle how the audience has endured and survived that many movies from this buffoon.

One would think that with age and experience would come some improvement but, alas, not for our TharuThala.

Bad as ever, Ajith’s acting is devoid of expressions and ability of any kind. Continue reading »

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Romance on the High Seas Review – Ulaga Madayan is a Shameless Thief

Say, who is the schmuck that allowed Ulaga Madayan a.k.a. Kamal Haasan to write the story, screenplay and dialogs for his latest embarrassment Manmadhan Ambu.

Must be that half-wit producer Udayanidhi Stalin who’s got a surfeit of money and a paucity of good sense.

Kamal Haasan may know a little bit of what they call the ‘acting thing’ but penning a story, screenplay and dialogs are beyond the lilliputian intelligence of this Ulaga Madayan (universal idiot).

Flaccid Story
Except for a few brief moments during the first half, Manmadhan Ambu is not remotely entertaining.

An apt analogy for Manmadhan Ambu is that Kamal Haasan managed to get a rare hard-on but couldn’t hold on to it beyond a few seconds and suffered premature release of the vital fluids before he could even unzip his pants. ;)

If you ask us, Kamal Haasan’s poorly penned story is the arch-villain of Manmadhan Ambu.

The second half particularly is so horribly unendurable that we wondered if we’d taken leave of our senses for sitting through the ceaseless deluge of nonsense.

The Nonsense
Kamal Haasan plays a private detective Major R.Mannar hired by a tycoon’s hyper-suspicious son Madan Gopal (Madhavan) to follow his fiancee Ambu (Trisha) to Europe to see if she’s having an affair.

The story plods on unhurriedly during the first half and to our surprise there was a twist that raised our expectations. But all hopes were dashed on the jagged rocks of utter incompetence and the tsunami of garbage that came up right after the interval.

It’s as if a troupe of gibbering monkeys were bent on wreaking their worst havoc. Continue reading »

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Even kids like Imran Khan and Sonam Kapoor are doing better than Akshay Kumar at the box office these days, so much better .

In the second weekend at the U.S. box office, the kids’ I Hate Luv Storys did more business than Akshay’s Khatta Meetha in the second weekend.

Folks, the second weekend U.S. box office numbers of Khatta Meetha tell a sorry tale.

Hell, who would have thought kids’ BO numbers would be passing Akshay chacha.

Going Downhill
Akshay Kumar seems to be going the way of that other Bollywood flop Salman Khan.

So, has Akshay’s stock fallen lower than Imran Khan/Sonam Kapoor. It’d be hard to disagree, right

Please see for yourself why Akshay is the new Salman/Abhishek:

Related Stories:
Khatta Meetha Box Office: Disaster, Big Disaster
Buffoon + Bimbette = Garbage oops Khatta Meetha
Trisha is Trash in Khatta Meetha, Say Critics & Audience

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No surprise. No surprise.

Khatta Meetha has fared badly at the U.K. box office too.

Khatta Meetha’s opening weekend gross of  £124,104 is worse than Akshay Kumar’s earlier movies like Singh is Kinng, De Dana Dan,  Kambakkht Ishq, Chandni Chowk to China, Housefull and even Blue.

Akshay Kumar’s Stock Falls
See for yourself in the below table how Khatta Meetha has fared compared to some recent Bollywood films as well as some of Akshay Kumar’s earlier moves:

Related Stories:
Khatta Meetha Box Office: Disaster, Big Disaster
Buffoon + Bimbette = Garbage oops Khatta Meetha
Trisha is Trash in Khatta Meetha, Say Critics & Audience

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You know in the not-too-distant past the Samurai folks in Japan used to handle shame very well.

They’d get a ritual sword, plunge it deep into their stomachs and scoop out their entrails. If that gruesome act didn’t prove effective, they’d take the knife and cut their throat.

Death was probably extremely painful but the act was cleansing too.

Restored some measure of honor to the person.

Harakiri, they called it.

If any two actors in Bollywood are worthy candidates for harakiri, it’s Akshay Kumar and Trisha Krishnan.

Together, these shameless monstrosities have repeatedly inflicted torture on movie-goers in callous, reckless disregard to the shame of their mortifying behavior.

Individually, each is a Marquis de Sade. Together, they can only be a hybrid of Ivan the Terrible and Pol Pot.

After seeing the almost-universal scorn and ridicule shoveled on this movie by critics, we wisely refrained from watching it although we’ve seen several other films featuring the two stars separately.

Disaster but No Surprise
So, schmucks is it any surprise at all that when these two freaks unite under the aegis of Bollywood, the end-result is a malformed fetus called Khatta Meetha with its bloody placenta strangling the newborn.

Folks, Khatta Meetha is a disaster like few others.

Katrinaesque in scope and impact, the movie is a calamity at the box-office. The U.S. box office, that is.

Even junk like Dil Bole Hadippa, Raavan and Veer have fared better at the box office.

Here, see for yourself in the below table the pile of shit that Akshay Kumar, Trisha and Khatta Meetha director Priyadashan have heaped upon themselves:

Can it get any worse?

Now, don’t you rush to the keyboard to type out a response because that was a rhetorical question.

Now, if only someone could explain the technique of harakiri to these two yokels Akshay and Trisha.

With Khatta Meetha touching the box-office nadir, do you think Akshay Kumar still has life in him or is he a spent force in Bollywood.

Related Stories:
Buffoon + Bimbette = Garbage oops Khatta Meetha
Trisha is Trash in Khatta Meetha, Say Critics & Audience

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Khatta Meetha Box Office: Disaster, Big Disaster

Readers of this fine blog have always known that Tamil ‘actress’ Trisha Krishnan is the most worthless thing when it comes to delivering the acting goods.

Total garbage.

The woman can’t emote if her life depended on it.

But Bollywood critics are just realizing what a lot of South Indians and SI readers have long known – Trisha is Trash, if you are talking movies.

Here’s what the critics had to say on Trisha’s Bollywood debut via Khatta Meetha:

IndiaTimes:

Trisha has nothing notable to deliver in her Bollywood debut.

IndiaFM:

Trisha…fails as an actress.

Rediff:

His co-star Trisha, however, fails to stand up to Akshay.

DNA:

The director appears confused what his heroine should be: a girl-next-door or a fiery municipal commissioner. Newcomer Trisha fails on both counts.

Some Members of the Audience (Source: IBNLive):

Bhavik Vora: [H]er pairing with Akshay does not look very great. Her acting is not very good and her face shows no emotion.

Gaurang Aggarwal: She didn’t act well. She couldn’t stand up to Akshay’s on-screen energy. I think Urvashi would have been a better choice opposite Akshay.

Avinash Shetty: I was disappointed by her performance. She was ordinary and there was nothing special about her.

How this utterly incompetent starlet gets to feature in movie after movie is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma (Thank you, Churchill). :(

No surprise that Indian films are considered a joke in the West.

Related Stories:
Khatta Meetha Box Office: Disaster, Big Disaster
Buffoon + Bimbette = Garbage oops Khatta Meetha

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