For the sake of a few silver coins, our modern-day avatar of Judas – Rajinikanth – having decided to sell his soul, gathered up all his spittle and in one swift motion spat on the faces of millions of his Tamil fans worldwide.
For a highly-paid star like Rajinikanth to associate with and actively collaborate in the making and delivery of a piece of trash like Kuselan is a Judas-like betrayal – a dirty and shameless repudiation of the decades-long affection and loyalty of his legions of fans.
Directed by a lobotomized bozo called P.Vasu based on a story by Srinivasan, Kuselan is a piece of junk not worthy of even YouTube.
This buffoon Vasu also claims credit for the cretinous screenplay and sophomoric dialogs, both of which set a new nadir in Tamil movies.
Unless you’ve just come in from Mars, you know by now that Kuselan is a remake of the 2007 Malayalam film Kadha Parayumbol.
The half-baked story centers on the visit of a movie superstar Ashok Kumar (Rajinikanth) to a village where unbeknownst to him his old friend Balu (Pasupathy) has a run-down barber shop and is having a hard time making ends meet.
When villagers get to know about the barber’s old friendship with the superstar, everyone in the village suddenly discover ‘affection’ for Balu and his family. You see, everyone has the same axe to grind – they all want to meet the superstar for their vested interests.
But Kuselan is not a ode to friendship although some have wrongly tried to characterize it as such.Â Au contraire, it’s an odiously bad crap-show, the likes of which we are mercifully seldom subjected to even in the augean gullies and bylanes of Kollywood.
Friendship, the supposed leitmotif of the movie, never comes to life in Kuselan because the movie, very early on, goes off track into infantile comedy and nauseating refrains about the superstar.
Through his involvement with a movie like Kuselan, Rajinikanth sends only one message to his Tamil fans – I don’t give a Flying F*&k for you all because no matter what manure I shovel at you, you schmucks will lap it up.
Kuselan is the kind of garbage you’d expect brats like Simbhu, Ajith or Vijay to feature in, not a superstar like Rajinikanth or a talented artiste like Pasupathy.
No ifs and buts, Kuselan is plain and simple a pathetic piece of shit – an ugly ensemble of poor story, horrible acting, mediocre music and sophomoric comedy would be a charitable description of this ghastly production.
In Kuselan, Pasupathy lives up to the first half of his name (Pasu – meaning cow). This Pasu goes about his role as the village barber Balu in the most expressionless manner possible. Surely, this is not the same Pasupathy who made mincemeat of Kamal “Dasavatharam Freak-Show” Haasan in Virumandi or delighted us as the morose son returning to an unwelcome home inÂ Veyil.
From the scene in the loan office in Kuselan when we first see Pasu to the scene in the school when Rajinikanth talks about his friendship with him to the final scene when he walks arm-in-arm with Rajinikanth, this Pasu has thrown in a cud-chewing, lazy performance unworthy of his talents.
Ditto with Rajinikanth.Â Is this an actor with 33-years experience or a mere three-months behind him. Seems more like the latter because of the lethargic way Rajinikanth goes about his role.
The scenes of the movie within a movie featuring Rajinikanth and Nayantara are insufferably amateurish and are worse than the Vannarapettai School annual day drama.
Of course, Rajinikanth was never known for his histrionics (save perhaps in Aaralinthu Aravathu Varai). Rajini’s fame owes more to his hard work and sheer luckÂ (or as they say in Tamil – Avanakku Ange Machai Iraku Da, a reference to the mythical mole on the schlong of fortunate individuals).
But in Kuselan what Rajinikanth delivers is not acting but an ugly parody of acting. His charisma aside, sometimes we wonder if Rajinikanth can even pass a Hollywood screen test.
Rajinikanth enters the movie 41.58 minutes after the movie begins, far too early in our opinion.
And what the hell is Vadivelu doing in Kuselan? By golly, are Tamil movie fans complete idiots that they must frequently be roused from their slumber by the asinine antics of a Vadivelu or a Vivek in movie after movie. In Kuselan, Vadivelu’s irritating antics – and his completely irrelevant roleÂ – as the rival barber Shamugham are not endearingly funny but nauseatingly Punny (pig in Tamil). They also distract from the main theme of the movie.
Besides Vadivelu’s so-called comedy scenes, there are two other parallel awful ‘comedy’ tracks in Kuselan involving Santhanam and M.S.Baskar. Talk of tripling our misery. What a waste of screen time.
Unlike that slick show (but disappointing storyline) Sivaji from director Shankar, Kuselan has no worthy punch dialogs either although there’s some repetition of lines from some of Rajinikanth’s earlier movies.
Nayantara seems to have been brought in just to titillate the audience, which she does in her usual ugly way wearing a red checked mini-skirt and a tight maroon blouse over a large bosom in that rain song-dance.
With her mini-skirt billowing up, her right hand slapping her buttock and her bottom shaking obscenely, Nayantara displays as much grace as a she-dog in heat during the Chaaral song-dance.
IfÂ Nayantara’s mini-skirt had gone up any higher, the audience would have been exposed to the horror of her mons veneris.Â Ach mein Gott!
Surely, the young children who were part of the Chaaral song-dance would be traumatized for life at being subjected to such a lascvious assault on their tender eye-balls. What were the dolts at the Censor Board doing when the semi-nude Nayantara was cavorting with the young children. Do you think they were bribed?
The song Chaaral, by the way, was perhaps the only decent song in Kuselan. The rest are hideous, mercilessÂ assaults on the eardrums.
Meena is cast in the role of Devi, the poor barber’s wife but looks more like a rich landlord’s wife. Sadly, acting is as alien to Meena as grace is to Nayantara. Again, a precious waste of screen time.
If you are determined to go through the masochistic ordeal that watching Kuselan amounts to, do keep some Kleenex handy. You’ll need plenty of those tissues to wipe the messy spittle that Rajinikanth deposits on your face.
We Survived this Kuppa (trash) a.k.a Kuselan. Can you?
P.S: By making the sisters of a convent school seem so disgustingly obsessed with getting the superstar to visit their school, Kuselan casts these Christian nuns in a most unfavorable light. We have a hard time believing this subliminal assault on Christianity in Kuselan was accidental.
P.S 2: There were about 25-30 people in the hall for the 3:00PM screening (on Friday, August 1, 2008) of Kuselan at Multiplex Cinemas (Towne Center), East Windsor (New Jersey). Definitely not a great response.