Hey, we meant the planet in the headline not the messy canal your warped mind is conjuring up.
Kadavul Satyam (God-promise).
Ayyo, What Modesty, What Modesty
Never have our old eyes witnessed such self-effacing souls like Kanthaswamy producer Kalaipuli S.Thanu, the movie’s hero Vikram or heroine Shriya Saran in the face of such gargantuan achievement.
You see, the trio only celebrated the movie’s ‘smash hit‘ status on terra firma a.k.a. Planet Earth at a party hosted in a 5-star hotel in Chennai on Sunday.
They ignored the movie’s mega-response in other parts of our vast universe.
Not one word about Kanthaswamy’s record-shattering performance in Uranus, Venus (schmucko, we mean the planet not mons veneris) and all the other nooks in our galaxy Milky Way and the others too.
Surely, extraterrestrial creatures in all corners of the gigantic universe are besides themselves with joy at the grand spectacle of Kanthaswamy. Not just the denizens of Planet Earth.
Thanu (the name rhymes with Rajiv Gandhi’s assassin Dhanu) declared, ahem, modestly:
Kanthaswamy may have got a little mixed response from a certain section of the press, but nothing really to worry as the film is a super smash hit that has grossed a record Rs 37 crore worldwide.
Super Smash hit, folks.
Super Smash hit. No less.
Be mindful that this is Kanthaswamy we’re speaking of here not an ordinary hit like Slumdog Millionaire.
Vikram, an even bigger avatar of modesty, ejaculated:
I know that there has been a lot of negative talk about the film, but who cares? The figures at the box-office say a different story. What more can an actor ask for?….Success of Kanthaswamy as far as Iâ€™m concerned is the best form of revenge against my detractors.
Who cares, folks?
Yes, who gives a f**k about all the negative talk on Kanthaswamy.
You do? Well, you can shove it up you know where.
The living legend Anniyan has spoken.
He, who leaves the likes of Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson and Christoph Walz in the shade, has declared that he doesn’t care about all the negative talk. Then why are lesser mortals like y’all getting your komanams (loin-cloths) in a twist.
Success of Kanthaswamy as far as Iâ€™m concerned is the best form of revenge against my detractors.
All ye critics and movie-goers, be warned now. Revenge is mine, saith the Lord Vikram (sounds kinda like Romans 12:19, eh).
And our Delhi belle Shriya Saran, what pearls of wisdom did this hip-shaking angel drop:
Iâ€™m proud about Kanthaswamy, as Subulakshmi the character I played in the film is the best I have done so far.
You ought to be proud, guys.
Casting all her modesty to the winds, Shriya has dropped much of her clothes in Kanthaswamy to offer more than a glimpse of her bestest whitest flesh for your ogling pleasure. All for your sake.
Aren’t you happy?
Our cup of joy overfloweth.
As we type this post, tears cloud our vision at the mere thought of Thanu, Vikram and Shriya for delivering a movie like Kanthaswamy, the piÃ¨ce de rÃ©sistance of their Å“uvre.
Where do such fine artistes emerge from in this Kali Yuga?
Tu. Tu. Tu.
Not only do these Kanthaswamy nincompoops deliver a crapulent movie, now, these shameless shaitans want to celebrate its success.
Talk of chutzpah. That is Chutzpah, folks not the same as chuuth pa. 😉
Kinda like Hitler gassing the Jews and then making soap from the fat in their bodies or using the victims’ skin to make lampshades (no kidding, these things really happened in the Nazi era. At least, on a modest scale. Read William Shirer’s magnum op The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich for the soap citation).
Only in India, folks.
Only in Incredible India do movie producers like Thanu and his cohorts brutally gang-rape movie fans by shovelling garbage at them and when the paying fans howl in pain the producers, directors, stars and starlets celebrate the fans’ agony with a grand party!
Chumma super, machi.
And that joker Vikram cares not one whit about the quality of the movie or the paying fans’ pleasure.
All that gluttonous buffoon is mindful of is the box office figures.
What about fans, you say? Those schmucks can go f**k themselves.
As for that Delhi belle Shriya Saran, the sight of her semi-nude contortions on the screen is enough to give anyone a Delhi belly.
Tis’ not the time to celebrate success but an occasion to sing a dirge for subjecting Tamil movie fans to such indignities as Kanthaswamy.
Not the time for a celebration but the occasion for an Indian funeral.
We don’t know for sure if Kanthaswamy is a ‘super smash hit’ as Thanu claims but we know for sure that the movie is no small super shit.
In other words, Super Smash Shit.