Folks, Bollywood star Akshay Kumar is just one-degree separated from being a harami-chor.
No question about it.
Just one-degree of separation between Akshay Kumar and a harami-chor.
Have all ye schmucks forgotten that Akshay Kumar’s Heyy Baby was a trashy lift of the Hollywood film Three Men and a Baby and how Akshay shamelessly benefited from that theft.
Well, shame is not a word you can use in the same sentence as Akshay Kumar.
So given Akshay Kumar’s dubious background and the imminent release of his new Hindi film Blue, we hotfooted over to Blockbuster and picked up Into the Blue ($2.03 for a 8-day rental) yesterday.
Because word on the street is that Blue is inspired (a politically correct word, eh) by Into the Blue.
Jessica Alba – God’s Gift
Guys, if you are like us and belong to the drooling junta, the only reason to watch Into the Blue is to ogle at Jessica Alba’s divine figure.
In creating Jessica Alba, God must have worked overtime (not absented himself as he did with Rani Mukerji).
Lovers Sam (Jessica Alba) and Jarred (Paul Walker) live on a dilapidated boat in the Bahamas with their dog.
Jarred dreams of finding a sunken pirate ship with gold while Sam works at an acquatic theme park.
One day as Jared and Sam are snorkelling in the blue waters of the Bahamas with their friends Bryce (Scott Caan) and Amanda (Ashley Scott), they come across artifacts from an old French pirate ship Zephyr.
Before you can say wow, on the sea-bed they also come across the wreck of a drug-trafficker’s airplane with tons of of cocaine in it.
With no money, Bryce and Amanda at first and later Jared too, see the cocaine in the plane wreck as their only hope for a proper excavation of the pirate ship Zephyr.
No sooner do they embark on the coke trip then the Law of Unintended Consequences is upon them in this predictably boring shit.
Some underwater fights, some shark attacks, some legs chopped off, some deaths.
Sure, the underwater scenes look pretty and the ocean in the Bahamas looks pristine and as enticingly attractive as Jessica Alba.
But there’s little else in Into the Blue that makes this an engrossing, must-watch film.
Nothing that keeps you glued to the screen in wide-eyed wonder.
Not the story. Not the action (not in the least terrifying despite the sharks and all).
And most certainly not the acting.
Overall, plain junk of a movie.
If the lightweight Into the Blue with its banal story, cast of non-actors and all is indeed the inspiration for Akshay Kumar’s Blue, it’s be a mighty shame this Diwali.
But certainly won’t be surprising given Akshay Kumar’s crappy and dubious record lately.
Blue is Trash, Says Indian Movie Critic
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Chandni Chowk Review – Slit Your Wrists, Akshay
Singh is Kinng: Akshay Kumar Buggers 500m Desis