Into the Blue Review – B Grade Junk

Folks, Bollywood star Akshay Kumar is just one-degree separated from being a harami-chor.

No question about it.

Just one-degree of separation between Akshay Kumar and a harami-chor.

Have all ye schmucks forgotten that Akshay Kumar’s Heyy Baby was a trashy lift of the Hollywood film Three Men and a Baby and how Akshay shamelessly benefited from that theft.

Well, shame is not a word you can use in the same sentence as Akshay Kumar.

Have you guys seen his latest piece of trash Kambhakkht Ishq (a remake of the crappy Tamil film Pammal K.Sambandam).


So given Akshay Kumar’s dubious background and the imminent release of his new Hindi film Blue, we hotfooted over to Blockbuster and picked up Into the Blue ($2.03 for a 8-day rental) yesterday.


Because word on the street is that Blue is inspired (a politically correct word, eh) by Into the Blue.

Jessica Alba – God’s Gift
Guys, if you are like us and belong to the drooling junta, the only reason to watch Into the Blue is to ogle at Jessica Alba’s divine figure.

In creating Jessica Alba, God must have worked overtime (not absented himself as he did with Rani Mukerji).

Lovers Sam (Jessica Alba) and Jarred (Paul Walker) live on a dilapidated boat in the Bahamas with their dog.

Jarred dreams of finding a sunken pirate ship with gold while Sam works at an acquatic theme park.

One day as Jared and Sam are snorkelling in the blue waters of the Bahamas with their friends Bryce (Scott Caan) and Amanda (Ashley Scott), they come across artifacts from an old French pirate ship Zephyr.

Before you can say wow, on the sea-bed they also come across the wreck of a drug-trafficker’s airplane with tons of of cocaine in it.

With no money, Bryce and Amanda at first and later Jared too, see the cocaine in the plane wreck as their only hope for a proper excavation of the pirate ship Zephyr.

No sooner do they embark on the coke trip then the Law of Unintended Consequences is upon them in this predictably boring shit.

Some underwater fights, some shark attacks, some legs chopped off, some deaths.

Sure, the underwater scenes look pretty and the ocean in the Bahamas looks pristine and as enticingly attractive as Jessica Alba.

But there’s little else in Into the Blue that makes this an engrossing, must-watch film.

Nothing that keeps you glued to the screen in wide-eyed wonder.

Not the story. Not the action (not in the least terrifying despite the sharks and all).

And most certainly not the acting.

Overall, plain junk of a movie.

If the lightweight Into the Blue with its banal story, cast of non-actors and all is indeed the inspiration for Akshay Kumar’s Blue, it’s be a mighty shame this Diwali.

But certainly won’t be surprising given Akshay Kumar’s crappy and dubious record lately.

Related Stories:
Blue is Trash, Says Indian Movie Critic
Kambakkht Ishq Review – Must Miss, Sick Garbage; Don’t Waste Your Money
Chandni Chowk Review – Slit Your Wrists, Akshay
Singh is Kinng: Akshay Kumar Buggers 500m Desis

10 Responses to "Into the Blue Review – B Grade Junk"

  1. guruprasad.s   October 14, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    First time director of Blue, Antony D’Souza, got 100 crores to splurge on the movie. Responds:


    Just checked Wiki. Apparently, Blue is the most expensive Bollywood film.

    Doesn’t augur well.

    In our not so humble opinion, too much money in Bollywood is a harbinger of too much trash.

  2. Jyoti Ramakrishnan   October 14, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    Isn’t it the directors/producers who should be called harami chors instead of the actors or is it just because you hate Akshay Kumar so much that it makes you feel better?

    Waiting for the movie to be screened here. Hope it lives up to my expectations unlike Kambakht Ishq which did well (thanks to Akshay’s huge fan following which includes me) but was very disappointing. Responds:

    1. Jumping to Akshay Kumar’s defense, are you. Why are we not surprised.

    Akshay Kumar is not a Johnny-come-lately to Bollywood that he should be unaware that the movies he features in are stolen stuff.

    When you benefit from theft as Akshay Kumar did in Heyy Baby, then you become an accomplice to theft.

    2. You write: is it just because you hate Akshay Kumar so much

    We don’t hate anybody.

    You see, the milk of human kindness overfloweth in our veins.

    3. You write above: Isn’t it the directors/producers who should be called harami chors instead of the actors

    If you’ve read the above piece carefully, you’d realize we’ve haven’t called anyone harami-chor.

    BTW, we have a Van Gogh that fell off the back of a truck.

    You think Akshay Kumar can help us dispose off the painting? After all, Akshay does have expertise in working closely with thieves. 😉

  3. arshad2   October 14, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    taran adarsh has given 4 stars for this film . 😀 Responds:

    Taran Who? 😉

  4. arshad2   October 15, 2009 at 8:43 am

    WIki on Taran Adarsh

    Blue review by taran adarsh : Responds:

    Thank you, Arshad.

    And all these days we thought Taran was a Red-Bottomed Monkey. 😉

    Shows how little we know.

  5. ajayrocks   October 15, 2009 at 10:02 am

    so whats up for diwali?

    3 big bolly movie coming tomorrow Responds:

    Yeah, three movies tomorrow.

    Which ones should we watch from the below?

    1. All the Best
    2. Main Aur Mrs Khanna
    3. Blue
    4. Aadhavan (Tamil)

    Alas, no Telugu movies. 😉

  6. guruprasad.s   October 15, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Of the above, rule out Blue (all special effects and no substance), Main Aur Mrs Khanna (two non-actors in Salman and Sohail Khan). Think about watching All the best, since it is being touted as a kinda No Entry (which was good fun), but wait for a few days.

    Lastly, Aadhavan has Nayantara, and even two Suriya’s cant compensate for THAT.

    Take my advice, watch none of them, and save about $40.
    Then rent Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s Golmaal and have a fun-filled Deepavali. Trust me, you wouldnt regret.
    In fact, you may even be grateful 😉 Responds:

    1. Who knows?

    The weather in the Northeast might be so bad that we’ll be compelled to stay home and crunch into our ambodaes.

    2. Hrishida’s (not Hrishita, you naughty fellow 😉 ) GolMaal is definitely on our list.

    Hrishita looks quite different from Hrishida, doesn’t she? The substitution of a single letter (t for a d) sometimes does wonders. 😉

  7. StrYngLad74   October 15, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    SI Said: “Hrishida’s (not Hrishita, you naughty fellow 😉 ) GolMaal is definitely on our list.”

    Also recommended from Hrishida are

    a. Naram Garam
    b. Rang Birangi
    c. Kisi Se Na Kehna
    d. Chupke Chupke
    e. Guddi
    f. Khoobsurat
    g. Bawarchi

    Gol Maal is definitely the acme of Hrishida’s career. Timeless classic that I’ve seen over 50 times, and yet enjoy it every time. The Tamil version (Thillu Mullu) with Rajinikanth is an absolute let-down when compared to the original. Responds:

    We vaguely remember to have seen Bawarchi (Rajesh Khanna) and Khubsoorat (Rekha) many decades ago.

  8. guruprasad.s   October 15, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    Only perverted minds like yours’ can imagine the two together 😉

    When I imagine Hrishida, I imagine, Anand, Bawarchi, Golmaal, Guddi, Asli-naqli, Khoobsurat and such movies that one could watch with one’s family, and wholeheartedly enjoy them as well without getting embarrassed.

    Dada Saheb Phalke award winner Hrishida always had the audience in mind, and always told a story. It is said that he considered music (songs) in his movies as an entirely unnecessary thing, and would not have songs if the decision were his. And yet most of his movies have memorable songs – songs that will live for a long time.

    Listen to the songs of Anand (1972), composed by Salil Choudhary.
    Manna Dey, who rendered “Zindagi kaise hai paheli haaye..” (along with many other melodies) was recently awarded Dada Saheb Phalke honour for year 2007. Responds:

    1. You gotta admit that Hrishita in a bikini looks better than Hrishida in a Tantex. 😉

    2. Zindagi kaise hai paheli haaye is a lovely song, a timeless classic. A song we’ve listened to so many times over the decades.

    Here’s the Zindagi kaise hai paheli haaye song on YouTube.

    We also like Sun sun sun Didi Tere Liye Ek Rista Aaya Hai from Khoobsurat.

  9. ajayrocks   October 15, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    all the best has been appreciated till now by one and all as a clean fun entertainer,so u could go for it Responds:

    Just noticed that Hindustan Times has a positive review for All the Best.

  10. ajayrocks   October 16, 2009 at 7:33 am

    just came back from watching both all the best and blue.

    as i said all the best is a nice timepass movie.great comedy whereas blue in one line is one of the crappiest movies i have seen in theatre ever Responds:

    For your sake, we’ll try to watch All the Best.

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