Blue Review – Mindblowing Garbage

Excuse us while we take a hot shower to rid ourselves of the putrid stench of Blue.

(SI is back after a long cleansing, purifying shower.) πŸ™

Bollywood Trash King Akshay Kumar has outdone himself this time.

Folks, Blue is a horror show, the disgusting likes of which appear but rarely even in the fetid cesspool of Bollywood.

There is no story to speak of, zombie-like the stars Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Lara Dutta and that halfwit Zayed Khan sleep-walk through their roles, the dialogs are very cliched, the music so pedestrian, and the underwater action scenes in this ‘Blue’ film utterly soporific.

Schmucks, repeated images of Lara Dutta’s tits (34B, any bets??) encased in a skimpy bikini or of her isoceles triangle below do not an action movie a make.

Rs 100-Crore Disaster

If indeed Rs 100-crore was spent on this vile trash, then the only parallel we have is the mad Roman Emperor Nero laying waste to the treasury in pursuit of his delusions.

When the history of Bollywood is chronicled, future writers will wonder how such a retard as Blue Director Anthony D’Souza was allowed anywhere near a camera.

By the way, this fella along with Jasmine D’Souza (any relation to the aforementioned retard?) take and deserve all the (dis)credit for the story and screenplay.

Pardon the pun but D’Souza and D’Souza are all at sea in the matter of story and screenplay. Kinda like Thomson and Thompson. Remember Tintin, anyone?

If you thought the Jessica Alba-Paul Walker Hollywood flick Into the Blue was B-Grade junk, then Blue, which copies its Hollywood predecessor in large measure including the locale, is a satanic piece of shit.

If you’ve watched Into the Blue, you’d quickly realize that Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Lara Dutta and Zayed Khan have spent little time in the water before start of filming. Their dives into the blue water are so obviously clumsy and graceless.

Compared to Into the Blue, the underwater scenes are irritatingly banal.

Hey, even the sharks in Blue are the dumb Bollywood version. Too stupid to attack humans even after blood is spilled in the water. Must be herbivorous sharks if the scent of blood in the water doesn’t excite them. What say you?

Like Into the Blue, Blue is also the story of a search for a treasure in a sunken ship with some changes to avoid charges of total plagiarism.

Where the search for the treasure was handled with some B-grade finesse in Into the Blue, it’s a complete mess in Blue thanks to a bunch ofΒ nincompoops at the rudder.

None of the ‘actors’ add anything noteworthy to the movie. We might as well as have picked a bunch of strangers off the streets of Nassau.

Akshay Kumar is his usual indifferent self, mouthing inane dialogs (duniya ki sabse bade nashe – Risk) and laughing like an idiot.

The paunchy and out of shape Sanjay Dutt gets worse by the movie.

As for Lara Dutta, the less said of this bimbette the better for all of your sanity.

What about Zayed Khan, you ask? Someone please euthanize this moron. The collective IQ of Bollywood would at least double if this dolt is expelled from the film fraternity.

Ordinary Music

Music too amounts to little in Blue.

Even the much ballyhooed Piggy Shitty oops Chiggy Wiggy number by Kylie Minogue and Sonu Nigam lacks charm, a matter made worse by poor picturization.

In the end, to describe Blue as a movie (even a Bollywood movie) would strain credulity.

Guys, Blue is a movie that begs you to show it the middle finger.

Hesitate not to skip this mindblowing garbage.

Related Stories:
Blue Sinking at Box Office
Blue Box Office – Himalayan Disaster for Akshay Kumar

8 Responses to "Blue Review – Mindblowing Garbage"

  1. Vetti Jijaji   October 16, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    What is the third part of your misery triumvirate.. Blue + Aadhavan + what makes it the killer combo.
    You can probably throw in Couple’s Retreat..
    and then increase your BAC level to .20% and try to forget the trauma. Responds;

    Watching All the Best (Ajay Devgan, Fardeen Khan, Sanjay Dutt).

  2. ajayrocks   October 17, 2009 at 2:07 am

    how was all the best? Responds:

    A billion times better than Blue.

    Worth a deko in our opinion. Mostly funny.

    Will review it in a few hours after finishing Aadhavan (Tamil) review.

    Thanks for recommending it.

  3. 1012900   October 17, 2009 at 8:25 am

    This movie created a lot of hype. The trailer was quite good. But its TOO BAD that the film didn’t live up to the hype it created.

    Thank u SI for this review.

    Now i can skip this movie without any hesitation. πŸ™‚ Responds:

    1. You write: TOO BAD that the film didn’t live up to the hype it created

    We’re still reeling from the horror of it all.


    2. You write: Now i can skip this movie without any hesitation

    We tell one and all. Please skip this garbage in the interest of your sanity.

  4. raghavendrav   October 18, 2009 at 12:06 am

    I like the musical score .. I grows on you with 2-3 listenings.. I didn’t care to watch this movie due to the presence of non actors like akki, kat and sanjay dutt.. Responds:

    1. There was nothing in this movie that we found worthwhile.

    It’ll probably go down as one of the trashiest Bollywood films, even by Akshay Kumar’s low or non-existent standards.

    2. You write: I didn’t care to watch this movie due to the presence of non actors like akki, kat and sanjay dutt..

    Kat has an insignificant role in this film. And she was awful even in those few moments. Pathetic.

    • dontilak   April 6, 2011 at 4:26 am

      30 people from our college went to watch this…after we saw it we made a scene in middle of the mall thrashing this movie to smithereens….”you could film yourself takin a shit and it will be still better than this shit” Responds:

      You write: you could film yourself takin a shit and it will be still better than this shit

      With lines like the above, you should be reviewing movies for SI. πŸ˜‰

  5. arshad2   October 19, 2009 at 10:56 am

    ANY UPDATE ON BO collections for UK and US ? Responds:

    For the three Bollywood movies Blue, All the Best and Main Aur Mrs.Khanna, the U.S. BO numbers come out later today.

    Tamil films are not included in the BO figures (because they release in crappy theatres that do not report???)

  6. ratnakar   October 20, 2009 at 10:49 am

    As long as we keep trotting out inane excuses like:

    * Movies are only meant for entertainment, why should every movie be meaningful.

    * Life in India is a struggle, people need entertainment to get over their problems (makes me wonder if people in other nations have no issues).


    Countries like Phillipines, Mexico, Brazil, Turkey, Iran are making movies that get noticed everywhere, and they certainly are not the rich and developed nations like US or Europe.

    Excuses, Excuses, Excuses- Thats what we are good at, only good for debating whether the cat is black or white. Responds:


    Oh ho ho, somebody is angry. VERY ANGRY.

    Get out of his way, now. πŸ˜‰

    We’ve always been making bad movies, i.e. when we were not stealing them.

    Queen Anne is dead, kiddo.

  7. siddhu085   October 30, 2009 at 10:32 am

    your comment about zayed khan is quite true πŸ™‚ i never liked him in any of his earlier movies..

    blue is just a wanna be hollywood movie gone bad..a movie like dhoom was way better – without any hype surrounding it’s release. Responds:

    Blue is the kinda movie that Zayed Khan ought to privately screen only for his friends and family, and that too only after a few drinks so as to lessen the pain unfolding on the screen. πŸ˜‰

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