Re-Rewatching DDLJ & Ogling at Kajol

A few minutes back, as we were checking out Pak-loving Chutiya Shahrukh Khan’s films on Netflix in response to a comment from SI blog reader VJcool, we stumbled upon DDLJ, Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge to all ye ignorattis, in the Instant Play section.

Like most real desis, we’ve of course seen this DDLJ nonsense several times.

But hey, what’s the problem with ogling at supposedly mother-to-be-again Kajol one more time, right?

We’ve already had a glass of gin and are sufficiently high.

All we need is a good, well-filled out fantasy gal for the night! Thank God, she doesn’t have that size-zero fixation.

And people do fill out well in all the right places during pregnancy, right? 😉

Truth be said, the woman already has a reasonable pair of knockers.

In any case, Kajol would do in the absence of Charlize Theron!

Excuse us will you while we pour ourselves another glass of Gilbey’s Gin and mix it with some 79-cent Seltzer Water from the supermarket.

By the way, Seltzer Water is better than Club Soda because it contains less adulterants and is closer to pure water.

So, here we are in bed with a glass of Gin on the adjacent stool, watching the opening scenes of DDLJ with the late Amrish Puri a.k.a Chaudhry Baldev Singh feeding the pigeons and droning on about London Shaher and how he’s an alien here even after half a lifetime in the city.

We’ll update this post as and when we can rouse ourselves from our gin-filled stupor.

Update 1
Well, we’ve met Simran’s family.

Her strict father (Amrish Puri), the convenience store owner in London, with a nostalgia for all things Indian, her sister Chutki and mother Lajjo.

Ha ha, we’ve also seen Kajol in the skimpy white blouse and skimpier white skirt dancing in the rain as the dress clings to her body showing off her assets as she sings Mere Khwabon Mein. 😉

The white skirts billowing high, we espied Simran (Kajol) lifting her nice kinda darkish legs high. Nice glimpse of her pretty thighs too. We likey, much likey.

Simran’s mother tells her it’s alright to dream but don’t expect those dreams to come true.

Very ominous, eh? Setting the stage for what’s to come.

Yeah, we’ve met Raj Malhotra (Shahrukh Khan) and his father (Anupam Kher) too.

Raj has upheld the hallowed family tradition, having flunked the exams.

Can someone tell us why both Simran and Raj Malhotra have typical Indian accents despite living in London for a gazillion years.

Never mind. Simran has convinced her strict dad to let her take a month-long Eurail trip with her friends before tying the knot with Sujit, her father’s frend’s son in Punjab.

Raj is also on the same Eurail trip with his buddies.

Voila, Raj and Simran have met, having barely made it to the train. Thank God, we were worried.

Another song, supposedly at Paris. Ruk Ja O Dil Deewane. Raj is making a monkey of himself on the piano. At first. Oh, he does pack some piano skills!

Kajol in a green, backless dress, looks delicious.

By the way, was it our drink or did we really peek into her cleavage in one of those scenes? 😉

Update 2
The Eurail trip is on.

Trains are missed.

Cognac is consumed. Lots of it by both Simran and Raj.

With so much liquor, can a song be far behind.

There you go with Kajol rising from the haystacks in a white top and red skirt with Zara Se Jhoom Loon Mein on her lips.

The girl is running on the Swiss roads like one possessed followed by the equally crazy wastrel Raj.

Well, all good things must come to an inevitable end. After romping around the continent, Raj and Simran are back in London.

Cupid’s dart firmly lodged in their hearts, the two youngsters pine for each other setting the stage for another song right in the train station – Na Jaane Mere Dil Ko Kya Ho Gaya.

The picturization is nothing great with this number as with the others.

Well, when has the path of true love been free of obstacles? The biggest obstacle is in the Bauji (Amrish Puri), Simran’s father who has promised his daughter’s hand to his buddy’s (Satish Shah) son in Punjab.

Brushing aside all protestations of her love, the incensed old man packs off the family to Punjab for the girl’s wedding to Kuljit Singh.

If it’s Punjab, there’s got to be more song. We have Ghar Aaja Pardesi amidst the fields of Punjab.

Boring shit of wedding details and meeting relatives follow.

Meanwhile, in London our hero Raj is pining for the girl but has given up after learning she’s off to India to get marriage. But spurred by his father who tells him to go, get the girl, our Raj takes the next flight to Punjab.

Schmuck, whaddya think happens?

Of course, Raj and Simran meet and yet another song follows (sigh) – Tujhe Dekha To. Kajol looks angelic in the pink saree. Simply divine!

The groom Kuljit behaves like a clown with all that hunting nonsense and boozing around with his buddies.

And how do you think Raj gets into the marriage fortress? By wearing a cowboy hat and through one of the silliest stunts we’ve seen in a long time.

Ha ha ha, we suddenly hear Ennio Morricone’s classic theme from For a Few Dollars More in the background. No kidding.

Are there no limits to nonsense? Apparently not.

Despite Simran’s insistent pleas, Raj refuses to take her away arguing that while he may have been born in England his heart is still Hindustani and so her father will have to give him the bride.

Plain rubbish. But, hey, our hypocritical Indians love all this stupid shit as the wild success of this movie has proved.

Update 3
What a bizarre ending!

Simran’s old  man, yeah the one with those cold, unflinching, blazing eyes and the rich baritone voice, who’s steadfastly refused to accept his daughter’s choice hitherto suddenly has a change of heart and willingly offers her hand to the boy he loathes, the boy he’s slapped left and right just a few minutes earlier, and bids her go to him at the train station.

But not until we’re subjected to two more songs – Mehndi Lagake Rakna and one more just before Simran’s wedding to be and the ridiculous confrontation between the old man and Raj. And not before Raj subjects us to the utter drivel of telling his girl We’ve no right to make our parents sad in that eventful confrontation with her father that has him ultimately leaving for the train station.

What Made DDLJ a Blockbuster
Well, why was Priyanka Chopra born? Why did Abhishek Bachchan get into acting? Was Salman Khan behind the wheels of the van during the accident that dispatched one poor soul to his maker and injured three others? Who makes Amitabh Bachchan’s wigs?

Now, if you can answer the above questions definitively we’ll tell you why DDLJ was such a blockbuster despite a storyline that’s downright silly.

Seriously, who can tell why a Bollywood movie succeeds or fails in India or with the diaspora.

For the most part, Indian movies are the same old crappy love stories with miserable acting and awful song/dance routines. Yet some succeed while the majority bite the dust.

Our hypothesis is that DDLJ’s stupendous success owed to a combination of fluke, decent songs, passable acting and above all the good fortune of capturing the zeitgeist of the 1990s.

11 Responses to "Re-Rewatching DDLJ & Ogling at Kajol"

  1. sam   May 8, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    However much we dont like this PLC, we can’t give up watching DDLJ, can we???! Responds:

    You write: However much we dont like this PLC, we can’t give up watching DDLJ, can we???!

    True. We can forgive this PLC and that Jalebi seller’s son Aditya Chopra anything for DDLJ.

    Completely sloshed, we’re watching Kajol in the white blouse and red skirt in the Zara Se Jhoom Loon Main song.

  2. sam   May 8, 2010 at 11:32 pm

    You have to watch Devdas also. Very Good Film by SLB Responds:

    Alas, Devdas features those two can’t act monkeys Ash & Madhuri.

    • rakeshbaba   May 9, 2010 at 12:09 am

      but madhuri can act,remember dil to pagal hai Responds:

      Dil To Pagal Hai…Ah, that’s one of our favorite songs!

      We’re forever listening to it from our iTunes collection.

      • rakeshbaba   May 9, 2010 at 12:14 am

        on the other hand aishwarya will be always there in glamour portion instead of acting department, its so sad that a super director like mani ratnam who made brilliant movies is again choosing that funny peoples (abhishek and aishwarya) to act in their movies,but mani has done one good thing by choosing a good actor like vikram and prithviraj, after anniyan all vikram movies were bakwaas but this is a good opportunity to give a good performance and teach those funny peoples how to act Responds:

        Maniratnam’s movies have to make money and it’s usually hard to make money from non-stars!

    • kreacher   May 10, 2010 at 4:21 pm

      Unless you are an extreme masochist, you should give SLB’s Devdas a skip. It is a travesty which probably made Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s ashes scream to be burnt again.

      If anything, Madhuri was the saving grace in a movie where everyone else made you wince. SRK with his hamming comparable to Raj Kumar’s, Aishwarya with her puke-inducing and constipated Bengali accent (when she says “Ish” it makes the screech of stainless steel forks on stainless steel plates sound like the most soothing melodies), Jackie Shroff with his obnoxious characterization of Chunnilal – this is the best packaging of turd you will see since Kamal Haasan put it in a box in Pushpaka Vimana.

      To quote Sekhar Suman on one of the comedy shows of yore:

      Devdas ko London bhej diya, Paro ko Chandramukhi ke saath nachaya. To kyon nahi Devdas ka naam badalkar Ramdas, Gopaldas ya Charandas banaya? Responds:

      1. You write: SLB’s Devdas….is a travesty which probably made Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s ashes scream to be burnt again.

      Funny. 😉

      2. You write: SRK with his hamming comparable to Raj Kumar’s,

      Back in the old days when we used to religiously read Star & Style and Stardust to get our Bollywood fix, our Raj ‘Jaani’ Kumar was a frequent fixture in the mags.

      Most of you likely don’t know this. Those days, Star & Style also featured a a bitchy gossip column called Frankly Speaking by Devi (Devyani Chaubal).

      Devi was a terror to the stars then with her inside scoops. She was also close to Kaka a.k.a Rajesh Khanna.

  3. guruprasad.s   May 10, 2010 at 1:34 am

    You might know by now that the guy who played Kuljit Singh (the clown who is hunting and boozing with buddies) is the very guy who wrote the script of Badmaash Company in six days and then directed it. He goes by the name of Parmeet (Paramjeet) Sethi. Responds:

    Surprise, surprise. We didn’t know that.

    Once a clown, always a clown.

  4. sam   May 10, 2010 at 5:32 am

    Your previous verdict for this ” nonsense” was “Lovely” So, any change in your verdict or not?

    Why do you watch the same movies again and again. So many films are there which you have not seen. Responds:

    1. You Write Above: Why do you watch the same movies again and again

    Bet your next question is Why do we still breathe? 😉

    2. You write: So, any change in your verdict or not?

    We don’t think it’s a great movie by any yardstick.

  5. guruprasad.s   May 10, 2010 at 8:12 am

    Thanks to some nimble fingers (not mine), I was able to watch and enjoy the movie ‘The girl with a dragon tattoo’.

    Not a minute of it was boring. Far from it, there was a sense of expectation always. The lady who played Lisbeth was great, while the man who played Blomqvist was no less either. I have read that Hollywood plans to remake the movie, with George Clooney, Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp in line to play Mikael Blomqvist.
    While these are good actors, the Swedish actor Nyqvist simply owns the character.
    The movie was also refreshing because it was set in Sweden, and that was a welcome change from the more usual American settings.
    I feel that the producers should release such movies in India with subtitles, there are always people willing to watch.

    The following are related to the plot, so you can delete them:
    Henrik Vanger’s conclusion that it was the murderer who was sending those dried leaves paintings made me (and surely many viewers perhaps) wonder if Harriet Vanger was alive
    and was sending some clues through those paintings about the culprit.
    Also, consider this: Blomqvist discovers the photograph of Martin in blue sweater just before Henrik Vanger’s heart attack. If Henrik Vanger were to be fine, he surely would have identified the guy in blue sweater. I wonder if Henrik’s heart trouble was engineered/aggravated by Martin, who knew that sooner or later, the investigators would get to the truth. All these are speculations of course, but thats what the movie does to you. Responds:

    Here are some related posts on the SI blog:

    The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Movie) Review – Riveting, More So for Stieg Larsson Fans

    The Girl Who Played With Fire – Solid Thriller

    The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo – Abba of Whodunits

    Later today or tomorrow, we’ll try to post the review of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, the concluding volume in the trilogy.

    We strongly recommend the books.

    U.S. Readers: The girl with a dragon tattoo is still playing in theaters.

  6. STG   May 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Despite all the not-so-good reviews, I happen to watch this nonsensical-come(trag)ey Irumbu kottai murattu singam. I dont want to mention the genuine effects thrown on this trash by art director and cinematographer went in vein.

    I guess director Simbudevan spent the whole time [Trash Talk] of art director and cinematographer to extract the best out of them that he totally forget to clean the [Deleted].

    The first question that arises after 30-mins of the film is – is this real cowboy film or just another spoof like Tamilpadam with the cowboy backdrop.

    Not even a single comedy is rip-roaring but works well to get you on nerves. Not even a single scene is engrossing. Not even a single encounter is gripping.

    I literally slept several times only to hear my bf’s yelling for the reason that i recommended this film 🙁

    Rs.250 down the drain.

    Just skip it like used condom Responds:

    The movie is still playing here.

  7. elnino.aurora   May 10, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    I share the same views as you. Responds:

    Very few movies are for all time.

    Most films are set in a particular era.

    Of course, Indian movies are unsuitable for any era. 😉

  8. vjcool   May 10, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    almost offtopic:

    when I loaded the ‘Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa’ DVD, I was not expecting anything from the ‘very simple film I’ve seen in 1993’. I wanted a film that showed Goa as it is. I was so shocked by the portrayal of Goa in ‘GOA’ (thats the way most tamil people see the place, anyway). that simple film turned out to be much more than we expected. I think this film will be watched many more times by me.. Happy to have got the DVD.

    BTW.. when DDLJ was released there was already a film HAHK, I loved this film , watched it two times and in the third viewing i slept through the entire movie. i vowed not to ever see that movie again.. to much saccharine. DDLJ ok lets forgive that movie.. what do you say about ‘Pardes’.. huh templates.. fu**ng templates

    think I should get ‘Papa Kahte Hain’ nice music..and the movie I think is average..

    hmm.. no, not in Netflix. Responds:

    We may have seen Pardes. Checked the Wiki profile of the film and got a deja vu feeling.

    We’ve seen HAHK. Same old, saccharin love stories. 🙁 And to think we once considered it a classic. You can read our juvenilia here. 🙁

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