Are there any schmucks lurking in boondocksville who still believe that a Hollywood movie featuring a top star like Matt Damon must perforce be a top notch film.
Speak up, yokels or forever hold your tongue.
Well, let’s disabuse you putzheads of such asinine notions.
Folks, The Adjustment Bureau (Matt Damon, Emily Blunt), which released in theaters across U.S. today, is absolute drivel with little entertainment value.
We felt so rotten after watching the film that on the way back we stopped at the Gujju liquor store to pick up a big bottle of Arrogant Bastard beer in a desperate bid to raise our flagging spirits.
Did we tell y’all that the movie is based on the book Adjustment Team by Philip Dick.
Some dick, some movie! 🙁
Men in Hats – Ha Ha Ha
At the core of the movie, we have a bunch of men in hats holding diaries with elaborate drawings to make sure that things happen according to plan.
Yeah, according to plan. Those are the operative words you’ll hear ad nauseum throughout this nauseous film.
God forbid that anyone should come in the way of their plans.
Those who dare to do so can expect to be reset or recalibrated.
Take your picks, guys. Reset or recalibrated?
Nonsense and more nonsense.
By the way, seen anyone wearing hats these days?
Plan – What Plan?
Now, don’t you fellas badger us about what the plan is.
If the movie’s director George Nolfi doesn’t have a plan, how the hell would we, a humble proletarian member of the audience, know what the stupid plan is.
Suffice it to say that the plan is coming in the way of New York Congressman David Norris (Matt Damon) from being with his soul-mate Elise Sallas (Emily Blunt).
Yes, the Emily Blunt who plays Anne Hathaway’s senior colleague in that exquisite film Devil Wears Prada.
Three years pass and David still longs for the girl.
And then he finds her one day.
Again, the plan comes in the way.
By now, we were sick of the plan, which we now understand is a secret cabal that’s kept the world ticking according to plan for several centuries.
Free will be damned.
All Free Will’s got us is the Dark Ages, the two World Wars, the Great Depression and the Holocaust.
We need the plan to keep the world moving, folks.
As if all this cockamamie nonsense were not bad enough, we see doors opening into …Fuggedaboutit. Just not worth getting into the details.
We didn’t find Matt Damon convincing as the politician nor as the besotted lover.
How could he be?
He musta been laughing his ass off at the bizarre story.
Hey, if some idiot is paying $10 million or $15 million, why not grab it. Moviegoers be damned!
When he enters the women’s rest room and screams You’re not marrying that guy our legs were itching to make contact with his derriere.
Emily Blunt was alright, with that Julia Robertish endearing smile albeit in a smaller frame.
Now, if only Emily had a bigger bust! Sigh. Sigh! 🙁
This is a movie that desperately strives to seem mysterious but ends up looking downright silly.
The ending on the rooftop of the tall building is as bad as the beginning and the middle!
SearchIndia.com strongly recommends that you not see The Adjustment Bureau.
If you are really that starved for entertainment this week, cajole your wife/girlfriend into a soixante-neuf or beat your meat or even try cross-dressing and head out into the mean streets.
Do any shit but stay clear of this nonsense.
Now, if you crazies will excuse us, we still have half a bottle of Arrogant Bastard left. And then there’s the Belgian beer Stella Artois waiting. 😉