OMG, It’s the End of the World – Steve Jobs Resigns as Apple CEO; Is Steve Dying? Millions Orphaned

Steve Jobs Resigns as Apple CEOFriends, Schmucks and Über-Schmucks, the world as we all have known it for decades is ending.

Darkness has descended on the planet.

It’s with a heavy heart that we bring you the sorry news that the Messiah I-Messiah of Digital America aka Steve Jobs has stepped down as CEO of Apple, the company he co-founded over three decades back.

No, this is not a rumor. Head for the nearest shelter before the Android beasts can get you.

Steve Jobs – Greatest Achievement

Steve Jobs’ greatest achievement is that he single handedly prevented the American people from rising in revolt against their oppressive, moronic, and occasionally sexual depraved rulers by keeping them preoccupied with his iMac, iPod, iPhone, iPad, iTunes and I-whatnot devices.

Steve Jobs along with Steve Wozniak, founded Apple in 1976. Except for a brief period when John Sculley booted him out of his own company, Jobs has been guiding the destiny of one of the world’s most successful companies.

You don’t believe Apple is one of the most successful companies in the world? Then explain to us how Apple has $75 billion in the bank. Hello, we’re waiting for your explanation.

Jobs was elected Chairman of Apple’s board today.

As if God needs the halo of a Chairman’s title or the embellishment of a degree (Steve never got a degree).

Is Steve Dying

Apple did not disclose why Steve Job was stepping down.

But the wise souls at SI suspect the man’s dying.

Hey, look at Steve’s health record.

The man has hardly been the epitome of good health. He had pancreatic cancer, which he supposedly beat, and liver transplants.

Then there was the long leave of absence earlier in the year.

Plus, there is this sentence from Steve’s letter to the Apple board and community today:

I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.

Steve Jobs and Neem Karoli Baba

Like a lot of White Americans dodos in the 1960s and 1970s, Steve Jobs was eager to get to the bottom of the meaning of life.

So Steve packed his bags and came to India in 1974 to meet and understand life from Neem Karoli Baba (no, we’re not kidding).

Alas, Karoli Baba kicked the bucket before Steve landed in India and we presume our digital messiah never got to the bottom of the meaning of life. Never mind. Who knows Neem Karoli Baba, had he been alive when Steve arrived in India, might have told him to take Sanyas (renunciation of the world) in Rishikesh, Hardwar or one of those stupid Indian Hindu towns in the Himalayan foothills.

A distraught Jobs then wandered around India for a few months and returned to California.

So, there you have Steve Jobs’ India connection.

New Man at the Helm

By the way, Tim Cook, previously Apple’s Chief Operating Officer, has been named as the company’s new CEO effective immediately.

The big question now is whether Tim Cook can keep the flame burning bright.

The stakes are high, very high. And several hundred million eyes will be watching every step the new CEO takes.

We can only hope Tim Cook will not do a Gerald Ford (the idiot American President who couldn’t even walk straight and kept stumbling).

Big Question – Will the Music Stop Now?

SI has always believed in the Great Man theory of History.

Schmucks, we don’t have the time to educate you on the theory. Look it up here on Wiki.

True, the new CEO Tim Cook has been by Jobs’ side for several years now. As COO, Cook was previously responsible for all of the company’s worldwide sales and operations, supply chain, sales activities and service and support.

But Uncle Steve was always there to guide him.

Who remembers Churchill’s World War II generals now? Winston ‘Blood Sweat and Tears’ Churchill inspired the troops just as Steve roused the employees at Apple.

We strongly feel that in the absence of the heroic figure Jobs, it’s bound to be hard for the company to retain its mojo.

Steve Jobs was a ruthless sonavabitch. But he was the man for Apple.

We suspect Apple will enter a phase of steady but unspectacular growth like the current Microsoft for a few years and then who knows what might happen.

Even if the company introduces new products, without the catalyzing brilliance of Steve to push it to the millions they’ll amount to mere sound and fury signifying nothing.

If Steve Jobs’ greatest success was to catapult Apple to the top of the digital media world with decent products like iPod, iPhone, iPad and iTunes then his greatest failure was to identify the company too closely with himself.

God, Please Let there be Light!

10 Responses to "OMG, It’s the End of the World – Steve Jobs Resigns as Apple CEO; Is Steve Dying? Millions Orphaned"

  1. rama dasa   August 24, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    if your seeking light in these dark times,may I suggest you pay a visit to Equality 7-2521????? I’m sure him (they) and the golden one have some extra light bulbs for you to use Responds:

    Ah, Steve Jobs the modern-day Prometheus.

    Why didn’t we think of it? Schade!

    • rama dasa   August 24, 2011 at 8:49 pm

      just learned a new word,thanks SI!

  2. shadowfax_arbit   August 24, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    >> his greatest failure was to identify the company too closely with himself

    Can’t be more true. Apple stocks are crashing after-hours ever since the announcement came. Responds:

    In the 20th century, we once read a letter written by one lady to another that one of the great regrets of her life was buying Apple stock at $20. Apple was in bad shape then and trading around $12-$15.

    Today, (before the big news about Steve stepping down was released) Apple closed at $376.18.

  3. vjcool   August 25, 2011 at 12:57 am

    offtopic?? … ontopic!! : a different use of ipods

    it was WOW. Responds:

    Interesting, your above link.

    SI perspective on Deception – A Lie or truth is not absolute. It’s relative.

  4. satheeshway   August 25, 2011 at 2:41 am

    Without Steve, apple keynotes will lose their charm and products their sex appeal.

    Right time to short the stock.

    May be we purchased touchpad at the right time 😉 Responds:

    You write: Without Steve, apple keynotes will lose their charm and products their sex appeal.

    Were you aware that Steve’s keynotes were famous for And one more thing.

  5. முனிAndy   August 25, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Head for the nearest shelter before the Android beasts can get you

    SI is jittery.. what a turn of events! Did HP act too hastily? Responds:

    HP bozos no understanding what ‘consumers’ wanting.

    As someone once said, no great product or idea ever came from a committee.

    It requires a single genius to create great things in life.

    Think Steve Jobs. Think William Shakespeare (or ShayshupIyer as the Tamils refer to him). Think Picasso. Think Van Gogh.

    Our age is singularly lacking in great men (rarely are women geniuses perhaps because their brains are hardwired against risk-taking). Alas, no thanks to hype, we now fall at the feet of false Gods!

    • முனிAndy   August 25, 2011 at 10:09 am

      OT: Tangled is on instant play now. I, for one, thought it was better than the over-hyped Toy Story 3 and Up.

      rarely are women geniuses ..
      Perhaps they have been suppressed for centuries.. Only the last century seems to have given them some respite..

      back to OT:
      Now, I’ll go back to watching one of my most favorite actresses Reese WItherspoon on “How do you know”.. poorly rated, but hey, I’d watch anything with Reese in it. Responds:

      SI wrote: rarely are women geniuses ..
      You Responded: Perhaps they have been suppressed for centuries..

      SI re-responds: No, not suppressed. They’ve been depressed ahem by the weight on them. 😉

      Will watch something on Netflix Instant Play today. Not sure which one yet.

  6. boopalanj   August 25, 2011 at 9:51 am


    Meanwhile, Google’s Vic Gundotra has an inspiring Jobsian tale to tell:
    One Sunday morning, January 6th, 2008 I was attending religious services when my cell phone vibrated. … After services…I checked my [voicemail]. The message left was from Steve Jobs. … I was responsible for all mobile applications at Google, and…had regular dealings with Steve.

    While it was customary for Steve to call…it was unusual for him to call me on Sunday and ask me to call his home. … “So Vic, we have an urgent issue…that I need addressed right away… I’ve been looking at the Google logo on the iPhone and I’m not happy. … The second O…doesn’t have the right yellow gradient. It’s just wrong.

    [W]hen I think about leadership…I think back to the call I received from Steve Jobs. … CEOs should care about details. Even shades of yellow. … To one of the greatest leaders I’ve ever met, my prayers and hopes are with you. Responds:

    What a coincidence. We read the Vic Gundotra piece just a few minutes back, on the iPad (we swear).

  7. boopalanj   September 5, 2011 at 4:53 am

    Steve Jobs in India (a pic included in the below article)

    “We weren’t going to find a place where we could go for a month to be enlightened. It was one of the first times that I started to realize that maybe Thomas Edison did a lot more to improve the world than Karl Marx and Neem Kairolie Baba put together”

    And the latest pic of Jobs 🙁 You might have seen it. Responds:

    One of the comments in the Times of India photo says it’s a fake!

    • boopalanj   September 5, 2011 at 9:35 am

      Yes, there are several other links discussing it too. It is a fake one. I missed it. 😐

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