Update: NSA also has direct access via PRISM program to Google, Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, Yahoo, Skype, AOL etc servers.
It’s great to be an American in the 21st Century.
While Americans are frolicking at the beach, clicking ‘Like‘ on Facebook, Tweeting what they had for breakfast at McDonald’s and Taco Bell, watching American Idol, Yamla Pagla Deewana 2 and Dancing with the Stars, fretting about Paris Jackson’s suicide attempt, lamenting Paris Hilton’s latest antics and worrying over Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy, America’s peerless leaders are working feverishly, day and night, 24/7/365, to protect Americans.
Many Ways in Which America’s Leaders Protect Americans
1. By tapping and recording voice calls of all Americans, tracking the location of call, the number called, the identities of both parties on the call and storing the information in vast electronic silos.
2. By collecting DNA of innocent Americans.
3. By forcing technology companies to install ‘back-doors’ in computer operating systems, routers, mobile phones and other popular electronic gadgets to enable easy tracking and monitoring of all Americans by the National Security Agency, FBI and other government agencies.
4. By directly connecting the National Security Agency through the PRISM program to servers of Google, Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, Apple, Skype, for real-time snooping on Americans.
5. By snooping on and harassing American journalists at the Associated Press, Fox News and other news organizations for disclosing how America’s leaders protect Americans every day.
6. By monitoring Internet browsing, Facebook posts, Tweets and e-mail of all Americans and storing the details on fault-tolerant computer systems for live monitoring.
7. By collecting credit card statements, hotel receipts, EZ-Pass Toll records, credit scores and airline itineraries of all Americans and storing them in vast databases.
8. By blanketing major cities with security cameras to monitor Americans at all times.
9. By X-raying (and occasionally invasive pat-downs) all Americans traveling on commercial airlines.
10. By treating American corporations as human beings so that they can make huge anonymous campaign contributions to America’s leaders to help them better protect the American people.
11. By installing metal detectors at all county offices to keep Americans safe even in small towns and cities.
12. By collecting information on what books and DVDs Americans borrow at the local library.
13. By handing out hundreds of billions of dollars in contracts to defense and technology companies who in exchange make generous campaign contributions to American leaders so that they can work tirelessly to protect all Americans.
14. By infiltrating blogs and newspapers as commenters to sow misinformation, disinformation and threaten and smear American writers and readers.
15. By aggressively going after whistle-blowers for disclosing how America’s leaders protect Americans.
16. By investing billions of dollars in expanding and building a new facility for the National Security Agency (in Utah) so that it can protect Americans even better.
17. By planting GPS devices in cars and trucks of innocent Americans to track their travels.
18. By routine warrant-less searches of Americans’ personal records.
19. By monitoring the search terms of Americans in the major search engines.
20. By deploying drones to kill Americans.
Since 1776, Americans have never felt so protected. 😉