Son of God Review – Boring Shit about an Illiterate Coolie Named Jesus

Put God First and Everything Else will Follow.
Jesus in the movie Son of God

If you ask me, Jesus of Nazareth was either a blithering idiot, clueless about key concepts like balance of power, or had more than one screw loose.

Most likely, a combination of two loose screws and a feeble intellect ended up unwittingly creating the world’s greatest religion with a huge following among those with three screws loose (for the record, all religions are nonsense).

Now no review about a Jesus film can start without a brief introduction to the Son of God himself.

By scholarly accounts, Jesus of Nazareth was illiterate and a daily wage coolie (most likely a woodworker/ carpenter) in the nearby town of Sepphoris.

If Jesus were in present day America, the Whites would label him a Mexican and seek to deport him. 😉

It’s possible Jesus was also a bastard, born to Mary when she willingly spread her legs for a Roman soldier named Panthera or unwillingly had her legs parted (raped). Take your pick!

Historical evidence about Jesus is scant beyond the delusional Jew’s existence and crucifixion for leading a movement that the occupying Roman force led by Pontius Pilate likely considered a minor irritation.

Jesus was not someone unusual in those days. After all, with “apocalyptic fever in the air” (read Reza Aslan’s book Zealot), Jesus was only one among several whackos (Theudas, the Samaritan, the Egyptian, Hezekiah, Simon of Peraea etc) in that era who anointed themselves with bizarre titles like Messiah, Son of Man or Son of God and were ultimately beheaded or crucified for their zany antics.

Son of God – Junk

A tedious, tiresome, fawning, unimaginative movie utterly lacking in any drama, Son of God is a curse on all viewers except the most devout Jesus acolytes.

The pictures of Jerusalem and the Temple are amateurish graphics, the acting of Jesus (the Portuguese actor Diogo Morgado) and some of the minor cast pathetic, the writing hopeless and the overall effect one of a dilettante taking a shot at the movie business.

Christopher Spencer ‘directed’ this epic farce and along with three others butchered the screenplay.

There’s little of Jesus as a child except the familiar poppycock of the three wise men from the East bearing gifts and prophesying great things for the infant.

In short order, and with hardly a context leading up to them, we’re introduced to Jesus’ miracles – Assuring a plentiful supply of fish in Peter’s net, making the paralyzed walk, bringing the dead back to life, creating food for the crowd and the biggest miracle of all, the Resurrection on the third day after his crucifixion, death and burial in a mountain cave.

There’s zero drama and little nuance in this film about the most famous character in history. The Romans are louts and brutal thugs (with the Prefect Pontius Pilate mouthing laughable sentences like Do I make myself absolutely clear and the soldiers jesting around during the crucifixion); the Jewish priests servile collaborators and scheming plotters desperate to preserve their privileges; and Jesus a rockstar, riding on a donkey to Jerusalem to wild cheers from the throngs on the road-side.

Given the soporific dialogs, uninspired acting and unimaginative photography, it’s no surprise that even crucial scenes like Jesus overturning the moneychangers’ tables at the Temple, the Last Supper and crucifixion (just bloody gory) were shorn of dramatic impact.

Hey, when you are making a film about the greatest human in all of history shouldn’t you at the least make him seem dramatic, animated, larger than life?

The Jesus of Son of God is a boring, dull, lifeless dolt out on a stroll with his buddies.

Going by the credits, Son of God seems to have been filmed in UK and the hills in the Moroccan countryside.

I suspect the movie will recover its investment.

At a theatre on the East Coast, there were 70-80 people Friday.

Don’t count me among the surprised if Western Christian missionaries purchase this junk anon and start screening it in the remote hamlets of India as part of their proselytizing machinations – Two morsels of Rice for Two hours of Jesus!

Did I hear you say Amen? 😉

11 Responses to "Son of God Review – Boring Shit about an Illiterate Coolie Named Jesus"

  1. msveda   March 2, 2014 at 12:43 am

    Monty Python’s Life of Brian is a brilliant spoof of Jesus Life.

    It was surprisingly one of biggest successful British Movies.

    Also, it was one of longest running films

    I personally enjoyed the movie and recommend to you. Responds:

    I’ve added Life of Brian to my Netflix queue. Will watch soon!

    Thank You.

  2. STG   March 3, 2014 at 12:12 am

    Off-topic: No Oscar coverage this time?
    Seems Gravity ‘pulled’ it off very well ‘grabbing’ 7 😛 Responds:

    Did not even watch the Oscars ceremony this year.

    Just woke up and checked the winners on Wiki.

    As I predicted in January, Cate Blanchett won for Blue Jasmine.

    I regret not seeing Dallas Buyers’ Club. I liked Matthew McConaughey in Mud too.

    • msveda   March 3, 2014 at 1:26 am

      Gravity is overrated movie compared to 12 years a Slave. Responds:

      Yes, when you consider the movie only from the subject/story perspective.

      But movies are also about gimmickry, novelty, mystery, star-power etc which is where I think Gravity scored with the audience.

      Going by box office numbers, I suspect fives times as many people watched Gravity as they did 12 years a Slave.

      Slavery is not a subject that resonates that well with youngsters (majority of moviegoers) or Whites (again, majority of moviegoers) as with old fogies and Blacks. At least, that’s my impression going by the audience I noticed at the screenings of Gravity and 12 Years a Slave in the U.S.

      • STG   March 3, 2014 at 6:35 am

        @ MSveda Gravity is overrated movie compared to 12 years a Slave

        Common sense? Gravity wasn’t awarded for Best Film or any of the acting/story/screenplay categories. Best Director? Of course, director orchestrated a stratospheric (literally) experience for the audience (same happened last year for Life of Pi where Ang Lee won director but lost to Argo on Best Film).

        It scored big in the technical categories like cinematography/sound editing/visual effects, etc where it truly deserves.

        You expect 12 years a Slave to be awarded for Best Visual Effects? Get real! Responds:

        As I mentioned in response to an earlier comment, there’s a lot to winning Oscars than apparent at first glance:

        Pl read this:

        Why do so many foreign directors win Oscars?

  3. hispeed144   March 3, 2014 at 3:55 am

    I expected ‘The Broken Circle Breakdown’ to win the Oscar for Best Foreign Language film.

    ‘The Great Beauty’ came as a surprise though.

    Watched ‘The Great Beauty’, the other day.

    I wasn’t very impressed with the film. As for animated features, I expected ‘Ernest and Celestine’ to win the Oscar, but like all years Disney or Pixar films seem to be favorites at the Oscars. Responds:

    There’s a lot that goes into winning Oscars.

    Pl read this:

    Why do so many foreign directors win Oscars?

  4. kage_11   March 3, 2014 at 4:58 am

    Forget about KH’s movies being “inspired” (straight-lift) from Hollywood.

    Now, we have gone one step further. Lifting works of others right from film promotion poster design.

    Only the tamil version of the above link talks about plagiarism though, Responds:

    Despite Indian film industry being so far ahead in the quantity game, we’re so behind in the quality game and often resort to all manners of tricks.

    Kamal Haasan is a proven Thirutu-La-Ka-Bal (remember how the chutiya profited from Thenali, Manmadan Ambu)

    • STG   March 3, 2014 at 7:51 am

      Add Avvai Shanmugi and Pancha Thanthiram (have you watched this movie?).

      Manmadan Ambu was a dud at box office whereas the above said movies raked large amount of moolah! Responds:

      No, I have not seen Panchathanthiram.

      It looks like it’s a straight lift of Very Bad Things.

      Kamal Haasan is credited as co-writer of Panchathanthiram.

      Disgusting! And we’re giving awards like Padma Bhushan etc to these worthless fellas and thieves.

      • STG   March 3, 2014 at 8:20 am

        Majority of the movies that Kamal involved in last two-decades were ‘inspired’ from one or more Hollywood or other movies.

        Panchathanthiram was famous for the treatment and witty dialogues (one of Crazy Mohan’s best). You can watch it (available on Youtube) when you are in need for some silly laugh. Responds:

        You write: Majority of the movies that Kamal involved in last two-decades were ‘inspired’ from one or more hollywood or other movies.

        Stop using the wrong word!

        ‘Inspired’ has a positive connotation. By using the word inspired, you’re giving credit to thieves like Kamal Haasan where none is deserved.

        Here, see the definition of inspired from Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 11th edition (P.648):

        inspired: outstanding or brilliant in a way or to a degree suggestive of divine inspiration (gave an inspired performance)

        The sense of theft is missing from the above definition. There’s nothing outstanding or brilliant about stealing from Hollywood or other sources.

        So let’s stop pussyfooting with euphemisms and learn to use the right word.

        And the right word is stolen.

        So let me rewrite the first sentence of your comment:

        The majority of movies featuring Kamal Haasan in the last two decades were stolen from one or more Hollywood or other movies.

        What Indian filmmakers often do is steal and Indianize the illegally obtained product with songs, comedy etc.

  5. msveda   March 3, 2014 at 9:10 am

    But this year’s Oscars is one of few fairest Academy awards, with only coveted people winning oscars in most of categories.

    Happy to see the wolf of Wall Street and American Hustle not awarded. They are both overrated, glossy movie with no emotional content or naturalistic performance.

    12 years a slave, Matthew McConaughey, Cate Blanchett, Jared Leto, Gravity winning oscars in their respective categories over much formidable, vaunted opponents is a testimony to the fact this year’s Oscars has recognized talent and skills, at least this year. Responds:

    I’m surprised you didn’t like American Hustle.

    But understandable.

    Some movies are so deeply rooted in the local milieu and culture that they don’t resonate well in other geographies easily.

    American Hustle review on SI –

    • boopalanj   March 3, 2014 at 9:28 am

      I liked American Hustle a lot and recommended to some of my friends as well.

      It was surprising for me that it walked away empty handed at Oscars.

      Christian Bale’s performance was not the same as he was in The Prestige. Responds:

      Well, the folks behind American Hustle can take solace in the fact that the movie did well at the box office.

      Made on a budget of $40m, it’s grossed over $229 million.
      Source: Wiki

  6. siddhu085   March 5, 2014 at 2:53 am


    Copying Ellen’s selfie moment at the Academy Awards, Bollywood thieves have not surprisingly taken their own Selfie and tweeted it. Responds:

    Our Bollywood Chutiyas have not a single original gene in their bodies! 🙁

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