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Dec 192014

PK starts off with a nude, 200% human-like alien (Aamir Khan) alighting from a flying saucer spaceship into the Rajasthan desert and wearing a shining, round green pendant around his neck.

Once the nude alien loses his green pendant (actually a remote control to hail back the spaceship) to a thief, transfers the two-in-one transistor/cassette player covering his private parts to his hands and starts wearing clothes, the film quickly derails into an unending series of absurdities that get more painful to endure as time passes.

By the time, the alien turns into PK, learns to speak Bhojpuri (by using his hands like a USB plug into a hooker’s hands and backuping her language into his mind) and starts yodelling about Wrong Number connections to God, the movie has become another examplar of the mindless Bollywood balderdash that halfwit producers like Vidhu Vinod Chopra revel in dishing out every Friday to a nation of billion plus lobotomized Hanumans.

Since most Indians are the archetypal earthling Chutiyas depicted in the movie, doubtless they’ll smack their lips, wet their trousers and swoon over the baloney PK abounds in.

I bet countless yokels in Mumbai, Dilli, Patiala, Patna and Hyderabad are already wah-wah-wah-ing on Twitter and FB about the ‘astounding’ job Aamir Khan did in the film when truth be said all the clown did for the entirety of this ridiculous farce was roll his eyes left, right, top and down or open them insanely wide.

If what midget Khan does is acting, color me confused.

Typical Garbage

The message of this treacly nonsense is that Pakistanis are not bad people, Muslim boys do not betray Hindu girls after bedding them, Earthlings are lying sick fucks who say one thing and mean another and aliens are nice nudists brimming with love and understanding.

I’m no expert on Pakistani people or Muslim boys. And I’m not too happy with Earthlings myself.

But I’m certain of one thing – Vidhu Vinod Chopra and Rajkumar Hirani (director) are 420s (Indianese for charlatans and crooks) who betray us repeatedly with contrived scripts and cartoons of movies.

Since unimaginative Bollywood morons can’t think of a movie without an improbable European setting, we have an Indian girl Jaggu in Belgium.

Jaggu is played by Anushka Sharma adhering diligently to her de rigueur wardrobe of less (clothes) is more (flesh). Continue reading »

Dec 082014

Much as I’m convinced that god does not exist, there’s occasional proof that he does.

Folks, Action Jackson is a mighty disaster at the U.S. box office.

Nothing pleases me more than to see chimps like Ajay Devgn and Prabhu Deva kissing the dust when they put out so trashy a film as Action Jackson.

Here are the opening weekend U.S. box office numbers for Action Jackson:

Action Jackson - A Dud in U.S.

Related Posts:
Action Jackson Review – Infernal Garbage
Dec 052014

When a girl’s luck changes drastically for the better each time she espies the dick of a young man exiting the loo/dressing room, you know Bollywood is plumbing Satanic lows.

Eternally burdened by ill-luck (at office, movie halls, restaurants etc), life is at a low ebb for Khushi (Sonakshi Sinha).

Dame luck will smile on this cow only if she sees the dick of Vishy (Ajay Devgan), a fact the idiotic Jonah makes no secret of to her friends.

So desperate is Khushi to marry an Indian groom from America that she runs looking for Vishy or rightly speaking looking for his lucky dicky.

I’m not exaggerating, not even by a degree. I swear!

Alas, ‘dick-luck’ is merely one of countless dickhead elements littered throughout the atrocious Action Jackson depravity.

Action Jackson is not so much a movie as the collective vomit expelled by director Prabhu Deva, Ajay Devgan, Sonakshi Sinha, Anand Raj et al on the faces of the audience.

As is her wont, Sonakshi Sinha wears the constant demeanor of a drooling cow lethargically, moronically chewing the cud after grazing around the entire neighborhood. Mercifully, this bovine creature’s time on screen is short.

Ajay Devgan’s soporific performance and selection of this insane film is incontrovertible proof that brain damage is hereditary.

Cuckoo father, cuckoo son!

Bizarre Story

The story is infantile in its entirety, ‘written’ by an ass aka A.C. Mughil.

Bizarrely silly but par for the course in Bollywood (Don, Rowdy Rathore, Dhoom 3, Billa, Aaradhana etc had lookalikes), there are two Ajay Devgans in Action Jackson.

The first Ajay (Vishy) is a small Mumbai thug who uses his hands to bash up his victims.

A Bangkok-based killer and right-handman of an international arms dealer Xavier (Anand Raj), the second Ajay (AJ) uses his sword to dispatch his victims.

Hands= Mumbai Ajay; Sword=Thailand Ajay. Comprende? Continue reading »

Dec 032014

On rainy wintry days, nothing like a shot of brandy and a good action-packed Korean film to rouse me from my torpor. It must be a blessed stroke of luck that dropped the Korean film Yong-eui-ja (aka The Suspect, 2013) DVD into my hands yesterday. Gave me the adrenalin jolt I so desperately craved. Korean […]

Nov 252014

Just back from India. I had the most amazing dysentery. – A young woman in The Great Beauty How do you describe something for which there’s no frame of reference in the cinematic universe. I watched the 2013 Italian film The Great Beauty (La grande bellezza) the other night. Bulging eyes, dropping jaws, utter rapture! […]

Oct 312014

Think of our newscast as a screaming woman running down the street with her throat cut. – TV station News director Nina (Rene Russo) to Louis Bloom (Jake Gyllenhaal) in Nightcrawler Don’t you dare count me among the surprised when Jake Gyllenhaal has his hands full with trophies during the coming awards season for a […]