In our ceaseless, unrelenting quest for a good Dosa, we’ve been known to haunt the major highways and small bylanes of New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware and Virginia in an obsessive-compulsive-ferocious frenzy.
Kinda like Dr. Hunter ‘Gonzo’ Thompson searching for the American Dream in Las Vegas. 
But rarely have we encountered such abject misery, such unremitting hostility as was our sad fate at House of Dosas in Hicksville, New York.
Located on the main Indian strip on South Broadway in Hicksville (across the road from Patel Brothers), House of Dosas has been around for several years.
Alas, like with Bollywood and Kollywood, longevity in the Indian restaurant context doesn’t equate to quality.
The other day in the company of our Tamil friend we sanctified House of Dosas with our presence and greedily exposed our palate to a choice of items including Idli, Vada, Onion Chilli Mysore Masala Dosa, Ven Pongal, Bisibella Bath, Upma, Badam Halwa, Carrot Halwa and Madras Coffee.
For the most part, our experience was so unsatisfactory, both with the quality of food and service, that we felt a troupe of monkeys in the kitchen would do infinitely better.
Unilateral Declaration of War
Idli (2 pieces for $3.50) landed on our table along with extremely hot pumpkin-drumstick-doodhi sambar, coconut chutney and dal chutney. While Idlis were soft and hot, the medium thick excessively hot sambar was low on tamarind and sambar spices and natürlich utterly flavorless.
Coconut chutney and dal chutney were cold, bland, flavorless and an unmistakable declaration of war on the restaurant’s diners.
By the way, Sambar this hot could come only out of the heavy water in a nuclear reactor.
Medhu Vada (2 pieces for $3.50) came hot to the table and, mercifully, was evenly cooked and crisp.
Schade, they were accompanied by the same unbearably hot, flavorless Sambar and the two cold, bland chutneys in another sign of needless provocation on the part of the restaurant.
Fusillade Continues
Not the kind to hold their fire even at the sight of a white flag, the sepoys at House of Dosas not only continued their fusillade but brought in heavy artillery reinforcements in the form of Dosas.
Our Onion Rava Sada Dosa and Onion Chilli Mysore Masala Dosa came with the same inedible, boiling-hot ‘heavy water’ Sambar and cold chutneys.
Onion Rava Sada Dosa, with chopped onions sprinkled on top, was crisp but tasteless. The raw taste of chopped onions turned the unpalatable into the inedible.
But the Onion Rava Sada Dosa was merely a trial run for a bigger offensive.
The sadistic Nazis at the House of Dosas worked overtime on our Onion Chilli Mysore Masala Dosa ($10.95).
A masterpiece of imperfection, there were multiple problems with our Onion Chilli Mysore Masala Dosa.
First, the masala paste was not evenly spread on the Dosa. Second, the Potato filling was way too soggy and tasteless and seemed as if we were eating a soft taco at Taco Bell. Finally, the old problem of the fresh off the nuclear reactor hot sambar and those monstrous cold, bland chutneys from Antarctica.
Together, the depravities completely, totally, wholly, utterly ruined any chance of our Dosas being palatable edible.
And the bozos call this place House of Dosas.
Ah, the chutzpah of these Indians.
Run from the South Indian Impostor
(File photo)
More Pain
By now, we were bloodied and in extremis.
Yet, these rotten, deformed children of Satan, with their sharp bayonets pointed in our direction, showed us no mercy. Continue reading »
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