Listen, Baby, ain’t no mountain high
Ain’t no valley low, ain’t no river wide enough, Baby.
If you need me, call me, no matter where you are
No matter how far. Don’t worry, Baby
Just call my name, I’ll be there in a hurry
You don’t have to worry.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Listen schmucks, we’re not going to prejudge the quality of the upcoming Bollywood movie We Are Family (a remake of the 1998 Hollywood film Stepmom).
No, we’re not gonna pre-judge the movie before the movie’s release this Friday.
That wouldn’t be right, wouldn’t be fair, would it?
So what if Kareena Kapoor can’t recognize acting if it stung a deep incision into her size-zero derriere or if producer Karan ‘pansy‘ Johar’s previous movies are crappy pieces of shit or if mom-to-be Kajol is a shrieking witch way past her prime. As for Arjun Rampal, let’s all just agree that a log of wood would emote better.
Ain’t no way we’re gonna pre-judge We are Family.
Stepmom – Decent Tearjerker
A short while ago, we watched the Susan Sarandon-Julia Roberts film Stepmom and while the 12-year-old movie certainly is no masterpiece that’ll have you gushing all over it, the film is decent.
A paisa vasool, as you dolts in India would describe it.
The film is rescued from the run-of-the-mill castoffs by superior acting from Susan Sarandon and young Liam Aikey, who plays her little son Ben in the film, acceptable performances from Julia Roberts and Ed Harris and sparkling dialogs.
Sure Julia ‘Pretty Woman‘ Roberts, she with the bewitching smile that leaves a wet stain on the front of your trousers, is alright but she doesn’t jolt the screen like Susan Sarandon does. Ed Harris is in a supporting role, as the fella often is. This time, as the husband/ex-husband Luke Harrison.
Reversal of Roles – Engaging Film
Obviously, even you non-Mensaites have recognized by now that this movie has something to do with a step-mom, right?
If perchance you did, you are right.
Cos’ a step-mom figure in a larger sense is the central theme of the film Stepmom.
Not the archetypal wicked step-mom scheming to get rid of the stepchildren before the besotted husband/father can wise up to what’s happening.
That certainly isn’t what happens here.
You see, the roles are cleverly reversed in this movie.
It’s the young kids, particularly the girl, who ooze animus toward their father’s girlfriend/stepmom-to-be Isabel played by Julia ‘Pretty Woman‘ Roberts.
Susan Sarandon, the mother of the two children Ben and Anna and ex-wife of busy lawyer Luke Harrison (Ed Harris), plays her role to near perfection.
Whether in the interactions with her children Ben and Anna or in the heated confrontations with Isabel, Susan Sarandon is the epitome of what we consider an actress.
An actress so natural, so brilliant you forget it’s all make-believe.
She easily makes chutney of Julia Roberts.
Hey, do y’all believe the serial shrieker Kajol is anywhere near to Susan Sarandon in the acting department? Answer now or forever hold your tongue.
What? Oh, you want to know what we a.k.a. SI think of Kajol vis-a-vis Susan Sarandon, eh – Ha ha ha ha. That’s our riposte. Make what you will of it, schmucks.
The little boy Ben is adorable and never more so when he tells his mother about Isabel: Mommy, if you want me to hate her, I will.
On the whole, the few slow minutes in the second half notwithstanding, Stepmom is a watchable film.
We strongly recommend you putzheads watch Stepmom before you even consider seeing We Are Family. The DVD is available at Netflix and surely at your neighborhood Blockbuster in the U.S.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, the night is still young and to our chagrin, we’re still not high. At least, not high enough. So we’re going to pour ourselves another large glass of gin with some Seltzer Water.
Oh, wait, here’s a nice line from the movie (Susan Sarandon’s character Jackie to Julia Robert’s Isabel):
I had their past and you can have their future.
N.B.: And if you still haven’t watched the Ain’t No Mountain High Enough video from Stepmom, then you dickheads are dumber than we thought.
We are Family is We are Garbage, Say Critics