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Our Bollywood film-makers are so incompetent that the morons can’t even do a good job of stealing.

Y’all can deny it till you are blue in the face but the basic plot of Action Replayy is a bad hash of the 1985 Hollywood film Back to the Future, which we watched recently.

Problems Galore
Action Replayy suffers from problems galore.

* They have stolen a fairly entertaining story from Back to the Future and made a hopeless, nausea-inducing mess of it by focusing almost exclusively on love to the exclusion of everything else.

Action Replayy’s story in its essence is that of a marriage-averse young man hopping into the time machine of his girlfriend’s inventor grandpa and hopping off to 1975 in hopes of making his constantly-quarreling parents’ marriage a love marriage.

Back to the Future has a multi-layered story that besides focusing on the young man’s back to the past adventure also looks at his parents, the Doc, the bullies, the problem of returning back to the present and so on.

Alas, in Action Replayy, the bullies have been turned into cartoons.

* Second, they have hired one of the worst actresses in Bollywood a.k.a Aishwarya Rai to play the female lead.

Folks, Aishwarya Rai is the kiss of death for a movie.

The woman can’t act. Period.

Particularly in closeup scenes, she looks terrible with her weird substitution of what she deludes herself as acting.

The hag is absolutely graceless, particularly so in the dancing scenes.

* Third, the music is below par.

Moments out of the theater, it’s hard to recollect one song for its beauty.

* Fourth, the Time Machine in Action Replayy is one of the ugliest time machines we’ve seen in a movie. A time machine that’s supposed to break the sound barrier looks like it’s built with some metal strings.

Au contraire, a sleek DeLorean car served as the time machine in Back to the Future.

* Picturization of every song-dance scenes is awful.

* Which schmuck picked the costumes? We’d like to know so that we know where to aim our .357 magnum.

* Pray, what purpose does Nehu Dhupia serve in the film?

Guys, we could go on ad nauseum, ad infinitum but the bottom line is that Action Replayy is an unwatchable horror show.

One of the sole saving graces of this ugly piece of trash is Akshay Kumar, who seems to be doing his best to salvage this junk. Sadly, in vain.

But Akshay Kumar also bears considerable responsibility for associating himself with such shitty scripts for the sake of a few silver coins.

Aditya Roy Kapoor as the son Bunty is alright as are Om Puri, Kirron Kher and Rajpal Yadav but in the big picture they don’t amount to a hill of beans. Nehu Dhupia is her usual hideous self.

Folks, unless you are convinced that you are not of the homo sapiens race, stay away from this turd-pile a.k.a. Action Replayy. This one certainly is not for humans.

Stay at home, sleep, wank off or do whatever you little twits do in your free time but do not even consider seeing this nonsense.

Action Replayy screams nay begs to be shown the middle-finger.

Related Stories:
Can Trash King Akshay Kumar’s Action Replayy Match Back to the Future?

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Nov 052010
 
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Golmaal 3 featuring Ajay Devgan, Arshad Warsi et al released today.

Alas, what the so-called comedy evoked from some Indian film critics was not laughs but their ire.

Here’s what a bunch of movie critics had to say on Golmaal 3:

Rediff:

The best thing that can be said about Golmaal 3 is that it both enters and exits your system rather comprehensively, leaving behind nothing either memorable or of consequence.

If you’re looking for a scene to quote later, this is not the film. Really.

If you have suffered through either the half-funny Golmaal or the dimwitted Golmaal Returns, you know what to expect from this franchise built sacrilegiously on the name of one of the funniest comedies in Hindi film history: an Ajay Devgan [ Images ] vanity project where he plays a halfbaked hero while a returning ensemble cast of actors and comics monkeys around, hamming like mad, and led memorably by a mute Tushhar Kapoor….

The jokes are ill-conceived, and constantly over-written. The dialogue is tacky, witless, puerile. And, for no reason other than the director having a crash-bang fetish, there are prolonged fight sequences and all manner of cars and boats and rollercoasters are destroyed. To match our sleep cycles

Reuters:

[T]here really isn’t much of a story to tell.

Basically, five unemployed men live with their parents and do nothing constructive all day except play pranks on each other.

There are all kind of gags to support this “laugh all you can” package that the film offers viewers. Most of them involve some form of slapstick or toilet humour. I cannot think of a single scene that has clever writing or a genuine comic moment.

I don’t understand the logic of leave-your-brain-behind movies. I take my brain everywhere I go, including to Rohit Shetty’s films. And let me tell you, my brain didn’t like this one. In fact, thanks to this film, even the festive feeling is gone. Stay away from “Golmaal 3”.

Indian Express:

[T]his time around, the laugh-out-loud stretches are few and far between, mainly because we’ve seen these same guys doing the same things before, and also because the gags are running out of steam quicker….Shetty’s third part of the franchise never rises above a cut-and-paste quickie, which needed to be much sillier to really hit the spot. It sparks only in a few parts ( there’s a hilarious silent set between the five men, which tells you just how funny the director can be), as well as a few rib-cracking dialogues.

Related Stories:
Golmaal 3 Box Office – Down 60% in 2nd Weekend
Golmaal 3 Box Office – Unimpressive

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Just like night follows day, a new Akshay ”Trash King’ Kumar’s movie is followed by strong criticism from the movie critics.

Akshay’s new film Action Replayy released today and the critics have been unsparing in their comments.

Of course,, it’s no surprise to us because the brand Akshay Kumar has lately become synonymous with trash.

Here’s what a sample of critics had to say on the movie:

SearchIndia.com:
Exhorting all humans to stay away from this piece of trash, the wise souls of SearchIndia.com wrote:

Action Replayy suffers from problems galore.

They have stolen a fairly entertaining story from Back to the Future and made a hopeless, nausea-inducing mess of it by focusing almost exclusively on love to the exclusion of everything else….

Folks, unless you are convinced that you are not of the homo sapiens race, stay away from this turd-pile a.k.a. Action Replayy.

Stay at home, sleep, wank off or do whatever you little twits do in your free time but do not even consider seeing this nonsense.

Reuters:

Director Vipul Shah certainly seems to believe in reliving the past in “Action Replayy”, as do his main characters but they relive it so badly you want to shake them back to the present. The past here holds no romance, there are only bad wigs and garish clothes to represent it….[Director] Shah has absolutely no control on this film — at the end of “Action Replayy” you have no idea why everyone acted the way they did — you are just glad it’s over and you can finally go home. Akshay Kumar and Aishwarya Rai could have been styled so much better,

Indian Express:

Right from the beginning, ‘Action Replayy’ feels like an old idea desperately in search of old garb, and in this case, because the year is 1975, that means a surfeit of bell-bottoms, polka dots and round ear-hoops draped around Kishan ( Akshay) and Mala ( Aishwarya), and their friends….What could have been a passable comedy, given the combined talents of Akshay-Om-Kirron-Rajpal in that department, never really gets a start. The lack of smartness in the writing shows up the absence of a plot : each actor has maybe one good line.

Rediff:

This is, first and foremost, a tacky film. I suggest not that the film is badly produced, and indeed it glossily wears its budget on its sleeve, albeit with ill-advised pride, like that of a chubby middle-aged gentleman poured into a tight Ed Hardy t-shirt.

The screen pops with oversaturated colour, and there is much retro bling ostentatiously scattered all over the place, but the obnoxiously bright artlessness isn’t the film’s biggest problem. The tastelessness flowing right down into the script, however, makes for a very different league of disaster….Kumar tries valiantly, but it’s getting harder and harder to enjoy watching the man repeat himself so shamelessly.
Rai continues to grate on the nerves,

Wogma:

If you are a fan of 70s pop culture, if ‘retro’ sounds like home to you, then please don’t watch Action Replayy – you might be tempted to destroy some furniture. If you are a sci-fi buff and still hold out for some promise in Bollywood, I suggest you look elsewhere. But if bright colours, loud noises and easy gags entertain you, Action Replayy just might work for you…..The trouble with this spoof is its lack of authenticity. Considering that the subject is an age of rich iconography and abundant pop culture references, Action Replayy is woefully tacky in its depiction. Coverage is very superficial, sticking only to crazy hairstyles and an explosion of polka-dots in every scene.

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