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Aug 312012
 




If it’s an Akshay Kumar film, you can be sure it’s got garbage written all over it.

The bozo’s new film Joker released today, to almost universal derision.

The only silver lining is that the trashy film has had a poor opening in India.

Here, read excerpts from some of the reviews for Joker:

NDTV

Joker is a crude joke of a film that will leave you in tears unless you have a stomach strong enough to digest such unmitigated junk.

Occasionally, trash does have its uses in the domain of entertainment. But when it decomposes and turns into putrid garbage, it stinks. Yes, Joker is a load of rubbish that belongs in the dump yard.

Rediff

There isn’t a single line in Shirish Kunder’s Joker that actually works…

DNA

The best thing I can say about Joker is that it’s better than Tees Maar Khan. That gem — the benchmark of all that is mind-numbingly terrible about Hindi films….Listing out the inanities of Joker would take an obnoxiously long amount of time and effort, in addition to the two hours the film saps out of your soul watching it.

Bollywood Hungama/IndiaFM

[I]t gets cumbersome to sit through the film after a point, since what unfurls is ridiculous and bizarre. ..On the whole, JOKER is a joke of a film. Disaster!

Aug 292012
 

Why is there malnutrition in Gujarat?

Sane people like SI and some of my readers would assume that malnutrition and starvation in India is mostly a function of poverty.

But not according to the Hindu communal Chutiya and Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi.

This is what Modi had to say about malnutrition in Gujarat in a recent interview with the Wall Street Journal (August 29, 2012):

About half of Gujarati children under five were stunted, or too short for their age, as of 2006, according to the latest available figures from the Indian government.

Mr. Modi attributes malnutrition problems partly to Gujaratis being largely vegetarian and partly to body-image issues among young women. “The middle class is more beauty-conscious than health-conscious—that is a challenge,” he said. “If a mother tells her daughter to have milk, they’ll have a fight—she’ll tell her mother, ‘I won’t drink milk. I’ll get fat.’ “

Only in Incredible India is inaccessibility to food and the daily anguish of the poor attributed to a beauty craze!

Aug 292012
 

Director: Morten Tyldum.
Screenplay: Lars Gudmestad and Ulf Ryberg
Writer: Jo Nesbøl (the novel Hodejegerne a.k.a. Headhunters)
Cast: Aksel Hennie, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Synnøve Macody Lund, Eivind Sander, Julie R. Ølgaard
Budget: 30.3 million Krone ($5.2 million)

If you don’t gamble, you don’t win.
- Roger Brown in Headhunters

Movie buffs (the real ones, not the Billa or Ek Tha Tiger chutiya fans) have found much to love in the Norwegian crime thriller Headhunters.

Last night, SI joined the movie’s chorus of admirers.

The film is based on popular Norwegian crime writer Jo Nesbøl’s novel Hodejegerne a.k.a. Headhunters).

As the few who can still hold a book in their hands know, some of the best crime fiction in the 21st century comes from Scandinavia.

Jo Nesbøl, like the late Swedish writer Stieg Larsson, has captured the imagination of millions of Europeans with a string of gripping crime novels.

Nice Bloodletting

Made on a modest budget, Headhunters is a riveting amalgam of solid writing, decent acting and a good bit of bloodletting.

There’s a furious energy and momentum to the movie that we rarely encounter in Hollywood these days.

Hell, even the dead come to life in one jolting scene (don’t worry, I’m not giving anything away).

Roger Brown (Aksel Hennie), a headhunter for a Norwegian human relations consulting firm, is madly in love with his 6-ft tall beautiful, sexy wife Diana Brown (Synnøve Macody Lund).

Alas, great beauty often extracts a great price. Continue reading »

Aug 272012
 

(For SI blog reader unknownvirus who first recommended this gem and accurately predicted it’d win the Oscar)

Salaam Aleikum, I have a religious question.

I am working in a house.

There’s an old man I’m supposed to care for.

I wanted to ask, pardon me, but he has wet his pants.

I wanted to know if I change him, will it count as a sin?

- Old man’s caretaker Razieh to the clerics (??) in A Separation

Producer, Director and Writer – Asghar Farhadi
Cast: Leila Hatami, Peyman Moaadi, Shahab Hosseini, Sareh Bayat and Sarina Farhadi
Budget: $800,000
Release Date: February, 2011
Awards: Oscar, Golden Globe etc

A Separation is a brilliant film.

Richly deserving of the Best Foreign Film Oscar, the Golden Globe and several other encomiums heaped upon it.

The kind of film that the Bollywood mongrels will never be able to make in a million years!

SI has not seen a better film than A Separation in the last 12 months

At times, I wonder why I’m even reviewing this majestic drama for all ye schmucks forever bent down at the altar of the Chutiya Bachchans and Chutiya Khans.

Collapse of a Family

A Separation is a simple Iranian family drama.

But one that’s told beautifully.

None of that high octane shooting, leaping and chasing stuff, the computer graphics gimmickry or the item numbers and picturesque foreign locales (so beloved of our Bollywood producers) in this film.

The opening scene is a divorce court.

A couple is facing the camera and explaining the rationale for the divorce application.

This is not your standard couple approaching a divorce court. The two partners Simin and her husband Nader still love each other and, of course, their young daughter Termeh.

But there’s a problem in Eden. Otherwise, the couple wouldn’t be at the divorce court, right?

Simin has got a visa and is desperate to leave Iran for a better life abroad. But Nader refuses to accompany her.

Soon, Simin packs up her bags and quits the house, leaving behind her 11-year-old daughter Termeh, Nader and her senile father-in-law who cannot take care of himself.

Realistic Take

When Nader appoints a young lady Razieh to take care of his senile father, things slowly start spiraling out of control and ultimately comes crashing horribly down on the family in ways that no one ever expected.

Before we know, Nader is arrested for murder!

The movie is a highly realistic exercise in its portrayal of events that could happen to any family anywhere in these times.

The acting is all round excellent, the photography pleasing and there’s not a single frame out of place.

Leila Hatami plays Simin, Peyman Moaadi is the tense, harried Nader, Shahab Hosseini is cast as the angry, depressed Hodjat and Sareh Bayat is Hodjat’s wife and caretaker Razieh.

Each one is superb and together they deliver a riveting drama rarely seen on the screen these days. Continue reading »

Aug 242012
 
Brakes are death. I hate brakes.

- Bicycle messenger Wilee to his girlfriend Vanessa in Premium Rush

Wow, who’d have thought a movie involving car bicycle chases would be this entertaining.

Man, this is one scorcher of a film.

Sometimes in movies even if the story is wafer-thin or almost non-existent the fun is still there in the telling, the execution.

And it’s in the telling that Premium Rush provides a solid adrenalin jolt that never ceases from the opening scene, when our messenger guy Wilee falls to the ground in slow motion after a crash, to the last when all’s well that ends well and Wileee is back on the streets again pedaling away furiously.

Wild Ride

Directed by David Koepp, based on a script he co-wrote with John Kamps, the movie is a wild, frenetic joyous ride across Manhattan.

Eschewing the bar and the suits (literal and figurative), law graduate Wilee (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) works as a messenger in NYC.

Yeah, one of 1,500 such messengers ferrying packets and letters from one end of Manhattan to the other.

But one envelope he picks up from a young Chinese lady on 116th St proves deadly.

Well, almost.

No sooner does he get the envelope than other people seem to want it.

And they’ll do anything to get it from him. Continue reading »

Aug 242012
 

Bet you schmucks will believe anything!

If someone were to tell you that the Sun revolves around the Earth, I won’t be surprised if you most of you putzheads say ‘Amen.’ ;)

Oh well, much as I love candy, liquor is quicker. Hey, it’s Friday!

If you chutiyas happen to be on 8th Ave in New York City, you know where to go.

The below peep-show place is on 8th Ave (between W.43rd St and W.44th St), a short walk from the Port Authority subway station.

Adult Video Store on 8th Ave, NYCSweet Relief in NYC @ 8th Ave (between W.43rd St and W.44th St)

Back in the good old days, before that crazy Rudy Giuliani became Mayor there used to be plenty of peep show video parlors in the Times Square area.

And there was plenty more going on at these places than just video-booths showing 3-minute aah-oooh movies for a few quarters.

There was lot of touch-and-feel stuff too upstairs. ;)

Oh yeah, there used to be lotsa gals making money on the side by giving hand-jobs and blowjobs when their husbands and boyfriends were slaving away at their stoopid desk-jobs, that is when the men were not making eyes at their pretty colleagues.

Some of these video parlors were even owned by Indians (now, don’t you dare ask me how I know).

The problem with the Republican SOBs is that they are a bunch of hypocritical sleazebags that want to deprive us of all the good things of life like hookers, peepshows, lap-dances, Bacchus etc!

Now you know why I never ever Vote for a Republican candidate. :(

Adult Story & Peep Shows on 8th Ave NYCGirls, Girls, Girls…but Not a Single …to….