(By Naveen)
What the f#ck was that Joker Johar thinking?
Did he think remaking his dad’s old flop movie would make his dad feel better?
Is Karan Johar trying to tell the world that he is better at the craft than his dad?
Is he trying to remind how his dad’s f#cked up movie was an unwatchable dud?
If he is trying to do any of the above then he has succeeded.
Yes! the new Agneepath is way better than his dad’s atrocious attempt.
Hey wait! I am not saying the new movie is good.
I am saying it’s better than the old one which isn’t much if you have seen the old one!
So, pull up your pants or panties and continue to read ahead.
I had no interest, time or intention to watch the new “Agneepath”, produced by Karan Johar as a tribute to his father’s two decades old attempt.
However, I was cajoled into making time by my persistent friends in a moment of weakness.
I’ll try to focus on comparison with the old Agneepath as SI has already posted a well written review for new Agneepath by Sonny.
Agneepath – Story
New Agneepath is directed by first timer Karan Malhotra.
Agneepath is about Vijay Dheenanath Chauhan (Hrithik Roshan) taking revenge on the Evil Kancha Cheena (Sanjay Dutt) for killing his father.
Priyanka Chopra plays his childhood friend + love interest and Rishi Kapoor plays Rauf Lala, a girl trafficker, drug peddling gangster who considers Kancha Cheena a mortal enemy.
The movie is about how the revenge is taken and who backstabs who in the process.
Comparison
The rationale for revenge is more profound in the new Agneepath.
OLD: Vijay’s dad is killed by the people of Mandhwa. The local Zamindar plots the death and Kancha Cheena merely asks the Zamindar to take care of the master and ensure the village doesn’t get electricity.
NEW: Kancha Cheena personally executes Vijay’s dad in a brutal way after turning the village against him.
New version is less idiotic than the old version
OLD: Amitabh played the Vijay like depressed fool. Vijay goes unarmed to the place where his enemies are waiting to kill him and nearly succeeds in getting bumped off. That dumb ploy was supposed to be heroic.
NEW: Hrithik’s Vijay shows more purpose. He is young, fit, focused, deadly and doesn’t brood like Amitabh.
OLD: Mithun Chakraborthy plays Krishnan Iyer M.A, a Lungi clad Tamil coconut seller speaking in a highly exaggerated accent. He puts up a performance that would shame drunk baboons. His character had a unnecessary romance track with Vijay’s sister, played by Neelam.
NEW: No Krishnan Iyer character and no romance for Vijay’s sister (Hooray!! Thank you!!)
OLD: Vijay and his sister seem just few years apart when they were young but the grown up Vijay is 36 years old and his sister is still a teenager or barely out of college!! Don’t women age too? 
NEW: Vijay’s sister is born soon after their father’s death and the age difference is gracefully maintained.
OLD: Kancha Cheena has four enemies. They bail out the young Vijay after he blows up a gas station owned by KC and that’s how grows up as a Gangster. These four enemies are portrayed in a juvenile fashion as cowardly clowns.
NEW: Vijay takes refuge under Rauf Lala’s tutelage after killing a cop. Rauf Lala is a seasoned gangster who is even more powerful than Kancha Cheena.
Stupidity introduced in the new Agneepath
Now how can we have a Bollywood movie that has all improvements?
Rauf Lala is more disgusting in many ways than Kancha Cheena. He openly auctions young girls to lecherous men in broad daylight besides dealing in drugs and running gangs. Vijay chooses to side with this guy for his revenge pursuit.
Isn’t it completely contrary to the teachings of his father? To me, any moral sympathy that the Vijay character had vanished with that association.
The only photo the Police department has of Vijay is from his childhood. Although, Vijay roams around freely, participates in Ganpati functions and even meets the Police Commissioner from time to time.
Sanjay Dutt plays Kancha Cheena as a evil, disgusting, low-down psychotic freak. No problems with that but he is hardly shown doing anything smart. Although I have nothing against the portrayal I think the suit wearing suave Kancha Chenna played by Danny was also good.
Agneepath – Acting
Rishi Kapoor – Brilliant! Kudos to him for taking up the lecherous Rauf Lala role and pulling off a fine performance.
Sanjay Dutt – His presence was more dominating than his acting. He looked like a mountain and with that bald head looks every bit evil. He was adequate as Kancha Cheena but I wish his role had more screen time.
Hrithik Roshan – As far as Hrithik is concerned I guess it suffices to say that he was a better Vijay than Amitabh. Good performance.. nothing to complain… he would have had better scope to perform if his role would have been written with more dimensions to his emotions. He is very good in the scene where he walks off the dinner table at his mother’s home.
Priyanka Chopra – I am not going to bash her because her role was too insignificant and she had very little screen time. A blessing in disguise?
Om Puri – Fine actor… bland role… good but nothing special
Actually I liked the performance of the boy who played young Vijay.
Agneepath – Songs and Music
Ajay-Atul’s music was cacophonic nonsense.
None of the songs stay in mind, the BMG was too loud and it stays that way throughout the movie. Avoidable!
Agneepath – Recommendation
The first half is fast and engaging but it loses steam and degenerates to a looooooooong and boooooooooooooooring second half.
It just goes on and on and on until they seemed to have ran out of ideas.
The fight between Hrithik and Sanjay Dutt was disappointing.
The new Agneepath does not break any new grounds.
It offers nothing new in terms of a revenge movie. It is no Kill Bill or Sholay.
It is one man’s fantasy to rehash his dad’s trash.
It is better than the old version but that is the best I can say about it.
Agneepath Related Stories
Agneepath (2012) – A Blazing Bollywood Bonanza
Agneepath (1990) – Nauseating Piece of Shit
Agneepath Box Office – Way Less than Don 2
Folks, Agneepath’s box office numbers are out.
We mean the U.S. box office numbers.
And they are not good.
At least, not as good as the assaulter Khan’s Don 2.
Here’s how Agneepath fared at the box office in its opening weekend compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:
Related Stories:
Agneepath Review – A Blazing Bollywood Bonanza
Jul 152011
ZNMD 2nd Wknd BO – Better Than Singham 1st Wknd
Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara Strikes Gold at U.S. BO
Now, will y’all please join us in wishing Karan Johar a blessed life in his new sex.
After watching the new Bollywood film Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, we were so happy to learn that Karan Johar finally took the sex change plunge, followed up with a name-change and turned into lil’ Zoya Akhtar.
Tho thweet.
Only Indians, No Bharatvasis
Now, if you schmucks are scratching your Parachute-oiled bald pates wondering how on earth we landed this Karan-turns-into-Zoya scoop, didn’t we tell you at the outset that we watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara or, in DDLJ ishtyle shortened to ZNMD.
All those young and pretty Indian and foreign faces, rich NRIs talking of Ferraris, three-bedroom apartments in London, flying business-class, exotic beaches, a long Bachelor party before marriage, architects working on big hotel projects, 12,000-Euro ‘Bagwati’ bags, diamond rings, staying in fancy hotels, running with the bulls in San Fermin, sky-diving in blue skies, snorkeling in blue waters, a long road-trip in Spain with wild horses galloping alongside sometimes, voila all things beeeyootiful.
Thank God, none of those ugly messy Bharatvasis appear anywhere in the frame. No slums, No crowded Mumbai trains, None of that grime and dirt reminding us of Bharat anywhere!
Who but Karan Johar can fit ‘India’ so neatly into the frame while mercilessly excising ‘Bharat’ out of the nice, feel-good images of Shining India.
Thank You Karan oops Zoya.
Slick Road Trip
Make no mistake. Continue reading »
Sep 072010
We are Happy. 
You wanna know why?
Because chutiya Bollywood film We are Family has right royally been buggered at the box office.
The U.S. box office that is.
Shitty Performance at BO
In the September 3-5, 2010 opening weekend, We are Family could not even do $300,000 at the U.S. box office.
All that this shitty film could manage was a terribly low $296,907.
But then We are Family’s poor box office performance is hardly surprising considering how bad the movie was and the negative reviews it garnered both in India and the U.S.
This trashy movie was unworthy of being released on the big screen. Maybe, at Kajol’s private baby-shower party but definitely not in theaters.
Folks, as the wise souls at SearchIndia.com said in their exemplary review of this piece of trash:
Not so much a movie as cow-dung flung on the screen, We Are Family suffers from intolerably hideous acting, incomprehensibly awful screenplay and insanely bad music….
Guys/Gals, if you take a soldering iron to your balls or boobs you’re likely to inflict less pain on yourself compared to watching this piece of shit called We are Family.
Here see for yourself in the below table how badly We are Family has fared in the September 3-5, 2010 opening weekend: Continue reading »
We are Family Review – Disgustingly Bad
Bollywood
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Sep 032010
We are Family: Ohhh, We are a Box Office Disaster
There are bad Bollywood movies.
Then there are very bad Bollywood movies.
Finally, there are the disgustingly, terribly bad Bollywood movies like We are Family (Kajol, Kareena Kapoor and Arjun Rampal) that are unworthy of even being screened in theaters.
Surely, a special place is reserved in hell for the Shaitans (makers and cast) involved with the Karan Johar produced We Are Family.
Not so much a movie as cow-dung flung on the screen, We Are Family suffers from intolerably hideous acting, incomprehensibly awful screenplay and insanely bad music.
That we managed to come out of the movie-hall with our sanity intact after sitting through this nightmare is nothing short of a miracle.
Pitiful Remake of Stepmom
As all but the schmucks know by now, We are Family is a remake of the 1998 Hollywood film Stepmom (featuring the peerless Susan Sarandon and Pretty Woman Julia Roberts).
Stepmom is hardly a masterpiece and yet it’s a million times more watchable than We are Family. Continue reading »
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