Now, will y’all please join us in wishing Karan Johar a blessed life in his new sex.
After watching the new Bollywood film Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, we were so happy to learn that Karan Johar finally took the sex change plunge, followed up with a name-change and turned into lil’ Zoya Akhtar.
Only Indians, No Bharatvasis
Now, if you schmucks are scratching your Parachute-oiled bald pates wondering how on earth we landed this Karan-turns-into-Zoya scoop, didn’t we tell you at the outset that we watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara or, in DDLJ ishtyle shortened to ZNMD.
All those young and pretty Indian and foreign faces, rich NRIs talking of Ferraris, three-bedroom apartments in London, flying business-class, exotic beaches, a long Bachelor party before marriage, architects working on big hotel projects, 12,000-Euro ‘Bagwati’ bags, diamond rings, staying in fancy hotels, running with the bulls in San Fermin, sky-diving in blue skies, snorkeling in blue waters, a long road-trip in Spain with wild horses galloping alongside sometimes, voila all things beeeyootiful.
Thank God, none of those ugly messy Bharatvasis appear anywhere in the frame. No slums, No crowded Mumbai trains, None of that grime and dirt reminding us of Bharat anywhere!
Who but Karan Johar can fit ‘India’ so neatly into the frame while mercilessly excising ‘Bharat’ out of the nice, feel-good images of Shining India.
Thank You Karan oops Zoya.
Slick Road Trip
Make no mistake.
As Indians, and NRIs of long-standing, we can’t and most definitely won’t complain about Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.
No, not from us one pip-squeak of protest, Karan beti.
Hey, why should we?
After all, Karan Johar oops Zoya Akhtar has accomplished a lot in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara – provided us with some breathtaking shots of Spain where silence reigns supreme, the girls look radiant (even if their chests are smaller than we’d like), the men flaunt their chests, the Flamenco dancers capture our imagination and even the NRI painter Salman Habib (Naseeruddin Shah) looks sufficiently Bohemian or M.F.Hussainesque, if you please.
To make sure we don’t get bored with the boxy SUV, the roomy car in the beginning of the road trip soon makes way for the cramped blue convertible.
Blue skies, Blue waters, Blue convertible, who can complain?
Hell, what’s left to complain!
As all of you with the almighty power of the mouse-click in your hands have probably read or heard by now, ZNMD is about three friends Kabir (Abhay Deol), Arjun (Hrithik Roshan) and Imran (Farhan Akhtar) embarking on a long road-trip through Spain.
The trip is not merely an opportunity for the three friends living in different cities to re-bond together, but also conquer their fears and, above all, learn to Carpe Diem.
Wow, so much accomplished on such small roads in a small car in a short time.
It’s to Zoya Akhtar’s credit that she does a neat, slick job within the ‘Indian” framework she was born into and with which she’s most comfortable.
The cool cats Abhay Deol, Hrithik Roshan and Farhan Akhtar do a more than acceptable job in the acting department, even when they’re flinging tomatoes or pretending to run from the bulls.
Of course, there are a few members of the distaff sex around. They come in the form of Katrina Kaif, Kalki Koechlin and the Spanish babe Ariadna Cabrol. But this being Bollywood the gals are kind of extras, since the camera is mostly focused on one or the other guys.
With Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara sure to grab the attention of all those ‘Indians’ (screw the Bharatvasis) everywhere and keep the box office gods happy this weekend, all we need to do now is look for a nice little boy for our Karan oops Zoya beti.
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, ha na? 😉