(Bollywood film Singham is a remake of the Tamil Singam)
Oh, no. Singam is not a bad movie. Most definitely not.
Au contraire, it’s a hideously awful movie. Asingam (trashy), to use an apposite Tamil term.
Sick. Crude. Trashy. Ugly.
All of the above appellations fit this depressingly disgusting film to a T.
If Singam proves anything at all, it’s that its hero Sori-Padam Surya and director Hari retain their unerring eye for grotesque perversity.
By God, if we were Sivakumar Senior, we’d forthwith haul our son Surya Sivakumar to the nearest abattoir, bring down the knife on the wayward offspring, fling the carcass along with those of the pigs, goats and Hari (director of Singam) and beg forgiveness from Tamil people around the world for this sordid treachery.
That’d be just penitence for the repeated suffering inflicted by the recidivist Surya on 74 million Tamils over the last few years, a pain that continues unabated with his latest film Singam.
There were all of 12 people for the opening show of Singam in the U.S. (at Anil Ambani’s Big Cinemas in North Bergen, NJ, just outside midtown Manhattan).
We didn’t see such much enthusiasm for the movie given that some people were walking in and out in the middle of the movie. Guys, you’d do that after paying $11.50 only if the movie is a pathetic piece of shit, which undoubtedly Singam is.
With a fig-leaf of a boring story, a miserable cartoon of a villain, loud noise masquerading as music, a hero who thinks yelling is acting and a heroine who alternates between pouting and flashing her thighs and tits, Singam is but the latest instance of a bunch of gibbering monkeys perpetrating big-time fraud in an avaricious effort to rob you of your time and money.
Surya is cast as Dorai Singam, the upright, doughty and much beloved police sub-inspector in a small village in the deep south of Tamil Nadu.
An unpleasant encounter with Mayilvahanam (Prakash Raj), a villain and extortionist from Chennai sets the stage for the ad infinitum clash between the two, which takes up the rest of this nonsense.
When the two main characters Dorai Singam and Mayilvahanam are not yelling at each other, they’re annoying the hell out of the audience with their sophomoric antics.
The de rigueur romance and skin-show angle is provided by the buxom babe Anushka Shetty playing Kavya, a young girl on a visit to the village/small town where Dorai Singam works.
Here’s how the police in Tamil Nadu investigate the complaint of a missing necklace from a young girl Kavya (Anushka):
Nightie eppadi kalatuve – Shirt Madhariya illa Banian Madhariya? (When you remove your nightie, do you do it like a shirt or like a banian?)
To double our agony, Dorai Singam’s sidekick Erimalai (Vivek) repeats this inanity a few minutes later in a futile, juvenile attempt to make us laugh.
Folks, such is the ceaseless drivel in this repellent nonsense. We swear on Jyothika. 😉
What a shame that when foreign filmmakers bring us richly layered movies like The Secret in Their Eyes, In Bruges, Kick Ass, A Prophet et al we’re constrained to seek cover from the Singam kinda dysentery raining down upon us.
Torchbearers of Trash
Surya Sivakumar is, of course, the principal torchbearer of this mindless carnage.
Screaming, lunging and howling like one possessed of the devil, Surya does not entertain as much as asphyxiate.
The rest of the simian troupe does no better.
True to the insult (‘Irritating Idiot‘) Surya hurls at her moments after he first meets her when she’s disguised as a tiger, tail and all (we’re not kidding), Anushka does little but pout or provide us frequent glimpses of her belly button, fleshy thighs and well endowed bosom (at the least 34C). Most of the time, all three simultaneously.
Don’t be surprised if biology teachers in Tamil Nadu use Anushka in Singam to explain the female anatomy since very little of this twit is left unexposed.
Then, of course, there’s the moron-in-chief of this dystopian nightmare Hari, who takes credit for the story, screenplay, dialogs and direction, all of it handled with a degree of perversity unmatched in the movie business.
Safe to say Hari is better suited to playing the guide in the Hades.
The fight scenes are bizarre and the choreography comical. Will someone please tell Anushka that wanton displays of her thighs and tits is one thing but dancing is an entirely different thing?
By the way, every single confrontation between Dorai Singam and Mayilvahanam was laughably silly, be it the one in the police station, at the thug’s house, on the beach or the final one when the villain is on the run.
Vivek – Meaningless, Garishly Unfunny
Easily one of the most vexing part of the movie, Vivek’s character of a clownish underling to Surya was not in the least funny but infinitely revolting.
Each time, Vivek came on the screen we felt like bellowing at the screen in a paroxysm of rage.
Also, Vivek’s role had nothing to do with the rest of the nonsense transpiring on the screen.
You’d have greater odds of listening to better music by joining a funeral procession in Tamil Nadu on its way to the cremation ground.
Not one of the songs in Singam had any merit.
As for their picturization, they can best be described as a combination of equal parts obscene and the amateurish.
Wherever Devi Sri Prasad’s talent may lie, it most definitely is not in the music arena.
Now pay heed, all ye schmucks.
Valiantly, and unmindful of the danger we placed our head below the guillotine to spare y’all the ordeal.
If you’ve anything resembling sense in that hard appendage above your neck, show the middle finger to Singam.
Tell those jackasses (cast and crew) that they can shove this garbage a.k.a. Singam, up their canals.
Singam is most unworthy of your money or time.
Not even worth stealing via an illegal download. That’s how bad this stinking garbage is.