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Jun 032011
 




Mein Kutta Hoon, Yeh Kutiya Hain (I am a dog and she is my bitch).
- Salman Khan’s character Prem referring to his girlfriend Pooja (played by Asin) in the movie Ready

In the dismal annals of bad Indian movies, Ready (Salman Khan, Asin Thottumkal) occupies pride of place.

The Bollywood movie, which released in the U.S. this morning, is a nauseatingly awful piece of junk that has few parallels.

A  movie with a fig leaf of a story so sophomoric that one shudders at the damage such tripe inflict on the already battered reputation of Bollywood.

As many of our smart readers are aware, Ready is the remake of a Telugu movie bearing the same name. We missed the Telugu version but it was our great misfortune to watch the Tamil version.

Directed by a Bollywood yokel answering to the yells of Anees Bazmee, Ready’s claim to fame is that the camera relentlessly maintains its focus on Salman Khan’s swollen, aging face much of the time as he makes a jackass of himself.

Bollywood rogue Salman Khan plays a young man Prem living with his wealthy parents and uncles in a large house.

Don’t ask us what Prem does for a living, his plans or his background. We have no clue. And neither does director Anees Bazmee.

The rest of the movie is an endless tableau of meaningless scenes that are bereft of any logic and bizarrely awful.

A forgetful father, an oddball accountant, a devil of a grandson, two brothers with ponytails and a retard-like heroine are some of the grotesque creatures making up the Ready menagerie.

The romantic angle comes (dis)courtesy of Malayalee midget Asin, who plays a wealthy American girl Sanjana escaping from her two hideous Indian uncles and somehow manages to land in Prem’s house by pretending to be another American girl Pooja.

The rest of the intolerable movie involves Prem teaming up with an accountant (Paresh Rawal) and dragging the movie further into the pits of hell from which there’s no escape until the credits start rolling at the end.

Bad as Salman Khan was in his earlier movies, he’s worse now as he starts to show signs of age and sleepwalks through his movies.

Asin demonstrates that after more than a decade in the movie business you can still not learn anything. The Mallu pygmy can’t act, can’t dance and doesn’t even have a voluptuous figure to compensate.

In the Dhinka Chika song, as Asin sluttishly thrusts her pelvis forward and wildly swings her hips while clad in a white mini-skirt and a tight yellow T-shirt we puked our guts out at the sheer ugliness, gracelessness and hideousness of this freak’s contortions.

Except for the hummable Character Dheela and Dhinka Chika numbers, the rest of the music is sheer noise and eminently forgettable.

Folks, the release of movies like Ready and Salman Khan’s previous abortion Dabanng herald the descent of a long night of darkness on Bollywood.

SearchIndia.com strongly recommends you stay away from Ready. This is one movie that’s clearly not meant for humans.

Related Stories:
Ready U.S. Box Office Report – Horrrrrible

Is Darpok Salman Khan Ready to Confess to Murder?
Is Salman Khan Ready to Fall at Aishwarya’s Feet & Beg Forgiveness?

  23 Responses to “Ready Review – Pageant of Trash”

  1. Past 1 Week, All articles by SI showing Salman mania suddenly.. what happened.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Really?

    No biases here against anyone.

  2. do u know salman’s future movies,its all remake of telugu movies like kick,mirapakai etc,so i think salman should leave bollywood and to go to telugu industry,as telugu industry suits salman ,both are utter rubhish,but it will be a benefit to a better bollywood,as they have some talented directors like vishal bhardwaj,anurag kashyap to have freedom to release there serious movies in between these masala movies like “ready”.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Salman is not the only one jumping into the Southern cesspool.

    Even Ajay Devgn is doing the remake of a Tamil movie – (A)Singam. :(

    • While Ajay Devgn is remaking Singam (which has been remade in Kannada and Bengali, fyi) and Salman is doing Kick, Bodyguard, Mirapakai, etc, John Abrahams is remaking Kaakha Kaakha :’( (i could cry), Pratheik Babar is doing VTV and 2004 film ‘Kadhal’, Akshay Kumar is doing Ko and as well as Siruthai with Prabhu Deva directing it (oh god)…Santhosh Subramaniyam and Vedam/Vaanam is also being remade….damn, thats a lot of remakes right from the top of my head :D

      OH, but this one is the funniest (beats Vijay doing Aamir Khan’s role in 3 Idiots):

      Simbhu aka STR is remaking Dabangg in Tamil :D :D :D hahahahahahahahaaaa

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      God save Bollywood.

  3. Baba Ramdev has started an indefinite fast from today morning, demanding the return of black money to India. What is your opinion. Do u think it will succeed?

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    You write: Do u think it will succeed?
    Does anything succeed in India? :(

    We read an AP story last night mentioning critics’ complaints that Ramkishan Yadav aka Baba Ramdev had “amassed a fortune in donations…with little accounting.”

    BTW, Ramkishan Yadav arrived in a chartered plane in Delhi on Wednesday.

    We have greater respect for Anna Hazare.

  4. Just returned from evening show of Ready.

    Having seen Uthamaputhiran, it was boring, n salman as usual was stupid. Vivek, only good thing of uthama had played his character so well, but paresh rawal was looking quite confused like his character.

  5. BTW, Iam waiting for ur review on X-MEN:First Class which cud be ur redemption after watchin this trash.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Right now, roaming around Chinatown in NYC.

    X Men: First Class, maybe tomorrow.

  6. Off-topic: Baba Ramdev arrested at 1.00 am today morning. Congress dar gayi. He He…

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Yeah, read that.

    Ramdev’s large business empire will be a limiting factor.

  7. Peegeant of Trash is more appropriate.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    True.

    The movie showcases multiple instances of peeing (once by the thuggish grandson in his pants, next by Salman to signal interval or Pee-Break and at the end by a bunch of Thai kids on the villains).

  8. OT: Kodumai O Kodumai. Time to abandon earth! :((

    http://www.behindwoods.com/tamil-movie-news-1/jun-11-01/vijaykanth-premalatha-04-06-11.html

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Can Tamil h(z)eroes get any worse after T.Rajendar?

  9. Nothing beats “Vada en machi vazhakka bajji”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4t87odQvxY

    or this rant video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC8ijvkNcQE :))

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Watched the first video (the action) and FastForwarded the second. Humans must not watch it. In comparison to TR, Salman Khan’s fight scenes look positively aesthetic.

    Some Zoo in Tamil Nadu has one empty cage with the board Chimp Missing for 50 Years.

    • I had the good fortune of travelling in the same flight as TR from Madurai to Chennai in 2005. As soon as he got off the plane he prostrated on the ground and worshipped Chennai mannu. He kept pretty much to himself on the transit bus from the plane to the arrival gate. He shook hands of whoever had the guts to approach him :)

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      We hope the hands that typed the above comment did not irredeemably soil itself by shaking that ape’s hand. :(

      • No way! “Kadichi vechittan na?” :)

        SearchIndia.com Responds:

        Possible. Can’t rule out anything with that simian creature.

        • Suggestions: -

          1. Can you add a More link to the Recent Comments section? At present it is hard to track your reply since only the 5 recent comments are available.Maybe you can expand that to 50 recent comments on clicking More. (or is there any other way i can quickly trace my comments and your replies?

          2. Can you allow users to change password?

          SearchIndia.com Responds:

          1. Just ‘Increased Enable threaded (nested) comments’ from 5-levels deep to 10-levels.

          We’ll see what we can do about adding ‘More’ for the comments. May not be difficult.

          Also plan to see if there are WordPress plugins that will allow older/senior/veteran users to get their comments published instantly without waiting for moderation from us, let readers rate comments and such stuff.

          2. Regarding changing password, try the forgot password option and the system will automatically generate and e-mail a new one.

          BTW, we don’t have access to anyone’s password.

          • “Comments RSS” solves the comments problem partially. The 15 recent comments are displayed.

            Password: It is a hassle to remember that automatic password. Ideally it would be great if I can set the password myself.

            Alrighty… Good Night!

            Searchindia .com Responds:

            We’ll see what we can do with the Password issue tomorrow. Doog nite.

          • Also plan to see if there are WordPress plugins that will allow older/senior/veteran users to get their comments published instantly without waiting for moderation from us, let readers rate comments and such stuff.

            Well, in your Settings → Discussion, there is an option “Before a comment appears”, where you can select the checkbox “Comment author must have a previously approved comment” and uncheck “An administrator must always approve the comment”. That way you will have to approve new comments and people with one or more approved comments can have their comments go through. Of course, with your approach where you publish your response in the same comment as the poster, this will not work (unless you choose to use nested comments yourself).

            For the other thing, about comment rating etc you can use Disqus or IntenseDebate. The latter is made by Automattic itself, but isn’t rated as highly as the former.

            Also, it is easy for users to change a password in a default installation. Basically as I type this comment, right above the comment box I see “Logged in as kreacher. Log out.” If I click the URL that “kreacher” directs to a profile link, where I can change the password. However, in your case you might have some kind of a security plugin that prevents this for happening.

            SearchIndia.com Responds:

            1. We installed the two plugins (Disqus and IntenseDebate), took a dekko at both and then decided against them.

            Primarily because they are both hosted offerings (that presumably require our ftp info to get access to the comments) and we no liking these hosted, toasted, clouded services.

            2. Also, unlike on other blogs, people post comments on SI with the expectation of seeing SI’s ‘thoughtful, irreverent and, occasionally, provocative’ responses. ;)

            Of course, it’d become difficult should comment volume increase but we keep a lid on that by restricting new signups.

            Plus, given the tone of our writing we have not surprisingly managed to make a lot of enemies whose sole raison d’etre is to fling creative abuse at us or relentlessly attack our sites. Filtering ‘bad’ words doesn’t help much given the misspellings and resort to vernacular trash.

            Bottom line, there are no easy solutions.

            3. We’ll continue to navigate the nooks and crannies of WordPress’ plugin ecosystem to see what other hidden gems lurk there.

  10. Ready shows huge drops from saturday itself :D
    People have rejected the movie.
    http://www.boxofficeindia.com/boxnewsdetail.php?page=shownews&articleid=2962&nCat=box_office_news

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    You write: Ready shows huge drops from saturday itself

    Do you suffer from a Reading Disability?

    Your link does NOT show a HUGE drop. Just a 5% drop. Your link also says:

    The film is unlikely to emerge a blockbuster now but Hit business is still on and possibly even Super Hit.

    Disgusting that this trashy movie should be a Hit or God forbid, a Super-Hit. :(

  11. Off-topic: for those of you who love led zeppelin and beautiful indian singers,this one will give you goosebumps.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4axrTFBV3cU

  12. This was nice.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggCsY864GbM&feature=share\

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Thanks for the link.

    Our favorites are Machchanae Pathingala from Annakili (a snippet can be seen/heard in your above link), Senthoora Poove (16 Vayadhinilae) and Mandra Vandhu (Mouna Ragam). Annakili also marked Ilayaraja’s debut as music director.

    Old Ilayaraja Songs We’re Listening To

  13. Off topic

    Heard of this upcoming Tamil movie??

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBJ_UpyQw_s&feature=related

    Looks very promising.
    it won the Grand Jury Award for Best Film at the South Asian International Film Festival.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaranya_Kaandam

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Yes, indeed it looks interesting.

    Here’s a short piece on the Aaranya Kaandam story.

    If you are involved with this film and if you can send us a 725×125 JPG/GIF banner we’ll be glad to provide some free publicity. Even if you are not involved with the film, do a banner and send it across. That will be your & our contribution to promoting (hopefully) good Tamil cinema that’s not stolen.

    • Though i’m not involved in this movie i’ll try my hand in designing a banner for promoting this movie and send it to you soon.

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      Good.

      Please send across the banner sooner rather than later. And if the movie wins any more awards, you can ask for your name to be included in the on-screen credits. ;)