By Naveen
Why can’t people stick to what they know best.
Or learn to steer clear of their core incompetency.
Why does Abhishek Bachchan “act”? Why does India have a Soccer team? Why does the TOI website publish soft porn alongside news?
Why do clueless bozos often man the kitchens in South Indian restaurants? Is there a conspiracy to give the nice South Indian food a bad rap.
Do the cooks take a peek at hapless patrons from their safe perch in the kitchen and have a sadistic laugh at their plight?
Convenient Location, Modest Décor
The epicenter of our bad Karma lies at the intersection of N Cass Ave and Ogden in Westmont, IL. For that’s where Shree South & North Indian Cuisine Vegetarian Restaurant is located.
Things started out well with easy parking and quick seating.
Perhaps the near-immediate seating at 1 pm on a Sunday should have set off alarm bells that a more alert diner would have heard and beaten a hasty retreat.
The restaurant appears quite modest from outside with the typical clutter of Indian magazines and Desi newspapers. The interiors are neat and simple.
The tables were well arranged and water was served instantly.
The Menu
To my cheap desi dismay, the Lunch Buffet is available only on weekdays.
Schade!
The menu was neat but the first thing that caught my caviling eye and evoked a chuckle was how they misspelled Vadai as Vedai.
That was the last time I laughed at Shree. 
Shree’s awkward menu packs a random selection of South and North Indian items. It has a confused and incomplete feel to it perhaps due to the owner’s ambivalence on whether to go all out South Indian or not.
Tell me, was the owner jerking off to desi porn while deciding the menu and prematurely ejaculated this list. How else can you explain these glaring anomalies:
* Special Vegetable Rice but No Vegetarian Biriyani
* South Indian Thali but no North Indian Thali
* Dal Kandhahari but no Dal Makhani / Yellow Dal
* Chapati but no Naan/Roti
Why?? Tell me, why??
And before I forget, they have a travesty called Prantha. I’ll come to it later.
Being the forgiving kind, I decided to ignore these egregious blunders mistakes and focus on ordering what they offered.
The Food
Rose Milk and Badam Kheer gave us a promising start that camouflaged the devilishly bad experience that was about to unfold.
While neither of the drinks gave us any orgasmic fits, they were fairly good, especially the Rose milk.
Badam Kheer was fine but a little thin for my liking.
Rose Milk
Badam Kheer
The drinks were followed by Vegetable Soup, a barely palatable salty concoction of Tomato and Carrot puree which we hoped was a onetime aberration.
Little did we know of the further miseries on the road ahead.
Vegetable Soup – A No-No
Our hunger and anticipation was somewhat insulted by the appearance of the Vegetable Cutlets.
The oval shaped monstrosity resembled nuts extracted from male South Asian (??) genitals.
The lousy filling coupled with the ugly appearance makes this the Father of all ugly food.
Vegetable Cutlet – Yeeks
Masala Vadai – Yuck
I switched my focus to the sexy-looking Masala Vadai hoping for redemption.
Just one bite had me gasping for water as the sexy bitch burnt my tongue.
The combination of the ridiculously cold Peanut Chutney and Coconut Chutney with the hot Sambar and deceptively hot Masala Vadai had me cursing the bastards.
The uneven temperature of the Masala Vadai makes me strongly suspect that these were 420s substituting Frozen Vadai in lieu of fresh preparations.
Main Course!
Those who have had the Poori Potato dish would know the divine aroma of the lovely Boiled Potato – Onion – Green Chilli – Coriander combination that makes you crave endlessly for more.
Alas, Shree’s Poori Potato had no such flavor or appeal.
The Poori had a tinge of Rice Flour and the Potato Subji was too greasy and bland.
Poori Potato – Abominable
With dirge in my heart and growing revulsion, I wearily trudged on to North Indian food hoping these bozos would be on a better footing at least here.
Since they had no choice of Naans or Parathas, I went with Chapati, Prantha and Baingan Bharta.
Baingan Bhartha – Decent Stuff
The Chapati was thick but easily edible since it was warm. The Baingan Bharta was fine although it was too high on Peas.
Compared to the disaster we were served, the Bharta was delicious.
After finishing off the Chapati, I pounced on the Prantha.
Two bites of Prantha had my face muscles twitching in disgust and horror.
The rotten Prantha seemingly made from Besan was hard to bite, difficult to swallow and disgusting as hell.
Was this prepared by a human hand? We want to know.
Out of respect for my digestive system, I decided to give any more of this item a pass.
Chapati – Well, ‘Tis Edible
Prantha – Sheer Hell
I finally ordered the most basic Gulab Jamun for dessert purely for the purpose of a thorough review.
After the ridiculous garbage this restaurant threw our way I was in high dudgeon but I’d have to say that the Gulab Jamun was ok.
Gulab Jamun – OK
Punishment Indeed
Soon after we returned home, my wife threw up and I had mild stomach ache.
I can’t think of anything else that could have caused it expect the pathetic food served by Shree Vegetarian restaurant in Westmont, IL.
Service
The routine tasks of filling empty glasses, clearing used plates, taking order promptly and delivering food quickly were performed efficiently. The waiter was courteous.
However, when I requested for a slightly modified order, the waiter took off his professional uniform and unveiled the clown inside. Let me elaborate…
The Iddly (2 pieces) is 5.95, Medu Vadai (2 pieces) is 5.95 and Masala Vedai (3 pieces) is 6.95.
I asked him for a plate of one Iddly, one Medu Vadai and one Masala Vadai and charge me accordingly but the clown stood there completely bewildered and went on to decline my request with the apologetic shit “My owner does not allow mixing orders, sir”. He also went on with a most absurd story “Our customer order combo of Dahi Vada and Sambar Vada and the owner asked not to take such orders”.
Verdict – Avoid Shree
There are numerous Indian restaurants in Shree’s proximity that serve far better South and North Indian food.
Shree’s patrons are either completely unaware of what is Indian food or they must love crap.
If you value your health and appreciate fine Indian food then stay far away from Shree, a charlatan of an Indian restaurant that serves lousy and potentially unhealthy food.
Ugly Dumpster, Divine Biryani
Yummy, Heavenly Biryani
Mysore Masala Dosa with Chutneys & Sambar – O La La La
Bisibele Bath – A Total Ripoff
Upma? Hell, This Ain’t No Upma
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