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By Naveen

Anil Kapoor’s eagerly anticipated Hollywood offering Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol released Thursday night in the U.S. exclusively at  IMAX theaters.

Anil’s Hollywood fans could hardly contain their excitement and paraded to the nearest theaters in numbers that make the “Occupy Wall Street” crowd seem like Monday morning gathering at the local Hindu temple.

These photos were taken 15 minutes before the show previews began at the AMC Naperville IMAX screen.

Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol -  Mindles Boob

Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol -  Mindles Boob

Fooled y’all.

Ha Ha Ha! :D

The crowd did build up slowly but the hall was far from even half occupied.

Little did I know when I bought the tickets for the IMAX screening of MI 4 that I’d ripped off by the scoundrels at AMC. This IMAX screen was bloody joke!

For a screen that is of same width as any regular screen and barely 2 feet taller it hardly qualifies as an IMAX experience. Now some will say that size doesn’t matter but don’t you believe those pricks!

When you pay 5 bucks more for the same movie, it better be worth it. After watching the peerless “Dark Knight” in the 6 story tall Navy Pier IMAX screen, this screen was a huge disappointment.

F#CK YOU AMC! F#CK YOU!!!

Now, unless you’ve been hiding in the septic tank called Kollywood you would know that MI 4 has some scenes shot in the very expensive IMAX format, which was very beautifully used in “The Dark Knight.”

Ghost Protocol is the 4th installment of the popular Mission Impossible franchise. Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg, Paula Patton, Michael Nyqvist and others co-star with Anil Kapoor in this Brad Bird directed edition.

Story & Screenplay

MI 4 is an action bonanza with spectacular special effects and a cockamamie nonsense of a story that mostly exists as an excuse to move from one action scene to another.

A Russian terrorist disguises himself as another guy to buy Russian nuclear codes from an assassin who stole from an American Secret Agent who stole from another guy who was going to hand it to the Russian terrorist.

The Russian terrorist re-programs an Indian satellite using a USB drive and fires a missile towards US. The codes of the satellite are known only to a business tycoon cum playboy.

Can Tom Cruise save the world? Continue reading »

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Indian restaurants in New York City come in two forms.

A small minority meant for humans and the vast majority aimed squarely at God’s four-legged feline, canine, hircine, asinine, porcine, leonine, vulpine etc creations.

We’ve graced the portals of the Indian Taj branch on Bleecker St in Greenwich Village (in downtown Manhattan).

Since the downtown location serves sexy Indian food we walked into the 74th St Jackson Heights branch of Indian Taj nourishing hopes of a similar titillating meal here too.

Merciless Assault

Alas, the Jackson Heights branch turned out to be the bastard child of the Indian Taj restaurant group that operates multiple restaurants in NYC.

For much of what we tasted at Indian Taj on 74th St in Jackson Heights is definitely not designed for biped, i.e. human consumption.

Indian Taj 74th St Jackson Heights Indian Taj Jackson Heights – Horrid Indian Food

What we encountered at Indian Taj was one brutal, furious, merciless assault after another on our taste buds.

Be it Vegetarian or Chicken items, Indian Taj’s kitchen lobbed one missile after another, lacerating not merely our palate but making sharp gashes into our tender soul at the thought that one Indian could be so perverse, so cruel, so heartless, so maleficent toward another.

Indian Taj – Horrid Fare

Can some sane individual explain to us how Chicken Chilli can be anything but spicy.

You see, the beastly monsters lurking inside Indian Taj’s kitchen decided that Chicken Chilli must be a spice-neutered, emasculated travesty.

Not in the least spicy, the blandness of Chicken Chilli brought tears to our eyes over the absence of any heat from the chillies and spices.

With their effete palates, a lot of Americans may not have the testicular fortitude for spicy Indian food.

But we certainly have the cojones for spicy food. Bring it on.

Adding insult to injury, the Chicken Chilli was cold, just minutes after the restaurant opened.

Indian Taj Jackson Heights Chicken ChilliCold, Spiceless Chicken Chilli

The medium sized Vegetable Samosa was evenly fried and that’s all we can say in its favor.

The Potato filling inside, which is the main allure of a Samosa, was horridly tasteless.

Worse than the bland mashed Potatoes that an American Grocery store deli peddles.

By God, if you can’t get the Samosa right you really have no place in an Indian kitchen. A Samosa is the equivalent of toasting bread.

How f*cking difficult can it be to get a Samosa right!

Indian Taj Tasteless SamosaTasteless Samosa (left)

Kadi Pakora with a surfeit of Turmeric Powder did not provide us any joy of eating this famed Punjabi delicacy.

Pakoras in Kadi Pakora were so tasteless that we cringed after one bite.

Indian Taj Jackson Heights - Kadi PakoraKadi Pakora – Mucho Turmeric Powder

Yellow Dal was hot temperature wise and that’s it.

Devoid of any flavor, Indian Taj’s Yellow Dal in our opinion is not fit for any living creature’s consumption leave alone paying diners.

Where do crappy restaurants like Indian Taj pick up their clueless kitchen staff from?

Are they Indians, Amigos or Aliens from a distant galaxy?

We wanna know.

Indian Taj Jackson Heights - Yellow DalTasteless Yellow Dal (top), Palak Paneer
and Navratan Korma (bottom left)

Mercifully, Palak Paneer did not have the usual raw taste that you encounter at so many Indian restaurants in the NY/NJ area.

But it was hopelessly flavorless and it felt like we were eating finely boiled chopped Spinach with fried Paneer than the North Indian creamy delicacy Palak Paneer.

Navratan Korma was creamy but dominated by Chickpeas making us wonder why Indian Taj had two Chickpeas items on the lunch buffet. Navratan Korma is usually prepared with a combination of nine vegetables including some nuts.

Compounding our irritation, the Indian Taj version of Navratan Korma was far too sweetish. Continue reading »

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Based on long years of dining out, we’d unequivocally declare that most Indian restaurants in the NY/NJ area are not fit for humans.

Some are not suitable even for animals.

And then there are the rare few like Mehfil in Jackson Heights that are unsuitable even for Aliens visiting from distant galaxies.

All Round Pain

It was bad Karma that drew us to Mehfil the other day.

We were misled by some of the favorable reviews on other sites.

Sadly, a lot of Indian restaurant reviews on other sites are penned by clueless bozos utterly unfamiliar with Indian food. Have keyboard, ergo will type nonsense seems to be the leitmotif of many reviewers these days.

Located on 37th Avenue and 76th St in Jackson Heights, a couple of blocks from the Indian hub on 74th St, Mehfil has been around for a couple of years.

We used to pass by the restaurant on our way to the Jackson Heights library but never found the time to stop.

During our latest visit to Jackson Heights, we were determined to stop by at Mehfil and sample its wares.

And so we did.

Much to our infinite regret.

It seemed as if all of Satan’s minions had congregated inside Mehfil’s kitchen with the mission of inflicting hideous, maximum, unrelenting pain on unsuspecting souls who walked in.

Mehfil Jackson Heights Samosa & Mixed Veg CurryHorrid Samosa, Tasteless Mixed Veg Curry

From the horrid vegetable Samosa with its tasteless potato filling to the dry rice to the awful Tandoori items, Mehfil is a restaurant that screams its inadequacies.

How a restaurant can screw up basic fare like Samosa or Mixed Vegetable Curry or Tandoori Chicken and still claim to serve Indian cuisine is hard for sane minds to fathom. Must be the Himalayan heights of incompetence.

The restaurant is a simple affair, nothing fancy about the place.

Two rows of tables with a small corridor in between.

Mehfil Jackson Heights Fish Tandoori, Chicken Tikka Masala & Tandoori ChickenAwful Fish Tandoori (top left), Tandoori
Chicken  (right), Chicken Tikka Masala

Tandoori Items – Clueless or Callous

Tandoori items are standard stuff in most Indian restaurants in NYC.

Cooked in a Tandoor (Indian clay oven) after proper marination with a mixture of yogurt and spices, they’re a royal treat when done well.

But the two Tandoori items at Mehfil – Tandoori Chicken and Fish Tandoori – were Katrinaesque disasters.

Hopelessly badly marinated, both left a horrible taste in the mouth that lingered.

Chicken Tikka Masala is another fixture at Indian restaurants in Jackson Heights and Manhattan as well. Alas, that too turned out to be  a travesty here.

While the gravy was at least edible, the chicken had a weird medicinal taste (no kidding) and a horrid hard texture.

We shudder to think what might have given it the weird taste.

Mehfil Jackson Heights Veg CurriesHorrid Alu Gobi (bottom left), Zucchini,
Mixed Veg Curry (bottom right) & Samosa

Mehil is an equal opportunity offender.

Satan does not squander any opportunity in his torturous mission. Continue reading »

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With each new movie, Anushka Sharma’s characters turn more sluttish.

Bowing to gravity the top cover keeps slithering down, defying gravity the bottom vestments keep going up and demo’ing the geometric construction of an equilateral triangle the distance between the legs keep getting wider (during the dances).

Hey, what gives?

A short while ago, in Ladies vs Ricky Bahl we caught a glimpse of her character’s pale 34B tits encased in a revealing black bikini, lavish display of silky-smooth thighs, well-toned, fleshy (almost) bare derriere, nice midriff, mostly bare-back etc.

Now if only her characters would drop those sluttish ‘he-he, see my tits and ass‘ antics and start acting, we’d be drooling.

In interviews, Ms.Sharma claims to work very hard.

At what, we wondered sopra voce and not without anger.

Certainly not at acting where restraint is not a word in Ms.Sharma’s lexicon.

Far too often, in our not so humble opinion the gal’s characters go overboard, both in the emoting department and the revealing deportment.

No Big Deal

No, we’re not talking of Ms.Sharma’s well-nourished assets now but of the movie Ladies vs Ricky Bahl.

No big deal, kiddo.

Truth be said, considering it was a Yash Raj production we’d already dialed G for Garbage before we forked out $10.50 T for Tickets.

Borrowing the basic premise of three wronged women out on a revenge mission from the Hollywood sophomoric drivel John Tucker Must Die (Jesse Metcalfe, Brittany Snow etc), Ladies vs Ricky Bahl’s writer and producer Aditya Chopra makes enough changes to deflect charges of plagiarism but is ultimately unable to render a watchable movie.

We borrowed John Tucker Must Die from our county library and watched endured it yesterday.

Mon dieu, it was plain awful.

Ladies vs Ricky Bahl is no less trashy. Continue reading »

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We just subscribed to the iPad version of Encyclopaedia Britannica for a princely sum of $1.99 a month.

Well, what do we think we did first.

Yes, schmucks, yes.

We searched for our Bollywood stars on the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

Guess what?

There are some surprises here.

Real big surprises!

We found separate profiles for trash king Akshay Kumar, that preening budda Amitabh Bachchan, Raj Kapoor and Ashok Kumar.

But not Shahrukh Khan, the King of Bollywood.

Isn’t it strange that the Akshay ‘Chutiya’ Kumar (who makes money off stolen Hollywood shit) should find a place but not the Pak-loving Chutiya Shahrukh Khan.

As even the dimmest of Indian dimwits knows, compared to the fame and name of Shahrukh Khan, both in India and with the diaspora, Akshay Kumar is a jeero (as the Indians pronounce zero) in Bollywood.

Another notable personality missing in the Encyclopaedia Britannica is Lata Mangeshkar, who’s sung countless melodic songs in countless Bollywood films.

It’s a mighty shame that both Shahrukh Khan and Lata Mangeshkar find only a passing mention in other articles.

Of course, the free Wikipedia has elaborate separate profiles for both Shahrukh Khan and Lata Mangeshkar.

If you’re curious, other notable Bollywood personalities that find a place in the Encyclopaedia Britannica include Padmini, B.R.Chopra, Johnny Walker, Nasir Hussain, Hrishikesh Mukherjee, Satyajit Ray, Feroze Khan, Aishwarya Rai, A.R.Rahman, Raj Kumar and Vijay Tendulkar.

No Rajini Either

Sorry, all ye Tamil twits.

Rajinikanth does not have a listing.

Do the folks at Encyclopaedia Britannica realize the gravity of Rajinikanth’s omission.

Yes, we’re talking of the Tamil film superstar Rajinikanth, the only human to have counted to infinity, TWICE. ;)

We wanna know which blithering idiot is in charge of the profiles section at the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

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King Khan’s super hero movie Ra.One has drawn ho-hum reviews from Indian critics.

Here are excerpts from a bunch of Indian critics:

NDTV

But, on the whole, RA.One is far too derivative to take anybody except the most gullible of moviegoers…

But, sorry, this isn’t ‘the next level’ of Hindi cinema, let alone superhero flicks. At least, let us all hope it isn’t. Comic-strip terminators do have their uses. However, when the idea is to whip up a bubbling brew that, in the time-honoured tradition of a Mumbai mass entertainer, seeks to embrace a bit of everything, the wannabe desi Superman can only fall between two very, very tall stools. But not everybody will hear the thud, though.

RA.One is like a colourful Popsicle that looks tantalising, tickles the palate while it lasts, but leaves no particular after-taste. Sound and fury? Loads of it. Significance? Not much.

Rediff

Even as Shah Rukh Khan flies over buildings, jumps over cars and even stops an out-of-control train with his bare hands, his valiant efforts to wow his audiences somewhat fail thanks to a weak storyline, some rather juvenile acting and a poor screenplay.

To make matters more unbearable, the dialogues go from bad to worse and Vishal-Shekhar’s music — barring a couple of numbers — has little to offer in a film that could have possibly ushered in an era of science fiction cinema in mainstream Bollywood.

Reuters India

Unfortunately, movie-making involves a lot more than just good product placements and marketing. It needs heart, and in spite of the sci-fi theme and hi-tech technology, “Ra.One” doesn’t have heart.

The weak link in this movie is the direction by Anubhav Sinha, your attention will waver a lot — the pace isn’t fast enough for a super-hero action flick and there are some inane dialogues that will make you laugh. Sinha tries to pack in every single element into the film, with the end result being it looks haphazard.

…Also, for a villain supposed to be evil and unbeatable, Ra One is surprisingly colourless and dull, preventing you from investing any sort of emotion for him — he just leaves you cold and Arjun Rampal’s expressionless acting is partly to blame.

IBN Live

…ambitious but flawed superhero film – every time we’re drawn into the simplistic but intriguing story of how Ra.One can only be vanquished by the game’s superhero G.One (also played by Shah Rukh), director Anubhav Sinha feels the desperate need to inject a dance number or a comical sequence or a melodramatic interlude into the narrative. It’s distracting from the superhero theme and more importantly, it makes the film clunky.

What’s missing from ‘Ra.One’ is a sure-footed director’s touch. Anubhav Sinha fails to bring all the elements together, and while this superhero film has plenty sound and fury, it’s sorely lacking slickness.

Economic Times

Shah Rukh Khan’s superhero character takes too long to boot in this science fiction flick. G.One arrives just five minutes before the interval point by when you have already restarted your system several times, which has been hanging into nothingness. And the film’s title character Ra.One, a skeletal villain, gets a face (Arjun Rampal) even later in the second half. Is it worth the wait? Only intermittently and inconsistently!

It’s certainly not a ‘dream’ start for the film with a tacky video game prologue merely to accommodate starry cameos of Sanjay Dutt and Priyanka Chopra. Not only does director Anubhav Sinha take too long to arrive, the initial proceedings don’t contribute much to the film either. Too much of screen-time is expended on vulgar jokes and tomfoolery.

Related Posts:
Ra.One Review – A Failure of Imagination

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7Aum Arivu is a silly bore that bizarrely seeks to meld fictional Tamil history, fictional Tamil pride and fictional biological warfare for the sole purpose of bamboozling Tamil movie fans into parting with their real money.

Silly, Lifeless Film

The movie builds on the myth of a historical martial arts fighter and medicine man called Bodhidharma (Surya), who’s said to have traveled from his home town Kanchipuram to China some 1,600 years back and helped villagers there.

It takes about 23 minutes of screen time for Bodhidharma to traverse thick forests, sandy deserts and snowy mountains to reach the Chinese village of Nangyang, cure their sick children and adults from a deadly virus, save the villagers from marauding horsemen, teach them martial arts and ultimately die of poisoning so that the locals may live happily ever.

Anon, we’re back in present day Chennai to endure the tiresome trifecta of a romance between circus artiste Arvind (Surya) and genetics engineering researcher Subha (Shruti Hassan), a malevolent Chinese effort to launch biological warfare on India via street dogs and the genetics researcher’s efforts to revive hereditary talent through DNA (i.e. bring back Bodhidharma’s legendary prowess into the circus artist who belongs to the same lineage).

* The romance is insipid thanks to the poor script, Shruti Hassan’s abominable performance and absence of any chemistry between the lead pair Surya and Shruti.

* The ‘Operation Red’ Chinese effort to launch a biological attack and their intelligence agent/villain Dong Lee’s hypnotism nonsense are unconvincing and border on the comical. Vietnamese actor Johnny Tri Nguyen plays the villain Dong Lee with all the elan of a clown who had one drink too many.

With his head tilted to one side, eyes staring stupidly and walking like an emaciated Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dong Lee lacks the panache of a scary villain but packs the promise of a good Mongoloid Vadivelu.

* The genetic research aspect is absolute hogwash with not one ounce of credibility in it. Particularly, toward the end it descends into the farcical as Subha and her menagerie revive Bodhidharma’s extraordinary talents into the circus artiste Arvind in 12-days.

By the way, the action scenes including the final clash between Arvind (Surya) and Dong Lee were a big let-down. Hopelessly ordinary.

Even by the crappy Tamil movie standards, they were disappointing.

Surya – Decent Effort

We were not bowled over by Surya’s performance but found him mostly adequate by Tamil movie standards.

At least, Surya brought some passion to his performance and didn’t pee all over himself a la Vikram in that stolen trash Deiva Thirumagal.

However, Surya proved disappointing in the crucial Yamma Yamma song.

What a shame, his dejection and anger after being jilted/duped by Subha failed to come through effectively.

Shruti Hassan – Not Kamal Haasan’s Daughter

Say what you will, we refuse to believe Shruti Hassan is really Kamal Haasan’s daughter.

There must have been a mix-up at the hospital. Continue reading »

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By Naveen

Ladies, (not-so)Gentlemen and fans of Bollywood / Kollywood / Tollywood,

After MTV’s Celebrity Death Match and Animal Planet’s Animal Face-Off, we have SearchIndia’s Chicago Hindu Temple Cafeteria Wars!

Y’all would have seen or read about India vs. Pakistan, Federer vs. Nadal, Kamal vs. Rajini, Bush vs Gore, Sri Lanka vs LTTE, Aamir vs. Shah Rukh, Lion vs. Tiger, Pandavas vs. Kauravas but it’s unlikely you’re even aware about the great Rama vs. Balaji clash.

Yes! The two Hindu gods are waging holy war!

Cafeteria is the war zone.

Food is the weapon.

And not-so-humble I am the judge.

Here’s a background for those who have no clue what this post is about.

A few weeks ago I visited the SVS [Balaji] Temple in Aurora and feasted on the out of this world food served in their cafeteria. Here is the account of my Balaji experience.

Chicago Balaji Temple Cafteria Review - SearchIndia.comAurora Balaji Temple

Last week, I gorged on the delectable offerings of the cafeteria in the Lemont Rama temple aka The Hindu Temple of Greater Chicago. You may read my Lemont Rama Temple review here.

With two solid cafeterias near me, I have to do what every idle man does… compare the two and put one above the other for no apparent reason except the sadistic pleasure of putting one down. ;-)

Without further ado here is the comparison…

Round 1: The Ambiance and the Crowd

While both Lemont and Aurora cafeterias sport a modest ambiance with only basic facilities for diners, the Aurora cafeteria is much larger – twice as big as Lemont’s. This makes sense because the crowd at Aurora is significantly larger than at Lemont.

If the day of the week is Saturday or Sunday, Balaji turns into Rajinikanth and all the South Indian Mamis dress up in Sarees, kids in Kurta Pyjama or Pattu Pavadai and drive down to Aurora to get Rajinikanth’s Balaji’s Divya Darisanam and importantly the “Prasadham” for lunch/dinner.

It’s like a first day first show of a new Rajinikanth movie. No, we’re not kidding. You’ve got to watch it to believe it.

While Lemont also receives a strong inflow of visitors during the weekends, the crowd is like that of a Kamal Haasan movie – sizable but not comparable to a Rajini film. At Lemont, there are more visitors for the programs organized in the temple auditorium than to the temple or its cafeteria.

Another interesting difference is that Aurora’s cafeteria is located right at the entrance of the temple. Visitors have to go via the cafeteria if they wish to have a darshan of Balaji or other Gods. Lemont Cafeteria is located well inside the temple. Those visiting only the Siva Temple or the Rama temple or the Auditorium do not have to pass via the cafeteria or even go anywhere near it. That way the cafeteria is exclusive to those who really want to eat.

Result: Rama Wins!

I like Aurora cafeteria’s size and Lemont cafeteria’s location within the temple. On the crowd factor, a large crowd can be eventful but a smaller crowd gives me more space, easy seating and better service. Rama manages to deliver an extra punch on Balaji in Round 1.

Lemont Rama Temple Cafeteria Review - SearchIndia.comLemont Rama Temple

Round 2: Menu & Cost

The two Chicago Hindu temple cafeteria’s menus and prices are very similar.

Lemont offers a choice of Plain Dosa and Masala Dosa while Aurora offers Dosa with Masala always served on the side. Those who don’t want Masala have no choice except to ask for no Masala, which can be a pain considering the large crowd. Lemon Rice is another item on Lemont’s menu that’s missing in Aurora.

But, Aurora fights back with Bholi and Indian Coffee, both not offered by Lemont.

Added to that, Aurora’s menu caters to the majority of its clientele – South Indians.

Lemont on the other hand has a significant North Indian following as the temple itself is a fusion of South and North styles. But their cafeteria serves nothing but the raised middle finger to North Indians. A shame!

Result: Balaji punches Rama in the gut and takes Round 2. Lemont’s menu should be revised to include a few items that North Indians like.

Round 3: Ordering, Service & Billing

Both cafeterias are self service.

From the time one enters the cafeteria it can take anywhere between 15 to 30 minutes to have the first bite at Aurora during peak lunch /dinner hours. There’s a line to buy tokens, then there’s a line to collect food and if you are that sinner who ordered  Dosa then you have to take a token and wait for your number to show up. If you show up even a minute late then you will have to wait as Dosas take longer than the other items.

The entire process of ordering – billing – collecting food is smooth at Lemont even during peak hours – just one small line. From the time you enter the cafeteria, you could be having your first bite even within 5 minutes. Even in Lemont you have to give your name in case you are ordering Dosas but the wait time was less than 5 minutes. Sweet!

Billing is another area where Lemont stood out. At Aurora, the person at the billing has outright refused to give receipts on multiple occasions. One another instance the swines double billed me and I had to contact them to get that reversed. No such issues at Lemont.

At Lemont, water cups, spoons, paper towels and water cans are abundantly available for patrons. In Aurora, at the time of billing one has to ask for the exact number of water cups and spoons needed. You may even be asked to share cups or spoons by the idiot  behind the counter. Also, there are no water jugs at Aurora – only water fountains.

Result: Rama comes right back into the game by landing tight slaps on both cheeks of Balaji

Round 4: Hygiene & Environmental Consciousness

Both Lemont and Aurora do quite ok on hygiene but here are a few observations.

Lemont keeps an open sugar bowl instead of sugar sachets. There are more easily accessible rest rooms in the Lemont temple than at Aurora and also due to the crowd the rest rooms at Aurora are more extensively used. But kudos to the staff who manage to keep it in decent shape.

The one big factor where Aurora gets some extra points is their attempt to implement the “Go Green” initiative. Recently they completely eliminated Styrofoam and moved to paper cups and plates. Lemont is still on Styrofoam.

Result: Balaji recovers from Rama’s brutal assault in the previous round

Round 5: The Food

Lemont Rama Vs Aurora Balaji Temple Canteen Food

Coming to the core of the cafeteria.. the food itself. As you may have read in my reviews both cafeterias can be proud of the food they serve.

South Indians in the Chicago region will take either of these cafeterias any day over the garbage served at many of the so-called “Fine Dining” Indian restaurants in the same area.

Still, there are some differences between the two temple cafeterias that did not miss an astute observer like yours truly.

Despite all the good food at Lemont, two factors clearly tilt the scales in favor of Aurora:

1. Lemont’s Curd rice and Tamarind rice were nowhere in the same heavenly class as Aurora’s. Lemont’s Tamarind rice was actually  atrocious.

2. Overall food temperature at Lemont ranged from cold to lukewarm for most items, which was disappointing. It was like Rama was giving the cold shoulder to his ardent devotees. The chances of getting cold food at Aurora is very low.

Result: Balaji delivers a powerful upper-cut and punch to Rama’s face

Verdict

The dust settles in the battle field.

Rama and Balaji waged a tough battle and now they meekly await my verdict.

And I declare Aurora Balaji Temple Cafeteria the CLEAR WINNER of this challenge!

Here is why Balaji takes home the Cafeteria trophy:

*  They consistently deliver inexpensive, high quality, tasty and hot food to a much larger clientele. All their menu items are good

*  Their menu has what majority of their patrons want while Lemont doesn’t have anything for its North Indian patrons

*  They have attempted to be eco-friendly

But if you don’t like to wait in long lines or make a sprint for the tables then the Lemont cafeteria would be a better bet.

Related Posts:
Lemont Rama Temple Cafeteria – Abundant Blessings
SVS Temple Aurora Canteen – Count Your Blessings
Hindu Temples of Chicago – A Photo Tour

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Indians, as we all well know, wash their sorry Hindu ass with water.

Not for our people, the toilet paper, those newfangled bidets or the currently news-making $6,400 Kohler Numi toilet with a built-in MP3 player/Radio/Heater or other fancy ass-cleaning devices.

Since time immemorial, Indians have adopted a fail-safe, simple technique to keep their arses clean:

Water + Left Hand = Clean Bottom.

If you visit a toilet in an Indian home, strategically placed within arm’s reach you’ll see a small mug, vessel or cup that can be filled with H2O for the cleansing exercise.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor
Clean Toilet with Styrofoam Cup (left) at
Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor, NJ

That’s why when we saw the carefully placed styrofoam cup (see above left in picture) in Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor’s clean toilet, we felt a wave of nostalgia wash over our all over us. ;)

Man, these Tamil criminals (yes, Saravanaa Bhavan’s founder/owner P.Rajagopal is a real-life ass-wipe murderer and the son is an ass-wipe U.S. immigration law offender) have a big heart that understands Indian asses well, literally speaking that is.

How touching! These ass-wipe criminals care even about our sorry asses. ;)

Unlike the dirty toilets in most Indian restaurants, Saravanaa Bhavana West Windsor’s loo is clean, boasts not one but two trash-cans, multiple rolls of paper-towels, extra toilet-paper rolls, no bad-odor, a nice mirror etc.

All in all, the Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor restroom was a pleasant revelation unlike the filth you have to put up in loos at most Indian restaurants.

Alas, if only the bozos at Saravanaa Bhavan had paid the same careful attention to the kitchen that they lavished on their toilet,  the food here would taste a lot better and diners wouldn’t leave in a grouchy mood.

Saravanaa Bhavan West WindsorSaravanaa Bhavan, West Windsor, NJ – Disappointing

Mysore Masala Dosa – A Disgrace

In our reckoning, if a Masala Dosa is not crisp it’s not a Masala Dosa.

Call it Uttappam, Jeevajyothi (the married woman Saravanaa Bhavan founder P.Rajagopal lusted after and got her husband murdered), Katrina Kaif or wateva.

But by God don’t call it a Masala Dosa.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor Mysore Masala Dosa
Crappy, Not-Crisp Mysore Masala Dosa

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor’s Mysore Masala Dosa ($9.95) was not crisp and no self-respecting kitchen would allow it to be placed before diners.

Alas, Saravanaa Bhavan is not the kind of restaurant that takes pride in its kitchen as we learned by way of our disappointing meal.

We did not find the Dosa’s soft texture palatable in the least although we must acknowledge that the spicy red Masala paste was well spread to the insides of the Dosa.

The bland Coconut Chutney compounded our irritation.

Come on, how can you not add some Green Chillies to the Coconut Chutneys? :(

Either Green Chillies are as expensive as gold or the Mexicans are lording over your kitchen.

Mercifully, the Paruppu Chutney (Dal Chutney) was all right.

Tomato-Onion Pachadi had an un-South Indian garam masala flavor.

Although the medium-thick Sambar was low on Tamarind, mercifully it was still palatable.

All in all, the Mysore Masala Dosa was a disgrace unworthy of Saravanaa Bhavan.

Idli, Vada – Not Fully Cooked

The two South Indian staples of Idli and Medhu Vada were both unsatisfactory.

Vada had a rubbery texture when we bit into it and was not crisp.

That was because it was unevenly cooked inside.

Mon dieu, Idli suffered from the same problem.

It was incompletely cooked inside causing the raw Idli flour inside to stick to our hands.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor Partially Cooked Idli Vada
Partially Cooked Idli-Vada

Will someone please tell the Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor clowns that Idli should never ever be sticky inside. :(

By now, we were in high dudgeon.

Hell, who can blame us after being dished out such crap.

Crappy Saravanaa Spl Meals

Saravanaa Special Meals ($13.50) included Poori, Plain Rice, Rasam, Sambar, Green Banana Curry, Drumstick Onion Curry, Dal, Cauliflower Kuzhambu, Rice Payasam, Yogurt, Lime Pickle, Raita and Appalam.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor  Thali
Disappointing Thali

There were multiple issues with the Saravanaa Special Meals.

  • Plain rice was not even lukewarm, slightly pasty and made of poor quality rice.
  • Poori was large but very oily with thick hard edges and we did not relish it. In retrospect, we regretted not picking  the Chapati option.
  • Rasam lacked the pungent black pepper powder flavor and was not even lukewarm.
  • Dal with a strong taste of Moong and Green Squash Vegetable (Doodhi) suffered from a surfeit of turmeric powder.
  • With bad quality Okra, the Onion-Okra Sambar was low on Tamarind and Sambar spices.
  • Green Banana curry had an awful food color taste and we did not enjoy it even one bit.
  • Rice Payasam was watery and earned a B- grade.
  • Cauliflower Kuzhambu and Drumstick Onion Curry were the only two items in the Saravanaa Spl Meals with some semblance of flavor and taste. Both would get a B+ or maybe even an A- grade if we’re in a generous mood.
  • Raita, Yogurt and Lime Pickle were alright. So was the Appalam.

But what surprised us most was the small serving size of Saravanaa Spl Meals, especially after charging $13.50.

The serving size of all the curries, side dishes was so small that you end up ordering additional items to silence the bellowing in your stomach.

Takeout – Disappointing Kootu & Rava Kesari

Besides dining in, we also ordered a couple of takeout items – Kootu and Rava Kesari.

The Italian Green Squash Kootu ($5) with Red Chilli seasoning was thick and creamy.

Unfortunately, the Kootu tasted more like Dal.

Saravanaa Bhavan West Windsor  Kootu
Dal like Kootu

What was missing was the rich, flavorful aromatic taste of Kootu. Continue reading »

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By Naveen

Besides cultural inclinations what else can lure a non-religious person to Hindu temples in the U.S.?

What else but the thought of gorging on an array of fine food at the temple cafeterias! ;)

The Chicago land offers some fine temples for devout Hindus to congregate, places like the Aurora Balaji Temple, Lemont Rama Temple, Swaminarayan Mandir etc.

For me, a visit to Aurora Balaji temple or in this instance the Lemont Rama Temple a.k.a. Hindu Temple of Greater Chicago is a good excuse to feast on the fine “Prasadhams”.

For a long time I was unaware the Lemont Rama Temple had a cafeteria and only recently did I discover the existence of this hidden gem.

Ram Temple Ambiance

A drive to the Lemont Rama Temple is a relaxing experience in itself.

The temple is built on a small landscaped hill (or a large mound depending on how one looks at it).

Plenty of parking, soothing greenery and quiet surroundings bring instant peace as you enter the Temple campus.

Lemont Rama TempleRama Temple Lemont

Lemont Rama Temple has multiple entrances including a Gopuram visible from a distance.

The temple has multiple blocks linked via a hallway.

I entered through the Siva temple where the Hindu gods Siva, Parvathi, Ganesh, Murugan, Durga, Aiyappa Swamy and Navagraham are worshiped. This is a spacious hall.

Sometimes you may find yourself getting free Prasadham as you move from this block to the other side of the Temple. Alas, I wasn’t lucky during my latest visit.

On the way from here to the main Rama temple, there is a fine auditorium used for cultural events and fund raisers, a Gift shop, Library, couple of footwear removal area, restrooms, the Cafeteria and finally the Rama Temple.

Radha – Krishna, Balaji, Mahalakshmi, Hanuman, Satyanarayana Swamy and, of course, Sita – Rama – Lakshmana are worshiped in this block. If the Siva temple was spacious then the Rama temple is big enough to host an event.

Lemont Rama Temple campus is very clean unlike the ever-present filth one encounters in temples back home in India.

You can see an interesting mix of North and South Indian styles in the Rama Temple’s architecture.

While the interior of the temple shows a North Indian influence, it has an impressive traditional South Indian Gopuram outside.

While a lot of visitors are North Indians, the Priests hail from the South and so is the food in the Cafeteria.

Ah… I finally come to the purpose of my visit… the Cafeteria.

The Cafeteria sports a modest appearance. It just has the basic essentials and a small kitchen.

Thankfully for the diners, although the kitchen is small the food is made with a large heart and a fine taste.

Cafeteria Service

Like most Hindu temple cafeterias in the U.S., the Lemont Rama Temple cafeteria too is self service.

During our visit, the line was short, ordering and billing were quick and the items were served quickly.

There were sufficient tables available during our two visits, on Saturday afternoon and Sunday evening, which are the peak periods.

Lemont Rama Temple CanteenLemont Rama Temple Canteen

There were enough water jars, cups and spoons.

However, sugar was kept in an open bowl instead of a sugar dispenser. This is a hygiene issue.

Lemont Rama Temple SugarSugar in an Open Bowl – Unhygienic

The full menu is available only on weekends.

Ram Temple Canteen Menu

The menu is basic but adequate for a temple cafeteria.

Here’s the stuff that made me forget the world and had me in an ecstasy.

The first item my starving stomach and hungry eyes targeted was Idly-Sambar, a South Indian favorite.

Lemont Rama Temple IdlyLukewarm Idly, Delicious Chutney

Idly was not as warm as I would have desired but the delicious fresh Coconut Chutney and the lip-smacking Sambar more than  compensated for the lukewarm Idlys.

Now, the Sambar deserves a special mention.

Although at first glance it looked watery and unimpressive, a few gulps later I could not get enough of that addictive little bitch! ;)

With a fine flavor and right temperature it was as good if not better than any Sambar I’ve ever tasted! And hailing from South India, if I know anything in life it’s my Sambar.

Lemont Rama Temple SambarSuperb Sambar

What’s next?

Of course it’s the ever reliable Medu Vadai, a spongy delight that after soaking in the warm Sambar had my taste buds in sheer rhapsody.

Lemont Rama Temple VadaiMedu Vadai – Spongy Delight

The caterers at Lemont should be proud of the fantastic Pongal they serve.

To say that the Pongal was yummy would be an understatement but I was not pleased when the “Hot Pongal” was served at lukewarm temperature.

Nevertheless, one spoon of this enchanting stuff sent me into waves of euphoria.

Lemont Rama Temple PongalFantastic Pongal

Lemon Rice was a perfect preparation with a fine tangy flavor, light yellow color and chunky rice.

This naughty medley was so palatable that I wanted to skip a few other menu items and do an encore. ;)

Lemont Rama Temple Lemon RiceFine Lemon Rice

Very rarely does Mango Lassi find its way into my list of must have items but the Rama Temple cafeteria’s Mango Lassi was truly exceptional.

Creamy in color, whipped frothy and light, sweet but not cloyingly sweet, this Lassi was so good that I greedily slurped three cups and still yearned for more.

Lemont Rama Temple Mango LassiExcellent Mango Lassi

Here is stuff at the Rama Temple that was good and tasty but not exceptional…

Masala Dosai was as expected very appetizing although I personally prefer a slightly thicker crust and a hotter version (temperature-wise)!

Lemont Rama Temple Masala DosaiMasala Dosai – Good but not Great

Curd Rice was ok.

Although it was quite palatable, for me the benchmark for temple curd rice is the exceptional offering at Aurora Balaji temple Cafeteria which ranks several notches above any other curd rice that I have tasted.

Lemont Rama Temple Curd RiceCurd Rice – OK

This curd rice had excess of Jeera and Ginger that interrupted the flavor of the curd.

After going through the assortment of sweets, I picked Badusha as it is one item I rarely eat.

Man, that was one good decision.

The Badusha wasn’t too sugary but packed enough sweetness in it to qualify as a fine dessert.

Lemont Rama Temple BadushaBadusha – Sweet Temptation

Now for the Ugly

Here is stuff for which the caterers need a tight slap.

Surprisingly, the Tamarind Rice turned out to be huge disappointment.

It lacked the enticing smell, savory taste and nice feel of fresh Puliohare and coming from a temple cafeteria it deserves to be frowned upon.

Lemont Rama Temple BadushaDissappointing Tamarind Rice

The lousy Pickle that they provided for 50 cents was extremely unpleasant.

Who would want to taste an utterly bitter thing in the middle of a fine lunch!

Hell, the pickle wasn’t even pickled enough.

Lemont Rama Temple PicklesBitter Pickles

Masala Tea was too thin and had absolutely no Tea Masala flavor.

After a few sips I abandoned it.

Lemont Rama Temple Masala ChaiFlavorless Masala Tea

By the way, which moron decided that Indians visiting temple cafeteria would have black Coffee?

This was the one item that truly annoyed me among all the items in the cafeteria.

Lemont Rama Temple CoffeeBlack Coffee

Low Price, High Quality

A key attraction of eating at a Hindu Temple cafeteria in the U.S. is the low price for most items.

For the high quality you generally get at Hindu temples here, the prices are a steal.

Here’s a look at the Lemont Rama Temple menu:

Lemont Rama Temple Canteen MenuRama Temple Menu

If Hindu Temples can sell their fine fare at such modest prices, why is it that Indian restaurants here try to palm off crappy food at exorbitant prices. The only explanation we can think of is rapacious greed of the restaurant owners and rank incompetence of the chefs.

Rama Temple Cafeteria – Overall Verdict

Despite a few stumbles the Lemont Rama temple cafeteria is a fine place to visit for good South Indian Lunch or Dinner.

Their fantastic Pongal, swoon-worthy Sambar and frothy Mango Lassi amply make up for the few deficiencies I found in some of the other items.

Just in case you’re wondering, you don’t have to be a Hindu to partake of the cafeteria’s many pleasures.

Your favorite blog SearchIndia.com strongly recommends the Lemont Rama Temple Cafeteria.

And during your visit if you happen to see an Indian-looking character with a laser-like focus on the third plate of Idly-Medhu Vadai or slurping the fourth glass of Mango Lassi you can be sure that person is yours truly. ;)

Go for it, folks!

Related Stories:
SVS Temple Aurora Canteen – Count Your Blessings
Chicago Hindu Temples – A Photo Tour

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