Mera Bharat Mahan – India Cricket Champions

Aha, the big day – the Cricket World Cup Finals – has arrived.

And commentators Nasser Hussain and Sourav Ganguly are going blah, blah.

It’s 4:45AM ET here in the U.S. and from our convenient perch in front of the TV, we see a huge crowd at the stadium.

SL just won the toss and opted to bat.

Kumar Sangakkara is an eloquent fella, smooth English. SL is going in with Six batsmen and five bowlers.

For India, Sreesanth is in, in place of the injured Ashish Nehra.

Final Scores
Sri Lanka 274-6 in 50 overs
India 277-4 in 48.2 overs

M.S.Dhoni is Man of the Match

Yuvraj Singh is Man of the Series

India Batting:

1:19PM ET – India is the 2011 World Cup Cricket Champion

Dhoni wraps up game with magnificent Six. India 277-4

1:12PM ET – Open the Bottles. Get Ready for the Party. India needs 16 Runs to win from 3 overs

1:01PM ET – Batting Powerplay Starts. Will we see Fireworks Now?

12:58PM ET – Yuvraj survives lbw Review. 33 Runs needed from 33 balls

12:55PM ET – Close shave for Dhoni on Run Out.

12:53PM – Nice Six from Dhoni India 240-4 after 44 overs

12:43 PM – Much Needed boundary. 227-4

12:40PM ET – Holy Christ! Gautam Gambhir (97) out b Thisara Perera. Needless shot. India 223-4

12:28PM ET – Rajinikanth’s presence working magic. India 210-3 after 39 overs

12:21PM ET – Folks, are we looking at an Indian Victory? India 204-3 after 38 overs

12:06PM ET – Keep going, guys! India 183-3 after 35 overs.

11:46AM ET – Wow, at last Dhoni hits a Boundary. Is it the Rajinikanth magnetic waves? India 157-3 after 31 overs.

11:44AM ET – India Safe as long as Rajinikanth is in the stadium

11:43AM ET – India 151-3 after 30 overs.

11:13AM – Indian captain MS Dhoni walks in.

11:12AM ET - Holy Christ. Virat Kohli c & b Dilshan. Awesome catch. India 114-3

11:08AM ET – After 20 overs, India 105-2; SL were 83-2 after 20 overs

11:02AM ET – India close to 100 milestone. 99-2 after 19 overs

10:52AM ET – 16 overs up. India 86-2

10:39AM ET – The spinners come on. Suraj Randiv is the bowler.

10:37AM ET – 13 overs up. Mercifully no more wickets down. India 68-2. Run Rate 5.23

10:15AM ET – India 35-2 after 9 overs.

10:10AM ET – Is India F*cked?

10:08AM ET – India in trouble. 32-2 Wicket Maiden over from Malinga.

10:02AM ET - Holy Christ. Sachin Tendulkar Out c Kumar Sangakkara b Lalisth Malinga India 31-2 in 6.1 overs. Virat Kohli walks in

10:00AM ET – India 31-1 after 6 overs

9:52AM ET – Couple of nice boundaries by Sachin. India 26-1 after 4 overs.

9:47AM ET – Nice fielding by SL. India 15-1 after 3 overs

9:37AM ET – Not a Good start. India 4-1 at the end of first over

9:34AM ET – Gautam Gambhir walks in.

9:31 AM – Holy Christ! Virender Sehwag Out lbw Lasith Malinga India 0-1

9:29AM ET – Virender Sehwag and Sachin Tendulkar have walked in. A lot rides on these top-order batsmen if India wants to lift the cup. Lasith Malinga is their opening bowler.

Sri Lanka Batting:

**** 9:13AM ET – If we were the betting kind, we’d wager India has only a 40% chance of victory given SL’s solid score and the unpredictability of our batsmen lately.

9:11AM ET – Feeling very nervous! This one’s gonna be very tough for India.

9:08AM ET – SL Sets a tough target for India 274-6. Shame, 63 Runs come from the Powerplay.

9:02AM ET – 1 over left. SL 256-6

8:57 AM ET – Jai Hanuman. Kulasekara run out  SL heading to a Decent Total. After 48 overs, SL 248-6 Superb innings by Mahela Jayawardena 100 NO

8:52AM ET – 3 overs left & SL 231-5

8:33AM ET – Eating Poori for breakfast. Poori always works for Indian victory. No kidding. If India wins today, remember our Poori played a role.   SL 205-5 after 44 overs.

8:30AM ET – SL 199-5 after 43 overs

8:25AM ET - Good News. SL unlikely to go beyond 225-235.

8:20AM ET – After 41 overs, SL 186-5

8:16AM ET – Jai Hanuman Chamara Kapugedara Out c Suresh Raina b Zaheer Khan SL 182-5

8:12 AM ET – How did we manage all these years without the review system.

8:08AM ET – Jai Hanuman Samaraweera (21) Out lbw Yuvraj Singh. SL 179-4

****8:05AM ET – Thank You looks like another of Akshay Kumar’s Leave Your Brains at Home movies.

8:00AM ET – Kinda getting boring now. No fireworks. SL 171-3 after 37 overs

7:48AM ET – SL 155-3 after 34 overs

7:41AM ET – Cricket Legend (don’t ask who, there’s only one) comes in to bowl.

7:39AM ET – Close shave for Samaraweera! Hard decision to make. SL 143-3

7:35AM ET – Hang Sreesanth. Hang Sreesanth. Hang Sreesanth. 8-0-52-0

7:29AM ET – After 30 overs, SL 132-3

7:15AM ET – Jai Hanuman.Kumar Sangakkara (48) c Dhoni b Yuvraj. SL 122-3. Samaraweera walks in.

7:06AM ET – SL 105-2 after 25 overs

6:50AM ET – Worried. Yuvraj Singh comes in to bowl. SL 86-2 after 21 overs.

6:45AM ET - Sreesanth MUST go. Look at the figures below:

Sreesanth – 6-0-39-0
Zaheer Khan 5-3-6-1
Harbajan Singh 3-0-17-1

6:37AM ET – How Blessed we are. Saw Indian Movie stars Rajinikanth aka GOD, Ranbhir Kapoor, Saif Ali Kkan, Aamir Khan, Soha Ali Khan in the stadium. Did we miss any one?

6:34AM ET – Indian Hanumans creating chaos in Sri Lankan fortress

6:33AM ET – Can India retain the momentum? That is the BIG question. Mahela Jayawardena is new batsman in.

6:29AM ET – Jai Hanuman. Dilshan bowled Harbajan Singh. SL 60-2 in 16.3 overs. Singh is King.

6:27AM ET – Another wicket would be nice. SL 60-1 after 16 overs

6:20AM ET – Singh is here. Harbajan Singh to bowl his first over.

6:12AM ET – SL 54-1 after 13 overs. Very Expensive over from Sreesanth. Was it 15 runs conceded?

****6:05AM ET – God exists! Just saw God in the stadium oops Rajinikanth

5:52AM ET – After 10 overs, SL 31-1

****5:50AM ET – Willow TV good reception so far. Watching on TV today.

5:46AM ET – Just saw Presidents of India & SL in the stadium. Can Pratiba Patil even spell kirkett?

5:38AM ET – India sitting pretty. 19-1 after 7 overs.

5:33AM ET – SL Captain Kumar Sangakkara walks in.

5:32AM ET – Jai Hanuman. Tharanga is chow c Sehwag b Zaheer SL 17-1. Nice diving catch.

5:28AM ET – Sreesanth is beginning to worry us. 2 boundaries in 3 balls. SL 17-0 after 6 overs.

5:25AM ET – Wonderpool, Wonderpool; Another Maiden Over from Zaheer Khan. SL 9-0 after 5 overs.

5:17AM ET – Wonderful. A maiden over from Zaheer Khan. Need more such overs.

5:14AM – Suresh Raina is the Eknath Solkar of our era. Any of you schmucks heard of Eknath Solkar?

****5:13AM ET -The Stupid “My Name is Maya…husband Kamal stupid Sri Lanka matrimony ad again.

5:12AM ET -2 Overs up & SL are 7-0

5:07AM ET – Sreesanth bowling. Hope he’s not expensive.

5:02AM ET – Zaheer Khan is opening bowler. Tharanga and Dilshan are the batsmen.

Allah-o-Akbar – India Beats Pakistan

Just a few minutes to go before the crucial India vs Pakistan Terroristan semi-final match starts at Mohali.

The winner of today’s match will meet Sri Lanka in the finals on April 2 at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai.

We hope the Indian players put out their best game and are not swayed by any extraneous offers from bookies or other vested interests.

The Indian National Anthem is playing. How much more melodious compared to the cacophonous Pak anthem.

We see Sonia Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi, their poodle Manmohan Singh and Bollywood actorAamir Khan in the stadium.

Manmohan Singh and Pakistan Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gillani are greeting the players.

India won the toss and opted to bat.

Big crowd!

Final Scores

India 260-9

Pakistan 231-10

Sachin Tendulkar – Man of the Match

Pakistan Batting

1:20PM ET – Mumbai, here we come for the World Cup Finals.

1:16PM ET – Allah-o-Akbar. Mera Bharat Mahan Wins. Pakistan 231-10. Misbah c Kohli b Zaheer Khan

1:12PM ET – Last over of Match & Pak Needs 30 Runs. But Allah is with India. Have no fear, guys.

1:07PM ET – 2 overs left. 37 Runs Needed off 12 Balls

12:59PM ET – We see our Manmohan Singh & a mournful looking Pakistan Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gillani. Pak 210-9 in 47 overs.

12:57PM ET – Which Schmuck said Sachin Tendulkar does not play Match-Winning Knocks in the World Cup?

12:55PM ET – Allah-o-Akbar Umar Gul lbw Ashish Nehra Pak 208-9

12:54PM – We’re desperate for some Cooold Beer. Get it over quickly, fellas. Pak 208-8. 53 Runs needed in 24 balls

12:48PM ET – Victory is now Certain for Mera Bharat Mahan.

12:47PM – Pakistan 200-8

12:45AM ET - Allah-o-Akbar Wahab Riaz c Sachin Tendulkar b Ashish Nehra Pak 199-8

12:40PM ET – Just 6 Overs stands between us & Beer. Pak 199-7

12:35PM ET – Pak 192-7 & just 7 overs left. Pak needs 69 Runs from 42 balls

12:28PM ET – India on Threshold of Fine Victory. Pakistan 184-7 after 42 overs

12:27AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar Singh is King. Shahid Afridi c Sehwag b Harbajan Pakistan 184-7

12:22AM ET – Pak 181-6 after 41 overs

12:18PM ET – 10 overs left & Pak 177-6

12:16PM ET – Shahid Alfridi survives close call (a low catch by Nehra) Pak 175-6

12:11AM ET – Is Victory in Sight for Mera Bharat Mahaan? Pak 168-6 after 39 overs.

12:08AM ET – Yuvraj is getting too too Expensive. Take him off. 11 Runs in his latest over. Pak 163-6 after 38 overs.

12:05AM ET – Inshallah, India will enter the World Cup Final.

12:04AM ET – Pak 152-6 after 37 overs.

12:00PM – Pak captain Shahid Afridi walks in.

11:59AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar Abdul Razzaq b Munaf Patel. Pakistan 150-6 in 36.2 overs

11:56AM ET – Soniaji & Rahul Bhaiya still in pavilion.

11:44 AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar. Singh is King. Umar Akmal out  b Harbajan Pak 142-5

11:40AM ET – Good Boy, Munaf Patel. Just 1 Run from his last over. Pak 142-4 after 33 overs.

11:35AM ET – Take Yuvraj off. 21 Runs in his last 2 overs.

11:33AM ET – Yuvraj is proving expensive Conceding too many Sixes and Fours

11:30AM ET – Decent bowling by Ashish Nehra. Pak  132-4 after 31 overs

11:26AM ET – Costly over from Yuvraj. One Six, One Boundary, 2 Singles, Pak 130-4 after 30 overs

11:18AM ET – Run Out chance missed. Umar Akmal would have been in pavilion by now. Culprit Yuvraj

11:14AM ET – After 27 overs, Pak Run Rate 4.15 Required Run Rate 6.48

11:11AM ET – Merciful Allah smiling on India

11:07AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar Younus Khan’t Out c Raina b Yuvraj Pak 106-4

11:06AM ET – Pak 106-3 after 25 overs

11:00AM ET – Misbah Walks in.

10:59AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar. Asad Shafiq (30) Out b Yuvraj Pak 103-3in 23.5 overs. Required Run Rate 6.04 Singh.

10:55AM ET – Pak 100-2 after 23 overs

10:40AM ET – After 19 overs, Pak 84-2

10:32AM ET – Pak 77-2 after 17 overs

10:22AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar. Hafeez Out c Dhoni b Munaf Patel  Pak 70-2 in 15.3 overs Younus Khan walks in

****10:20AM ET – Our commentators are pathetic. Everyone is a “great player” or has a “great temperament” Folks, is there no cricket player with a bad temperament.

10:16AM ET – Sweet! Maiden over from Munaf Patel. Pak 63-1 after 14 overs

10:12AM ET – We can’t afford misfielding in this match (like Harbajan in his 13th over) Pak 63-1 after 13 overs

9:56AM ET – Allah-o-Akbar! Kamran Akmal c Yuvraj Singh b Zaheer Khan- Pak 44-1 after 9 overs. Asad Shafiq walks in

9:53 AM ET – Without a quick wicket, things could get ugly if we allow these two (Kamran Akmal & Mohd Hafeez) to dig in further.

9:52 AM ET – Steady Progress. Pak 43-0 in 8 overs

9:38AM ET – Nice over from Munaf. Just 2 runs. Pak 28-0 after 5 overs

9:29AM ET – Not Happy. Three Boundaries in Three Overs. Pak 20-0 after 3 overs

**** 9:24AM ET – Really, Really Tired of All these Stupid Matrimony Ads. Couldn’t Willow get some other Ad?

9:19AM ET – Not good. 8 Runs off first over.

9:16AM ET – Pak (Kamran Akmal) opens innings with boundary.

9:15AM ET – Kamran Akmal & Mohammed Hafeez walk in. Zaheer Khan is India’s opening bowler.

India Batting

8:51AM – Indian innings ends at 260-9. Not a Great Score.

8:50AM ET – Slow f*ck Ashis Nehra Run Out

8:47AM ET -Zaheer Khan Out c Kamran Akmal b Wahab Riaz . 5th wicket for Wahab Riaz India 256-8

8:46 AM ET – Final Over.

8:44AM ET – India 256-7  after 49 overs

8:31 AM ET – Singh is NOT King. Harbajan Singh Out c Kamran Akmal b Saeed Ajmal  India 236-7 after 46.4 overs. Zaheer Khan walks in.

8:26AM ET – We love Umar Gul Great Figures – 7 Overs 59 Runs Zero Wickets. Boundary by Harbajan. India 235-6 after 46 overs

8:23AM ET – Nice to see two boundaries, both by Raina punishing Umar Guil

8:16AM ET – India Struggling. 221-6 after 45 overs. Some crumbs by way of Harbajan’s boundary in the last (45th) over.

8:06AM ET – Epic Tragedy unfolding at Mohali

8:00AM ET – India F*CKED! MS Dhoni lbw Wahab Riaz India 205-6

7:56AM ET – Disappointed! India is playing defense now while Pak is playing offense. India 203-5  after 41 overs

7:53AM ET – India 200-5 after 40 overs. Not good.

7:51 AM ET – Outlook looks gloomy for India.

7:44AM ET – Will India even Reach 250?? Curse us as Cassandra, but we have our doubts.

7:41AM ET – INDIA SCREWED. Sachin’s Run of Good Luck Ends. Sachin (85) c Shahid b Saeed Ajmal India 187-5 after 37 overs. Suresh Raina walks in.

7:36AM ET – Shahid Alfridi must be in tears. Sachin dropped again. This time by Umar Akmal

7:23AM ET – After 33 overs, India 173-4

****7:15AM ET – Willow TV Still DOWN. C*NTS

****7:12AM ET – Willow TV down for second time today. Bastards

7:10AM ET – If Tendulkar goes, we’re switching off our TV. MS Dhoni does not seem to be in great form.

7:05AM ET – Thank You, Pakistan for Bad Fielding. India 160-4 after 28 overs

7:01AM WET – After 27 overs, India 150-4

6:58AM ET – Not looking Good. India 145-4

6:54AM ET – F*CK! Yuvraj bowled Wahab Riaz. India 141-4. Indian captain M.S.Dhoni walks in. Great over from Wahab Riaz

6:48AM ET – Collapse? Virat Kohli Out c Umar Akmal b Wahab Riaz India 141-3 Yuvraj Singh walks in.

6:40AM ET – Sachin on 56. India 130-2 after 22 overs

6:38AM ET – How long can Sachin be lucky? Survived 4 close shaves so far. LBW, Stumping, 2 missed catches

6:35AM ET – Sachin dropped Again. This time by Younus Khan. Shahid Alfridi pays the price for the second time. India 119-2 after 20 overs

6:30AMET – SAD. Gautam Gambhir gone stumped Kamran Akmal b  Mohammed Hafeez. India 116-2. Run Rate 6.16. Virat Kohli walks in.

6:28AM ET – India Marching at a Steady Trot.  114-1. Nice boundary by Sachin in the last over (18th) off Shahid Alfridi.

6:21AM ET – India 102-1 after 16 overs. Run Rate 6.38

6:10AM ET – Sachin survives another close shave. Dropped catch by Misbah off Shahid Alfridi’s bowling. India 90-1 after 14 overs.

6:06AM ET – Run Rate 6.58

6:01AM ET – STRESSFUL! OMG, the 11th over was so stressful. India 76-1

5:58AM ET – Phew! Phew! Sachin Survives stumping Appeal

5:56AM ET – Phew! Sachin Survives lbw appeal after he asked for Review!  He was initially given out by the UmpireIndia 75-1

5:46AM ET – Four Boundaries so far from by Cricket’s Living Legend. India 65-1 after 8 overs

****5:41AM ET -Too many frigging ads

5:40AM ET – India 57-1 after 7 overs.

5:33AM ET – India can’t afford to lose wickets this early. Left-hand batsman Gautam Gambhir walks in.

5:32AM ET – DISASTER. Sehwag (38 runs from 25 balls) lbw Wahab Riaz India 48-1

5:28AM ET – India 47-0 after 5 overs.

5:21AM ET – Sehwag on Rampage. Boundaries from Sehwag & Sachin in 4th over! India 39-0 after 4 overs.

5:20AM ET – Embarras de richesse. Five Boundaries in 3rd over, all from Virender Sehwag. India 27-0

5:17AM ET – And a fifth.

5:16AM ET – OMG, 4th Boundary of over from Sehwag. Too good to be true.

5:15AM ET – Wonderful. 3rd Boundary of over from Sehwag.

5:13:AM ET – Love It. Consecutive Boundaries by Sehwag. Umar Gul pays the price.

5:09AM ET – Sachin on strike. Just a single

5:03AM ET -Virender Sehwag opens account for India with fine boundary.

5:00AM ET – Sachin Tendulkar and Virender Sehwag open for India. Umar Gul is the Pak bowler.