For the first time ever in the U.S., we witnessed and heard the audience loudly jeering a Bollywood film.
This unprecedented incident happened on Thursday evening at the end of the 8PM show of Kites at Anil Ambani’s Big Cinemas theater in North Bergen, New Jersey (just outside Lincoln Tunnel) in Screen 2.
To the folks in the last two rows in the middle section of the cinema hall, we feel felt your pain. 🙁
It’s hard to believe this nonsense was two years in the making.
Principal Villain – Rakesh Roshan
To those who believe the villain of the film is Tony (Nick Brown), hell no.
The main villain and primary architect of this garbage is Hrithik Roshan’s father Rakesh Roshan, who is responsible for the story and production.
If Kites proves anything at all, it’s that Rakesh Roshan is completely inept in the story business.
Hey Hrithik, if we were you we wouldn’t have jumped off the cliff but we’d have gleefully pushed the bald bozo Rakesh Roshan off the high peak into the sea.
As we had suspected, Rakesh Roshan steals the basic plot of a young man falling for his would-be brother-in-law’s girl from Woody Allen’s brilliant Match Point.
But that’s where the similarities end.
Where Woody Allen skilfully develops the plot through the marriage and the murder and ultimately the hero getting away with murder, the Kites story is a complete mess as it weaves back and forth into the past and present.
The story starts going off the rails the moment we learn Natasha a.k.a. Linda (Barbara Mori) is actually our hero J’s (Hrithik Roshan) wife. From that point on, the story plunges into amateurish territory and can never rise up through the dance competition, the love-scenes, the escape into the desert et al. All of it downright amateurish stuff.
Our young Las Vegas-based hustler J’s favorite money-spinner is to marry immigrants desperate for a Green Card. And Linda happens to be his 11th bride.
They part after the wedding. They meet again at Bob’s palace-like home (not unlike the country estate in Match Point) when Cupid strikes.
Never have we seen a love angle so clumsily executed and totally lacking depth.
Tony (Nick Brown) is the archetypal Bollywood bad guy – loud, crude and violent.
No, no, no. In Las Vegas, casino owners don’t cut off the ears of crooked employees with a plier nor do they shoot them dead or hang them upside down.
Are there no limits to rubbish?
The orgy of violence toward the end in which Hrithik Roshan’s character mows down the entire bunch of bad buys was again sheer nonsense.
By the way, the chase on the highway by the police was underwhelming as well. We’re tired of seeing cars rolling off trucks on to highways. It was nice the first time we saw it in Bad Boys. Now it’s tiresome.
Think of something different, guys.
Neither Hrithik nor the girl Barabara Mori covered themselves with glory.
Will somebody please tell Barbara that flashing your teeth every few seconds and speaking in Spanish is not acting.
Hrithik too was disappointing in some key moments. First, when his friend Robin takes Linda to the hospital and again in the final moments of the film before he takes the big dive. He was plain awful in both scenes and merely passable other times.
There’s little chemistry between Hrithik and the Mexican actress Barbara Mori.
None of the songs did anything to lift us out of the disappointing stupor into which we’d succumbed.
Kangana Ranaut and Kabir Bedi hardly have any role to speak of.
Bottom line, Kites came across as no more than a breath of stale air.
As we said at the outset, the audience clearly seemed unhappy with the movie.
There was continuous chit-chat, particularly during the second half. And no one objected.
Folks, Kites is most definitely not worth your time or money.
If you are desperate to watch a nice flick this weekend, borrow Match Point and see it. You’ll thank us.
Show Kites your middle finger with mucho gusto. The stinker deserves no better.
Kites Box Office 3 – Shirdi Sai Baba Shows Middle Finger to Hrithik Roshan
Kites Box Office 2 – Hrithik Roshan Peotomized
Kites Box Office Friday – Hrithik Mulling Suicide?
Match Point Review – OMG, Can Kites Match This?
Kites Opening Show USA – Poor Response