For the first time ever in the U.S., we witnessed and heard the audience loudly jeering a Bollywood film.
This unprecedented incident happened on Thursday evening at the end of the 8PM show of Kites at Anil Ambani’s Big Cinemas theater in North Bergen, New Jersey (just outside Lincoln Tunnel) in Screen 2.
To the folks in the last two rows in the middle section of the cinema hall, we feel felt your pain. 🙁
It’s hard to believe this nonsense was two years in the making.
Principal Villain – Rakesh Roshan
To those who believe the villain of the film is Tony (Nick Brown), hell no.
The main villain and primary architect of this garbage is Hrithik Roshan’s father Rakesh Roshan, who is responsible for the story and production.
If Kites proves anything at all, it’s that Rakesh Roshan is completely inept in the story business.
Hey Hrithik, if we were you we wouldn’t have jumped off the cliff but we’d have gleefully pushed the bald bozo Rakesh Roshan off the high peak into the sea.
As we had suspected, Rakesh Roshan steals the basic plot of a young man falling for his would-be brother-in-law’s girl from Woody Allen’s brilliant Match Point.
But that’s where the similarities end.
Where Woody Allen skilfully develops the plot through the marriage and the murder and ultimately the hero getting away with murder, the Kites story is a complete mess as it weaves back and forth into the past and present.
The story starts going off the rails the moment we learn Natasha a.k.a. Linda (Barbara Mori) is actually our hero J’s (Hrithik Roshan) wife. From that point on, the story plunges into amateurish territory and can never rise up through the dance competition, the love-scenes, the escape into the desert et al. All of it downright amateurish stuff.
Our young Las Vegas-based hustler J’s favorite money-spinner is to marry immigrants desperate for a Green Card. And Linda happens to be his 11th bride.
They part after the wedding. They meet again at Bob’s palace-like home (not unlike the country estate in Match Point) when Cupid strikes.
Never have we seen a love angle so clumsily executed and totally lacking depth.
Tony (Nick Brown) is the archetypal Bollywood bad guy – loud, crude and violent.
No, no, no. In Las Vegas, casino owners don’t cut off the ears of crooked employees with a plier nor do they shoot them dead or hang them upside down.
Are there no limits to rubbish?
The orgy of violence toward the end in which Hrithik Roshan’s character mows down the entire bunch of bad buys was again sheer nonsense.
By the way, the chase on the highway by the police was underwhelming as well. We’re tired of seeing cars rolling off trucks on to highways. It was nice the first time we saw it in Bad Boys. Now it’s tiresome.
Think of something different, guys.
Neither Hrithik nor the girl Barabara Mori covered themselves with glory.
Will somebody please tell Barbara that flashing your teeth every few seconds and speaking in Spanish is not acting.
Hrithik too was disappointing in some key moments. First, when his friend Robin takes Linda to the hospital and again in the final moments of the film before he takes the big dive. He was plain awful in both scenes and merely passable other times.
There’s little chemistry between Hrithik and the Mexican actress Barbara Mori.
None of the songs did anything to lift us out of the disappointing stupor into which we’d succumbed.
Kangana Ranaut and Kabir Bedi hardly have any role to speak of.
Bottom line, Kites came across as no more than a breath of stale air.
As we said at the outset, the audience clearly seemed unhappy with the movie.
There was continuous chit-chat, particularly during the second half. And no one objected.
Folks, Kites is most definitely not worth your time or money.
If you are desperate to watch a nice flick this weekend, borrow Match Point and see it. You’ll thank us.
Show Kites your middle finger with mucho gusto. The stinker deserves no better.
Kites Box Office 3 – Shirdi Sai Baba Shows Middle Finger to Hrithik Roshan
Kites Box Office 2 – Hrithik Roshan Peotomized
Kites Box Office Friday – Hrithik Mulling Suicide?
Match Point Review – OMG, Can Kites Match This?
Kites Opening Show USA – Poor Response
Ithai Thaaan Naan Ethirparthen!
(This is what I expected.)
Raavan/Raavanan will be no different
They screened both Rajneeti and Raavan trailers tonight.
Rajneeti seemed the better one.
Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai are the kiss of death for a movie. They bring Shani with them wherever they go.
Let’s see how the two movies turn out.
Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai are the kiss of death for a movie. They bring Shani with them wherever they go.
LOL..what a statement!!
Then can you explain how the film Guru starring both of them escaped that Shani?
You Write: Then can you explain how the film Guru starring both of them escaped that Shani?
Was this shit a hit? Can’t remember now.
Since Guru was based on Dhirubhai Ambani’s life, did the Ambanis have anything to do with it?
hrithik’s best movie is koi mil gaya,which is the worst?
This Kites trash easily ranks among his worst films.
What a silly, boring story.
The failure of Indian cinema is at bottom the failure to write a gripping story.
I am wondering if you’d shower praise on Koi Mil Gaya, if you watched it now. I have a feeling that you may not like it as much. I wasn’t much impressed at that time.
You Write: I am wondering if you’d shower praise on Koi Mil Gaya, if you watched it now.
Most definitely not.
We’ve watched so many fine movies since Koi Mil Gaya that it’d fall terribly short in comparison.
Other Hrithik movies that should be avoided like the plague – Aap Mujhe Achchhe Lagne Lage, Mujhse Dosti Karoge, Yaadein and of course, that epic display of ineptitude from Karan Johar: Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham.
1. With the exception of Aap Mujhe Achchhe Lagne Lage, we’ve seen the other movies in your list. Pitiful, all of them.
2. Look at the names of our movies:
We’ve abandoned all hope of decent content but can’t we at least get decent names!
WOM is terrible for the movie.
Reports are pretty negative. Many people are reported leaving the movie in between.
Biggest disaster of the year so far.
You Write: WOM is terrible for the movie. Reports are pretty negative. Many people are reported leaving the movie in between.
Who can blame the folks for walking out.
Hey, if we didn’t have to review this junk, we’d have done the same.
Here’s a joke: Hrithik claims he’s ‘humbled by all the great reactions!’.
Ha ha ha.
Does anybody believe such nonsense.
There seems to be two versions of Kites.
An “international” version with more action and sexuality, 90 minutes long , and a Hindi version, which is about 130 minutes long.
Ha ha ha…let these bozos learn to make one version right first.
As we’ve said on countless occasions nobody but desis will watch the trashy films coming out of India.
we must not pre-judge …..but after hearing the basic plot of both Ravaan and Rajneeti ….and my experience with Hindi cinema …..i am going to wait for the second or the third day to decide whether to watch these movies in the theatre or the net ……….
We have a bigger problem with Raavan.
Whether to watch the Hindi or Tamil version. 🙁
Vikram is a better actor any day compared to Junior Bachchan… Tamil version would be better I guess…
You Write: Vikram is a better actor any day compared to Junior Bachchan…
Even Trisha, Nayantara and that funny Tamil ‘actor’ whose name eludes us now are better actors than Bachchan.
Indian film industry is dead.
Dadasaheb Phalke (who dreamed of making Indian movie industry the best in world after finding it) would have died of heart attack today.
Inspite of being a 100 year old industry if Bollywood can produce a crappy movie like Kites (inspite of pumping 150 crores) then Bollywood must be dead.
You Write: Indian film industry is dead.
Was it ever alive?
We mean alive in the vibrant, artistic sense.
big joke ….
Read the two pieces.
Hey Vijay, if you are writing checks to compensate for the failure of your films please do keep us in mind too.
And make sure, the checks are in $$. 😉
I think another crappy film from Vijay would incur more pain than the $$ compensation. Don’t you think so…
It looks like Vellaikaran oops Kaavalkaran will soon be upon us. 🙁
Looks like Kites is getting trashed all over.
Rediff gave this movie a 2 star rating. Not to mention KFCC violation which in turn is causing Kites to be withdrawn from theatres in Karnataka.. Below link has more details..
Given the poor quality of this film, it should be withdrawn from all theaters immediately.
Some reviewers have been scathing in India:
In contrast, looks like American reviewers are far more charitable to Kites (as I inferred from the following links which were given in an article in rediff.com):
Thanks to some nimble fingers, I was able to watch and enjoy ‘A Prophet’.
I was hooked on to the movie, and despite some (very few) not very convincing parts in the movie, I found it great. My favourite scene is, when towards the end, the Italian boss Luciani wants Malik to come to him, but instead Luciani is forced to walk up to him, and to his dismay, finds that he is not allowed to meet Malik. That was, to me, the moment when Malik’s Prophet-like status was fully underlined, although he probably had become a Prophet a bit earlier.
1. Perhaps, the American reviewers were all soaked in gin. 😉 Just as we are now on this hot day. Gin + Ice Cold Seltzer Water + a Little Salt + 5 minutes of the combination in the freezer = Nirvana 😉
We were aware of those reviews, having seen them on RT. It’s hard to understand how Bollywood movies seem to find favor with American reviewers. Most likely, they go in with very, very low expectations that are easily exceeded.
2. We watched A Prophet in the theater recently and found it to be a good film.
The three Ritz theaters in Philly and the Landmark, IFC and Angelika (all in NYC) get nice foreign films.
in case Vijay does do such a movie …..who will compensate the theatre owners when that one flops ? ….. Also Surya’s Singam ….trailer is out ………looks like a Vijay movie ……….
Agree with you on the Singam trailer.
Surya is turning into the second Sivakumar
His father Sivakumar was a C-grade star in the old days.
The son is merely imitating the father!
I heard his next next one is called 7aam Arivu /Ezham Arivu, directed by A.R.Murugadoss. Shruti Hassan is the heroine. What do you think of her?
oh, and i watched the audio launch of Singam, and Surya said that apparently Abhishek Bachan and John Abrahams watched his Ayan, and were considering remaking it… (i honestly dont know what to say regarding this, im still in the shock phase)
Have you heard that John Abrahams (again) and Asin are doing the remake of Kaakha Kaakha?? omg, out of anyone, they chose John Abraham. why why why? and why Asin? she was bad enough in the telugu remake Gharshana with Venkatesh. They are gonna slaughter the film, im telling you 🙁
1. You write above: and Surya said that apparently Abhishek Bachan and John Abrahams watched his Ayan, and were considering remaking it…
If Abhishek Bachchan sees us peeing, the schmuck would consider it high art and insist on remaking it in Hindi. 😉
2. You write: Have you heard that John Abraham (again) and Asin are doing the remake of Kaakha Kaakha??
Yes, we read somewhere that Kazhudai and Kazhudai are remaking Kaakha Kaakha (a movie we love) in Hindi.
Watching/listening to Uyirin Uyire on YouTube as we type this response.
3. You write: Shruti Hassan is the heroine. What do you think of her?
Shruti? We’ve seen her in just one movie Luck.
Here’s an excerpt from SI’s review of Luck:
today morning a big plane crash in Mangalore took place more than people 150 died,its a very sad day
Unfortunate, but such is the unpredictability of life.
That was the first thing we saw this morning.
Terrible news, why did the so called omnipresent god (as claimed by theists) fail to save these innocent souls.
You write above: why did the so called omnipresent god (as claimed by theists) fail to save these innocent souls
Because it was bijee wanking its lingam.
looks like second highest
And My Name is Genghiz Khan!
Ha ha ha.
Watched training day, guardian, field of dreams b2b today….now i know why kollywood, bollywood, tollywood, mollywood, jollywood, lillywood, sillywood,sandalwood etc suck big time…
We’ve seen Training Day in your list. Good but we doubt it was Oscar-class (didn’t Denzel ‘can’t get a cab in NYC’ Washington get the Oscar for this film)
100%10,0000% that kollywood, bollywood, tollywood, mollywood, jollywood, lillywood, sillywood,sandalwood, Bastardwood et al suck big time.
Yup he did and that was the only thing classy about the film.
As you said the film is not oscar class…but try watching the other two..both by kevin costner…guardian is appealing for its coast guard theme and field of dreams for being a unique fantasy film…
I quite enjoy reading your Hindi film reviews even though I rarely agree with your critiques; you’re very entertaining and I have to smirk at your condescending tone towards us readers.
But here’s the million dollar question. Why do you watch Indian movies so much given you have such a strong dislike of the vast majority of them?
If I disliked Bollywood and its stars as much as you — the frequent use of words like garbage and references to fecal matter are a dead giveaway — I would stay away and put that money and those 2 to 3 hours of my life to better use each week.
And for the record, Priyanka Chopra is a great actress!
1. You write above: And for the record, Priyanka Chopra is a great actress!
And for the record, mental illness is often curable. Hope the link in the previous sentence helps (sorry about the distance though). 😉
Priyanka Chopra is a
pimplefestering sore on the bad ass of Bollywood. She wouldn’t recognize acting if it bit her on any part of her anatomy.
Thank God, her recent movies are all biting the dust. Kaminey succeeded despite her presence.
But to be fair to that freak, most of her peers can’t act either. Tabu auntie, Konkona-Sen Sharma didi and dadima Shabana are among the exceptions to the rule.
2. You write: Why do you watch Indian movies so much….If I disliked Bollywood and its stars as much as you — the frequent use of words like garbage and references to fecal matter are a dead giveaway — I would stay away and put that money and those 2 to 3 hours of my life to better use each week.
Hope, as the saying goes, springs eternal in the human breast. 😉
catching up the historic first ever intl. cricket match in the states ?
Too bijee with other stuff.
We have friends in Florida where the match is being played/was played who are crazy about the game.
Will check with our friend to see if he’s there and can add something. Our friend (an avid cricketer) was recently handed a prize by Clive Lloyd at a cricket event.
Just returned home after watching kites with my family & friend.
Huh!… u say 1st half was junk! Was it junk?? na it was the most pathetic piece of 1st half(shit) i have seen in my whole life!! Thank GOD i didnt go to see all those movies like HOUSEFULL, SURA, etc.
During the intermission we(me n my friend) just looked at each other and put our hands in the air saying “what was that??!”… then giggled and ran to buy a pack of popcorn and Fanta. ( U’r Manchester girl is in Fanta ad.)
U see SI, i saved a lot of money by not going to see all that god awful movies by ur reviews!! Thank u for being honest and to the point!
The second half was also not good too but there was something to watch.But most of the time we were saying “story evade di??””(“Where’s the story”??). It was a really messy story, we couldn’t understand where it was going!!
The songs were mediocre but had some very good cinematography.
Just rang up Hrithik(my dream boyy!!) and told him ” nalla poli padam aane, nalla potta love story !!” (” films a gr8 hit, what a good love story!!”). By the way it actually means ( ” films a gr8 flop, what a messy story!!”). He thinks its a gr8 compliment and has byhearted it and is going around and telling to everyone (just like he said in the film “i shitted in my pants wow”! lol how was my joke??).
And again by the way Hrithik’s smile is a KILLER!!
1. You write above: During the intermission we(me n my friend) just looked at each other and put our hands in the air saying “what was that??!”…
We’re sure Hrithik Roshan will go on TV tomorrow (or Tweet) thanking everyone for making Kites a super
2. You write: U’r Manchester girl is in Fanta ad.
Hey, in recent pictures our Man-chester gal seems to have grown into a hand-full. 😉
Silicone, push-up bra, pull-up bra, padded bra, just our fading eyes or maybe drinking Fanta does wonders to the chest… who can tell the secret behind the hands-full miracle. 🙁
3. BTW, Hrithik’s dance in the dance-competition scene was not bad. But what happened to the other competitors? We vaguely remember seeing just one or two guys briefly.
And I thought my jokes were bad!!!! hmm?? ( joker style!!!) lol….. u didn’t reply to my joke part? Seems u didn’t like it?!!
BTW, don’t people sleep in your country.
Do your parents know you are up so late? 😉
Na…. they don’t know?( I hope so).
Don’t laugh… in 2 months i will become an ENGINEER!! Hope i spelt it right. Don’t even know what i studied during these 4 years and here iam…. an ENGINEER!! lol…
You write: Don’t even know what i studied during these 4 years and here iam…. an ENGINEER!!
Well, if you are generally clueless you have a fantastic opportunity in Bollywood. 😉
//BTW, don’t people sleep in your country.//
Not, if you have a Broadband connection at home. 😉 😛
True…can you imagine a world without Broadband.
Maybe, if we provide free broadband connections to all the Naxalites they’d be busy looking at porn to worry about the downtrodden tribals. 😉
how many GB/day of porn can you watch without being branded a sex addict.. a curious mind wants to know. on the flip-side can we claim disability benefits, if we meet the GB-threshold?
You write: how many GB/day of porn can you watch without being branded a sex addict
So you have a long way to go before you can file for disability benefits. 😉
Jenna, here we
kilo, mega, giga, tera, peta, exa, zetta then yotta. hmmm wow impressive! just refreshing my ENGINEER memory!
You grown up people still watch porn eyyyy?? amazingg fact!
BTW, i don’t have a Broadband connection. Accessing net through mobile…we r poor people!
MERA BHARATH MAHAAAAAAAAAAAN!
1. You write: You grown up people still watch porn eyyyy?? amazingg fact!
Do gay students watch porn? Just checking. 😉
2. You write: BTW, i don’t have a Broadband connection. Accessing net through mobile…we r poor people!
Except in some rural pockets, most home users have broadband here.
Hard to watch porn on a dial-up connection, nothing below the face will load. 🙁
BTW, dial-up accounts for only 7% of home Internet access in the U.S. Source: Pew Internet
ok…. that’s ittttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. U have crossed the line. Say ur last prayers buddyyyyy!.
Choose which way u wanna die!.
1. By your own hands.
2. Swallowing cynaide.
3. Putting your hand in the toaster, and then forgetting about it.
4. Getting bit by a rabied animal and not going to the doctor.
5. Driving on the left side of a “Keep Right” sign.
6. Get old and stink…. and get very ugly…and die of fright by looking in a mirror.
7. By Vegetarian Cannibals.
8. By a Falling Piano.
9. By Fighting someone else’s war.
10. Hit by a runaway train.
11. Eaten by a VCR.
12. Barrel Rolling.
13. Punching your current country’s president in the face.
14. On your wedding day
“Till death do you part.” Isn’t it ironic?
15. Swimming in vodka, then setting yourself on fire.
16. By Parasites.
17. Not wearing a space suit.
19. Sticking your head in a microwave.
20. Hit in the face with a microphone.
21. Singing ( this will be suitable for u…naa wait… more coming up!!).
22. Nazi death camp.
23. A Sniper.
24. Getting tag teamed by Superman and Batman. ( love to watch u die this way…lol)
25. Driving over the unfinished portion of a bridge.
26. Gunned down by a plane in a corn field.
27. Choking on the world’s biggest ham sandwich.
29. Ripping your own brain stem out.
30. Dying in your sleep.
31. Overdose of sex… with Megan Fox.
Bet the above is also ripped (unlikely you’d have heard of the word Nazi).
We pick #31: Overdose of sex with Ingrid Bergman and Audrey Hepburn. Jointly, may we add. 😉 With Ennio Morricone conducting the orchestra of the theme music from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly at the foot of the bed.
Nazi… whats that??? (lol)
U made me hit wikipedia for these two unknown actresses(for me).
Ingrid Bergman is sweet looking in those olden days while Audrey Hepburn looks skinny! Are u sure u want to die with these 2 dead corpses! lolll….
You write: Are u sure u want to die with these 2 dead corpses!
We’ll take the dead Ingrids and Audreys over the Ranis, Asins, Katrinas, Deepikas, Kareenas and God Forbid the Priyankas any
nightoops any day.
get the thoughts of ingrid and audrey outta your head and run for your lives. They are coming for you
hmm the duty of a critic.
BTW I feel it may be a fake news (wishful thinking??).
Read the piece in your link.
We are skeptical about the sequel seeing the light of the day.
You were right SI.
Kites was PATHETIC.
Same reaction by the audience here too.
Loud jeering at the end. When Hrithik was about to fall off the cliff, almost everyone shouted
“come on, fall down quick” and by the time the ending credits rolled, many of them started clapping their hands, with joy as the film had finally ended. 😛
Hrithik put in a fine performance IMO. His dancing at the start of the film too was impressive.
We shudder to think what Kites’ failure will mean for us.
Anil Ambani’s Big Cinemas will probably completely switch off the AC in the theaters here. Now they switch it on and off. 🙁
I was watching some Tina Munim songs on DVD.. what a babe. That’s probably Anil Ambani’s greatest decision.
1. Tina Munim will always remind us of only one thing – Her (in)famous statement that she and Kaka (Rajesh Khanna) use the same toothbrush. 😉
2. Anil Ambani has never given us any other impression save that he hit the jackpot when he was born into the Dhirubhai Ambani family.
Dhirubhai for all the criticism heaped upon him was a legend. A non pareil character.