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Jul 012014
 




Kochadaiiyaan - Conspiracy of Silence

So much ink was spilled on big budget Tamil movie Kochadaiiyaan (Rajinikanth, Deepika Padukone) by fawning scribes and reviewers about how the motion-capture film heralded an epochal moment in Indian movie history.

Yet there’s nary a report on how much the Rs 150-crore film lost given its ho-hum response at the box office.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Kochadaiiyaan turns out to be the biggest disaster in Indian movie history.

Conspiracy of Silence

After the endless pre-release hype, a conspiracy of silence clouds Kochadaiiyaan’s losses.

Why this strange silence?

Simple, kiddo – Because so many people now have egg on their faces that they’d rather not be reminded of their inane predictions about the movie!

Even Kochadaiiyaan’s producer Eros International has turned silent on its box office fate after prematurely ejaculating over the “Power of Thalaivar” and boasting that the “film has set a new milestone in the history of Indian cinema.”

Trumpeting a “blockbuster opening weekend” of Rs 42-crore of “an epic dramatization of good versus evil,” Eros claimed to be “seeing an overwhelming demand for a prequel or a sequel.”

After that, only radio silence from Eros.

Ha ha ha ha! ;)

Some Thalaivar. Some Milestone!

Eros and several of the smaller exhibitors must be singing a dirge now.

The big question now is whether Rajinikanth will compensate small-time theatre owners/exhibitors like he did a few years back when Baba sank at the box office.

Kochadaiiyaan debuted in 2D and 3D on May 23, 2014 in six languages on 3,000 screens worldwide.

Rajinikanth – Paper Tiger

Rajinikanth is indisputably a paper tiger whose talent and massive fan following have been wildly exaggerated by Tamil producers and distributors desperate to cash in at a fickle box office.

Most Rajini films I’ve seen are as trashy as any Tamil movie featuring Simbhu, Vombhu, Kombhu, Jeeva, Mava, Kova et al.

A mediocre actor at best, Rajinikanth’s fame owes in significant part to his humble origins. Movie fans love rags-to-riches stories since they ceaselessly fantasize of such improbable events changing their dreary lives.

Folks, given the conspiracy of silence on Kochadaiiyaan’s performance at the box office please vote your estimate of the film’s losses below.

How Big a Flop was Kochadaiiyaan?

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May 292014
 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

So without any commentary, I offer readers the below two images (courtesy of Behindwoods).

‘Nuff said. ;)

Kuselan Ticket Price CutImage Courtesy – Behindwoods

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Kochadaiiyan Ticket Price SlashedImage Courtesy – Behindwoods

Related Kochadaiiyan Posts:
Kochadaiiyan Overseas BO – Rajini Can’t
May 262014
 

And I don’t know what to say about my daughter Soundarya who directed this picture.

I saw the picture.

After seeing the picture, I told her. “Soundarya, I’m proud of you. And definitely the whole nation will be proud of you. Congrats.”
- Tamil film star Rajinikanth boasting about Kochadaiiyan and his daughter Soundarya

Ha ha ha ha.

What is that alcohol-loving Rajinikanth high on? Kalla Sarayam? Care to share some with us, Rajini-Can’t? ;)

People are spitting on Soundarya’s face for the pathetic quality of graphics in Kochadaiiyan.

And this jackass Rajinikanth is spinning a tall yarn about his little twit’s “great achievement.”

Shameless wretch!

Kochadaiiyan BO - Disappointing

Paper Tiger

Now is the time for all wise men to accept the truth.

Rajinikanth is a paper tiger!

A tiger who roars only when he has directors like Shankar to call the shots.

Not when he has little twits to “mis-direct” him.

Despite a long weekend (thanks to the Memorial Day holiday in the U.S.), despite the endless hype about the first Indian motion-capture film and despite all the favorable reviews from friendly media, Rajinikanth’s latest film Kochadaiiyan has fared miserably in certain key overseas box office circles compared to his previous film Enthiran.

For the opening May 22-25, 2014 weekend, Kochadaiiyan grossed a mere $436,165 at the U.S. box office (less than a third of Enthiran).

Kochadaiiyan’s fate was no different in the UK. Again, the movie grossed less than a third of Enthiran.

Kochadaiiyan has come in for some serious mauling at the hands of respected critics like Raja Sen who wrote: Continue reading »

Feb 022014
 

(For SI Blog reader Prabhakar)

Pizza (2012, Tamil) suffers from a yawning gap.

The disappointing chasm between intention and outcome.

Clearly, Pizza’s makers (director/writer Karthik Subbaraj and producer C.V.Kumar) set out to make a different kinda of Tamil film.

Alas, they fell far short of their goal.

Different Toppings

We got an e-mail from a New Jersey film distributor/exhibitor Prabhakar a couple of days back informing us that Tamil movie Pizza was now available for streaming on iTunes ($2.99 for SD and $3.99 for HD) and requesting us to review it.

Pizza Tamil Film Review

When Pizza first hit the screens 16 months back, I remember the film attracting attention for its offbeat story and absence of big stars.

And from what I recollect, the low-budget thriller made some money at the box office.

But after watching the two-hour long movie yesterday, my verdict is that Pizza, while a laudable attempt, is not enough of a thriller to warrant the hype.

As for the film’s supposed cult status, all I can say is that someone has been overdosing on bad weed!

The movie centers around a pizza deliveryman Michael Karthikeyan (Vijay Sethupathi) and his pregnant girlfriend Anu, a horror-film buff.

The film plods on for a while and proceeds into higher gear when Michael encounters a bizarre experience during a pizza delivery at a posh house.

From the moment Michael steps into the mansion, it’s Paranormal Activity meets Kollywood!

But the pizza delivery scene and subsequent happenings in the mansion were too drawn out, way too long, some of the circumstances extremely implausible and Michael’s frantic behavior highly exaggerated. Continue reading »

Jan 102014
 

A three-hour long unparalleled nightmare, Jilla is Vijay’s vile imprecation against Tamils.

Visually unappealing, silly beyond description and worthless beyond redemption, this atrocity of a movie muddles through one offensive frame after another.

Hates Khaki – Loves Khaki

To ensure that feeble-minded Vijay fans can easily understand the film, Jilla director R.T. Neason (story, screenplay & direction) embraces the KISS principle – Keep it Simple, Stupid.

For the first half of Jilla, Shakti (Joseph Vijay) hates Khaki uniform because a policeman killed his real-father.

For the second half of the film, Shakti loves Khaki uniform because as a policeman he wants to save his murderous foster-father Siva (Mohanlal).

Loving Khaki uniform and hating Khaki uniform! I guess even Vijay’s fans should be able to grasp that!

Folks, loving and hating Khaki uniform forms the essence of Jilla and highlights the infernal nonsense this abominable piece of trash descends to.

I’m not kidding!

Buttock Squeezing

In between hating and loving Khaki uniform, Shakti is either squeezing the buttocks of Police Sub-Inspector Shanti (Kajal Aggarwal) or having his buttocks squeezed by Kajal Aggarwal.

Yes, all butt squeezings are in public. Really!

If Shanti and Shakti are not butt-squeezing each other, then Shakti is piercing the buttock of his cop friend (Parotta Soori) with a geometry compass.

When Vijay’s buttock is not at hand, Kajal squeezes Parotta Soori’s buttocks or balls in the police station.

When Shakti tires of the thrill of buttock-squeezes, he makes do with making Shanti crawl through a mud-pool in front of a few hundred school girls. Or he has one of those school girls take a hard whack at Parotta Soori’s cojones with a club.

Again, I’m not kidding.

Slow Motion Fights – Fast Motion Fights

In between squeezing Kajal Agarwal’s buttock or she squeezing Vijay’s butt, our hero is fighting the bad guys (Royapuram Guna), fighting the good guys (cops), fighting the not-bad and not-good guys (i.e. his father Siva’s goons), torturing the Madurai Police Commissioner (Pradeep Rawat) by chopping his right arm and cleansing Madurai of crime in one night.

And the Police Commissioner, who still can’t lift his right arm because of the severe injury, is so elated with his arm-chopper Shakti that he promotes him to Deputy Commissioner of Police. Nice way to get a promotion is to slash the Madurai Police Commissioner!

I counted 10 fights in the film before throwing up my hands in surrender. Hey, I have only 10 fingers!

As for Shakti’s weapons of choice, again I counted 10 – Cricket bat, bare hands, gun, knife, legs, spear, small stones, wooden planks, wooden clubs and a geometry compass.

And Shakti is expert at all of them, particularly the geometry compass and small stones (a skill he picked up in childhood and used to save a stranger but forgot to save his father and let him die). Continue reading »

Jan 092014
 

Venkataramana Govinda, Govinda!

Each time a Tamil film releases, I temporarily regain my faith in God, and send up the above Govinda prayer to none other than Balaji of the Seven Hills seeking divine remission from the plague.

I beseech the Lord to turn crappy Tamil movies into duds.

And each time Balaji unfailingly lets me down! :(

Balaji

Tamil Films – Satanic Rituals

When any Tamil film hits the screens, it’s cause for deep concern.

For rare is the Tamil movie that’s not repulsive to the N+100th degree.

But when the Tamil movie features Joseph Vijay or Ajith Kumar, the picture actually gets alarming and trash reaches its apotheosis.

Both Vijay and Ajith have specialized in churning out utterly worthless, cringeworthy films that only those with an IQ below 75 can enjoy.

Bereft of even the semblance of a story, the hero as an invincible do-gooder, a heroine with no role save to pout, reveal her ‘goodies’ and act like a nitwit, stunt scenes from the 1970s, and noise masquerading as music, most Tamil films featuring Vijay or Ajith are nothing but Satanic curses.

In any sane country, ‘actors’ like Joseph Vijay and Ajith would have been chased out of town, but in Tamil Nadu these mountebanks are worshiped and hailed as the new avatar of Christ or Vishnu.

In the face of such implacable Tamil stupidity even Balaji has turned impotent! :(

Veeram – Lolita Complex

Were Vladimir Nabokov alive, he surely would have penned a sequel to his classic novel Lolita.

In the sequel, the protagonist would be modeled after Tamil ‘phillum star‘ Ajith Kumar, a figure as grotesque, as cartoonish and as weird as Humbert Humbert in Lolita!

With each new film, Ajith’s heroine seems to be getting younger in age.

Ajith, Tamil cinema’s worst actor, keeps diving for younger girls in his films even as the hair on his body starts to turn snow white.

Junot Diaz put it well in The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (p.123):

What straight middle-aged brother has not attempted to regenerate himself through the alchemy of young pussy.

At this rate, in a few years I will not be surprised one whit if Ajith’s heroines turn out to be younger than his daughter!

In Ajith’s upcoming film Veeram, Tammannaaaahhh Bhatia is cast as the heroine.

With a penchant for baring her midriff at the first opportunity, Tammannaaaahhh Bhatia’s sole claim to fame is that she’s a few notches worse than Ajith in the acting department.

I’ve just watched the trailer of Ajith’s upcoming film Veeram.

Mon dieu, the Veeram trailer is so asingam (awful) that I ran outside into the icy ‘Polar Vortex’ cold for relief.

Better to die of pneumonia in the snow than to endure such drivel! :( Continue reading »