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Bodyguard Box Office – Tasteless Desis Lap Up Trash

Sep 062011

U.S. desis have just proved their immense love for gobbling up stinking trash.

Bollywood criminal Salman Khan’s latest crap-show Bodyguard, which released in the U.S. last Wednesday, has grossed $1.36 million from August 31-September 5.

That’s not an impressive figure compared to My Name is Khan (Shahrukh Khan) or 3 Idiots (Aamir Khan) but for a horrendous piece of garbage like Bodyguard a gross collection of $1.36 million is a sin.

Shameful Reflection

The box office collections for Bodyguard are a shameful reflection on the obscene and poor taste of Indians in the U.S.

Any other audience but Indians, viewers would have spat on the screen and stormed out of the movie hall in disgust at the trashy spectacle on the screen.

Folks, to put it mildly Bodyguard is a crude piece of shit unfit to be released on movie screens.

Of course, Bodyguard was helped by its Eid release and the fact that the movie’s hero is a Muslim. Our hypothesis is that besides Indians, the movie must have attracted hordes of Pakistanis and Bangladeshis.

As the wise souls of SearchIndia.com have often said, you can take the Indian out of India but not the India out of Indians.

Here’s how Bodyguard fared at the U.S. box office compared to some prominent Bollywood films:

Related Stories:
Bodyguard Review – Mind-numbing Trash

Bodyguard Review – Mind-numbing Trash

Bollywood 30 Responses »

Aug 312011

Bodyguard Box Office – Tasteless Desis Lap Up Trash

Generations of Indians to come will rub their eyes in disbelief, shake their heads in a daze, look on in a rage and cringe in shame that as late as 2011, when tiny nations like South Korea, Denmark and Israel were producing dazzling movies, Bollywood filmmakers were still churning out mind-numbing, odious garbage like Bodyguard (and that too featuring a cowardly murderer).

Folks, even by the morbidly disgusting standards of Bollywood, Bodyguard represents a new low watermark.

We were so depressed after watching this junk that we were tempted to end our life on the New Jersey Turnpike.

It was only the sad – sob-sob – thought of orphaning all you schmucks that prompted us to change our mind.

Now, you know how much we love y’all.

The ne plus ultra of trash, this so-called movie makes a mockery of the art form known as movie-making and throws up a foul smelling vomit on the screen for over two hours.

Written and directed by a South Indian half-wit named Siddique, Bodyguard pairs a real-life aging Indian criminal named Salman Khan with that size zero bimbo Kareena Kapoor sporting a perennial vacuous, hey-hey-I-am-a-retard expression.

A story that’s the Mount Everest of nonsense, acting that’s hopelessly incompetent, music wholly inadequate and an irritating (un)comic angle provided not a second’s respite to yours truly from the unceasing torture unfolding on the screen.

At a theater on the East Coast in the U.S., there were about 18 people for the opening show of Bodyguard.

Our guess is at least 10 of the viewers were Muslims. Go figure.

Asinine Story

A rich man Sartaj Rana (Raj Babbar) hires a bodyguard Lovely Singh (Salman Khan) to protect his young college student daughter Divya (Kareena Kapoor) from a deadly group bent on doing her injury.

Now, don’t ask us why.

Hey, this is a Salman Khan movie. Ask the wrong question and the star might drive his SUV over you.

Our bodyguard with the swollen cheeks, bluetooth earpiece, dark glasses, rippling muscles and the eight-pack body soon starts following the girl around like a shadow, into the ladies’ toilet (no kidding), into the class-room, into the gym and where not.

Much to the girl’s chagrin, who decides to throw the spanner in the works. Soon, the girl Divya feigns to be another college student Chaaya and keeps calling up our bodyguard, praising his hot body and eventually declaring her love for him.

Our bodyguard must surely be a blithering idiot since he’s blissfully unaware that it’s his ‘Madam Divya’ behind the prank. Continue reading »

Bodyguard is Garbage, Say Critics

Bollywood, Reviews 3 Responses »

Aug 312011

Bollywood murderer Salman Khan’s new movie Bodyguard is trash, say a bevy of critics.

But that’s hardly surprising because the real-life criminal has a recidivist tendency to feature in movies that are unvarnished garbage like Wanted, Dabanng and God Tussi Great Ho.

Here are a few Bodyguard review excerpts from a bunch of Indian critics:

NDTV:

The thread that Bodyguard hangs from is hopelessly slender and perpetually on the brink of snapping…..Of course, whether you find Bodyguard entertaining or not will hinge entirely on whether you have any patience for a storyline that is as brainless as a pea…..But Siddique is unable to decide whether he wants the star to project his Wanted and Dabangg ready-for-battle persona all the way through or adopt a softer, more romantic manner in the second half. Either way, the male protagonist and the film end up looking rather moronic…..So, if you value the mop on your scalp and the grey cells in your head and want to guard yourself against this potentially mind-numbing body blow, give it a miss. Better be safe than sorry!

Reuters:

“Bodyguard”, written and directed by Siddique, is in the same mould as Salman’s earlier Eid hits “Wanted” and “Dabangg”, showcasing the stars romancing, fighting and comedy skills, thus rendering things like the story and screenplay useless…..The director here is merely incidental and that shows. The gags are not funny at all, some are offensive and the dialogue is lacklustre. Unlike “Dabangg” and “Wanted”, this film doesn’t have a lot of action or pace, which drags for most of the first half…..The dance moves and songs seem like a rehash of “Dabangg” and “Ready”, making you wonder how many variations of the same film we will have to go through before they finally stop.
The screaming crowd might have been wondering too, because by the end of two hours, they had gone silent, and I even heard some booing towards the end. Unless you are a die-hard Salman Khan fan, please protect yourself against this film.

WOGMA:

I had wished for a story in a Salman Khan film and I got it. And there was so much story stuffed into those 30 minutes that I was praying for it to be over. And it refused, as if taunting me, “you wanted story, you take story! And here take some more.”….The supposedly comic scenes on the other hand barely bring a smile or two. At other times, they bring cringes, especially when the “comic relief” side-kick comes on screen.

DNA:

I was made familiar with the story of the original Bodyguard (in Malayalam) about a year ago and couldn’t help but wonder how silly it was. When the Hindi remake was announced, I hoped the story would be tweaked (especially the way it ends) to make it a better, more enjoyable film. As I watched the Hindi version, I realised the plot had been left untouched. And it was still just as silly.

SearchIndia.com:

Generations of Indians to come will rub their eyes in disbelief, shake their heads in a daze, look on in a rage and cringe in shame that as late as 2011, when tiny nations like South Korea, Denmark and Israel were producing dazzling movies, Bollywood filmmakers were still churning out mind-numbing, odious garbage like Bodyguard.

cheap flights to india

Ready Box Office Report 2nd Week – Bad Showing

Bollywood, Box Office No Responses »

Jun 132011

Say what you will, but U.S. desis have better taste and, of course, class compared to their compatriots in India when it comes to Bollywood films.

Media reports suggest that Salman Khan’s latest crap-show Ready is going gangbusters in India.

However, Ready has not found the same level of acceptance from U.S. based desis.

In its second weekend (June 10-12, 2011) at the U.S. box office, Ready notched up a total gross of $190,097 (down 58.7%) and an average gross of $1,960.

Ready has done a total gross of $781,855 in the U.S. as of June 12, 2011.

Here’s how Ready fared at the U.S. box office in the second weekend (June 10-12, 2011) compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Ready Box Office 2nd Week - Bad Show

Ready Box Office Report – Horrrrrible

Bollywood, Box Office 5 Responses »

Jun 062011

Mein Kutta Hoon, Yeh Kutiya Hain (I am a dog and she is my bitch).
- Salman Khan’s character Prem referring to his girlfriend Pooja (played by Asin) in the movie Ready

Who says Salman Khan is a superstar?

No way.

The U.S. box office numbers for Salman’s latest crapshow Ready are out and they suck.

Yeah, they suck big time for this kutta-kutiya film.

Hell, even the Deol buffoons’ (Sunny and Bobby) movie Yamala Pagla Deewana did much better than Ready at the box office. No kidding.

Ready also fared much worse than Salman’s last movie, Dabangg (see below table).

For the opening June 3-5, 2011 weekend, Ready could manage a total gross of just $460,238 and average gross of $4,745. The trashy movie released on 97 screens in the U.S.

Here’s how Ready did at the U.S. box office compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:
Salman Khan's Ready Movie Box Office Numbers

Folks, Ready is an awful movie.

If you haven’t seen it, consider yourself blessed.

As the wise souls at SearchIndia.com wrote in their review of Ready:

In the dismal annals of bad Indian movies, Ready (Salman Khan, Asin Thottumkal) occupies pride of place.

The Bollywood movie, which released in the U.S. this morning, is a nauseatingly awful piece of junk that has few parallels.

A movie with a fig leaf of a story so sophomoric that one shudders at the damage such tripe inflict on the already battered reputation of Bollywood.

As many of our smart readers are aware, Ready is the remake of a Telugu movie bearing the same name. We missed the Telugu version but it was our great misfortune to watch the Tamil version.

Directed by a Bollywood yokel answering to the yells of Anees Bazmee, Ready’s claim to fame is that the camera relentlessly maintains its focus on Salman Khan’s swollen, aging face much of the time as he makes a jackass of himself.

Ready Review – Pageant of Trash

Bollywood 23 Responses »

Jun 032011

Ready U.S. Box Office Report – Horrrrrible
(Meagre $460,238 in Opening Wkend @ U.S. BO)

Mein Kutta Hoon, Yeh Kutiya Hain (I am a dog and she is my bitch).
- Salman Khan’s character Prem referring to his girlfriend Pooja (played by Asin) in the movie Ready

In the dismal annals of bad Indian movies, Ready (Salman Khan, Asin Thottumkal) occupies pride of place.

The Bollywood movie, which released in the U.S. this morning, is a nauseatingly awful piece of junk that has few parallels.

A movie with a fig leaf of a story so sophomoric that one shudders at the damage such tripe inflict on the already battered reputation of Bollywood.

As many of our smart readers are aware, Ready is the remake of a Telugu movie bearing the same name. We missed the Telugu version but it was our great misfortune to watch the Tamil version.

Directed by a Bollywood yokel answering to the yells of Anees Bazmee, Ready’s claim to fame is that the camera relentlessly maintains its focus on Salman Khan’s swollen, aging face much of the time as he makes a jackass of himself.

Bollywood rogue Salman Khan plays a young man Prem living with his wealthy parents and uncles in a large house.

Don’t ask us what Prem does for a living, his plans or his background. We have no clue. And neither does director Anees Bazmee.

The rest of the movie is an endless tableau of meaningless scenes that are bereft of any logic and bizarrely awful.

A forgetful father, an oddball accountant, a devil of a grandson, two brothers with ponytails and a retard-like heroine are some of the grotesque creatures making up the Ready menagerie. Continue reading »

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SearchIndia.com Blog

Bodyguard Box Office – Tasteless Desis Lap Up Trash

Shameful Reflection

Bodyguard Review – Mind-numbing Trash

Asinine Story

Bodyguard is Garbage, Say Critics

Ready Box Office Report 2nd Week – Bad Showing

Ready Box Office Report – Horrrrrible

Ready Review – Pageant of Trash

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