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May 062014

[Alexander Imich] always ate sparingly, inspired by Eastern mystics who disdain food. “There are some people in India who do not eat,” he said admiringly.

- Interview with World’s Oldest Man Alexander Imich, 111, in New York Times

Witnesses See Salman Khan's Hit and Run
Why do some people live long?

Why do some people die young?

I’m not talking here of death from accidents, murders, wars, suicides, bomb blasts, holocausts, Indian-style encounters, CIA torture or Al Qaeda plane attacks.

Au contraire, my interest here is death from old age.

In other words, natural death.

The New York Times recently interviewed the oldest man on the planet, Alexander Imich.

Born on February 4, 1903 in Poland, Imich has led an eventful life – He survived the Nazi invasion of his country, imprisonment in a Russian Gulag, his childhood sweetheart/wife’s betrayal and great financial distress in his autumn years in America.

111-Year-Old Alexander Imich - World's Oldest ManWorld’s Oldest Man – Alexander Imich, 111
(Picture Courtesy: NYT)

At 111, Imich, who now lives in New York City, is frail but seems to be in control of his faculties.

Well, I’m not so sure of Imich’s mental faculties.

Because while speaking of “Eastern mystics,” the centenarian had this to say on some Indians:

There are some people in India who do not eat.

Good Lord! What baloney!

Probably the geezer even believes in the great Indian rope trick! ;)

Secrets to a Long Life

So what then are aspects of Imich’s life that could offer wannabe Methuselahs some valuable lessons.

Here’s what I gleaned from the NYT piece on factors that may have helped Imich live way longer than most of his peers:

* Not having Children
* Eating Sparingly
* Abstaining from Alcohol
* Stopping Tobacco Use
* Good Genes
* Athletics (or some form of regular Exercise)

There’s no mention of a happy marriage.

Imich’s first wife abandoned him for another man and he then married his wife’s friend Wela (she died in 1986).

So I suppose marriage and companionship are not big pluses when it comes to longevity.

My Two Cents

If I were to add a few of my own tips for longevity, they’d be:

* Absence of Stress
* Moderate Wealth
* Avoiding Meat (particularly, hormone-stuffed meat from American poultry and cattle farms)
* Avoiding Processed Food
* Consuming Less Sugar
* Eating Fresh Fruits, Green Vegetables, Salads, Goat Cheese and Olives

I agree with Imich that small portions aid longevity.

If you ask me, more people die from overeating than from starvation.

On children too, I’m with Imich. The joys that the patter of little feet bring are wildly exaggerated in my not-so-humble opinion.

Salman Khan

So what’s the connection between Alexander Imich and Salman Khan?

By my reckoning, Salman Khan has lived too long a life! That’s my premise, so don’t probe further even if it seem illogical to your Bertie Wooster-sized brain. ;)

On a serious note, Salman Khan does share some aspects of Imich’s life – No children, for one (at least, none that we’re aware of).

On alcohol, my friends say they’ve seen Salman drink. Plus, there’s the well known fact of Salman drunk-driving over sleeping pavement dwellers in Mumbai.

Given his toned body, I suppose Salman must be going to the gym fairly frequently.

As best as I know, Salman Khan is not married. Maybe, that helps. (As an obiter dictum, I do find his past obsession with Aishwarya Rai hard to fathom. Women who willingly marry lobotomized idiots in grand public ceremonies must be a lot weirder than Salman Khan at the wheels of a Toyota Land Cruiser.)

Based on my heightened perceptive skills, I’d hypothesize that Women suck the life force out of you. Ask Socrates! Ask Tolstoy! Ask the men in the court of Queen Elizabeth I or Empress Catherine of Russia. They’ll agree with me in a nano-second!

If Salman continues on his present trajectory – dalliances but not marriages – Salman Khan could end up proving my hypothesis that women are like good Scotch – One peg in the evening goes a long way to longevity!

On Salman’s dietary habits, I plead ignorance. Although I’m aware of his penchant for killing endangered wild bucks (Chinkaras), roasting ‘em on a slow fire and eating them.

I’m not sure if assaulting girl friends and killing Mumbai’s poorest by drunk driving over them contribute to longevity.

Perhaps, they do!

Like Alexander Imich, Salman Khan has lived a long and eventful life (though painful or fatal, and occasionally both painful and fatal, for Salman’s victims).

So based on Salman Khan’s colorful life, one could infer that a life of crime is no impediment to longevity in Incredible India.

Related Content:
An Ever-Curious Spirit, Unbeaten After 111 Years
Still Pursuing a Lifetime’s Worth of Interests at 104
Jan 272014

Inshallah, Jai Ho will be the beginning of the end for Salman Khan.

One of the silliest Bollywood movies in recent times, Jai Ho opened to a lukewarm response in the U.S.

Part of the reason could be the lousy weather in the Northeast but I think a more likely reason is that desis in the U.S. are getting sick of the garbage Salman Khan shovels at them with monotonous frequency.

For the opening January 24-26, 2014 weekend in the U.S., Jai Ho grossed $840,506 from 195 screens.

Average gross per screen for Jai Ho was $4,310, the lowest after Veer (2010).

Here’s how Jai Ho fared at the U.S. box office compared to a few prominent Bollywood films:

Jai Ho U.S. Box Office Report

Jai Ho’s miserable performance at the U.S. box office is the lowest for a Salman Khan movie in recent years! :)

One can only pray that this trend continues and heralds the long overdue end of Salman Khan’s reign in Bollywood.

Salman Khan Movies U.S. Box Office Report

Related Jai Ho Stories:
Jail Ho Review – Intolerable Garbage
Jan 242014

Only in that godforsaken shit-hole a.k.a. India does a real-life murderer, Salman Khan, don the garb of a good Samaritan on the screen (Jai Ho), flex his muscles, feign concern for the weak, and earn endless plaudits from all sections of society.

In my lexicon, what Bollywood low-life Salman Khan does on the screen ad nauseum in films like Jai Ho is a dirty trick of the highest order, albeit one that works very well with tasteless, classless, senseless Indian movie fans.

If you ask me, Jai Ho is an intolerable piece of trash, and nothing but Salman Khan’s desperate attempt to whitewash his beastly reputation as a murderer and thug.

Jai Ho – Garbage

Produced and directed by Sohail Khan, a halfwit whose sole claim to fame is that it happens to be Salman Khan’s younger sibling, Jai Ho is a pathetic, tawdry spectacle based loosely on the Hollywood film Pay It Forward (2000, Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt).

Salman Khan plays Jai Agnihotri, an ex-army guy whose raison d’etre is to go around beating people, helping people and exhorting people to assist three others.

The helping and exhorting is what the little boy Trevor does well in Pay It Forward.

Whether it’s Trevor in Pay It Forward or Salman in Jai Ho, the goal is to set in motion a human-chain of kindness  toward needy souls who can’t help themselves and make the world a better place.

The villain in Jai Ho is the typical Bollywood caricature of a crooked, arrogant, thuggish politician, who comes here in the shape of the Home Minister Dashrat Singh (Danny Denzongpa).

As I wrote the other day, Pay It Forward was a mediocre Hollywood film but redeemed by superb acting by the troika of Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt.

Au contraire, Jai Ho doesn’t possess a single refreshing or redeeming element.

The acting is horribly sub-par, the story is hopelessly silly, the stunt scenes laughable, the romance unbearable, the music easily forgettable and the overall effect extremely depressing on tender souls like yours truly.

Salman Khan exhibits a detached attitude to his role, almost as if he’s watching someone else play the character of Jai Agnihotri.

Weird!? Yes, but then the bizarre has always been an inalienable part of this weirdo’s psychological makeup.

I suppose at some level even Salman Khan finds the notion of playing a do-gooder totally alien to his true self. ;) Continue reading »

Jan 162014

Think of an idea to change the world and put it into action.

- Writing in chalk on the green board in Trevor’s 7th-grade classroom in the Hollywood film Pay It Forward

Bollywood’s murderous thug Salman Khan has gotten out of its pen and is busy promoting its new movie Jai Ho.

Directed by Salman’s younger brother Sohail Khan, Jai Ho is scheduled to release on January 24.

If history offers us any clues, Jai Ho will be a blockbuster at the Indian box office a la Salman’s previous films Dabang, Dabanng 2 and Ek Tha Tiger.

I pray for an impossible miracle - Jai Ho should kiss the dust.

But my prayers are unlikely to be answered by Salman’s vast swineherd a.k.a. fans.

Jai Ho – Based on Pay It Forward

Since Jai Ho is a remake of the Tollywood film Stalin, it’s safe to assume that Jai Ho is a lift of the Hollywood film Pay It Forward (2000).

After all, Stalin is ‘written’ and directed by A.R.Murugadoss, who has dedicated his film career to stealing and delivering garbage.

And by all accounts, Murugadoss’ Stalin (Chiranjeevi, Trisha, Kushboo) is based on Pay It Forward.

Murugadoss’ Tamil/Hindi hit Ghajini (stolen from Chris Nolan’s Memento) too was an egregious instance of outrageous theft.

Jai Ho – Mighty Shame

It’s a mighty shame that Jai Ho is based on theft of Hollywood film Pay It Forward, albeit with some modifications.

Because it is one more instance of Salman Khan financially benefiting from a stolen Hollywood film.

Of course, Salman Khan is no stranger to crime. Continue reading »

Jan 142014

Narendra Modi Meets Salman KhanLove Fest – Retail Killer (left) with Wholesale Butcher (right)

Say what you will but pigs will love only other pigs.

This morning BJP leader Narendra Modi couldn’t contain his excitement at meeting Bollywood star Salman Khan. Modi tweeted pictures of him with Salman and boasted about having lunch with the actor.

And Sallu Bhai warmly reciprocated the love, describing Modi as a “Good Man” and hailed him for making Gujarat a “progressive state.”

Salman Khan has earned a well deserved reputation as a beast for his tendency to alleviate boredom and seek new thrills by murdering sleeping people by driving his car over them, beating his girl-friends and killing endangered species of animals.

Where Salman operates on a retail level in harming people, Narendra Modi’s grievous injury to people is on a wholesale level. Continue reading »

Dec 022013

If SI has said it once, SI has said it a million times.

Mera Bharat Mahan a.k.a. India has no hope.

So what if a few people can spell PHP, Ruby, Perl, JavaScript and SAP.

But the Indian DNA is rotten to the core.

Salman Khan - Most Searched Person on BingSalman Khan – Devil in Human Form
(Image courtesy – Microsoft MSN)

Why My Angst?

Microsoft announced the Most Searched Person in India in its Bing search engine for 2013 this morning.

And the answer is, hold your breath now, Salman Khan. :(

Of the countless chutiyas populating that bizarre land, Salman Khan is one of the worst.

A Shaitan (devil) in human form, Salman Khan is a depraved creature given to beating his girl-friends and driving drunk over sleeping pavement dwellers in Mumbai and then running away without aiding the dying and injured!

Still Indians’ love for this gaandu is unparalleled!

That millions of Indians should genuflect at the altar of a savage beast like Salman Khan and hunger for information about him on Bing and other search engines is senseless hero-worship that brings shame to all of India.

Now you know why that godforsaken, benighted land is doomed.

Most Searched in U.S.

Since SI’s home land is the U.S., I am providing a chart on the “Most Searched Person” and “Most Searched Movie” in Amreeka as well.

Most Searched Person in the U.S.

Most Searched Person in the U.S.