 Blog & Web Directory on India |
| Advertise SI Web Directory Home About Us Facebook Twitter |
The UK box office numbers for the Diwali Tamil release are out.
And Vijay’s trash Velayudham has edged out Surya’s garbage 7Aum Arivu.
That both junk grossed over £100,000 is ample evidence that Tamils are stupid f*cks whether they live in Tamil Nadu or UK.
Related Stories:
7Aum Arivu Review – Silly, Lifeless Bore
Velayudham Review – Mindless Mayhem
By Naveen
On the unenviable lines of his past monsterpieces Tirupachi, Madurey, Villu, Sura and Vettaikkaran, Vijay has taken Tamil Cinema eight steps backward this Diwali with Velayudham.
Oh, if you are one of those elitists turning your nose up at Vijay’s films, then let’s see your Brando, Al Pacino or De Niro even try what Vijay does effort-lessly! 
Produced by “Aascar” Ravichandran and ejaculated directed by M Raja, Velayudham stars “Ilaya Thalapathi” Vijay, Genelia D’Souza, Hansika Motwani, Santhanam matrum palar (and others) in a casting coup that would put Asscar Oscar winners to shame.
As if there were no more sophomoric drivel left in Tamil Cinema and all combinations of puerile junk had been exhausted, M. Raja dives into the cesspool of Telugu cinema by shamelessly stealing (or borrowing, if he has bought the rights) this fiendish plot from Azad, a 11-year-old movie starring Nagarjuna and Shilpa Shetty.
Of course, where else would he find the most uncreative scripts or unoriginal ideas in India but Tollywood!
With minor changes from Azad, the storyline of Velayudham goes like this…
In a plot that resembles Vijayakanth’s movies, Tamil Nadu’s Home Minister is in cahoots with Jihadi Terrorists who wish to destabilize India by bombing Chennai. Yeah right! Even terrorists are bored of bombing the same old Mumbai or Delhi.
Bharati (Genelia), a journalist and her two male colleagues launch a crusade against the evils plaguing society.
A sting operation goes awry, both her colleagues are killed and Bharati too has a close shave with death.
The stupid thugs who killed them blow themselves up accidentally but not before giving a vaakumoolam (confession) to Bharati that they were involved in the previous bombing and another one is coming next week.
Bharati has a brainwave, conjures up a fictitious character called Velayudham, writes a note signed by Velayudham warning all criminals that he was responsible for killing the thugs and he would stop the next terror plot.
Meanwhile, a village milkman, Velayudham (Vijay in a never before seen role), his sister Kaveri (Saranya Mohan) and a bunch of cronies come to Chennai to collect the money he had invested in a chit fund company.
Velayudham ends up accidentally and unknowingly saving the public from the terror attacks while still staying unknown to the public. As usual, the stupid Tamil people start believing the existence of Velayudham just as they believed in the Indian Thatha, Kandasamy and Anniyan.
Once this news reaches Bharati, she solicits the real Velayudham to continue to play the fictitious one but he declines.
However when the chit fund company turns out to be a fraud and he loses all his money Velayudham, the milkman has a change of heart and Velayudham, the crusader is born.
The rest of the story is about how he foils all the terror plots and saves the people of Tamil Nadu. Continue reading »
Ha ha ha ha, Ayyo Kaduvule.
Intha Vijayakku shani pudichidichu (Vijay is going through bad times).
Folks, Vijay’s new movie Kaavalan has been badly buggered by moviegoers in the U.K.
Kaavalan has fared worse than Vijay’s previous movie Sura at the U.K. box office.
Pitiful. Pitiful.
Vijay richly deserves his current miserable fate for all the crap he’s showered on Tamil moviegoers for the past few years.
By the way, Kaavalan released a week late in the U.K.
For the opening January 21-23, 2010 weekend, Kaavalan managed a total gross of only £49,475 and an average gross of £2,910.
Are we surprised?
Of course not. The Kaavalan trailer and cacophonous music foretold the disaster that lay ahead.
Here’s how badly Kaavalan fared at the U.K. box office compared to a few prominent Tamil films:
Related Stories:
Kaavalan Trailer Review – In New Landmark, this Tamil Movie Features Two Clowns
Kaavalan Music Review – If Funeral Music be Your Cup of Tea, This One Fits the Bill
We just watched the trailer of Kaavalan and were stunned at the bold step the Tamil film industry has taken.
Folks, Kaavalan has two clowns, not one as is usually the norm in Tamil movies.
Voila, two comedians in a Tamil movie. So nice, yaa.
Of course, the movie features Vadivelu with a weird mustache and making an ass of himself as he is wont to lately.
But Vadivelu is only the second comedian in Kaavalan. Playing second fiddle.
First Comedian?
Guys, Kaavalan has a ‘first’ comedian too.
And this one also doubles as the hero of Kaavalan.
You guessed right, folks – our beloved Vijay is the comic hero of Kaavalan. Continue reading »
Thank God, one major problem of our life our death is solved.
You see, for the last few months we’d been feverishly agonizing over what music ought to play at our funeral.
At first, we considered our favorite Ennio Morricone’s peerless compositions like Il Trio Infernale and A Lydia (‘scusi, Facciamo L’amore‘). But we had misgivings about these classics because they were not depressing pieces. Who knows, we might even open our eyes in the casket at the sound of these timeless compositions.
We were desperately hoping to encounter music so depressing that there’d be no chance of us ever opening our eyes once we were deposited in the wooden box.
We searched high and low but with no luck.
Desperate hope slowly turned into deep despair.
And then we purchased the music album of Vijay’s forthcoming film Kaavalan on Apple iTunes.
Eureka, the issue of what dirge will play at our funeral vanished. The problem has been put to rest and we can continue with other activities in the short time left us.
Folks, for love or money you can’t get a better dirge than Kaavalan.
Thank you, Ilaya-Thalai-Illatha-Pathi. Thank you, Vidyasagar (Kaavalan’s music (mis)director).
As we listened to the five tracks in Kaavalan, we were transported into a mood of deep gloom:
* Vinnai Kaapan Oruvan – A duet sung by Tipu and Swetha, this one is a familiar piece. After all, you’ve heard this kinda stuff only in 50 other Vijay movies. Also, a bit reminiscent of the opening Oruvan Oruvan song in Rajinikanth’s Muthu.
* Yaar Athu – A slow number punctuated with phone rings, this one almost put us into a deep sleep coma. Karthik and Suchitra share the singing honors.
* Sada Sada – A solo track from Karthik with silly lyrics and a sillier tune. Of course, the schmucks would call this a peppy number and the legions of Vijay’s fans would wet their pants upon hearing this kinda nonsense.
* Pattam Puchchi – A boring, lifeless number that’s apt for the end rituals of a funeral. Seriously.
* Step it up – A Tamil-English nightmare. Seriously, is this garbage music? As we were listening to this abomination, we couldn’t but help but think of Vadivelu’s nonpareil remonstration – Enna vecchi comedy kimedy onnum pannalaiye.
Bottom Line – Depressing
Sadly, the five tracks in Kaavalan are unimaginative, mediocre pieces, break no new ground and can hardly be classed in the entertaining category.
If you live in the U.S., you can purchase the Kaavalan album on Apple iTunes for $4.95.
Of course, we wouldn’t advise y’all to do that it in the interest of maintaining what little is left of your sanity.
The sole saving grace of this off-putting noise is that there are only five songs. Maybe, there’s a God, after all.
SearchIndia.com strongly recommends that you congenital thieves do not even consider stealing Kaavalan songs.
Bottom line – Utter drivel.
Now if you schmucks will excuse us, we need a stiff drink after listening to this nonsense from the pallbearers of Tamil music.
Related Stories:
Kaavalan Trailer review
Sura Review – Colossus of Nonsense
Recent Comments