Say what you will, it’s hard to get close to another desi guy.
No, we don’t mean emotionally but literally (as in physical proximity).
Most desi men smell stink.
No question about it.
Don’t believe us?
Go ahead, ask your Caucasian buddy.
The odds are 90 to 1 that your White IT buddy at Morgan Stanley, MetLife or Goldman Sachs will tell you sotto voce that a desi Java programmer’s bad smell arrives a few seconds ahead of the bugs in his application.
Kinda heralds their arrival – Here I come, the stinking offal,the detritus of the third world.
Few White-Desi Hookups
Sneer at us all you want but we think one reason why the pretty White babes don’t come near desi guys is because of their bad odor.
Sure that’s a hypothesis and we confess we don’t have hard data to back us up. But there exists anecdotal evidence or proxy variables to support our argument.
For instance, open the New York Times Sunday matrimonial announcements at the end of the Styles section and you’ll see few desi guys hooking up with the Goris (White girls).
It’s always Ramesh Patel with Sheetal Patel, Mani Shankar Iyer with Meenakshi Ramachandran, Rajesh Yemeneni with Sunita Reddy or Darshan Singh with Priti Singh.
Rarely, rarely do you see Deepak Shah planning to share his future with a Melissa Rivers or a Mani Panchapakesan tying the ‘until death do us part’ knot with a Susan Douglas. 🙁
In the Air
Just sniff the air and you’ll know you are in the vicinity of a desi.
Try it out today in the supermarket aisles of Shoprite in New Jersey, Pathmark in New York or your local Costco/Sam’s Club where your Gujju bhai Shantilal Patel is likely stocking up on cheap Sam’s Cola and cream pastries for his convenience store and the families of Divakar Babu and his buddy Sivashankar Reddy (who likely share a single Costco card) are piling groceries and vegetables into their carts.
Take a deep breath and if their offensive odor doesn’t slam you hard then our name is not Aishwarya Manisundaram. 😉
Why the nose-wrinkling smell of the desi men?
It’s probably because of desis’ genetic predisposition to poor hygiene, sweating and and, of course, their insane, incurable addiction to curries like Gutti Vankaya Kura, Chicken Vindaloo, Poondu Kuzhambu and Vengaya Sambar.
But desis wouldn’t be desis if they didn’t have a hardened aversion to spending money, right?
So few desi men fork out moolah to buy colognes, perfumes or after-shaves and blissfully wander about polluting their McKinsey cubicles, IBM meeting rooms and the hallways of Regal cinemas.
Now, don’t y’all get your knickers in a twist and start hyperventilating that this post smacks of racism, blah blah blah.
No cursing allowed here (after all, we’re on a goodwill mission here of spreading good cheer good odor around you).
Au contraire, think of this post as your wake-up call to rid yourself of that stench and perhaps a passport to a happy life hereafter with a Belinda Matheson or Denise Jacobson. Not that a lissome Lavanya or a sultry Sujatha is any less alluring. 😉
OK Boss, Here We Come
Over the decades, we’ve tried several colognes including the humble Indian Attar, the lowly Brut, the common Old Spice and less common names like Kouros By Yves Saint Laurent, Eau Sauvage By Christian Dior, Desire By Alfred Dunhill, Nautica, Polo and several other brands that we’ve now consigned to the back-alleys of our brain.
A few months back, our Mudaliar friend from India was here on a visit and left behind his near-empty bottle of Boss Eau De Toilette Natural Spray.
Like any cheap desi, we wouldn’t let it go waste.
Anon we stopped spraying our Dunhill Desire and switched to the leftover Boss by Hugo Boss.
And before you could say 3 Idiots, we had taken a liking to the new perfume (well, we like anything new).
It became a daily ritual.
Right after our shower and before sitting down to entertain all ye schmucks, unfailingly we opened our gray box, took out the 100ml bottle and sprayed a little here and a little there. Delicately, because there was not much left in the bottle.
The pleasant odor lingered for several hours.
We also liked the fact that the Eau De Toilette spray was not so overpowering as to distract us. Not too masculine either.
Alas, before we could say Ayarithil Oruvan our bottle of Boss was empty.
By now, we were so smitten with our Boss that we decided to get a new bottle for ourselves.
So off we headed to our favorite e-tailer Amazon.com to order a new bottle on January 20.
Having gotten used to the free perfume for a few weeks, we didn’t like the price tag of $36.96 for the 100ml (3.3 oz) bottle. But Jeff Bezos is not our uncle and so we had to fork out the money. Since we opted for free shipping like any battle hardened cheapo desi, we waited till January 25 to receive our bottle by UPS Ground.
Now we have the full 100ml Boss bottle occupying pride of place with Dunhill, Nautica, Old Spice and others on our bathroom shelf.
Yes, we do have some gripes about Boss besides the price.
We wish the nice odor would last a little longer. Maybe, instead of two short bursts we should try three or four slightly longer sprays.
Is this the best perfume we have sprayed on ourselves? Actually, no. We find Kouros by Yves St.Laurent a bit more appealing. Kouros’ odor lasts longer too and has a slightly more exclusive smell. But Kouros is also $7 or $8 bucks costlier depending on where you buy it.
Our personal preference for Kouros aside, Boss is a decent product for everyday use.
Unlikely your girl (be it Deepa or Janet) or your co-workers will complain.
As for us, we plan to keep one on our shelves for a long time (or at least until we find the next new perfume).
Listen, girls can fall for the Boss too, can’t they. So, don’t you go off on yet another speculative orgy here. 😉
If you shop around, you might get Boss at a cheaper rate than what we paid ($36.96).
Now, if you’ll excuse us our Idli + Mooli Sambar brunch awaits us. 😉 It’s 10:46AM on the East Coast and we’re mighty famished.
Yummy (both the Sambar and Boss)!
What is this.. This week’s edition of locate the “speculative orgy” (or its relatives)?!
Here’s my latest attempt to find errors in your posts.. hope this also won’t fall flat like the previous ones.
I think it should be “smitten by our Boss”.. You can be smitten with a feeling, but you can only be smitten by an object…
1. You write: Here’s my latest attempt to find errors in your posts.. hope this also won’t fall flat like the previous ones. I think it should be “smitten by our Boss”..
Smitten with is just fine.
2. You can be smitten with both people and inanimate objects.
3. Examples of use of Smitten with in fiction/non-fiction:
a). “You sound almost smitten with my housekeeper, old boy,” murmured Giles.
P.84 A Deal With the Devil by Liz Carlyle
b). “… We would have been smitten with the West. But it is difficult to be smitten with someone who does not act like…”
P.80 Face to Face With Political Islam by François Burgat
c). “… mother of four children, a churchgoing Chris tian. She was smitten with this other man. She sat in my office with …”
P.17 The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life by Shmuel Boteach
d) “… thirties and until his death in 1952, Hamsun was absolutely smitten with Adolf Hitler.
P. 55 How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must): The World According to Ann Coulter by Ann Coulter
Plenty of other examples on amazon…Use drop-down box, select books and search for “smitten with”
4. Also, Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary 11th Edition p.1177 uses the example of smitten with her beauty. In the same vein, smitten with our Boss is alright.
Try harder. 😉
ok, I eat crow again.. “smitten with” is more appropriate here..
(fall victim to)
Yeah, smitten by suggests an unintended negative connotation in the post.
Smitten by the plague – Yes.
Smitten by the Boss – No. 😉
Listening to Hum Tum Ek Kamre (Bobby), perhaps the most recognized Hindi song. Ever. The song was popular even in Tamil Nadu. Really.
99-cents on iTunes. Purchased directly from iPhone via WiFi…can be done via the new iPad too.
Maybe, the iPad will catch on for short videos or movies. Let’s see. We’ll know in about 60-days.
why so much build-up for a perfume? perfume is just perfume 😐
one thing u forgot to mention is desi’s (ab)use of coconut oil.. i still don’t understand how they can use that greasy stuff on hair. mixed with sweat, you know how it smells.
1. You write: why so much build-up for a perfume? perfume is just perfume
All perfumes are not equal. Like all blogs are not equal. 😉
2. You write: one thing u forgot to mention is desi’s (ab)use of coconut oil..
Hey, don’t dismiss coconut oil. We too use Parachute coconut oil. Been using it for eons now.
That’s why we have so many perfume bottles. 😉
But this is very much true.
I know an incident which happened at my work place. A desi guy was interviewed and selected for a Java developer position but he was kicked out on the day one itself. I was wondering what happened ? Later my manager told me that he was stinking !!
Java Coolies stinking?
Wow, we like that one.
Another reason to cancel the H1B program and deport ’em all. 😉
SI Said: “Hey, don’t dismiss coconut oil. We too use Parachute coconut oil. Been using it for eons now.”
Really? I guess you ain’t getting much “gori poonani” either. Goris hate that stuff- esp. Parachute and Dabur Amla hair oil.
Personally, I think a lot of Indian people “stink” predominantly due to the residue of the spices they use while cooking, caused primarily due to POORLY VENTILATED kitchens in apartments and houses in the USA that are obviously unsuited for our strong smelling spices.I can’t say about the “poor hygiene” cos I haven’t watched any desi shower to know if there are “parts left unclean” (have you? :D).
BTW, my choice for a good fall/winter cologne (perfumes are for ladies, dorks!) has lately been EAU FRAICHE by Versace that I picked up in November. I also loved Eternity Summer 2009 by CK which I used extensively during the hot months. However NOTHING beats Aqua di Gio by Armani. Simply awesome!!!
That said, here are my tips for new cologne users:
a. Don’t feel rushed to buy one. Research well by smelling the cologne on a test paper at a Macy’s, JC Penney, etc.. Don’t be taken in by the top notes alone. Wait a while to see how the bottom notes smell for they are the ones that stay with you. If you like it on the test paper, try again by smelling it on your skin.
b. Spray on your body ALWAYS…not on your clothing. It can cause a visible stain on your clothes upon repeated use.
c. Focus on exposed parts of your body- neck, wrists, chest, and behind the ears.
d. MODERATION ALWAYS!!! (very important!)
e. AVOID AXE PRODUCTS! Cheap and nasty smelling.
e. If you followed steps a through e…happy poonani hunting 😉
1. Amazon has a favorable review for EAU FRAICHE by Versace by a Srinivasan Ramalingam “Seenu” in early December.
Did you say you purchased it in Nov? 😉
Has plenty of positive reviews.
Will likely buy it (and maybe even review it here).
2. Perfume as a generic term is fine.
3, The spice explanation rings true.
reading the part about how Indians ‘stink’, I was quite amused. It’s quite easy to hear people over here say that the goras stink, cause they dont shower daily, because of the cold. The same is said of the N.indians down here south.. anyway stinking it seems is personal as well as cultural.. Read a story in RD about a guy who lost his sense of smell and regained it after 20 years.. seems he felt the smell of socks to be strong and not offensive.
1. You write: It’s quite easy to hear people over here say that the goras stink, cause they dont shower daily, because of the cold
In all these years, we’ve come across only two instances of
2. Is Reader’s Digest still around.
Still remember those I am Jane’s Breast, I am John’s Heart, How a College Student Wrote a Paper on Making an Atom Bomb pieces.
“Perfume as a generic term is fine.”
Hmmm…..NAH! :D, and oh, I am not Srinivasan Ramalingam, just so you know 😉 .
Yeah, Srinivasan Ramalingam a.k.a. Seenu says he’s in Miami, FL and we don’t think you are there.
Nangal SI avi irundom. Summa Irundom – We were ‘S.I.’ing for sometime (Simply Inactive).
BTW, This topic is really nice one. A stinking one too. We have a lot of experience in this area. Yes, I have met many Desi’s and non desis (ASIAN SCHMUCKS) smelling and stinking to high heaven. Indians, Bangladeshis, Pakistani/Pattans, Sri Lankans smelling like dead rats.
This is a very common thing prevailing in the Middle east and in the UAE being in the hottest region of the earth. In most cases the cause is the Dhobis Itch or Athletes Foot infected by a fungi (mycoses) bacteria.
This easily spreads to others by contact or sharing towels, slippers or footwear or even by touch. This is the same cause that affects and forms cracked heels. The remedy is simple – HYGIENE. To treat one may use LAMISIL cream/ointment or lotion. This is very effective.
Athletes Foot/Dhobi’s Itch affects, armpits, Groin area, Foot, and even the eye lids. Symptoms can be Itch, Odour (Strong), cracking of skin and discolouration of skin (Pale pink or dark brownish and blackened skin colour). Yeast forms in the groin area and the underwears can get sticky effect.
The clothes must be washed with antisceptic mixtured hot water. Clothes must be changed everyday. Most of the smelly bastards use the same clothes for many days. So, the bacteria thrives and get re-infected in the body.
Some guys, when they remove their shoes/socks, you get a dead-rotten-fish smell filling the whole area. Boy, you can’t stand it. The Indian treatments like “Itch-Guard” & “Crack Creams” do not work. They are ineffective. For god’s sake, leave the patriotism behind and buy the European or US brands. They are very effective. “Itch-Guard” is one of the f—ing product available in the UAE which is non effective.
S.I. : You are an excellent person/s. Thanks for bringing this topic. Lot of people are suffering without knowing how to seek help and not knowing which treatment is effective. LOT OF PEOPLE ARE EMBARRASSED TO DISCUSS THIS OPENLY.
But, S.I. is brave in bringing this topic to help the smelling bastards.
You write: stinking to high heaven….smelling like dead rats…Yeast forms in the groin area and the underwears can get sticky effect….clothes must be washed with antisceptic mixtured hot water…..smelly bastards…..dead-rotten-fish smell filling…bacteria thrives
Are you sure the above reference is to humans? 😉
Yes & yes.
We human beings are a wasteful beings on the planet earth, consuming, destroying, fighting and inventing unwanted things. We are bad on everything but doing anything good. We are in many ways are a self destructive creatures hell bent on annihilating our own very species. So, we are smelly in everything.
Look at the unwanted movies are heaped on the filmo-garbage lots. Did we ever asked those monkeys to come up with any creativity. But, still they’re producing the most unwanted stuff in hundreds.
BTW, how’s everything over there? Have 2010 changed anything yet?
1. You write: Have 2010 changed anything yet?
People say we’ve grown wiser, by leaps and bounds.
But others insist that when the base is so low, even a little growth tends to look impressive. 😉
2. We’re trying to reduce our consumption footprint in 2010
Our goal is to avoid all waste. Seriously.
And we intend to start with Asal. 😉