If you take a crappy Indian novel like Five Point Someone and pee all over it, is it any surprise that the end result should turn out to be a piece of mutated trash called 3 Idiots.
And to those of you who mindlessly blabber that 3 Idiots has nothing to do with Five Point Someone, we say: Baby, time you dusted off the cobwebs from your brain.
There’s little entertainment or engaging drama in 3 Idiots.
Au contraire, the movie is replete with infernal nonsense – a bunch of students delivering a baby on a table tennis table with a vacuum cleaner (no kidding, guys), the institute director Viru Sahastrabuddhe (Boman Irani) behaving like an escapee from the local asylum, contrived bhashans on the education system by Aamir Khan’s character Rancho, the Aal Izz Well baloney as the baby is delivered, the stupid twist about Rancho in Shimla ad nauseum, ad infinitum.
The movie follows the Five Point Someone book, albeit with some changes that end up making the final product so much worse than the original.
Like the book, the movie tracks the lives of three boys who join a prestigious engineering college in Delhi. In this case, the Imperial College of Engineering.
The three idiots/classmates Rancho (Aamir Khan), Farhan Qureshi (Madhavan) and Raju Rostagi (Sharman Joshi) are supposed to be thick friends but you never see the development of that friendship.
What is also poorly developed is the supposedly severe mental pressure on the students for high grades. Given this failure, Rancho’s railings against the inadequacies of the education system ring hollow.
Most of the crucial scenes in the movie – the funeral of Joy Lobo, the idiots’ explulsion from college, the suicide attempt of one of the idiots, confrontation between Pia (Kareena Kapoor) and her father, between Farhan (Madhavan) and his dad and between Raju (Sharman Joshi) and the college director, the birth of Pia’s nephew on the table tennis table, the college director’s reaction on seeing his late son’s suicide note et al – are either totally lacking in emotional intensity or appear completely phony.
Positioned as a screed against the current system of Indian education that prizes rote cramming over creative thinking, the 3 Idiots script careens all over the place and is hopelessly inadequate.
Boman Irani’s character of the college director Viru Sahastrabuddhe is plain awful to endure.
An hideously implausible caricature of the director of a leading engineering school!
How low can you sink, Boman Irani?
Any director behaving like that oddball would be flung into an asylum, not made director of a prestigious engineering college.
Ditto with the character of the most studious guy of the class – Chatur Ramalingam. Utter drivel.
By the way, we have another grouse.
Yes, you guesssed right. That’s with the title.
A more apposite title would be 6 Idiots because Kareena Kapoor, director Rajkumar Hirani and producer Vidhu Vinod Chopra ought to be be thrown into the idiots’ cauldron.
You Call this Acting?
If the 3 Idiots story is downright sophomoric, the acting of the dramatis personae does not lag far behind.
Will someone please tell Aamir Khan that opening your eyes w i d e or wearing a shoulder bag is not the same as acting or for that matter the sine quibus non of an engineering student.
Oh, well when you are a 40+ old man pretending to be a 18-year-old student, you’ve got to resort to silly tricks to dupe the audience. Right?
Not once do we see the feisty spirit of a nonconformist in Aamir Khan’s acting.
Face of Evil
Kareena Kapoor is as bad as ever.
The face of ageless evil inflicting repeated injuries over hapless moviegoers.
When Kareena ‘danced’ in the orange saree and a sleeveless blouse with the pallu folded in a tight roll between her tiny titties, we desperately prayed the earth would open up and swallow this obscene freak-o-rama.
Alas, our prayers went unanswered and this Kareena thing went on to torment us further.
This bozo can’t dance and can’t even smile without looking like a retard (in the Zoobi-Doobi song with that eyes-wide-open, silly plastic smile).
Madhavan, Sharman – Why?
Madhavan leaves no impact whatsoever.
Not even in that final confrontation with his old man about joining the Hungarian photographer in the Brazilian rain forest. Completely unconvincing.
Overall, this Madhavan fella looks like a fat lump of shit who stumbled on to the film-sets and got inadvertently captured on film. Send this bozo back to Kollywood.
As for Sharman Joshi, do you really want us to waste space, time and bandwidth on this gofer.
Below Par Music
The sub-par music was of a piece with the rest of this stupid shit.
And the picturization of every song was beyond pathetic.
Nothing to titillate the eye here. If you ask us, the worst was the Aal Izz Well ‘soapy’ number in the bathroom.
We’d be surprised to hear any of the songs hummed a week from now. Except maybe for the Zoobi Doobi number.
We so loved the Zoobi Doobi song that the first thing we did on returning home was to purchase the track on iTunes. But the recollection of that gibbering monkey Kareena in the song robs us of some of the charm from this number.
Money to Burn?
Schmucks, if you still insist on watching this crap-show after reading the above review all we’ll say is:
A schmuck and his dollars are soon parted.
If there’s any Bollywood movie that deserves to be shown the middle finger, it’s 3 Idiots.
We say extend the middle finger to this piece of shit with mucho gusto.