A short while ago, we got the following e-mail joke from our sick oops Sikh friend in the U.S.
Jeete raho puttar but if you value your life learn to spell Rajinikanth right. 😉
You want to know who is Rajinikanth….here are the facts:
* Rajinikanth makes onions cry
* Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
* Ghosts are actually caused by Rajinikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
* Rajinikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.
* Rajinikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
* Rajinikanth can drown a fish.
* When Rajinikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off (SI favorite).
* When Rajinikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajinikanth and Rajinikanth.
* Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajinikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
* The last digit of pi is Rajinikanth. He is the end of all things.
* Rajinikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die. Bullets dodge Rajinikanth.
* A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajinikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Rajinikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajinikanth.
* If you spell Rajinikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajinikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
* Rajinikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
* Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
* When Rajinikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
* Rajinikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
* Rajinikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
* Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajinikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
* There is no such thing as global warming. Rajinikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
* Rajinikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
* Rajinikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
* It takes Rajinikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
* Rajinikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
* Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajinikanth.
* Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajinikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
* Rajinikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
* With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajinikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
* The square root of Rajinikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajinikanth, the result is death.
* When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajinikanth takes this as a personal insult.
Folks. now put your thinking caps on and see what you can add to Rajinikanth and the Facts of Life. We’ll add the good ones to the above list.
SI Blog Readers’ Contribution:
* Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch, He decides what time it is.
* Rajinikanth has counted to infinity – twice.
* Rajinikanth’s email id – firstname.lastname@example.org (really funny) 😉
* When Rajinikanth does a pushup, He isn’t lifting himself up but He’s pushing the earth down.
* RajiniKanth killed the Dead Sea.
* Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, Rajinikanth is always first.
* Rajinikanth doesn’t defecate. Nothing can scare the shit out of him.
* Rajinikanth doesn’t believe in the laws of physics. Hence, they do not exist.
* USA could not find any Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai!
* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajinikanth has allowed to live.
* Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
* Rajinikanth never has bad memory because his brain has ROM not RAM.
* Rajinikanth was celebrating diwali, that’s how the big bang occurred.
* Rajinikanth spat on the sky, and the black holes were formed.
* New death sentence: Convict is to say “I challenge Rajinikanth” and he is let go.
* New nuclear plant will be close to Rajinikanth’s house. If it explodes,Rajinikanth will consume it.
* Rajinikanth bought a dozen nukes when he wanted to prepare mushroom soup.
* The pressure over Indian ocean went down. Rajinikanth must have taken a deep breath.
* ithula koodavaa plagiarism..
Related Rajinikanth Posts:
Rajinikanth – Nothing He Can’t
very nice…. I feel the above cap fits Vijayakanth more than Rajinikanth…
Vijayakanth is irrelevant.
Would anyone notice if he pops off today.
talking abt vijayakanth,have u seen dharmapuri(crap of his) where he takes the bullet on the chest and returns the bullet from where it came…..u can watch this on youtube(just type vijayakanth comedy)
How about these…?
Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch, He decides what time it is.
Rajnikanth has counted to infinity – twice.
Rajnikanth’s email id – email@example.com
When Rajnikanth does a pushup, He isn’t lifting himself up but He’s pushing the earth down.
All of them are good. 😉
Added to the above list.
they just replaced chuck norris with rajinikanth 😐
Compared to Rajinikanth, Chuck Norris is dust.
RajiniKanth killed the dead sea.
Added to above list.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, Rajinikanth is always first.
Rajinikanth doesnt defecate. Nothing can scare the shit out of him.
Rajinikanth doesnt believe in the laws of physics.Hence, they do not exist.
Good ones, particularly the second one.
ithula koodavaa plagiarism..
Added to above list.
Ahem, under Party Pooper. 😉
Had a hearty laugh,athough I’ve read a good number of Rajini jokes earlier,it’s fun to read them again and also nice to read some new jokes too! 😛
A Rajinikanth phenomenon can happen only in a fertile soil like Tamil Nadu.
Where else can a man with the name Shivaji Rao Gaekwad and a face that only his mother would love become Rajinikanth, the worshiped hero of millions.
SI wrote: “A Rajinikanth phenomenon can happen only in a fertile soil like Tamil Nadu.”- If you are demeaning
Rajinikanth the actor. Then, yes, I agree. He is tooo overrated for his acting.
But you see, Rajini’s ticket to fame in his earlier days was his antics. But he really established himself as a superstar because of his real-life antics. One of my close friends, who knows Rajinikanth, has personally seen him donate many to charity. None of them appear in papers. Also, in real life, Rajini is REALLY the humble personality he claims to be. He stood in a queue to visit a Swamiji (My dad was standing in the queue as well. He couldn’t recognize Rajini without his makeup) and never made a fuss.
Unlike other idiotic cinema stars, he never lends his brandname to those annoying MNC and local products. He does not throw his weight around in his cinema life. He even paid back his producers for the losses incurred in one of his films (BABA). Considering this, I guess that the affection and attention showered on him is somewhat justified. But his films are still way too overrated.
So, the key to superstardom is to stand in a queue to see Swamijis, not to feature in ads and compensate producers for losses.
Must remember to tell this to the thala-illada Thala and Beta B Abhishek Bachchan the next time we see them at the Swamiji darshan. 😉
Some old jokes:
1.USA could not find any Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq.Rajinikanth lives in Chennai!
2.There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajinikanth has allowed to live.
3. Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.
Added all of them to the above list.
Don’t know SI if you’ve heard this joke about Rajnikanth before, but I really love it. Here you go:
Once, Newton’s ghost came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes
1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can’t be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody’s surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!
Long Live Rajanikanth!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang…the gangster dies…
This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn’t changed. Oops, not so fast!
The ‘climax’ finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can’t jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it’s the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!!
The second one’s the best, followed closely by the third.
Won’t be surprised to see any of those Newton’s head spinning scenes in forthcoming Rajinikanth films (opposite Shriya Saran’s daughter).
Perhaps, some of the head-spinning scenes have already appeared in old Rajini films. 😉
Rajinikanth never has bad memory because whatever he says once is equal to hundred times than that!
Modified the above comment a bit and added to the list.
Frankly speaking, these jokes suit our gapton vijaykanth more than rajinikanth. Look at these videos and decide
1) Vijaykanth typing infn in windows media player http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLYR0iJnjAM&feature=related
3) Vijaykanth doing heart surgery with mobile http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UYDpxZNftI&feature=related
Watched all five of your videos.
Funny as they are, Vijayakanth is still a buffoon.
Surely, no one’s ever considered Rajinikanth a clown.
instead of theft, its adaptation then..hmm was about to say Priyadarshan has lifted ‘Children of Heaven’ , before I read the article.
‘Bumm Bumm Bole’ releases today I guess.
already a review available.
good to see some film makers taking the pain to get permission and adapt.
Bumm Bumm Bole seems interesting, even if it’s a remake.
We checked a few theaters on the East Coast…the movie doesn’t seem to be releasing here.
Good to know that Priyadarshan has taken the pain to get the rights. Will watch the original Iranian version Bacheha-Ye aseman a.k.a. Children of Heaven (1997) shortly.
Shame on directors like Murugadoss, Sajid Khan, Venkat Prabhu and actors like Aamir Khan, Surya, Salman Khan and Saroja cast who profit from theft and pretend it’s original stuff.
Most trashy Indian film-makers and film stars think they’re above the law. 🙁
I didnt see my comment awaiting moderation.. down the black hole is it??
Yeah, for some reason they both went down the spam blackhole.
We’ve unspammed both and will process ’em now, albeit in our completely inebriated state (1:30AM ET).
(Update: Since your later comment was basically a repeat we’ve processed only one of them, after taking one sentence from the second comment and inserting it into the first.)
This gives more credence to my theory that if a user posts URLs, he is likely to be black-listed. The system is not intelligent enough to recognize “loyal” users.
SI, I wanted to post pictures of cirrhosis to deter you from alcohol abuse, but don’t want to post any URLs.
You Write Above: I wanted to post pictures of cirrhosis to deter you from alcohol abuse
Many, many decades back, we saw some really horrible pictures of venereal diseases in a book at the British Library.
And that didn’t deter us. Really. 😉
Off topic: Ah, nothing like waking up to Starbucks coffee. 🙂
The same points have been repeated for Balakrishna from Andhra too..!!
From the little we’ve seen of Balakrishna on YouTube, the fella looks like an A-grade clown.
Ha,Ha,Ha guess there is still more about the “Larger than anything” Rajnikanth. Great Jokes!!!!!!
You write: guess there is still more about the “Larger than anything” Rajnikanth.
There sure is.
Rumor has it that Rajnikanth’s trousers have three legs to accommodate his larger than anything ….. 😉
The best two that i Liked were:
Rajnikant Got the Driving License at the age of 16 seconds
It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.
Man I laughed like I never did before!!!!!
We liked the firstname.lastname@example.org too.
Rajinikanth was celebrating diwali, thats how the big bang occurred.
Rajinikanth spat on the sky, and the black holes were formed.
New death sentence: Convict is to say “I challenge Rajinikanth” and he is let go.
New nuclear plant will be close to Rajinikanth’s house. If it explodes, Rajinikanth will consume it.
Rajinikanth bought a dozen nukes when he wanted to prepare mushroom soup.
The pressure over Indian ocean went down. Rajinikanth must have taken a deep breath.
Added all of them to the above post.
1.Once Mallika Sherawat told Rajnikanth – I will marry that man whose penis is 10 inches long!!
Rajnikanth – Ok my dear, I will cut 4 inches for you. 😉
2. Rajnikanth was preparing for his dictation exams in school and he scribbled many things on a bunch of sheets.
Today those pages are known as the Oxford Dictionary 🙂
3. If Rajnikanth doesn’t feel sleepy, he revises the log book & tells them by heart and falls asleep. 😀
4. It is officially confirmed that the other half of the Apple company’s icon was eaten by Rajnikanth 😛
5. Rajnikanth wears sunglasses to protect the sun!! 🙂
The last one’s the best!
Once rajinikanth had a fight with his wife. He gave her the middle finger in anger & she got pregnant.
Rajinikanth can run with twice the velocity of light around a tree & kick his own ass.
Once Rajinikanth was playing cricket during the monsoons & Rain was abandoned due to the match.
Rajinikanth sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
I am unable to decide which jokes are better and more hilarious-Chuck Norris jokes or Rajinikanth jokes.
Any help regarding this, SI?
Hailing as we do from the cesspool that people mistakenly dub Mera Bharat Mahaan, we love the Rajinikanth version better.
Unfortunately, in line with the Indian ethos of plagiarism our people have shamelessly lifted a lot of Chuck jokes and blindly applied them to Rajini without any attempt to Indianize ’em.
What we need is a Rajinikanth vs Chuck Norris version, i.e. what Rajini can accomplish that Chuck can’t. 😉
BTW, here are some of our favorite Chuck ‘facts:’
rajinikanth put a check in the bank and the bank bounced