Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, People of all ages – SI brings to you the first comprehensive review on the Internet of the new Tamil Film “Avan Ivan” (starring Vishal, Arya, G.M. Kumar, Janani Iyer, Madhu Shalini and Ambika. Director: Bala).
Director Bala – True Elements
After directing alleged “gems” like Pitamagan and Naan Kadavul, Bala returns with another ‘compelling masterpiece’ called Avan Ivan.
Alas, the only vile thought running in my mind right through the movie was “Ivan verum Bala va? ille lavadaikebala vaa?”
Seriously, y’all don’t have wait for the end of the review to raise your middle finger to this horrendous piece of shit. Do it now and do it again with gusto.
Tamil Cinema and its mostly boot-licking patrons often misuse words like “Genius”, “Masterpiece”, “Reality”, “Class” etc. to provide handjobs to mediocre film makers like Bala. And Bala rightly responds to such fawning adulation by farting in the face of the gullible Tamil audience.
Given the travesty on the screen, the best thing to do would be to leave this section blank.
That would truly be the most accurate representation of Avan Ivan.
However, for the benefit of readers, here are the loosely connected dots to beguile you into a false impression that there was indeed a story.
The ‘story’ is set in a remote village in Tamil Nadu where all the people deify an old man who goes by the unusual name of Highness (G.M. Kumar).
Highness is very close (for reasons unexplained) to two small time crooks Walter (Vishal) and Kumbidaren Saamy (Arya). Walter and Kumbidaren Saamy are step brothers. They along with their respective mothers and father are one foul mouthed family who are waiting to tear each other to pieces.
The movie goes on and on with no speck of a story or even an attempt to build a story. For the most part, people just talk.
There is a sub-plot involving someone who duped Highness many years ago and it unites the entire village in support of Highness.
There is another sub plot around Arya’s love interest being the daughter of that someone who duped Highness. Both are classic Tamil cinema clichés.
Every time a story threatens to develop, Bala displays his directorial panache and squashes it with his feet and pees all over it.
Highness discovers a bad guy running a racket collecting cows from the villages and selling them off to a meat factory. The bad guy is arrested but he returns and kills Highness.
The last 10 minutes of the movie shows how our two dimwitted crooks react to that development, a reaction that would only be all too obvious to you folks.
Bala has the audacity to stuff this horrible script down the audience’s throat.
The Little Thing called Acting
Even if you make “Acting” into a cricket bat and slam it against the likes of Vishal and Arya, they wouldn’t feel a thing, just like in Tamil cinema.
It will not be surprising if Tamil media goes gaga over Vishal’s acting in this movie but to sane minds, this creature without a single acting gene in him seemed plain confused.
Is his character an eunuch or a cross-dresser or a transvestite or a trans-gender? In one scene he is stealing stuff, in another he’s an eunuch, then he is a performer on the street or stage, then he cooks for Highness, courts Constable Baby and, of course, he bashes bad guys to pulp with his bare fists.
He thrusts his pelvis scarily close to the camera on more than one occasion. Hey Vishal, we accept that you have one and, no, we have no interest in seeing it up so close.
Vishal is also given a weird squint-eyed look and his dialogue delivery is of a pre-teen school boy.
Arya extends his village idiot role from Boss Engira Bhaskaran and plays second fiddle in the movie with nothing in particular to do.
Vishal clearly has more prominence and screen time than Arya, who it seems was supposed to provide comic relief.
We can’t fathom why he would accept such a lousy role. Arya also gets a love interest called “Thenmuli”
The short fat bald old Highness played by G.M Kumar is the strongest character in the film and he delivers a so-so performance.
The movie has a rather long and unnecessary full frontal and rear male nudity.
When you cannot write a remotely cohesive story or screenplay and you know female nudity will not be allowed then why not strip a man naked and provide shock value with that au naturel look! Bala thinks right out of his ass on this one.
The leading ladies are unattractive and utterly pathetic. The less said of them the better.
Depressing Screenplay, Disgusting Dialogs
With such a lousy “story” and incompetent star cast, the screenplay and dialogues department is irrelevant.
Scenes such as the following take away any credibility Bala might have built over the years:
* The movie begins with a rather nauseating Dandanakka song with Vishal dressed in saree jumping like a monkey on a high.
* A village Tiruvizha scene where Highness is honored by seating him in a royal seat on a Ther with the villagers pulling it.
* Vishal and Arya are made to look weird physically and figuratively for no apparent reason.
* Nobody got their dialect, accent or dialogue delivery to match the backdrop.
* The two idiots look natural when they jump around, which they do for the most part of the movie.
* When you don’t know how to fill time what do you do? Get a Star to do a guest appearance. Actor Surya comes as himself and promotes his real life social cause – Agaram. A completely unwarranted scene that only a numbskull like Bala could have conjured up.
* Vishal’s display of Nava rasa in Bharathanatyam – Absolute torture to watch! It is visual constipation.
* Everyone gets to do a lengthy monologue – unfortunately I am not bald. I feel the pain when I pulled my hair in those long dragging moments.
* Movie has laughable or nauseating dialogs such as “sethu pona Cleopatra ve yezhundhu vandhu mutham kuduppa”; (Vishal takes a dump behind a tree and walks over to his mom Ambika and says) Kupta udane alambame vara naan enna appa maari a? and then goes on to describe his dump – “Amma, maavu mari poguthu ma” To which, Ambika responds ”adhukku enna adhe vechi dosa vaathu ivangalukku (referring to Constable Baby and her friend) kudukka va porom”
* Generous and unwanted usage of words like “Kunju”, “Kundi”, “Pee”, “Muthiram” etc.
Music (or the Lack of It)
Yuvan Shankar Raja’s eminently forgettable “music” for Avan Ivan made us sigh, “Illayaraja ku ippadi oru pillai a? Aiyo Pavam!”.
I wonder if he got paid anything at all for serving up this cacophony in the name of music.
There was not a single hummable tune even in the BGM. The songs and music were horrible beyond comprehension. The only two songs that I barely recollect are “Dia Dia Dole” and “Rasathi“. I vaguely remember them because of how awful they were.
Yuvan should be whipped for producing this drivel and Illayaraja will probably hide his face in shame for producing Yuvan.
Any Redeeming Elements?
The only redeeming factor is the backdrop of Theni and Ambasamudhram where the movie has been filmed.
Some shots capture the natural scenery beautifully.
Vishal and Arya’s simian antics are appropriate for some inconsequential scenes.
The final fight scene was well shot by Tamil Cinema standards or lack of it. It’s nothing path-breaking though.
If you’re the sort who gets wet / a hard-on by watching a short fat bald old man butt naked in a Tamil movie, then this one is for you.
As for the rest of you sane, normal souls, steer clear of this trashy movie at any cost.
Avan Ivan is advertised as Comedy Drama. The only comedy we could discern is Bala laughing hysterically at the audience and the only drama is what Bala does in front of the media.
Avan Ivan is a load of shit with Bala’s name on it to bamboozle us.
Bala has robbed me of six hours of my life. Make sure you don’t fall prey to his tricks.
Avan Ivan Opens to Poor Reviews