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Aug 312011

Generations of Indians to come will rub their eyes in disbelief, shake their heads in a daze, look on in a rage and cringe in shame that as late as 2011, when tiny nations like South Korea, Denmark and Israel were producing dazzling movies, Bollywood filmmakers were still churning out mind-numbing, odious garbage like Bodyguard (and that too featuring a cowardly murderer).

Folks, even by the morbidly disgusting standards of Bollywood, Bodyguard represents a new low watermark.

We were so depressed after watching this junk that we were tempted to end our life on the New Jersey Turnpike.

It was only the sad – sob-sob – thought of orphaning all you schmucks that prompted us to change our mind.

Now, you know how much we love y’all. ;)

The ne plus ultra of trash, this so-called movie makes a mockery of the art form known as movie-making and throws up a foul smelling vomit on the screen for over two hours.

Written and directed by a South Indian half-wit named Siddique, Bodyguard pairs a real-life aging Indian criminal named Salman Khan with that size zero bimbo Kareena Kapoor sporting a perennial vacuous, hey-hey-I-am-a-retard expression.

A story that’s the Mount Everest of nonsense, acting that’s hopelessly incompetent, music wholly inadequate and an irritating (un)comic angle provided not a second’s respite to yours truly from the unceasing torture unfolding on the screen.

At a theater on the East Coast in the U.S., there were about 18 people for the opening show of Bodyguard.

Our guess is at least 10 of the viewers were Muslims. Go figure.

Asinine Story

A rich man Sartaj Rana (Raj Babbar) hires a bodyguard Lovely Singh (Salman Khan) to protect his young college student daughter Divya (Kareena Kapoor) from a deadly group bent on doing her injury.

Now, don’t ask us why.

Hey, this is a Salman Khan movie. Ask the wrong question and the star might drive his SUV over you. :(

Our bodyguard with the swollen cheeks, bluetooth earpiece, dark glasses, rippling muscles and the eight-pack body soon starts following the girl around like a shadow, into the ladies’ toilet (no kidding), into the class-room, into the gym and where not.

Much to the girl’s chagrin, who decides to throw the spanner in the works. Soon, the girl Divya feigns to be another college student Chaaya and keeps calling up our bodyguard, praising his hot body and eventually declaring her love for him.

Our bodyguard must surely be a blithering idiot since he’s blissfully unaware that it’s his ‘Madam Divya’ behind the prank. Continue reading »

Aug 312011

Sony told the world today its keen desire to ritually disembowel itself by pricing its new S tablet (based on Android) at $499 (16GB version), same as the market leader Apple iPad.

The 32GB version of the S tablet will cost $599.

Sony said the 9.4-inch S tablet would be available in stores next month and the P tablet, featuring two 5.5-inch displays, later this year.

Sony Commits Harakiri by Pricing S Tablet at $499Sony S Tablet Coming in September for $499

So far, none of the Android or other tablet vendors have been able to challenge the iPad with a similar pricing.

Unless a miracle happens, Sony’s S tablet will meet the same fate as all the other iPad challengers – gather dust on store shelves.

HP’s TouchPad, based on the webOS, sold out only after the price was slashed to $99.

The S tablet has 9.4-inch touchscreen, weighs 1.33 lbs, features front and rear facing cameras for video recording and capturing still images, supports micro USB interface and SD card and runs on Android 3.1.

Related Stories:
Will Upcoming Sony S1 Tablet Meet Same Tragic Fate of HP TouchPad? Most Likely, Yes!

Aug 312011

Bollywood murderer Salman Khan’s new movie Bodyguard is  trash, say a bevy of critics.

But that’s hardly surprising because the real-life criminal has a recidivist tendency to feature in movies that are unvarnished garbage like Wanted, Dabanng and God Tussi Great Ho.

Here are a few Bodyguard review excerpts from a bunch of Indian critics:


The thread that Bodyguard hangs from is hopelessly slender and perpetually on the brink of snapping…..Of course, whether you find Bodyguard entertaining or not will hinge entirely on whether you have any patience for a storyline that is as brainless as a pea…..But Siddique is unable to decide whether he wants the star to project his Wanted and Dabangg ready-for-battle persona all the way through or adopt a softer, more romantic manner in the second half. Either way, the male protagonist and the film end up looking rather moronic…..So, if you value the mop on your scalp and the grey cells in your head and want to guard yourself against this potentially mind-numbing body blow, give it a miss. Better be safe than sorry!


“Bodyguard”, written and directed by Siddique, is in the same mould as Salman’s earlier Eid hits “Wanted” and “Dabangg”, showcasing the stars romancing, fighting and comedy skills, thus rendering things like the story and screenplay useless…..The director here is merely incidental and that shows. The gags are not funny at all, some are offensive and the dialogue is lacklustre. Unlike “Dabangg” and “Wanted”, this film doesn’t have a lot of action or pace, which drags for most of the first half…..The dance moves and songs seem like a rehash of “Dabangg” and “Ready”, making you wonder how many variations of the same film we will have to go through before they finally stop.
The screaming crowd might have been wondering too, because by the end of two hours, they had gone silent, and I even heard some booing towards the end. Unless you are a die-hard Salman Khan fan, please protect yourself against this film.


I had wished for a story in a Salman Khan film and I got it. And there was so much story stuffed into those 30 minutes that I was praying for it to be over. And it refused, as if taunting me, “you wanted story, you take story! And here take some more.”….The supposedly comic scenes on the other hand barely bring a smile or two. At other times, they bring cringes, especially when the “comic relief” side-kick comes on screen.


I was made familiar with the story of the original Bodyguard (in Malayalam) about a year ago and couldn’t help but wonder how silly it was. When the Hindi remake was announced, I hoped the story would be tweaked (especially the way it ends) to make it a better, more enjoyable film. As I watched the Hindi version, I realised the plot had been left untouched. And it was still just as silly.

Generations of Indians to come will rub their eyes in disbelief, shake their heads in a daze, look on in a rage and cringe in shame that as late as 2011, when tiny nations like South Korea, Denmark and Israel were producing dazzling movies, Bollywood filmmakers were still churning out mind-numbing, odious garbage like Bodyguard.

Related Content:
Bodyguard Review – Mind-numbing Trash
Is Darpok Salman Khan Ready to Confess to Murder?

Aug 302011

Any one who’s ever used a netbook knows what a pain it is to type on the small cramped keyboard.

So when we espied an ad in the Staples flyer this week peddling a Logitech Wireless Keyboard K360 for $15 (50% off) we didn’ t think twice.

Hey, the same keyboard is $30 at BestBuy and $27.51 at Amazon.

Logitech K360 Wireless Keyboard ReviewLogitech K360 Wireless Keyboard
- Nice Deal at $15

Off we headed over to Staples and got ourselves two of these K360 wireless keyboards yesterday.

Besides the keyboard, the box also contains a small USB receiver that you plug into your netbook or laptop, two AA batteries, installation guide and a three-year-warranty note.

The keyboard’s dimensions are 6.5 x 1.8 x 15.6 inches and it weighs 1.8 pounds.

Opening the K360 box and setting it up took no more than a couple of minutes with our Windows XP-based Asus netbook. Continue reading »

Aug 292011

After enduring the earthquake and Irene, yours ‘battered’ truly really needed a good laugh.

Thank God for those bozos at market researcher Forrester.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.


Listen, guys, Forrester is predicting that it sees Amazon ‘easily selling 3 million to 5 million units in Q4 alone.’

Sure, Forrester adds the caveat of right price and enough supply:

If it’s launched at the right price with enough supply, we see Amazon’s tablet easily selling 3 million to 5 million units in Q4 alone, disrupting not only Apple’s product strategy but other tablet manufacturers’ as well. Apple will maintain a strong lead in market share, but Amazon will gain ground quickly and give product strategists from media, software, retail, banking, and other firms a reason to kick app development for Android tablets into high gear.

And pray, what’s the right price?

Apparently, the price Forrester is looking at for the Amazon tablet is below $300.

God, whatever the folks at Forrester smoke we’d like some of it as well. Please! We’re tiring of our daily staples, Guinness Extra Stout beer and Gilbey’s Gin. ;)

Forget all this 3 million or 5 million tablet sales pipe-dreams in the fourth quarter.

Here’s what we think Amazon ought to do instead of focusing on price and supply chain alone. Continue reading »

Aug 292011

No matter what our well-crafted plans be or how meticulously executed they are, life sometimes takes strange turns in ways completely unanticipated even by the smartest of men.

We call this the law of unintended consequences of our actions.

If Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance (2002), the precursor to Korean director Park Chan-wook’s well-known oldboy and the first film in his Vengeance trilogy, embodies anything it’s the law of unintended consequences.

Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance features South Korean actors Shin Ha-kyun, Song Kang-ho and Bae Doona in key roles.

When a deaf-mute young man Ryu (Shin Ha-kyun) desperate to save his ailing sister in urgent need of a kidney transplant decides to donate his own kidney and pay 10-million Wons to a group that promises a compatible kidney for his sister, little does he or we know the strange, horrible consequences that will soon follow with deadly consequences.

Ryu’s money and kidney are soon gone and he’s abandoned naked in a deserted building by the criminal group that’s been preying on people like Ryu.

Compounding Ryu’s misery, the hospital tells him that a compatible kidney is available for his sister and asks him to get there soon with 10-million Won.

What’s the desperate man to do?

His quick-witted girlfriend Cha Yeong-mi, played by the effervescent Bae Doona convinces an initially reluctant Ryu that under the circumstances kidnapping is the right course to take.

Before long, a young girl, daughter of Ryu’s ex-boss’ friend Song Kang-ho (Park Dong-jin) has been lifted and brought to the hovel Ryu and his sister live in.

But kidnapping the young girl and getting the ransom seems the easiest part in retrospect for everything goes awry after that.

Horribly awry.

Vengeance lifts its cloak off the human soul and death becomes a constant visitor, dropping its calling card ever so often in this entertaining Korean film. Continue reading »