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Bodyguard Review – Mind-numbing Trash

 Bollywood  31 Responses »
Aug 312011
 
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Bodyguard Box Office – Tasteless Desis Lap Up Trash

Generations of Indians to come will rub their eyes in disbelief, shake their heads in a daze, look on in a rage and cringe in shame that as late as 2011, when tiny nations like South Korea, Denmark and Israel were producing dazzling movies, Bollywood filmmakers were still churning out mind-numbing, odious garbage like Bodyguard (and that too featuring a cowardly murderer).

Folks, even by the morbidly disgusting standards of Bollywood, Bodyguard represents a new low watermark.

We were so depressed after watching this junk that we were tempted to end our life on the New Jersey Turnpike.

It was only the sad – sob-sob – thought of orphaning all you schmucks that prompted us to change our mind.

Now, you know how much we love y’all. ;)

 

The ne plus ultra of trash, this so-called movie makes a mockery of the art form known as movie-making and throws up a foul smelling vomit on the screen for over two hours.

Written and directed by a South Indian half-wit named Siddique, Bodyguard pairs a real-life aging Indian criminal named Salman Khan with that size zero bimbo Kareena Kapoor sporting a perennial vacuous, hey-hey-I-am-a-retard expression.

A story that’s the Mount Everest of nonsense, acting that’s hopelessly incompetent, music wholly inadequate and an irritating (un)comic angle provided not a second’s respite to yours truly from the unceasing torture unfolding on the screen.

At a theater on the East Coast in the U.S., there were about 18 people for the opening show of Bodyguard.

Our guess is at least 10 of the viewers were Muslims. Go figure.

Asinine Story

A rich man Sartaj Rana (Raj Babbar) hires a bodyguard Lovely Singh (Salman Khan) to protect his young college student daughter Divya (Kareena Kapoor) from a deadly group bent on doing her injury.

Now, don’t ask us why.

Hey, this is a Salman Khan movie. Ask the wrong question and the star might drive his SUV over you. :(

Our bodyguard with the swollen cheeks, bluetooth earpiece, dark glasses, rippling muscles and the eight-pack body soon starts following the girl around like a shadow, into the ladies’ toilet (no kidding), into the class-room, into the gym and where not.

Much to the girl’s chagrin, who decides to throw the spanner in the works. Soon, the girl Divya feigns to be another college student Chaaya and keeps calling up our bodyguard, praising his hot body and eventually declaring her love for him.

Our bodyguard must surely be a blithering idiot since he’s blissfully unaware that it’s his ‘Madam Divya’ behind the prank. Continue reading »

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 Posted by at 9:04 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Sony Commits Harakiri by Pricing S Tablet at $499

 Digital Media, Tablets  8 Responses »
Aug 312011
 
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Sony told the world today its keen desire to ritually disembowel itself by pricing its new S tablet (based on Android) at $499 (16GB version), same as the market leader Apple iPad.

The 32GB version of the S tablet will cost $599.

Sony said the 9.4-inch S tablet would be available in stores next month and the P tablet, featuring two 5.5-inch displays, later this year.

Sony Commits Harakiri by Pricing S Tablet at $499Sony S Tablet Coming in September for $499

So far, none of the Android or other tablet vendors have been able to challenge the iPad with a similar pricing.

Unless a miracle happens, Sony’s S tablet will meet the same fate as all the other iPad challengers – gather dust on store shelves.

HP’s TouchPad, based on the webOS, sold out only after the price was slashed to $99.

The S tablet has 9.4-inch touchscreen, weighs 1.33 lbs, features front and rear facing cameras for video recording and capturing still images, supports micro USB interface and SD card and runs on Android 3.1.

Related Stories:
Will Upcoming Sony S1 Tablet Meet Same Tragic Fate of HP TouchPad? Most Likely, Yes!

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 Posted by at 11:28 am  Tagged with: , ,

Bodyguard is Garbage, Say Critics

 Bollywood, Reviews  3 Responses »
Aug 312011
 
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Bollywood murderer Salman Khan’s new movie Bodyguard is  trash, say a bevy of critics.

But that’s hardly surprising because the real-life criminal has a recidivist tendency to feature in movies that are unvarnished garbage like Wanted, Dabanng and God Tussi Great Ho.

Here are a few Bodyguard review excerpts from a bunch of Indian critics:

NDTV:

The thread that Bodyguard hangs from is hopelessly slender and perpetually on the brink of snapping…..Of course, whether you find Bodyguard entertaining or not will hinge entirely on whether you have any patience for a storyline that is as brainless as a pea…..But Siddique is unable to decide whether he wants the star to project his Wanted and Dabangg ready-for-battle persona all the way through or adopt a softer, more romantic manner in the second half. Either way, the male protagonist and the film end up looking rather moronic…..So, if you value the mop on your scalp and the grey cells in your head and want to guard yourself against this potentially mind-numbing body blow, give it a miss. Better be safe than sorry!

Reuters:

“Bodyguard”, written and directed by Siddique, is in the same mould as Salman’s earlier Eid hits “Wanted” and “Dabangg”, showcasing the stars romancing, fighting and comedy skills, thus rendering things like the story and screenplay useless…..The director here is merely incidental and that shows. The gags are not funny at all, some are offensive and the dialogue is lacklustre. Unlike “Dabangg” and “Wanted”, this film doesn’t have a lot of action or pace, which drags for most of the first half…..The dance moves and songs seem like a rehash of “Dabangg” and “Ready”, making you wonder how many variations of the same film we will have to go through before they finally stop.
The screaming crowd might have been wondering too, because by the end of two hours, they had gone silent, and I even heard some booing towards the end. Unless you are a die-hard Salman Khan fan, please protect yourself against this film.

WOGMA:

I had wished for a story in a Salman Khan film and I got it. And there was so much story stuffed into those 30 minutes that I was praying for it to be over. And it refused, as if taunting me, “you wanted story, you take story! And here take some more.”….The supposedly comic scenes on the other hand barely bring a smile or two. At other times, they bring cringes, especially when the “comic relief” side-kick comes on screen.

DNA:

I was made familiar with the story of the original Bodyguard (in Malayalam) about a year ago and couldn’t help but wonder how silly it was. When the Hindi remake was announced, I hoped the story would be tweaked (especially the way it ends) to make it a better, more enjoyable film. As I watched the Hindi version, I realised the plot had been left untouched. And it was still just as silly.

SearchIndia.com:

Generations of Indians to come will rub their eyes in disbelief, shake their heads in a daze, look on in a rage and cringe in shame that as late as 2011, when tiny nations like South Korea, Denmark and Israel were producing dazzling movies, Bollywood filmmakers were still churning out mind-numbing, odious garbage like Bodyguard.

Related Content:
Bodyguard Review – Mind-numbing Trash
Is Darpok Salman Khan Ready to Confess to Murder?

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 Posted by at 10:30 am  Tagged with: ,

Deal of the Day – Logitech Wireless Keyboard K360

 Deals, Reviews  3 Responses »
Aug 302011
 
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Any one who’s ever used a netbook knows what a pain it is to type on the small cramped keyboard.

So when we espied an ad in the Staples flyer this week peddling a Logitech Wireless Keyboard K360 for $15 (50% off) we didn’ t think twice.

Hey, the same keyboard is $30 at BestBuy and $27.51 at Amazon.

Logitech K360 Wireless Keyboard ReviewLogitech K360 Wireless Keyboard
- Nice Deal at $15

Off we headed over to Staples and got ourselves two of these K360 wireless keyboards yesterday.

Besides the keyboard, the box also contains a small USB receiver that you plug into your netbook or laptop, two AA batteries, installation guide and a three-year-warranty note.

The keyboard’s dimensions are 6.5 x 1.8 x 15.6 inches and it weighs 1.8 pounds.

Opening the K360 box and setting it up took no more than a couple of minutes with our Windows XP-based Asus netbook. Continue reading »

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 Posted by at 3:23 pm  Tagged with:

Ha Ha Ha, ROFL; Amazon Will Sell 5m Tablets in Q4, Predicts Forrester

 Digital Media, Tablets  6 Responses »
Aug 292011
 
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After enduring the earthquake and Irene, yours ‘battered’ truly really needed a good laugh.

Thank God for those bozos at market researcher Forrester.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

ROFL ;)

Listen, guys, Forrester is predicting that it sees Amazon ‘easily selling 3 million to 5 million units in Q4 alone.’

Sure, Forrester adds the caveat of right price and enough supply:

If it’s launched at the right price with enough supply, we see Amazon’s tablet easily selling 3 million to 5 million units in Q4 alone, disrupting not only Apple’s product strategy but other tablet manufacturers’ as well. Apple will maintain a strong lead in market share, but Amazon will gain ground quickly and give product strategists from media, software, retail, banking, and other firms a reason to kick app development for Android tablets into high gear.

And pray, what’s the right price?

Apparently, the price Forrester is looking at for the Amazon tablet is below $300.

God, whatever the folks at Forrester smoke we’d like some of it as well. Please! We’re tiring of our daily staples, Guinness Extra Stout beer and Gilbey’s Gin. ;)

Forget all this 3 million or 5 million tablet sales pipe-dreams in the fourth quarter.

Here’s what we think Amazon ought to do instead of focusing on price and supply chain alone. Continue reading »

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 Posted by at 9:16 pm  Tagged with: , ,

Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance – Another Korean Gem

 Foreign Movies  2 Responses »
Aug 292011
 
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No matter what our well-crafted plans be or how meticulously executed they are, life sometimes takes strange turns in ways completely unanticipated even by the smartest of men.

We call this the law of unintended consequences of our actions.

If Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance (2002), the precursor to Korean director Park Chan-wook’s well-known oldboy and the first film in his Vengeance trilogy, embodies anything it’s the law of unintended consequences.

Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance features South Korean actors Shin Ha-kyun, Song Kang-ho and Bae Doona in key roles.

When a deaf-mute young man Ryu (Shin Ha-kyun) desperate to save his ailing sister in urgent need of a kidney transplant decides to donate his own kidney and pay 10-million Wons to a group that promises a compatible kidney for his sister, little does he or we know the strange, horrible consequences that will soon follow with deadly consequences.

Ryu’s money and kidney are soon gone and he’s abandoned naked in a deserted building by the criminal group that’s been preying on people like Ryu.

Compounding Ryu’s misery, the hospital tells him that a compatible kidney is available for his sister and asks him to get there soon with 10-million Won.

What’s the desperate man to do?

His quick-witted girlfriend Cha Yeong-mi, played by the effervescent Bae Doona convinces an initially reluctant Ryu that under the circumstances kidnapping is the right course to take.

Before long, a young girl, daughter of Ryu’s ex-boss’ friend Song Kang-ho (Park Dong-jin) has been lifted and brought to the hovel Ryu and his sister live in.

But kidnapping the young girl and getting the ransom seems the easiest part in retrospect for everything goes awry after that.

Horribly awry.

Vengeance lifts its cloak off the human soul and death becomes a constant visitor, dropping its calling card ever so often in this entertaining Korean film. Continue reading »

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 Posted by at 11:48 am  Tagged with: ,

Quote of the Day – T.B.Macaulay on Boswell

 Books, Quotes  5 Responses »
Aug 262011
 
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There is scarcely any man who would not rather accuse himself of great crimes and of dark and tempestuous passions than proclaim all his little vanities and wild fancies. It would be easier to find a person who would avow actions like those of Caesar Borgia, or Danton, than one who would publish a daydream like those of Alnaschar and Malvolio. Those weaknesses which most men keep covered up in the most secret places of the mind, not to be disclosed to the eye of friendship or of love, were precisely the weakness which Boswell paraded before all the world. – T.B.Macaulay in essay on Samuel Johnson

We’re great fans of Macaulay for his trenchant style of writing.

Macaulay’s essays on Robert Clive, Warren Hastings, Samuel Johnson, William Pitt, Frederic the Great and other notable figures are a joy to read in an age when vehement criticism has all but disappeared..

On many a dark day, Macaulay has been our single solace.

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 Posted by at 6:00 pm  Tagged with: ,

Will Upcoming Sony S1 Tablet Meet Same Tragic Fate of HP TouchPad? Most Likely, Yes!

 Digital Media, Tablets  3 Responses »
Aug 252011
 
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Whoa, get ye ready folks.

Sony’s tablet challenger to Apple’s iPad is expected to hit the market next month, well in time to tap into the lucrative holiday shopping season in North America if all goes well.

But all’s not likely to go well for the Sony S1 tablet if the experience of the other iPad challengers is anything to go by.

Sony’s 9.4-inch, Android 3.1-based S1 multitouch touchscreen tablet includes front and back cameras as well as a USB socket.

The tablet supports WiFi and 3G/4G for those desirous of connectivity while on the move. Consumers can also use the S1 as a remote to control their Sony Bravia TV sets.

Although Sony also has a smaller 5.5-inch dual-display S2 tablet in the works, we expect the larger-screen S1 will be the company’s primary go-to-market tablet weapon against the iPad, the Samsung Galaxy Tab and the rest of the market.

Can Sony Tablet Succeed against Apple iPad Juggernaut?Sony S1 Tablet – Coming in September

Sony Sets Big Target

At the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas earlier this year, Sony’s Deputy President of the consumer products and services group Kunimasa Suzuki boldly declared that the company was aiming for the No. 2 spot in the tablet market within a year.

Surely, an ambitious target for the upstart because it’d mean displacing Samsung from the No-2 perch in just four months.

Although Samsung has had to cravenly surrender and genuflect at the altar of the iPad, it’s no slouch when it comes to competing against the lesser players.

With the Galaxy Tab 10.1-inch device, Samsung is already in its second generation tablet and has presumably gained some expertise in design, manufacturing, marketing and developer relations as well as a small fringe following.

It’s safe to say that Samsung is unlikely to easily cede ground to Sony.

Sony S 9.4-inch Tablet Coming in September 2011Sony S1 Tablet – New Challenger to iPad

Big Question for Sony

But the big challenge for Sony is not in upstaging Samsung but how to ultimately avoid the same tragic fate of HP’s recently killed TouchPad or that of other struggling tablet vendors with no takers for their products in the stores.

As the fate of other iPad challengers has made clear, adding support for Flash or having a better resolution screen or higher megapixel camera is no protection from the predatory appetite of the iPad juggernaut, which has so far mercilessly pulverized every tablet competitor in its path. Continue reading »

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 Posted by at 1:13 pm  Tagged with: ,

Who Says NYC Restaurants are Just for Eating

 America, Food  3 Responses »
Aug 252011
 
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People do it in the strangest of places.

In closets. In the air (you schmucks heard of the Mile-High Club?). Under water. In the car while driving. In the White House Oval Office. In school staff rooms (we’ve seen it). In trains. In churches. In buses (we’ve seen heard the noise). On the office table (a famous Indian newspaper baron was once caught inflagrante delicto with a sweeper woman).

No place, it seems, is a safe haven from the urgent priapic impulses that must be sated before it gets out of hand and all sanity is lost.

Times have changed and so have people.

They no longer do their best work in bed alone (Thank you, Mae West)

Now, we’re told by the high priests of low culture at Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post that New Yorkers do it in restaurants too.

No idea if that includes the Indian curry houses on Lexington Avenue or in Jackson Heights.

Here’s an excerpt from the NY Post piece:

Here in the Big Apple, randy diners are better off heading for the bathroom, advises Couture [i.e. Joseph Couture, author of “Peek: Inside the Private World of Public Sex].

“The men’s room is the best option,” he says. “Taking a lady into a stall in the men’s room doesn’t generally create as much concern . . . it merely causes envy.”

For more on how randy New Yorkers cum with their Steaks and Samosas, read this NY Post piece.

By the way, where are the strangest places you’ve done it or seen people do it? ;)

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 Posted by at 10:05 am

OMG, It’s the End of the World – Steve Jobs Resigns as Apple CEO; Is Steve Dying? Millions Orphaned

 Digital Media, iPhone, People, Tablets  10 Responses »
Aug 242011
 
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Steve Jobs Resigns as Apple CEOFriends, Schmucks and Über-Schmucks, the world as we all have known it for decades is ending.

Darkness has descended on the planet.

It’s with a heavy heart that we bring you the sorry news that the Messiah I-Messiah of Digital America aka Steve Jobs has stepped down as CEO of Apple, the company he co-founded over three decades back.

No, this is not a rumor. Head for the nearest shelter before the Android beasts can get you.

Steve Jobs – Greatest Achievement

Steve Jobs’ greatest achievement is that he single handedly prevented the American people from rising in revolt against their oppressive, moronic, and occasionally sexual depraved rulers by keeping them preoccupied with his iMac, iPod, iPhone, iPad, iTunes and I-whatnot devices.

Steve Jobs along with Steve Wozniak, founded Apple in 1976. Except for a brief period when John Sculley booted him out of his own company, Jobs has been guiding the destiny of one of the world’s most successful companies.

You don’t believe Apple is one of the most successful companies in the world? Then explain to us how Apple has $75 billion in the bank. Hello, we’re waiting for your explanation.

Jobs was elected Chairman of Apple’s board today.

As if God needs the halo of a Chairman’s title or the embellishment of a degree (Steve never got a degree).

Is Steve Dying

Apple did not disclose why Steve Job was stepping down.

But the wise souls at SI suspect the man’s dying. Continue reading »

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 Posted by at 8:24 pm
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